Can You Give Yourself Evil Eye Ayin Hara? (24 Minutes)

0:43Now, first and foremost, when we talk about Ayin Hara, most people who have problems in their life in the Jewish world, if you ask them why they lost their money, nine out of ten times, whether they are religious or not religious, they'll say Ayin Hara. "Oh, the evil eye; my neighbor looked at me. Since then, I lost my money." Why did you, why do you think you got into an accident? Oh, I got a brand new car. The guy, the, you know, my best friend told me, "Nice car." Next thing you know, I crashed. Everyone wants to blame everything on Ayin Hara. Now, even though there is definitely an element of truth in that, there is a very, very big element of truth. According to Chazal, Ayin Hara is actually very, very strong.

1:44But there's also a different part of ayin hara, or the root issue of ayin hara, which is not necessarily that someone is trying to bring evil to another person. Rather, the source of it is jealousy. How do we know that it's not always because someone wants to bring something bad? Because even a person's mother can give him ayin hara. Now, in most normal lives, in most normal relationships, usually the relationship a person has with their mother, the mom is going to love him more than anybody else. More than the father, more than the brothers, more than anybody. It's unconditional, unreasonable, irrational love. The mom loves the kids more than anything in the world. If the father says something, if he even raises his voice too much, the mom will say, "Shh, tiger. Don't talk to my kids like that." The whole week she's like, you know, little tzaddikah, quiet. All of a sudden, father said something, oh, tigress. Lost an ear. Father just lost an ear just to make sure he knows to listen better next time. Don't talk to my kids that way. I remember when I was a kid, maybe three years old, four years old.

3:05And, yeah, I was probably three years old, three or four years old, something like that. And I went to, I guess it's preschool. I don't know, it's kindergarten, but it's before kindergarten, so it's preschool, right? I think it's called preschool. So I went to preschool, and there was this old lady, an old mean lady that was the preschool teacher. And for whatever reason or another, I was very, very small when I was a kid. Something changed, apparently. Yeah. And for whatever reason I made her upset, she decided to pull my ear. So when I got home, as soon as I got home, I started crying to my mom. My mom, the next morning, went to the teachers. She almost beat her up. "That's my son. No, I didn't touch him. Oh, my son doesn't lie, you lie. How dare you touch my son? That's it, World War 17. I'll kill you, your family, your ancestors. I'll go back in the past just to make sure you're never born. Don't touch my kids." So, the relationship a boy or a girl has with their mother is something that's beyond logic. And to be honest with you, many times in my life, my most difficult mental battles were trying to understand my own mother. Because I would get into arguments with my brothers. I have three brothers, and we argue about everything. We'd argue about sports, we'd argue about money, we'd argue about anything you could possibly argue about, we'd argue about it.

4:31And my mom somehow would pick all the sides. Somehow she would, everyone's right. What do you mean? But he just murdered the other guy. No, no, he didn't mean to. What do you mean he didn't mean to? He had a knife, he stabbed him. No, the knife fell into his hand. No, no, no, look, he said, I want to kill him. No, no, he was joking, he was joking. He didn't mean it. But he said, I'm planning it, the week he wrote a letter, I'm planning on killing ABC. No, that was just something else. You're not understanding the English he wrote. And if there wasn't any reason to argue, we'd find something else to argue about, especially when you're young. And my mom somehow would pick all the sides. Somehow she would say everyone's right. What do you mean? But he just murdered the other guy. No, no, he didn't mean to. What do you mean he didn't mean to? He had a knife, he stabbed him. No, the knife fell into his hand. No, no, look, he said, I want to kill him. No, no, he was joking, he was joking. He didn't mean it. But he said, I'm planning it, the week he wrote a letter, I'm planning on killing ABC. No, that was just something else. You're not understanding the English he wrote. She'd somehow give us perspective that seemed completely irrational. That somehow all of us were right. All of us were right. She loved all of us the same. And it would drive me insane. He's wrong. I'm right. No, pick my side. And the other one says, no, pick my side. can actually give her own son ayin hara. Obviously, it's not on purpose. She loves him and says, "Listen, my boy, what's up? You got a new raise," and the job next week got fired, "Oh, mazal tov, what a beautiful car you got!" Next week, somebody ran into it, smashed the car, or somebody stole it. She didn't mean to do anything bad; she loves him more than anything in the world.

5:54Talking about my mother, someone else's mother can actually give her own son ayin hara. Obviously, it's not on purpose; she loves him. She says, "Listen, my boy, you got a new raise," and the next week, he got fired. "Oh, mazal tov, what a beautiful car you got," and the next week, somebody ran into it and smashed the car, or somebody stole it. She didn't mean to do anything bad; she loves him more than anything in the world. But even a mother can give ayin hara (evil eye) to her children. So much so, in regards to the level of ayin hara, that a person can give themselves ayin hara. A person can give themselves ayin hara. This is also, by the way, the reason why anyone who wants things—if you have something in the works that's big, that's good, whether it's monetary, like a big deal in the making, or you're about to finish the Shas, you're about to finish a Gemara, you're about to do something big, something meaningful—don't tell anyone, including yourself. Meaning, don't say it out loud. Don't say, ah,

7:09I can't wait until I finish the masechet, whatever gemara you're up to. I can't wait. You say it out loud, just because you want to talk to yourself. You have no one to talk to. It's 3 o'clock in the morning. You want to talk to yourself. Don't say it. Your wife asks you, where are you going? You know, you're going to the kolel to go learn. Don't say, I'm going to the kolel to go learn. I'm going to my friends. I'm going to see my friends. She knows where you're going, obviously, because otherwise she's going to hang you right next to the statue that the next-door neighbor has. But don't say, "I'm going to learn." Why? Because the Satan is going to come and interfere. Have a big deal in the making? Don't tell anyone. Keep it to yourself until it's finished. Once the deal is finished, you can tell your wife, but that's it. Don't tell the rest of the world. including your brothers, your sisters, your parents, anyone. I'm telling you, it's not something that's against anyone's parents, chas v'shalom, or brothers or loved ones. It's actually in their best interest to keep your life, not necessarily secret, but contained. Because the more you publicize things, even if it's a mitzvah, you start telling people, listen.

8:27I planned that as soon as I made, I don't know, $300,000, $400,000 in a year, I was going to invest and buy a Sefer Torah. And last year, I made double that. I made $700,000. So I'm going to go commission a Sefer Torah. It takes a year. If you have it from beginning to end, it takes approximately a year to write a Sefer Torah. So you tell people, "I'm going to have a Sefer Torah written." Big mistake. Big, big mistake. Even if the Sefer Torah comes to fruition and you end up donating it, you'll see how many problems come to you as a result of publicizing to the world or even to one person that you are doing a big mitzvah. One of the main things in regard to ayin hara is that one of the main causes of it is jealousy.

9:28One time, there was a guy who bought one of these 4x4 Jeeps. A brand new 4x4 Jeep. He always wanted this car, and one day he was able to afford it. He went into the lot and paid for the whole thing in cash. $60,000 for a brand new Jeep. He comes home, and he's happy with his Jeep. The whole world could be collapsing, but he's got his Jeep, and he's happy. He just looks outside the window. He sees the 4x4. He becomes happy again. Life is worth living just for this 4x4. You know how some people love their car more than they love their wife. He sees his wife screaming. The kids are yelling. The dog just made himself at home in the kitchen. He doesn't care because he's got this 4x4 outside. He's looking at it. The next morning, Excited to go to work, to tell all of his buddies about his 4x4 car. As soon as he gets to the car, his world ends. What happens? He sees 4x4, you know, 4x4, and someone engraved on his car with a knife "equals 16."

10:52You know, four times four equals sixteen. Someone was so jealous, they had to ruin it. They said, four times four is sixteen. Thought he was a smart guy. You know, one of these smart people. The guy, yesterday was Independence Day, today is Tisha B'Av. He goes and skips work, goes to the car lot, says, "You've got to fix this, painted, no problem, we'll take care of it today." ...goes to work, comes back; at the end, everything looks brand new. He comes home, he's happy, back to happiness. The next morning, "four times four equals sixteen," he's losing his mind. He goes back to the lot... He's like, apparently, one of these reshaim neighbors that I have is so jealous, he doesn't let me enjoy my 4x4. What should I do? He says, why don't you be smart and just do it for him? Listen, he's engraving with a knife, ruining the paint and everything. "Equals 16." Why don't you just get a piece of metal the same way that the 4x4 silver looks like? Get a piece of metal with the equals sign. Get a piece of metal for the 16. That's it. So he has nothing to engrave.

12:13Because you know what? You're a genius. That's what we're going to do, he said. Then he continued, okay, listen, it's going to be extra money. No problem. Just do it. The whole day's job. They fix it, and he comes home. Four times four equals 16. He's back to his happiness. He's back to pulling. The next morning, Baruch Hashem, he sees the biggest engraving yet. Four times four equals 16 is what he has. And then he says, exactly. The point is that when someone is jealous, when someone sees another person have something that they want or feel like they are entitled to, they can't live with themselves as long as someone else has it. The Rambam in his commentary on Pirkei Avot says that the root of an evil eye is a burning desire for money, a craving for material pleasure, and an unfriendly approach. These are all sicknesses that lead to depression.

13:43He calls it marah shechorah. It literally means black gall. Black gall secretion. This condition leads a person to despise seeing other people to the point where he hates them for no reason. He doesn't even know the guy. He sees the guy has a brand new 4x4, and he hates him. The guy is 28 years old. He's got a job and is making a decent living. He just got married. But you don't even know him. You're 31 years old and not married. And now you find yourself hating him. Why do you hate him? What did he do to you? He's a Jew, and you're a Jew. He wears a kippah, and you wear a kippah. He goes to Bet Knesset, and you go to Bet Knesset. Why then, do you harbor this resentment? It's because he's 28 and he got married, while you're still alone. But it's not his fault. What? Is he God, deciding you're not going to be married? Yet you feel hatred towards him.

14:45These people end up preferring solitude. They prefer to be alone, which will eventually bring them to ruin. This inner hatred creates such anger inside the person that not only ... is it something that hurts other people with their evil eye and their jealousy, but it ends up killing the person himself who has this evil eye. In the Gemara, Bava Batra, page 2B, it says a man is not allowed to stand over a field of his friend and admire it. Is it something that hurts other people with their evil eye and their jealousy, but it ends up affecting the person himself who possesses this evil eye? In the Gemara, Bava Batra, page 2b, it states that a man is not allowed to stand over the field of his friend and admire it. ...friend has a field. Your friend just bought a brand new property and he's inviting you. "Come see my brand new property!" That's what usually people do; they go buy a lot in the middle of nowhere, thinking it's going to be the next Times Square. What do they do? They bring everyone to say, "Hey, look, I bought 37 acres for $2,000 an acre! It's going to be $10 million dollars an acre one day!" So, what does he want to do? He wants to invite everybody. "Hey, look! You know, it's this boy from high school..."

16:07Brings his friend from high school. "Look at what I bought. 74,000. Watch, one day it's going to be worth 74 million." Big mistake. The Gemara says that the person who invited him is clearly making a mistake by inviting ayin hara (the evil eye) into his life. But the person who came is not allowed to look. He's not permitted to look and admire his friend's field. Why? Because his eye can cause harm to it. He can look at it, admire it, and cause damage from his ayin hara. It's like I told you guys the joke, I think it was a couple of weeks ago. Two guys known for having an ayin hara were sitting next to each other. One guy says, "You see that new bridge?" As soon as he says, "You see that new bridge," the bridge collapsed, b'siyata d'shamaya. The other guy says, "Wow, what an ayin you have." His eye popped out. That's the power of the evil eye.

17:07Gemara Bava Metzia, page 38, it says something, mamash, if you think about it, scary, of how dangerous the evil eye is. It says if somebody finds a tallit, a piece of clothing— you know what happens, sometimes somebody leaves their tallit in the Beit Knesset, or they leave it in the store, or a piece of clothing, a jacket or something—people lose stuff all the time. Now in Judaism, unlike other religions, we have an obligation. If we know who it belongs to, we have an obligation to return it. If it's another Jew, you have to return it. If it's not a Jew, you are not obligated to return it. However, if you choose to return it, it can be a Kiddush Hashem, which is one of the greatest mitzvot in Judaism. So the Gemara says if somebody finds a tallit or a piece of clothing, he's not allowed to spread it open and show it to the world and say, "Hey, does this jacket, this tallit, or this dress belong to anybody?" Not allowed to do it. Why? Because the admiration of the people, if they see it's a nice tallit, a nice dress, or a nice jacket, can cause damage to the owner from their evil eye.

18:25It's Gemara. It's Mount Sinai. The Chazon Ish, Zecher Tzaddik Livracha, says that one of the mysteries of creation is the ability of a man to unleash hidden forces in everyday existence merely by his intellect. His thought process alone can cause physical things to be destroyed. As in this Mishnah, a person experiences excessive agitation over other successful people, and covets their items. "Do not covet" is one of the Ten Commandments. You're not allowed to do that. He wants them. He's jealous. He sees the other guy just got married. Even if he doesn't want his wife, but he wants a wife and he's jealous that his friend got married. How much damage he can cause them. This is also part of the reason why it's not advisable to maintain close friendship with single people if you just got married. It's not advisable. I've never met a single person that's happy. and covets their item, which is "do not covet," one of the Ten Commandments. You're not allowed to do that. He wants them. He's jealous. He sees the other guy just got married. Even if he doesn't want that particular wife, but he wants a wife and he's jealous that his friend got married. You can't imagine how much damage he can cause them. This is also part of the reason why it's not advisable to maintain close friendships with single people if you just got married. It's not advisable. I've never met a single person who's truly happy.

19:52New couples usually are happy. This is not exactly the ideal situation unless, you know, they're serious people, they're going to get married soon. But in general, you should find other couples. Couples should be with couples, singles with singles, because also the mindset of a person when he's single or she's single is different than a married couple. It creates a lot of different issues. And also, it's not exactly a great idea to bring your single girlfriend to your house for your husband to look at. Because despite how much of a tzaddik he is, he still has a yetzer hara. And she has a yetzer hara. This is also why there's a mitzvah of yichud. You're not allowed, a man is not allowed to be alone with another woman that's not his wife, unless it's a place that's public, where anybody can come in and go. If there's an office with other people coming and going, they're allowed to be there. They're allowed to meet. But if everyone left, everyone left, the whole company left, she's the CEO. He's one of the employees. Not allowed to be together. He's scared. She's 87 years old. He's 20. It's never going to happen. Not allowed. Not allowed.

21:16The Chazon Ish says that by him coveting these items, by him being jealous of his friend's wife, or being jealous of his friend's car, or her being jealous of her friend's husband, or her being jealous of her friend's kids, the Chazon Ish says they place these things in extreme danger. It's really a danger to their souls. Now, the question is, what is the root cause of Ayin Hara? Ayin Hara, we see already that it comes from jealousy. So what's the cause? Everything has a cause and effect.

22:23What gets a person to a point where they feel an overwhelming feeling of jealousy? Being jealous of another person. He has a car, you don't have a car. He has a job, you don't have a job. He knows the whole Shas by heart, you don't even know Parashat Bereishit by heart. You're jealous. Now, in the Torah, You're allowed to be jealous for the purpose of learning, meaning being competitive. You're jealous that the other guy knows the entire Gemara by heart, or entire parasha by heart, or even just the entire prayer by heart, and you don't, but if that's going to lead you to study harder, you're allowed. But if you're purely jealous that he has it and you don't, it's not allowed; it's 100% a sin. Just like it's a sin to eat pork, it's a sin to be jealous. It's much worse. When you eat pork, you have a sin in Shamayim (Heaven) that you're going to pay for one day, but being jealous, you don't wake up during the resurrection of the dead. It's a much bigger problem being jealous. But what's the root problem? What's the root cause? Why would you ever be jealous? Is anyone going to take a guess?

23:46Azkar Bechah. Wow, one for one already. I don't even have to ask the question. I'm supposed to get like three, four wrong before I'm supposed to get the right answer. See, my talmidim (students) are not supposed to be mere students; they are meant to be seekers of truth. That's exactly it. The only reason why someone has even one ounce of jealousy is a result of a lack of emunah (faith) in Hashem Yitbarach (Blessed be He).