Jealous Husbands: Parashat Vayakhel Pekudei

0:04Because it says that the women whose hearts inspired them with wisdom contributed. Women were inspired. Who were they inspired by? Moshe Rabbeinu. Now, the Gemara in Masechet Moed Katan says something extraordinary. It's mamash scary, scary what the yetzer hara can do to us. The Gemara says on page 18b, That Ta Shema brings a proof. Proof of what? They were jealous of Moshe in the camp of Aaron, Hashem's holy one. What do you mean they were jealous? Hata mishum sin'a hu de'avud—it says in that case they actually hated Moshe Rabbeinu.

1:04Who hated him? Am Yisrael hated him. Why did they hate him? Why did they hate Moshe Rabbeinu? He just took you out of Egypt. Ungrateful people. You hate Moshe? How could hate and Moshe be in the same sentence? How could it be? He took you out of Egypt. You were slaves for 86 years. You're missing arms before you get to Mount Sinai, missing eyes, missing ears, missing heads. Egyptians did that to you. You hate Moshe? How can you hate Moshe? Why do they hate Moshe? This verse, it says in Parashat Ki Tisa, we learned that unfortunately Am Yisrael committed the sin of the Golden Calf. They worshipped the idol. They built the idol. They worshipped the idol. But the Imrei Tzvi says that when the men came to the women and told them, "Listen, give us your gold. We need it for the Golden Calf," the Jewish women said no. The Jewish women refused. The Erev Rav said yes, but the Jewish women stood firm and said no. "I'm not giving you my earrings, my bracelets, or anything else for this Golden Calf. No interest."

2:26Then, when Moshe Rabbeinu says whoever is interested in contributing to the Tabernacle, contribute. All the women gave. All the tzadkaniyot started taking off their earrings, their bracelets, their necklaces, their jewelry, the engagement ring, this ring, everything else started giving to Moshe. And the men became jealous of Moshe. Why? He says they're listening to the rabbi, but they're not listening to the husband. Must be something with him and they actually told all of their women a formal warning: You're not allowed to be with Moshe in a room alone. Why? Maybe you have something with him. Why can't you listen to him and not me? How can you listen to Moshe, the rabbi, and not me? I have a situation like this. I have many situations like this in my life because people are crazy. But I had a situation one time... People ask for all types of help. Sometimes they ask for shalom bayit help. Sometimes it works. I talk to the couple. We find out what the problem is. The couple actually wants to work things out. So you remind them of some things that maybe they forgot, and you fix the problem. But sometimes it's a little more complicated than that. And by sometimes, it's usually 99% of the time it's like that. In reality, one of them doesn't really want to fix it.

3:50just happy to complain because they like to complain or they just like the way they live, and they don't want to change. This creates a problem because if one person wants to change and the other one doesn't want to change, it creates a big problem. That's what leads to divorces and so on, because how long are you going to be with somebody who doesn't want to change? So, sometimes you see Hashem allows you to see things. they happened and one time there was a woman who came to me, and she needed some help. The husband was complaining also. I started talking and began realizing, you know what, it's really not the woman that's the problem. It's the husband that's the problem. It's the husband that's the problem, and I tried telling him, "Yes, the changes you need to make, yes, you have to do that," and... Decided that I'm a malik. I'm a malik. I am a dictator and a man all wrapped into one. He did not want to listen to me because, all this time, he's been thinking that I'm gonna be his friend. That I'm gonna be on his side, and you know, we're gonna be like the others, the Muslims that beat their wives in public, throw some rocks at them maybe. How could you not listen? Which, by the way, in some interpretations of Islam, this is considered normal behavior, just so you know.

5:12There was actually an undercover show that was made by Tzvi Yehezkeli, which I'll mention to you a little bit more about later on. It's already 11:00, so I'll mention to you that he did undercover research into the Muslim world. It was something that no one's ever done before — something unbelievable. Anyway, when he goes to Syria, during one of his stops, he talks to a group of Muslims. He says, "Yeah, you know, I'm looking to find a bride for my brother-in-law." He has this other guy with him who is pretending to be a Muslim as well. The other guy says, "I'm looking for a bride for him." The Muslims then ask, "Yeah, but why are you going to Germany for that?" Why are there a lot of Muslims in Germany? No, because they think they have rights over there. You're not even allowed to beat your wife. So what do you mean? So he says he pretends he's playing along. He goes, "What do you mean you're allowed to beat your wife?" So Pluto then goes, "Nobody, that's the problem. Nobody beats the wife." This is what we're dealing with, apathy. This is what we're dealing with sometimes actually. I

6:31unfortunately, Jews act like this too. They also think that they're Muslims and they beat their wives. I have a situation like this: one guy beats his wife on a weekly basis. She gave him eight kids. He gives her a beating. Eight kids she gave him, he gives her in return a beating, and he makes her sleep in a separate room. She's not to sleep with him in the same bed. Why? Because he thinks he's—I don't know who he thinks he is. I People, he calls himself religious, not like this. He calls himself religious. So, anyway, the Torah, by the way, just so you know, the Torah says that someone that beats his wife is... He has to be warned immediately by the Rav. If he continues, he must be put into a state of cherem, meaning you cannot count him for a minyan. You cannot accept him in the kehillah. You cannot do business with him. The Torah is strictly against any man touching a woman in this manner. It is strictly against it.

7:41A man that hits his wife, first of all, may Hashem cut off his hands. Second of all, it probably will happen soon. And third of all, the kehillah is not allowed to accept him, pray with him, do business with him, or even talk to him. It's to be put under a cherem if he's not going to stop. Such people do not deserve to live, in my opinion. If it was a mistake or this or that, he lost his cool one time, it's a different story. But some of these people make it a habit. Torah is strictly against such behavior. So, the people of Israel, unfortunately, were jealous of Moshe Rabbeinu because their wives listened to Moshe and did not listen to them. The same issue has happened to me more than once. I tried helping a couple, and the husband thought, "Oh, if he's not on my side, that's because he likes my wife."

8:42He likes my wife. That's all I need is another wife. Baruch Hashem, one wife. I love my wife. She's the greatest wife in the world. I don't need another one. What do I need another one for? One's enough. We're not allowed in Judaism anyway at this point. Rabbeinu Gershom, a thousand years ago, made a gezeirah. Polygamy is no longer allowed. Even though according to the Torah it's permitted, a thousand years ago, it was forbidden. A thousand years ago, we're not allowed anymore. But the point is, rabotai, people are crazy. And I deal with them on a daily basis. It's a rabbi slash psychiatrist slash therapist slash all types of things—slash a lot of things. So now, usually, when I have such situations where I see that there's a problem, I already tell people ahead of time. If it's the husband that's the problem, I see from the beginning, I say, "By the way, just so you know, I'm going to try to help you in whatever way I can, but I'm just letting you know. I'm going to tell you the truth, whatever the truth is." Husband's probably not going to agree with me because he's the problem. I'm letting you know that it's only a matter of time before he thinks that I like you or you like me or something like that. This is clockwork. It happens one time after another. Why do I listen to the Rabbi, and why do I listen to my wife or husband? What happens is that people don't want to see anything wrong with themselves. They do not want to see anything wrong with themselves.

10:05And this is a problem that didn't just start now; this is a problem that has existed since the time of creation. Anyone who is looking for ways to improve his situation, protect himself, and guard his family from the horrific situations surrounding us, like terrorism and other challenges, must understand that the only true solution is to increase one's connection to Torah. More Torah, more life.