Saving Our Marriage (6 minutes)

0:56you'll see that before the world that we live in today, before the Western world became so predominantly atheist, and people that are just going against Hashem in different ways, even in the name of religion, before that, you saw that marriages actually survived. But not only survived, divorce was a bad word. If someone got divorced, everyone would know and they would literally frown upon it. It would be unheard of. Like, what do you mean? Why would you want to get divorced? What's wrong? If someone got divorced, everyone would know and they would literally frown upon it. It would be unheard of, like, what do you mean? Why are you getting divorced? What's wrong? Did you cheat? Did you lie? Why would you get divorced? Divorce was unheard of simply because everyone knows there are problems in marriage. It happens. There's ups and downs. Sometimes you love, sometimes you're not exactly in love. But nonetheless, there are ups and downs like in any relationship in the world. The point of every relationship is for the two people to make the best out of it by making each other better, not just making ourselves better. Making each other better means... Did you cheat? Did you lie? Like, why would you get divorced? Divorce was unheard of simply because everyone knows you have problems in marriage. It happens; there are ups and downs. Sometimes you love, sometimes you're not exactly in love, but nonetheless, there are ups and downs like in any relationship in the world. The point of every relationship is for the two people to make the best out of it by making each other better, not just making ourselves better, but making each other better, meaning...

1:55bring the best out of each other by making one plus one equal three, not one plus one equal two, because that makes us individuals. By making one plus one equal to more than just what we would be by ourselves. Nonetheless, when we are connected to Hashem, we have an instruction manual that tells us that Shalom Bayit is so significant, Hashem is willing to change the truth, if you will, for it. One ma'aseh that happened that we learn about in Sefer Bereishit, Was when the angels came to Avraham Avinu, and they told him, "Listen, Hashem said that this time next year, you're going to have a son." Now, his wife Sarah, who was Kodesh Kodashim, laughed. She laughed. Why did she laugh? She said, "How am I going to have a son with a husband that's so old?" So Hashem came to Avraham Avinu and said, "Why did Sarah laugh?" Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she laugh, saying that I can't have any children? How can I have any children when I am so old? She didn't say, "I am so old." She actually said, "My husband is so old." Why did Hashem change the truth, if you will? He changed it or avoided mentioning that specific sentence. He changed it simply because He knew that if He told Avraham Avinu that his wife thought he was old, it would create shalom bayit issues. So,

3:22It didn't need to be told. It didn't need to be told. She did something that wasn't good. It doesn't necessarily mean that we need to know all the details. It's wrong enough. We have to recognize that within Jewish ethics and morality, such actions are not aligned with our values. It is crucial to understand that when we follow the guidance of the Torah, we are avoiding such situations and aiming to live a life of integrity and holiness. This is the path that we must strive for as part of the Jewish community. We understand that when we have the Torah, we have a manual. We have a manual that tells us how to survive. We have to struggle together; we have to survive together; we have to enjoy together. We don't live like the goyim, who are pretty much here today and gone tomorrow. We don't have this mentality as Jews that the relationship is no different and marriage is no different than a boyfriend and girlfriend. This is why in Judaism there's no living together before you get married. If you're going to be married, you're going to be married. You're not going to be together for five or ten years and then decide if you like each other. So you look at it statistically, and you see that the divorce rate over the last hundred years, to say it increased is an understatement. At this point in the Western world, over 80% of couples get divorced.

4:22This is an awful statistic. So much so that it's almost to a point where you might as well not get married because you should already plan your second wedding. They said there was a ma'aseh where one rabbi says to Rav Nissim, alav ha-shalom, “Kvod HaRav, I'm telling you, I think I'm going to start a new business.” “What's a new business?” “You have a business, you have a wedding hall.” He goes, “Yeah, I think I'm going to start a new business.” “What's a new business?” “I'm going to start a divorce hall.” Why? There's many more people getting divorces than there are people getting married. So the point is, Rabotai, when we don't have the instructions, we have no idea how to be husbands. We have no idea how to be wives. We have no idea how to be anything. When you have the Torah, you know that, first of all, you have to be afraid of Hashem. You need to know Hashem is watching. Why is it important to be afraid of Hashem? Because if Hashem is watching, if that's the sign of wisdom, that means before I yell at my wife, I'm going to say, "Hashem doesn't like it." Before I steal, I say, hey, Hashem doesn't like it. Before I get angry, before I become stingy, before I do anything that we all know is wrong, inside us, we all know is wrong, I'm going to say, hey, He's watching. On top of it, I know that there's a Mishnah that says, when a husband and a wife have a merit of having Shalom Bayit, the Shechinah of Hashem comes down, just like it did at Mount Sinai. So anyone who wants miracles, anyone who wants all the good things in the world, their number one job every morning, aside from honoring Hashem, is to work on their relationship. It's a full-time job, to make sure that the relationship not only survives but prospers.

5:39have a merit of having shalom bayit, the Shechinah of Hashem comes down, just like it did at Har Sinai. So anyone that wants miracles, anyone that wants all the good things in the world, the number one job they have every morning, aside from honoring Hashem, is to work on their relationship. It's a full-time job, and to make sure that that relationship not only survives, but prospers.