Hello Rabbi, I hope you’re having a nice day. I’m not Jewish, my grandfather is and I usually celebrate with him during high holy days, and Passover. I’ve always generally believed that if I want to know G-d and become closer to Him Torah is the way. I feel like I can’t become closer to Him because I have a terrible sin of wasting seed. I will go days and weeks without doing it and then randomly have insane urges and sinful thoughts. Even through all of that He still allows me to breath and wake up in the morning even though I know I don’t deserve it. I guess my question is, why does G-d allow me to still be alive? Does he keep me here so I can still have a chance to turn over a new leaf? I have disappointed Him many times and because I waste seed, I am a murderer. Is me questioning Him a sin? Thank you for everything you do Rabbi.

Asked on October 12, 2020