Dear Rabbi Yaron Reuven, I want to thank you for making Irgun Be’ezrat HASHEM. For the past year, I have been struggling with the sin of Pgam Habrit. I watched all of your videos and am enrolled in a Yeshiva. I try to make a set time to learn Torah at nights, but never end up doing it. I am so upset that I watch your Gehinom shiur every day and tell myself that that is where I’m going to. I fantasize and cry all day about how miserable my life will be(no money, wife, kids, or happiness) in this world and the next all because I am taken over by a sin that I just can’t overcome. I literally watch your videos 24/7 and know so much about this sin, yet I continue doing it. I honestly feel that HaShem just wants to punish so he can torture me in Geninom and that I was made to suffer. When I wake up in the morning, I start cursing as I have to live a miserable life. Before I started wasting seed, my life was perfect. I was really happy and did really well in school. Now, I stopped caring about anything and am doing horribly in school. Sometimes I get so upset that during davening instead of thanking HaShem, I curse him. I want to just be happy again and live a normal life, but I fell like it’s just too late for me. I feel like I’m the worst sinner in the world(besides for a מחטיא את הרבים) because I do the worst sin in Judaism, but know so much about it as I have watched all your lectures unlike the overwhelming majority of the world). Why is HaShem doing this to me. Why does he hate me and makes me suffer? Is there any way I can get out of wasting seed multiple times a day or am I just destined to fail forever. I need to have the will power, but I just can’t find it anywhere. Please help me, I don’t want HaShem to seal my fate and give me a horrible year this Yom Kippur.

Asked on October 1, 2020