TeShuva To Quit Smoking In Five Minute

1:09What do I do with my hands? How do people live without smoking cigarettes? I got to a point, after 20 years of smoking, I didn't understand how anybody stands outside and does nothing. What do you do? Why are you sitting there? What's wrong with you? Why don't you have something in your hand? To me, my smoking became normal. Their standing there is not normal. It can't be that they're right. Of course, I'm right. You know, you never think anybody else is right. Everyone thinks they're right. Why are you just standing there? You're so weird. And I'm thinking to myself, smoking a cigarette, thinking it's normal. So that was one thing. And then the other one was like, okay, so then I'm probably going to eat too much. Then I'm going to gain weight. So that was another yetzer hara. And you just add more and more and more things. How am I going to study? How am I going to stay up? And then I started seeing myself. I tried quitting. I started seeing myself fall asleep. Like, see, Hashem? Told you it keeps me up at night. And you go back, and you fight yourself, and you fight yourself. But eventually, you have to get to a point and say, listen, this is not Ratzon Hashem. And when did I finally realize it? I usually got to a point where I wouldn't smoke next to people. The reason why is because one time I did a shiur early on, in my house, and a couple of my students went outside.

2:31Went outside, they're all smoking cigarettes. I said, okay, so I'll go outside, I'll smoke a cigarette with them. I didn't think it was a big deal. They're smoking, but they're looking at me smoking. They're smokers. Like, it wasn't even a thought in my mind that there's anything wrong with this. So I lit up a cigarette, and they're all looking at me, like, oh, you smoke? I said, yeah, why? They're like, oh. That's it, they're all like this, oh. And immediately, I knew that their level of respect, not just for me, but for everything I just said, had dropped drastically. Why? Because I'm just like them. We officially became the same level. It doesn't matter that I just spoke for two hours, taught you Torah, and told you what Ratzon Hashem is. I spoke about Emunah; it doesn't make a difference. You and I are the same. You smoke, I smoke. And this is what reminded me of when I used to see people who seemed to put on a facade of religiosity, wearing a costume that resembles Hasidut. They would wear the big hat, or any type of hat that makes them look like religious Jews, and I would see them in casinos and other places incongruent with such a lifestyle. I would think to myself, wait a minute, I'm not religious, that's why I'm here. But what are you doing here? It gave me a visual that these people's representation of Judaism was inauthentic. If you are here, pretending to be something else, and I am here being true to what I am, then I prefer my life to yours.

4:00So that simple cigarette, that simple tiny nail that I let the yetzer hara in, like, hey, listen, they're smoking. I'll smoke. What's the big deal? It immediately destroyed the Torah that I taught them and became a chillul Hashem. So then I knew, this has to be the last cigarette. I can never do this again. And that's when I had to quit. But again, it's not easy. I didn't actually want to do it. But sometimes... You have to decide, is your will more important than Hashem's will? If the answer is even remotely yes, you have a lot of work to do. That's when you have to eliminate your opinion. You have to eliminate it as much as possible until it becomes synonymous with Hashem's opinion. That's what real true life is.