Daily Chidush: Is A Husband Allowed To Help His Wife Stand Up After She Gave Birth and Is Niddah?

0:14There is an interesting question that countless people deal with every day in Am Yisrael but don't really know how to handle, and many times they make mistakes when it comes to it—not just because of a lack of knowledge. If somebody told you you're forbidden to be with your wife during a period of the month when she's nidda, you'd understand logically this is not an appropriate period to be together. No problem. But if somebody told you that if your wife is sick while she's nidda, because she just had a surgery of some kind, or perhaps she just gave birth and she's automatically nidda...

1:40And you're not allowed to help her. You're not allowed to hand her any medicine. You're not allowed to pick her up. You're not allowed to assist her in walking. You're not allowed. This immediately touches the heart of people and makes it very, very difficult for them to handle and to do unless they are well aware of the halakha and the magnitude of it and what it actually means. So today, we're going to answer that question b'ezrat HaShem. Is a husband allowed to touch his wife to help her when she is sick, but she is also in the state of nida? The Tumat Hadeshen in Siman 242 clarifies that a husband is not allowed to touch his wife to help her while she is nida, even if she is sick, as the touching could lead to inappropriate intimacy. The Trumat HaDeshen in Siman 242 says that a husband is not allowed to touch his wife to help her while she's nida, even if she's sick, because the husband is healthy while the wife is sick. Therefore, touching her can entice either of them to start trying to be intimate with each other.

3:06And the sin of being intimate while she's niddah is so grave that we can't even take the risk of the husband touching his wife to help her walk and stand, and so on and so forth. That's what Terumat HaDeshen says. Now, the Mordechai, in the first commentary on Masechet Shabbat, in Siman 237, section 5, he quotes Rabbi Tuvia of Bruna. And he says that those who refrain from helping their wives when they're nidda, are practicing chassidut of drunkards, meaning that if your wife is sick and she happens to be nidda at the same time, go help her anyway. Stop refraining from it. You're acting too stringently. You're crazy in our language today. So, you have here a machloket, a completely different opinion between two giant Chachamim. How could it be? One says it is completely forbidden, while the other one says that if you are refraining, you are like a drunk person. And these are sages from a thousand years ago; it's not like today, where people are full of confusion. So, Rabbi Yosef Karo, in the Beit Yosef, brings the Terumat HaDeshen...

4:31who says that it's forbidden, and he adds that the Ramban, Nachmanides, in paragraph 127, also forbids the husband to touch his wife when she's ill, specifically forbidding a husband to check the heartbeat of his sick wife when she's nidah. And this was when there was no such thing as pikuach nefesh, meaning that she was sick while she was niddah, but there wasn't a life risk, there wasn't pikuach nefesh. However, if there was pikuach nefesh, if there was a life risk for his wife, then the Ramban, the Nachmanides, was lenient and allowed the husband to touch her, meaning in order to help her walk and do whatever she needed to do, such as handing her medicine and so on. But the Beit Yosef continues and says that when it comes to the Rambam, Maimonides, it seems he doesn't even make a leniency, even if there is Pikuach Nefesh. This means that the Rambam was so stringent on this specific issue, according to the Beit Yosef, that even if there was a risk to life, the Rambam maintains it is still forbidden. This is because the Rambam is...

5:48Looking at the issue here very differently according to Rabbi Yosef Karo's understanding, where he says that Nachmanides is looking at the husband touching the wife as getting close to the sin of immorality, arayot. Based on the Ramban's understanding, this is a rabbinical law, and therefore, when it comes to rabbinical laws, there's no need to be stringent. And this is a place where you would want to be lenient. And that's why the Ramban, Nachmanides, poskins that if there's an issue of pikuach nefesh, of life risk, then you should be lenient and help your wife. But the Rambam, Maimonides, on the other hand, says that touching a woman who is niddah is actually a biblical sin. And therefore, it's on a level of avodah zarah, gilui arayot. and Shfichat Damim. These are the three cardinal sins. Avodah Zarah, meaning idol worship. Gilui Arayot, which is immorality. And Shfichat Damim is murder. These are the three cardinal sins. The Torah tells us it's better to die and not commit those sins. Meaning if somebody put a gun to a person and told him either go worship J.C. Penney,

7:06or go kill somebody, or go be intimate with a woman that's forbidden to you, a person must die. You're not allowed to commit those sins. Therefore, the Rambam views someone touching a nida as a biblical sin on the level of gilui arayot, of immorality. Consequently, it's better that he die and not touch his wife while she's nida. So it's definitely a place to be stringent. Now, the Shach comes later, in Siman 195, Seif Katan 20, and he also brings the Beit Yosef, Rabbi Yosef Karo's opinion of the Rambam, and his, Beit Yosef's understanding of the Rambam, saying that it's a biblical sin, but he disagrees with the Beit Yosef. Why, how could he disagree? If he's bringing the Rambam, the same Rambam that the Beit Yosef brought. How can you disagree with him? The Shach says that he disagrees with the Beit Yosef because he says that the Rambam was referring not specifically to a wife that was ill, but rather because of other considerations.

8:23the husband was touching her in a lustful way, meaning he wasn't touching her to help her, he was touching her for other reasons. So that's why the Rambam forbids it. But if Talking about a life risk where there's no issue of arayot, he says that the Rambam surely would allow it. Therefore, the Shach notes that the Rambam would surely permit a husband to touch his wife for the sake of medical assistance. So, here we see that what we've discovered so far is that there is a doubt regarding the opinion of the Rambam. And there's a doubt in regards to the opinion, a safek, in regards to the opinion of the Shulchan Aruch. And there's also a clarifying idea by the Shach. So what's the actual halacha? What is the bottom line here? Rabbi Chaim Palagi in his Sefer Ruach Chaim in Yoreh De'a, Siman 195, Seif Katan 7. He writes, I was asked if

9:37One's wife, who is at the time a Nida, is also ill and was diagnosed by a doctor. Even though she does not have a fever, indicating there is no life-threatening risk, she needs to take this medicine. Is it permitted for her husband to check her pulse via her chest, as that was the method for checking the pulse in earlier times? in order to ensure that she's not feverish, or to give her the medicine, you know, from his hand to her hand. That's what Rabbi Chaim Palagi says. He was asked if a wife who is a niddah is sick, and is not at a stage of life risk, is she allowed to accept medicine directly from a husband, or is a husband allowed to check her pulse? So Rabbi Chaim Palaji says the following, that's the answer. He says, if the husband has the ability to get his wife a nurse, or any type of female helper, then it's forbidden for him to touch her based on the psak of the Terumat HaDeshen, the first one that we mentioned. Terumat HaDeshen was stringent about it, says you're not allowed to touch your wife,

11:03says if he has the ability to get her a nurse, then he's forbidden from touching her, and he has to get her that assistance. He also quotes the Beit Yosef, but if he doesn't have the ability to get her a nurse because he can't afford it, or he's in a place where it's not possible to get her help, then you can rely on the sages who are more lenient at the hour of urgency, sha'at ha'dechak. As the Ramah wrote, so here Rabbi Chaim Palaji writes that, you know, if he's able to afford a helper, he has to get her a helper, and he's not allowed to touch her. If he can't afford a helper, or he can't get a helper, then if there's urgency here, he can help his wife. Then comes Rav Ovadia, Zichrono Livracha, in Sefer Taharat HaBayit, in Chelek Bet, Siman Bet, Se'if 46. He writes that if a wife is ill while she's niddah, the husband is forbidden from touching her or helping her stand or even walk, even if there is nobody else to help her because he is healthy. It's possible that the yetzer hara will entice them to sin. Therefore, he must arrange for a nurse to take care of her as appropriate.

12:31So here, Rav Ovadia—referring to the first part of Rav Ovadia—he's essentially quoting the Terumat HaDeshen. He's saying that a person is forbidden from touching his wife, and even more so, he's indicating that even if there is no one else to help her, there's a concern about the potential for sin, as this is considered a serious transgression. Nevertheless, Rav Ovadia continues, in a situation where there is... danger, and if he doesn't help her, there could be a life risk, then there's room to be lenient because such touching when there's danger is not likely to be lustrous, as the Shach says. This is in what he is saying here; he's saying that... If there is a concern for a life-threatening situation where you know the husband is not thinking about illicit matters, surely you can be lenient. The husband can help her now. A woman who is a niddah and is ill at the same time but also is in danger, there's a pikuach nefesh.

13:52And the doctor specifically said to apply a particular medical cream on her. There's no one else other than her husband to do it. It's written in the "Meshivas Nafesh," section one, first chapter, section 50, that you must be lenient and allow it to happen. Meaning, in the first section, Rabbi Ovadia says, when there's no issue of pikuach nefesh... when there's no issue of life risk, even if there's no help, he's not allowed to touch her. But if there is a life risk, then there is room to be lenient. The second section is saying that if there is a life risk, then again, you have to be lenient if there's nobody else to help her. So, what's the total conclusion? What's the bottom line that everybody's been waiting for? A couple of major points. According to everyone, all of the poskim, anytime a husband can afford to bring a helper, a nurse, or somebody to help his wife, then he must bring in the helper, and he's forbidden from touching her, because he can get somebody else to do it. Therefore, there's no permission for him to do it. But if there is a life risk,

15:17Then there's leniency. But if there is no danger, then it's not allowed. If there is life risk, then it is allowed. Again, I'll conclude, just in case I misworded it. It's five o'clock in the morning right now. Everyone agrees that any time the husband... can afford to bring a helper, can afford to bring a professional helper or even a friend, or whatever it is—another female that can help his wife—then he must. And if he can't afford one, if he can't afford to bring a helper but there's no danger, there's no life risk, then it's not allowed. But if there is a life risk, then it's allowed. So, Here we see that everyone agrees to bring the helper, but if the husband is stingy and he doesn't want to pay a helper to come, or he hates his wife, or he's just a crazy person, then he needs to know that he's still forbidden from touching her. Why? Because you can get somebody else to do it. However, if there is a risk to life, then he can actually do it himself.

16:45That's the bottom line. A person needs to know. If your wife just gave birth, you have to get her a helper. Today, Baruch Hashem, it's not so hard to get a helper, whether professional or family. You know, usually the mother of the wife is more than happy to help. Sometimes the mother of the husband. Sometimes both. Sometimes a good friend or a sibling. Whatever it is, get somebody to help. Don't play with fire. Why? Because we see here from the Poskim, even though there are different opinions here, we see here from the Poskim that they all agree that this is fire. You can't play with this. You can't play with this. To such an extent that some of the Poskim say that even if there's a life risk, you shouldn't touch her. So a person needs to know that touching your wife when she's nida, is a very, very big deal. Needless to say, when she's not ill, meaning If she's ill, it's already a big deal, and many poskim say you're not allowed to touch her anyway. But you should understand from this that when she's not ill and she's niddah, you're completely forbidden from touching her. You're not allowed to sleep in the same bed, you're not allowed to hand each other the children, you're not allowed to hand each other anything. Why? Because she's niddah. And Hashem wanted to make sure that we understand that during that time,

18:08You're supposed to get spiritually connected to your wife. Talk to her. Learn shura Torah with her. No problem. That's fantastic. But as far as, you know, touching, as far as sleeping in the same bed, as far as sitting right next to each other on a couch, things like that, you're playing with fire. Not just regular fire, but lava. So hopefully this shiur halacha gave you some more understanding of... when it comes to this particular issue and will help us get closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu by removing ourselves from any dangers of sins and getting ourselves closer and closer to the mitzvot that HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants us all to fulfill. May Hashem bless you and Shabbat Shalom.

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