However You Portray Yourself In This World Will Be Who You Are In The Next World

0:06A person has to work on his heart. Why? Because if you have a good heart, you're not going to have time to get angry. And even if you get angry, because it happens at times, you're not going to justify it. You're not going to justify it long enough to stay angry. You're immediately going to recover. "Oh, I made a mistake. I'm sorry." What, you're saying "I'm sorry"? Yes, I'm saying "I'm sorry." Even me, I say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." Why? Because you have a good heart. People that have a good heart say, "I'm sorry." You don't say, "I'm sorry, you're still evil." The Midrash Shmuel views a good heart as something that's complementary to patience, which is what we talked about previously with regards to slowness to anger. When a person is slow to anger, it doesn't mean he doesn't get angry. It means it takes him a while to get angry, meaning he has a lot of patience. You're annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying. He doesn't explode right away. Annoying, annoying. It takes a while. Eventually, maybe. But annoying, annoying, annoying. Eventually, it's like, okay, stop. Stop and get a little angrier after a while. Because how much annoying can you take? He says when a person is not only slow to anger, not only has patience, but he also has a good heart, this goes very, very well together. Why? Why?

1:32Because when he has patience, then in reality, he suffers, but he suffers inside. He sees the annoyance, he sees the irritation, but he suffers inside. He doesn't explode on people. He's suffering inside. But in this beraita, we're actually learning that when a person has a good heart, that annoyance is not going to scar his heart. Irritation, that terrible experience—he's not gonna let it scar his heart to the point where he's just never gonna be able to move on. He recovers. Okay, it's annoying. I got a little upset. All right, let's move on. Let's move on. Okay, let's move on. Whatever happened, happened. Let's move on. Let's go. Let's move on. Neither one of us is benefiting from being upset. Neither one of us is benefiting from being annoyed. Neither one of us is benefiting from crying. Yeah, let's move on. I love you. I love you. Let's go. Yeah, but it's not so easy. No, it is actually that easy. It is that easy. It is that easy if you have a good heart.

2:44But if you don't have a good heart and it's full of arrogance, full of jealousy, then of course it's not easy. Why? Every single time you have a fight, it's emotional scars. They're real scars. Every scar. You remember what he did 27 years ago before he even met you. You remember what she did. You remind her about her mom and what her mom did when she was a teenager. All of a sudden it matters to you what family she came from, even though you've been married for 15 years. All of a sudden her father matters, and everything matters. don't say, "I'm a good person," if you're reminding your spouse of something that happened five years ago, ten years ago, or fifty years ago, or something about our parents or grandparents. Don't do that. You don't say, "I'm a good person." Don't say that. You're not. Call a spade a spade; you're not a good person. That is spiteful. Spiteful things... Calling out somebody else's weaknesses and shaming them in order to elevate yourself is spitefulness. It's disgusting. It's an evil heart. When you have a good heart, these things are the furthest things from your imagination and...

3:56Not only do you not do them, if you think about them, to do them, because you're so upset, you start feeling bad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we're still in the middle of a fight, no, no, no, I'm finished, I'm sorry. She doesn't even know why you want to make up, because she's thinking you still want to brawl, and she wants to brawl, because she was ready for you. No, no, you start thinking some stupid things in your head, all of a sudden you're like, whoa, what am I getting to? Hashem Yirachem! Where's my head going? I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry. I haven't done anything. Start kissing her hands. Let me cook something for you. Let me clean. It's 3 o'clock in the morning. Get away from me. No, no. I'm sorry. What, are you joking? Why? Because you see the Yetzer Hara entered. You're scared. You're scared of the Yetzer Hara entering, parking in your head. You have to make up right away. This is also one of the secrets that I advise every single couple. Never ever, and I've told you guys this before, never ever go to sleep angry. Never ever go to sleep angry. If you got into a fight with your spouse, work it out until you're not angry anymore. Work it out, not until she stops crying or you stop crying. No, no, until you're laughing together, you're joking around again, you're kidding around like 15-year-olds. How about that? Everything's funny. That's when you go to sleep.

5:15That's when you go to sleep. If you're still, oh, if you have one of those attitudes, don't go to sleep. Don't go to sleep until you fix it. Why? If you go to sleep that way, you're going to wake up that way. It's going to get much worse. Yeah, but I'm tired. I have work tomorrow. You should have thought about that before you said what you said. You should have thought about that before you said what you said. Next time, you're not going to say it. You're going to say, wait, you know what? Okay, I really want to say it, but it's not really worth it for me to be up until 4 o'clock in the morning. Trying to say "I'm sorry" for it—it's not worth it. I really want to say that she deserves it, but it's not worth it. Me not sleeping because I have to say "I'm sorry" till four o'clock in the morning. I'm right, but I'm not stupid. So, okay, you have to understand, you've got to pick your battles. You have to pick your battles. You want to be successfully married, happily married, you have to pick your battles. Battles will happen; that's life. Two people, one house, kids. Money issues, things happen. You have to pick your battles. You have to pick your battles. You have to understand. You're on the same team. You're on the same team. When you're on the same team, you can't do things that will create permanent damage. You can't say things that make emotional scars. You can't be spiteful.

6:39Some people, they get into a fight, they start reminding the other person of certain things that happened in the past or certain flaws the person has. All of a sudden, he cares that she's overweight. Yesterday he didn't care. Today all of a sudden he cares. Yesterday she didn't care that he has glasses. Today she cares. Yesterday she didn't care if he has money or didn't have money. Today she does. Why? Yesterday she never mentioned his mother or his father was this or that. All of a sudden, she has a whole notebook of notes about his mother and his father. What happened? That's spiteful. That's spiteful. That's evil. That will ruin your marriage. And it will ruin your life too. Why? Because inside you're a slave to this stuff. Don't ever be spiteful. You're never going to win. You're only going to lose every single time. You have to be very, very careful. You have to treat your spouse with even more care than you treat a baby. The baby eventually grows up and goes on to their own spouse, their own life. Spouse is not supposed to. Spouse is supposed to stay with you. Whether you like it or not, they're going to stay with you. In Olam HaBa, if you hate each other, you hate each other over there too. There's no divorce in Shamayim. There's no divorce in my man. There's no divorce in Shamayim. You're married here, you're married over there. So start getting along here, because over there, there's no, okay, let's have a, you know, some type of psychologist here.

8:03Hey, have some Xanax, Mr. Jones. Have some Xanax, Mrs. Jones. Get along. We're in Shamayim after all. No, no, there's no Xanax. There's no Xanax. If you don't know how to get along in this world, you're doomed. Because you're stuck with this over there. Even if a person curses, and he dies, look, a person has a filthy mouth, Rabbi Yehuda Fatiyah says, that he brought certain neshamos in his book. He spoke to certain neshamos that were in Kaf HaKela, that were being punished, and so on. He would speak to them, and some of them had, like, mamash, disgusting, filthy mouths. For a person that's holy, it's painful to hear curses. It's not just unpleasant. It's painful. It's literally physically painful to hear somebody curse. So tell them, why do you speak like this? Stop it. The neshama would tell them, I can't stop. I can't stop cursing. Even if I want, I can't. Why? I died this way. I died with a filthy mouth. I cursed during my life. That's the way I am forever. Day and night, I curse. It's the same thing with people who had desires that they couldn't control, whether it's wasting seed, adultery, or things of that nature. This is what happened. He actually has a sick story, sick like, seriously. I'm not going to give you all the details. I can't give you all the details. If you want to see it, I'll show you in a book. I can't give you all the details. It's a sick, sick story, a true story. Rabbi Yehuda Fatiyah.

9:18Day and night, I curse the same thing with people that had desires they couldn't control, whether it's wasting seed, adultery, or things of that nature. This is what happened. He actually has a disturbing story. Disturbing like seriously. I'm not going to give you all the details. I can't give you all the details. You want to see it? I'll show you in a book. I can't give you all the details. Disturbing, disturbing story. True story. Rabbi Yehuda Fatiyah. You see it in this book, it's scary. He says that a certain guy, a certain woman comes to him and says, "My daughter, something is possessing her, something is going on. She keeps feeling like somebody is touching her, this, that." Rabbi Yehuda Fatiyah meets the young woman. He finds out there's a neshama inside her. Not her neshama only, somebody else. Who are you? Who is it? Her brother. Her brother, Rasha Merusha, died. He died. He comes back. What does he do? Constantly rapes his sister. Constantly raping his own sister. So stop it, it's your sister. I can't, he says. I can't. I have to do it. That's how I died. I died a filthy, disgusting thing. He says, if you see me, I'm the most disgusting creature in the world, he says. What they did to him in Shamayim, he says, if you see me, I'm the most disgusting thing in the world. And they punish me. My shibut Gehenom is kindergarten next to what this guy is going through. He can't stop doing it. Until Yom Yodav Taya eventually took him out, out of the sister and so on. It's a story of itself.

10:40That's how I died. I died a filthy, disgusting thing. He says, if you see me, I'm the most disgusting creature in the world. What they did to him in Shamayim, he says, if you see me, I'm the most disgusting thing in the world. And they punish me. My shivta in Gehinnom is kindergarten next to what this guy is going through. He can't stop doing it. Until Rav Yehuda Faya eventually took him out, out of the system and so on. It's a story of itself. But the point is, Rabotai, to teach you is that a person can't think, "No, no, once I die, I'm going to be a tzaddik. It's just my neshama." No, no, no. Whatever you are is what you're going to be. Your filthy mouth here, your filthy mouth over there. Can't control yourself here, can't control yourself over there. Imagine, oh, the little word came out of your mouth. Oh, over here, it's no big deal. Why? Who heard you? Who didn't do that? In Shamayim, Hashem is next to you. Hashem is next to you. You just said the F word.

11:49You said the F word. Hashem is watching you. You just said the F word. You just thought the F word. You thought it. Hashem knows your thoughts. Next to Hashem. Oh, what a busha. What a busha. What a busha a person has in his skin. He thought such a word in his head. Hashem is next. It's not that Hashem is in a different place. He's next to you. He's next to you now also. You just don't know. Over there, you know for sure. Scary. Parah Adumah.