Rav Yaakov Spivak’s Surprising SECRET TO HAPPINESS

0:11You see that there are a lot of people that have money, they have cars, they have houses, they have wives, they have this, they have that. Some of them keep Shabbat, some of them don't keep Shabbat. But for the most part, they're miserable. Most people are miserable. The reason why, Rabotai, is because most of us don't want to follow the instruction set of how to be happy. The instruction set of how to be happy is not through just keeping Shabbat. Shabbat is just one of the tools if you know how to do it right. It's not the whole thing. For example, we're in a Beit Knesset now, and if you went and you just turned on one switch, but nothing happened, no light turned on. And I told you, "Listen, there's still no light." "No, I did my effort. I'm finished." "Yeah, but we can't have a lecture if it's going to be dark here." "Yeah, but I turned on the switch." "Okay, but it didn't work. It wasn't enough." That means you have to do something else. Another switch. It's like, okay, okay, fine, fine. I'll do another switch. And you go turn on another switch, and it's still no good. Still doesn't work. Still nothing turns on. So you can't go. It doesn't work anymore. There's nothing. Nothing works. I did my effort already. I don't want to do it. Can't go on without it. Okay, I'll do another switch, another switch, another switch. And you keep turning on switches. You turn on all the switches. Still nothing. Why? Why?

1:39Because the main terminal at the electric closet is off, the main switch is still off. You can keep Shabbat, but if you think that Shabbat means that you eat more in one day than the rest of the week, and sleep more in one day than the rest of the week, and socialize more in one day than the rest of the week, the main switch is still off. You can keep all of the holidays. You can keep going to synagogue every day and putting on tefillin. You can come to a shiur once in a while when you have nothing else to do. You can do a lot of things. You can do a lot of mitzvot. The Gemara says that Am Yisrael have mitzvot like a rimon has grains. Like a pomegranate has grains, that's how Am Yisrael has mitzvot.

2:43So all of us can fulfill mitzvot, but very, very few attain the happiness that the Torah promises. Very few attain the metikut, the sweetness of Torah. And the reason why is because to attain that sweetness requires something that they're not willing to do. What is it? It's called mesirat nefesh, sacrifice. Why are they not willing to do it? Why are they not willing to sacrifice? Because their entire life structure is the opposite. Their entire life structure is convenience and comfort and cushy pillows and cushy comforters and cushy mattresses for $4,000 and cushy ceilings just in case he wants to sleep on the ceiling and cushy floors just in case he wants to sleep on the floor and cushy life and cushy seats and cushy this and cushy that. The whole life is cushy. His whole life is one big pillow. He wants to be comfortable. Their entire life structure is convenience and comfort and cushy pillows and cushy comforters and cushy mattresses for $4,000 and cushy ceilings just in case he wants to sleep on the ceiling and cushy floors just in case he wants to sleep on the floor and cushy life and cushy seats and cushy this and cushy that. The whole life is cushy. His whole life is one big pillow. He wants to be comfortable.

3:50He wants Amazon to deliver him a plane to the house that could take him to Jamaica, that could take him to New York. He doesn't want to go all the way to New York. He wants Amazon to start a new service to bring the plane to his house in a box. He can build a plane in a few minutes. That's it. He's going to New York in a plane from the box that he got from Amazon. People today want convenience. They want to be comfortable. You're not going to get the happiness by being comfortable. You know how you get happiness? You get happiness by breaking every single bone in your body, attaining something precious, and going inside the volcano of Gehenom and getting the diamond from there. That will get you happiness. You're not going to get happiness walking around with flip-flops. How do you get happiness? Happiness is something you have to work on. Happiness means that you have to attain something special. And Rav Spivak, if you guys remember, I told you a couple of weeks ago, gave a beautiful chiddush that he got from his rabbis many years ago. And he says that that was the punishment that the snake, the serpent, got.

5:10After Adam HaRishon made the sin of eating from the tree of knowledge, Hashem said, "You're gonna work really hard your whole life." Baruch Hashem, I don't think there's a single person here that doesn't work really hard. So, we're all fulfilling the Torah by working hard. You are gonna have a tough time raising kids, bringing kids into the world, carrying kids in your stomach. Hashem, you're gonna have a tough time. Baruch Hashem, I don't know a single woman that ever had an easy labor. They say, oh, I had an easy fast. What easy fast? I'm not eating for a day. How is it easy? Go tell a woman to have an easy labor; she'll slap you in the face. You carry the baby if you want it to be easy. Tell me how it was. You carry the baby for nine months, bring it to my house, and I'll tell you how it was. Easy? What easy? I'm carrying another human being in my body. How easy is that? The whole body is inflating, deflating, up, down, upgrades, downgrades. What's happening? The whole body of a woman breaks apart to pieces. You're going to say it's easy? You go do it.

6:19So Baruch Hashem, when you have a tough time raising kids, after they come out, you fulfill the Torah too. But the snake, the serpent, he told them, "Everything's going to be easy for you. You can eat anything you want. Anything you want to eat, you can eat." The rat, the alligator, the other snake, the egg, the tree, sand—you can eat anything you want, meaning you are born a billion-trillionaire. You don't have to work a day in your life. All you have to do is just open your mouth, and things are going to come into your mouth. If you ever see videos with snakes, you see they don't really spend much time hunting like the lions. Mouse, the alligator, the other snake, the egg, the tree, sand—you can eat anything you want. Meaning, you are born a billionaire, a trillionaire. You don't have to work a day in your life. All you have to do is just open your mouth, and things are going to come into your mouth. If you ever see videos with snakes, you see they don't really spend much time hunting like the lions. And all the other animals, they just sit there all day. Eventually, the prey comes to them. Okay, here you go. He sits there over there, and the prey just goes around. Oh, wow, the snake's not doing anything. Oh, he looks kind of good. Oh, he's gone. He just sits there all day and doesn't do anything, and the prey comes to him. Parnassah comes to him. He doesn't have to do anything. Parnassah comes. Imagine all of you just sit there in front of him. Oh, you got a million dollars, sir. Okay, thank you. Oh, sir, you got 20 million dollars. Okay, thank you. All of them say thank you, and you don't even say thank you.

7:4310, 20, 30, 40, 50 million dollars, bitcoins, Bitcoin, all this stuff. You know, doing nothing all day eventually gets boring. Though I'm not saying let me get bored like that. So anyway, the snake doesn't have to work; nothing. I love speaking back. Sheyes says that's the curse. That is the curse of a snake. Why is that the curse? Because this world is not for comfort. In the book of Iyov (Job), Iyov says, a man was brought to the world to work. What does it mean to work? To toil. What does it mean to toil? Sweat. He came here to build something. Building something takes a little bit of effort. Sometimes a lot of effort. He told Adam HaRishon, Adam, you violated. You violated the mitzvah that I told you. Now you have to work hard. He didn't tell him you're not going to have a good time. He didn't tell him you're going to be miserable your whole life. He just told him you're going to have to work hard. Chava, you violated. You're going to have a hard time. He didn't tell you you're going to be miserable, depressed, on painkillers, and on Xanax your whole life. No, he didn't say that. What did he say? You're going to have a hard time.

9:04same time, you also told them you're going to still have the joy of success, which you could only have after you work hard. You can only have the joy of success after you work hard. The snake, you're not gonna have that, meaning you're never gonna be happy because you're never gonna work hard. So, for all of those people that are still miserable... Fulfilling the mitzvot. Doing whatever it is that they're doing. The reason is they're doing it wrong. What does it mean, wrong? You're not doing enough. Some people, they come to an office and they start typing. And no one notices. But after a little while, the boss comes and says, "Okay, so how many sales did you make?" Nothing. What do you mean nothing? You've been here for three weeks and you didn't make a single sale? No. So what did you do for the last three weeks? I wrote a novel. Look, Lucy and Stephen, they went, and they met in the trees, and then they met a lion, and the lion can talk. No, no, I didn't pay you to write a novel. I paid you to make sales. No, but sales are hard.

10:26So, I wanted to write a novel instead. Yeah, but I didn't pay you. I'm not paying you to write a novel. Yeah, but it's much easier for me to write. It's much easier for me to type stories. I like typing stories. Go work for somebody else typing stories. Some people want to write stories. Some people want to sleep on comforters. Some people want to have a comfortable life. That's not what you came to this world for. If you're looking for a comfortable life, you're doing it wrong. Life is meant for you to toil. It doesn't mean miserable. It means toil. It means hard. It means you're supposed to try hard. Why? Because at the end of your hard effort, you'll get that happiness that you've been searching for your whole life. But if you're constantly looking for comfort, you're never gonna get it. You're actually asking for the curse of the snake. Life is meant for you to toil. It doesn't mean miserable. It means toil, it means hard, it means you're supposed to try hard. Why? Because at the end of your hard effort, you'll get that happiness that you've been searching for your whole life. But if you're constantly looking for comfort, you're never going to get it. You're actually asking for the curse of the snake and... So, all of those people that are just comfortable, comfortable, comfortable, and miserable at the same time, it's because Hashem gave them the ability to do a lot more. He could have given them the ability to learn the entire Shas in one year. He could have given them the ability to fund three kollelim. He could have given them the ability to be something special for Am Yisrael. But they choose to write stories instead. They want to write a blog once a week, a paragraph. They think that's a mitzvah.

11:49Sometimes Hashem gives a person money, so he gives 500 bucks a month, but he's still miserable and in Shamayim they still count it as a sin, not a mitzvah. Why? Because he can give 5,000 a month easily, but he gives 500. He thinks he's a tzaddik. Or he gives 5,000, but he gives it to people that are against Hashem — the Conservative and the Reform — instead of giving it to people that are struggling to survive but are honoring Hashem regardless. And... Point is, אבו טענת השם (Avu Ta'anot Hashem) gave us tools. If you're not satisfied in your life, you don't have this happiness, this מתיקות (metikut), this sweetness of Torah, that means you're doing something wrong. You're doing something wrong. You're supposed to be happy. Happiness, it's not something that you attain by eating a fortune cookie, and the fortune cookie tells you, "today you are going to have a good day." That's how you could really attain happiness. We should all go to the local Chinese store, kosher or non-kosher, it doesn't make a difference. They all sell fortune cookies. Don't eat the cookie, just open the fortune cookies and wait for something to tell you to be happy. The reality is that attaining happiness doesn't come from fortune cookies. Attaining happiness does not come from relationships either. There are plenty of people that are in and out of relationships that are miserable and...

13:16Some are in relationships and miserable. Some left the relationship and they're still miserable. Relationships by themselves are not going to make you happy. Kids by themselves are not going to make you happy. All of those things, money by itself is not going to make you happy. There are plenty of people who have plenty of money that commit suicide. In fact, it's a statistical anomaly. How many more rich people commit suicide versus poor people? Meaning that there are many more rich people who commit suicide than poor people. Meaning that suicide, statistically speaking, is a rich person's problem. So, money doesn't make you happy. Your wife doesn't make you happy. The kids don't make you happy. The husband definitely doesn't make you happy. The job doesn't make you happy. What's going to make you happy? Stuff is never going to make you happy. What's going to make you happy? Hashem. Hashem is going to make you happy. How? By you getting glued to Hashem. You connecting to Hashem, the real Hashem, the only Hashem. And serving Him with all of your heart, and all of your soul, and all of your money, and all of your everything. Just like Shema Yisrael says.

14:28If you serve Hashem to your fullest capacity, you'll have the metikut of the Torah. Why? Because happiness, rabotai yekarim, is a state of being. It's not something you get from a store or from something. It's a state of being. Just like you know you are a human being, You, it doesn't matter whether you're happy, unhappy, up, down, sideways, have money, no money, are married, or have kids. It doesn't make a difference. You know, regardless of what happens, you are a human being. Just like you know that you're a human being and that's not going to change, happiness also doesn't change. You wake up, you're happy. You go to sleep, you're happy. Bad day, you're happy. Good day, you're happy. Stuff happens, you're happy. Stuff doesn't happen, you're happy. You're always happy. Happiness is a state of being. It doesn't change with the times. There are certain times that are annoying. There are certain times that are better. But the happiness state of mind does not change. At all. Ever. That's what happiness is. If you have that, you should give a shiur. If you don't have it, you should continue coming to the shiur. You should continue coming to the shiur. Why? Because happiness is something that most people simply don't even know what it is, let alone have it.

15:49they don't have it, and they keep searching for more. The way you can know if you're happy or not is if you're happy with what you have. If you're happy with what you have, the relationship you have, the kids you have or don't have, the money you have or don't have—if you're happy with all of it, then you're closer to being happy. If you're unhappy, you're definitely not happy.