Can Anger Make You Stupid? (12 Minutes)

0:49One of the giants from Novardok, Rabbi Zacks Wallerstein, says that something he reminds us of in his teachings, which is also written in the Gemara, is that a person who learns Torah must be even more careful with anger. Even though the Gemara in Masechet Chagigah says that if you see someone learning Torah and they get angry, don't be so surprised. If he's new, it's because the Torah is fire. Torah is fire. It makes the person fiery. If he's learning real Torah, it makes the person fiery. So, if he's still new, he doesn't know how to control the fire yet. He's like a superhero, LeHavdil, a superhero who just got his powers. He doesn't know how to control it yet. He doesn't know how to control it yet. He doesn't know how much power he really has with this Torah. says if you see somebody learns Torah, and he's fiery, don't get so, okay, relaxed. Okay, let him go. Let's be a little bit more lenient with him. Why? Because over time he's gonna know how to, he has the solution. He has a problem, but he has a solution too. But a person that learns Torah has to be careful after he's learning for a while. Why? Because if he gets angry, he can lose all of his chochmah in a second, and we don't just mean just for that minute that he's angry, permanently, and

2:16There are several well-known people who have lost their homes. Ah, one of them I know personally. One person I know was, and still is, a very big rabbi. A big talmid chacham. He wrote books, reached a high level. Some even say he could have been a gadol hador. At one point, he was on the way to becoming one of the gedolei hador. I don't know the details of all the stories; all I know is that one day, something happened medically, and he woke up having forgotten everything. He forgot everything, even how to read Rashi. Okay, he had to relearn everything from the start, all over again. Baruch Hashem, he still had his good middot, because that's the one thing you don't lose. Good middot, you don't lose. Good middot, like patience. And he attained it, Baruch Hashem, again. I don't know if he got to the same level as he did before; I don't think so. But nonetheless, he did something that most of us couldn't attain once in our lives—twice. So, losing your wisdom is not something that just happens in stories; it happens in real life. And he's young, he's maybe in his mid-50s.

3:47But the Baal Shem Tov says that this is not just a fact of Torah regarding a person losing his wisdom; this is also a fact of life. Because a person that gets angry, every bit of anger can cause this person to lose his perspective totally and forfeit control over his emotional world, and The words that you speak, the words that are uttered during a time of anger, are ones that typically destroy relationships. So even if you reconcile afterward, even if you make up, even if you say, "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry, baby. I love you," she's always going to remember that you said something about her that's not nice. Twenty years later, she's going to remember that you said such things, and 30 years later, she's going to remember you cursed at her mother. It's never going to go away because when a person becomes spiteful and does things out of anger, the yetzer hara takes over. All of the shades from gehinnom, they come up, and they have a place, a place today. Yeah, we're going to park over here in his head. 30 years later, he's gonna remember you cursed at his mother. It's never gonna go away because when a person becomes spiteful and does things out of anger, Gehenom takes over. All of the Sheidim from Gehenom, they all come up. We have a place today, a place today. Yeah, we're gonna park over here in his head.

5:11Parking her head over here. Yeah. Yeah, this is a good place for us. It's just as hot. It's hot again. Oh, it's hot in their head. Let's go. Who's the victim? Oh, the kid, come slap him over here. He's late to school. Oh, the daughter, give a slap also. She's not wearing something that she should. Yeah, y'all did what? I don't know, just make it a hat-trick. Yell at the clerk, yell at this one. Maybe you see people sometimes, they go to a supermarket or to a store, and they start yelling at the employees like they work for them. You don't know how to count. You made a mistake. It's 32 cents, not 33. Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry, 33. Here's the money. You don't have to yell at the guy, embarrassing him in public. He's scared. You made a mistake on my change. Okay, I made a mistake on your change. I'm sorry. Oh, you didn't count to this. You didn't count. Okay, relax. I'm sorry. Okay, you made a mistake. Well, you don't make mistakes in your job? You don't make mistakes in your job? You're the only person in the world who doesn't make mistakes in their job? So, you made a mistake.

6:13Customer is always right. No, they're not. Anyone that owns a business knows the customer is not always right. It's a complete lie. As a matter of fact, more times than not the customer is wrong. It's a foolish model they invented in America to make everyone into a customer and feel good about it. Completely foolish and wrong. The customer is not always right, but people believe this nonsense and they start treating everyone like they're slaves and... I'm not going to do business anymore. Don't go somewhere else. Are you going to lose my business? Okay, lost. As a matter of fact, I don't want your business. Go away. Go away. People think that because they're your customer or because they donate or because they come, they think that they can run the show. It's complete nonsense. Who told you you could do this?

7:14At one time, I gave a shiur on a topic that some people don't like to hear about, and some woman didn't like it, so she started publicizing it on the internet. This is wrong and bad-mouthing me in public, Baruch Hashem. So it's good. It's good. It's good. People publicly embarrassing me online is very good for me. It's good. Please, anyone online, if you want to give me some more of your mitzvot, go ahead. More power to you. Chazak u'Baruch. Give me your mitzvot. But anyway, no, b'emet, that's what happens. A person that publicly embarrasses you, and you don't do anything about it, all of the mitzvot they have made in their entire life just go into your account. Publicly embarrassed. Whatever they're doing. Doesn't make a difference. All of it is lashon hara, rechilut. All of these things go into the same account. Anyway, let's not harp on the topic. The point is that it's not fun to hear. I'm just saying this to make light of the topic. The point is that I said something that some people don't like to talk about. I think it had to do with modesty or whatever it was, and she started saying some things on the internet that weren't very nice—not compliments. Oh, yeah, I...

8:42Then, on top of it, she decided to start contacting me to remove this shiur, as if I'm going to remove a whole shiur because she didn't like three words that were in it or something like that. Now typically, if you want to get my attention, the last thing you should do is insult me. If you insult me, you usually go on the delete list, and... Looking, there's a lot of space for people who want to go on the deleted list. I already have Mario working overtime. So, if you want to go on the deleted list just to embarrass me and insult me, do something. Oh Hashem, I can add you to the list too. Anyway, so she thinks I'm going to respond to her. Then she contacts some of the people who help us—employees, volunteers, and so on—saying, "Oh, he's not answering me. He's not answering me. You know, I donated one time, now what kind of customer service is this?" Donated. I'm like, who is this person? I'm thinking, wow, is this someone who donates a lot of money? I don't know. I'm thinking nobody donates a lot of money. Oh, okay, so there are a few people. So, who is this person? What did she do? I’ve never heard of her. Usually, I know my donors. It's not that I don’t know who the donors are. Especially when someone says, "I'm a donor," I know the donors. I don't remember her name. And then I see maybe three years before that, she donated like $18.

10:11She's acting as if she just launched the books, the CDs, the website, and this lecture. She sponsored this lecture to stop boxing a lot. The mentality that "the customer is always right" has gotten to people's heads; people go crazy. I'm not saying you have to be a big donor for me to answer your question. Everyone who asks me questions knows that's not a requirement at all. Most people who ask questions don't donate at all. I don't care. It doesn't make a difference to me. Your donation is not going to make me more inclined or less inclined to answer your questions. But don't think that I will answer them because you donated. Because if I start making that a distinguishing factor, if I make your money a reason for me to answer or not answer you, then officially this has become a business. It's not Torah anymore. So the reality is that people sometimes let these things go to their heads. They think that if they heard it on TV or they heard it on the internet, it must be true. The customer is always right? The customer is not always right. But a person who gets angry loses their mind and can destroy a relationship very easily. And...