Think Before You Do

0:14Think before you do. Don't act so quickly on things, because that's what the Yetzer Hara wants us to do. He wants us to act quickly because theoretically, everything should be good. On the surface of things, everything looks good. Relationships look good. Sins look good. Everything looks good. You have to think about things. If a person thinks about things, he'll see that most of the decisions that he would make ordinarily, he wouldn't make. Anytime somebody asks you to make an agreement for any type of financial commitment, automatically say, "Okay, I'll get back to you." When? "I'll try to do it by tomorrow." They may say, "No, no, I need a decision now." You may need a decision now, but I'm going to get back to you tomorrow. Why? Because I want to sleep on it. You don't really need to sleep on it. You actually know what you want. But sleep on it anyway. Why? Because maybe if you wait long enough, some thought that you don't have now, you'll have tomorrow. But the salesman is going to try to get you to do what? What the Yetzer Hara tries to get you to do. Commit right now. Trust me, I know; I was a salesman for over 20 years. The best salesman in the world is the one that can make you make a decision right now—not tomorrow, not next week, not next year.

1:35Closing. Closing. There's a term in sales, always be closing. Meaning, I've got to get you by now. Tomorrow, God only knows. You're already going to think about it and maybe say no. I can't get you to think. I need you to commit. But that's what the Yetzer Hara wants you to do. He wants you to commit to the sin. He wants you to commit to now. So what you have to do is get yourself used to saying, "I'll get back to you tomorrow." Even if you don't feel like you need to get back to them tomorrow. Unless it's a mitzvah. If it's a mitzvah, you know for sure it's a mitzvah, it's a different story. But for matters of this world, regarding mundane things, I'll get back to you tomorrow, I'll get back to you next week. No, but we need an answer today. You may need an answer today. I can give you an answer today. Suddenly, you'll see that they can deal with it tomorrow also. Oh, no, no, I need the money tomorrow. Okay, so I'll talk to you tomorrow. No, no, but if you talk to me tomorrow, the money's not going to get there the next day. Okay, so it won't get to you. It's almost empty then. No, no, no, just get back to me tomorrow. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. All of a sudden, it's fine.

2:35All of a sudden, it's fine. Tisaberu Rabotai is very important because many times we make bad decisions because we make them too quickly. There was a guy that, in the old days, it was okay to leave your wife for an extended period of time. Today, it's not so okay. Today, if you go to the store for five minutes too long, are you coming home or are you leaving? No, no, I'm coming. I'm on the way. I'm just on the highway. Just on the highway. You've been gone for so long. I just left 10 minutes ago. Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll be home. I miss you too. Rabbi, I can't come to the shiur. Why not? My wife, my wife. What do you mean, wife? It's 10 o'clock at night. She's not sleeping? Yes, she's sleeping, but she wants me to be home. Why? So you can watch her sleep? I don't know, Rabbi, but she says she needs me to be home when she's sleeping. I said, "Tough wife." Thank God for YouTube. Sometimes the wife is tough. Sometimes the husband's tough. You have to use your imagination. You have to use your imagination of how to deal with them. But you also have to use your intellect too. Why? Your imagination may solve your problem today, but not tomorrow. Your intellect is what's going to help you tomorrow. There was one time a guy who...

3:57Grew up; his father had a successful business, and as his father got older, he said, "Listen, son, I don't know how long I have in this world, but I tell you one thing: never make a decision right away. Anytime, especially if you're angry, don't make a decision immediately. Wait until the next day." He said, "Okay." Shortly after, the father passed away, and the son took over the business. As he took over the business, he found a woman to marry him, and he ran the business. He made a few bad deals because he was still young and lost all of his money. He said, "Listen, I have to go travel a little bit, try to make some money, and I'll come back whenever we have money. From time to time, I'll send you money. Stay loyal to me." She said, "Okay." In those days, it was okay. So he went on a journey, and every so often, he would send money. without really knowing what's going on. Twenty years passed. Twenty years passed, he acquired wealth again, and he decided to come back home. He came back home, came back to town, and he came back to the house, and he saw his wife, although twenty years older, still good-looking,

5:20and looks happy, but then suddenly, some guy walks up to her and gives her a big hug, and she starts kissing him and hugging and kissing and chill, like, "Oh, who's this guy?" He takes out his sword, thinking, "I'm going to kill both of them. She didn't stay loyal to me." But then he thought, after he took out the sword, "My father only taught me one thing: When you're angry, don't make a decision. Wait till tomorrow." So, he decided not to go there, not to kill both of them. He went to a motel, and he took a rest for the night. The next day, he decided to go to the shul to ask around about his wife. He asks, "Do you know such and such woman?" He is told, "Oh, she's a big tzaddeket. A big tzaddeket, she helps the community." "Yeah, well, she's married?" "Well, yeah, the poor woman, her husband left her 20 years ago." Wait, so she remarried? No. She stayed loyal to him. She's great. She's that. She even has a son. Did she go with some other guy? No. Who are you to say bad things about this woman? No, no. I'm just wondering. No, she's a big tzadeket. What her husband didn't know when he left is that she was pregnant. She didn't even know. She was pregnant, and then a few months after he was already gone, she had a baby. It's his baby. And now the kid's nice, beautiful kid, 20 years old.

6:44He goes, "Who's this kid? Show me." They start showing him. "Oh, that's him. Who's that? The same beautiful kid that was hugging the woman the day before?" It was his son. He says, "Look at that. If I hadn't listened to my father from over 20 years ago, when he told me, 'Son, don't make decisions right away. Wait a day.' If I had just ignored this one piece of advice, not only would it have been a mistake that would have ended my marriage, but it would have ended the life of my wife and my son." And that's why the Gemara says, anytime somebody is angry, for sure, you're not making the right decision. For sure, it's a mistake. Now why is it a mistake? Because the Yetzer Hara is in control of it. Why? Because the anger is the highlight of imagination. Highlight of imagination. The highest point of imagination. When you're angry, what are you thinking about? It's all about me. They're doing it to discredit me. They're doing it to embarrass me. They're doing it to bring me shame. They're trying to destroy me. They're trying to this me. Me, me, me, me. Everybody's against me. I'm alone. No one loves me. Everyone hates me. It's me against the world. And that's it. Oh, she's disrespecting me. He's disrespecting me. Dude, he's just going in traffic. He didn't see you.

8:01He's not disrespecting anyone. He doesn't even know you exist. He didn't see you; he just crossed because he didn't see you. No, no, you think he's disrespecting you because of who you are. But in truth, he doesn't know who you are. He doesn't even know you exist in this world. He's just some guy who happens to live in the same state as you for the last month. He doesn't realize that you're there because he's in a hurry, perhaps because his wife is pregnant and he's dealing with his own problems, and you just happen to be in the way. When you're angry, you start having all of these delusions that come from your imagination which fuel your anger. And the more you express it, the angrier you become. The second you punch something, hit something, start cursing, or start yelling, it doesn't make your anger go down. It's fuel to the fire. People think, yeah, listen, if you're an angry person, get a punching bag. However, that's the worst possible thing you can do. If you get yourself used to being physical every time you're angry, guess what? Eventually, it's not going to be a punching bag; it's going to be a person. If every time you're angry you want to hit a bag, guess what? One day, it's not going to be a bag; it's going to be a person. Maybe your wife, your kid, your boss, your customer, somebody.

9:19But that's what secular knowledge will tell you. Why? Because they want you to think, look, there are professional people that hit the bag. Also, they do it for exercise. So you should too. You should too. That's not Judaism. Anger is one of the ways that makes your imagination go crazy. The way to calm everything down is simply to become a lot more patient, even if that means you have to force yourself to become patient and to allow yourself to think before you act. Never be sporadic, never be spontaneous, never do things that way, because the minute you start doing that, you become simply a slave of the Satan. And you start thinking based on your imagination, your whole life becomes based on your imagination. You start thinking you're either over-righteous or over-wicked. Either you're too bad to do teshuva or you're too good that you don't need teshuva anymore. You're too good that no one's good enough to marry you, or that you're too bad that no one wants to marry you. You're a victim or you're too strong. Everything becomes an extreme.

10:37That's what the Chazon Ish says. We have to think, use our mind, and only utilize the imagination if the intellect is still in control.

11:37Thank you.