My 72 year old mother has always been careless with words; there were many issues in the past, for which she apologized, but she still can not put 1 plus 1 together to understand that her speech was and still is a big issue; recently she told me that "so and so was very pissed about xyz" and it caused a certain response, later one she said "well, it is not that so and so was pissed, btu was rather upset". shall i use this episode to point out how using words carelesslx can make such a difference? i do not see her as a solvable case

Listen, I understand your situation completely. You're dealing with an elderly mother who speaks carelessly and says lashon hara, and you're wondering if you should rebuke her when you already know she's probably not going to change. Let me tell you something very important: you cannot rebuke your mother. Period. This is not about whether she's right or wrong. This is about the halacha of kibbud av va'eim. Even if your mother was doing something very wrong, you're still not allowed to rebuke her directly. The halacha is very clear on this. Even if she were doing something much worse than lashon hara, you still cannot approach her with rebuke the way you might approach someone else. So what should you do? You want to help her, right? That's beautiful. But there's a way to do it. You don't go to her and say "Ima, you're saying lashon hara, stop it." That's completely forbidden. Instead, you have to be smart about it. Here's what you do: Find a shiur, find a lecture about the dangers of lashon hara. Then you go to your mother and say "Ima, there's something amazing I want to watch. I want you to watch it with me." Make it about spending time together. She'll say "What is it?" You say "I don't know, it's this story, I want to watch it with you." She'll be happy to spend time with you. You can also take one of my CDs or share a link to a lecture with her. It's a much better way, a more effective way to do kiruv. And it eliminates the problem where you get angry at people because they don't want to listen to you, which is a sin in itself. It could even be chillul Hashem. Remember: your mother is not going to listen to you about these things not because of what you say, but because you're saying it. You're her baby. Even if you're thirty years old, you're still her baby. She still remembers changing your diapers. It's very hard to take rebuke from somebody you saw fill up their diaper three or four times a day. Now, let me tell you something else that's very important. If you don't say anything at all and she continues to sin, does the sin go on you? The answer is: it depends. The Gemara says that if you have the ability to influence someone and you don't, the sin can go on you. But with parents, the halacha of kibbud av va'eim overrides this in terms of how you approach it. You still have an obligation to try to help, but you must do it in an honorable way that doesn't involve direct confrontation or embarrassment. Get somebody else to do it. Find someone she respects, maybe a rabbi or a friend. The point is that you should never fight with anyone in your family over these issues. There's a proper derech, a proper way, to handle this situation while maintaining both your obligation to help prevent sin and your obligation to honor your mother.