Why did The Vilna Gaon Cry And Laugh As His End Approached?

1:21Commentary on the understanding of the explanation of the Rambam: I commend you right now to give me the pshat, meaning the basic meaning of what is the Rambam saying here. He takes the book, looks at it for a few minutes, and says, "This is the pshat." He tells him what it says at that moment. Gaon Rav Aharon Vinra sits down. He says to his wife, "Please, I need to eat." After everything settles down, he finds out from the wife that the Gaon MeVilna has not slept for three days. For three days, he's pacing back and forth in his house. No eating, no drinking, no sleeping, nothing. Why? Because he's trying to get to the bottom of what the Rambam is saying here. Now, you may think the Gaon of Vilna is eccentric, he's crazy, he's something, but that means we're crazy. Why? Because the difference between us and the Gaon of Vilna is that he understood the significance of knowing what the Torah is saying here.

2:37What is the Rambam saying here? What is Hashem saying here? He understood the significance of it, of how it changes the world, his world, our world, every world, by actually knowing the basic understanding of what it means. What does this mean? To such an extent that as soon as he ran into something he couldn't understand, what he meant, he couldn't sleep. He couldn't allow himself to sleep. He couldn't allow himself to eat. He couldn't allow himself to drink, to do nothing. Because he understood the significance. We, Baruch Hashem, go to sleep every night with 500 questions unanswered with no problem. We sleep like babies. Why? Because we really don't understand the significance of knowing the answer. Now, why did the Gaon of Vilna get to such a point? Because he dedicated his time. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't allow himself to sleep. He couldn't allow himself to eat. He couldn't allow himself to drink, to do anything. Because he understood the significance. We, baruch Hashem, go to sleep every night with 500 questions unanswered with no problem. We sleep like babies. Why? Because we really don't understand the significance of knowing the answers. Now, why did the Gaon of Vilna get to such a point? Because he dedicated his time. throughout his entire life to such an extent that at the end of his days, when he was on his deathbed, his students testified to seeing him laughing and crying at the same time. "Why are you laughing? Why are you crying?" they ask. He says, "I'm crying because I'm leaving a world where for $20, in those days money obviously..."

4:00$20, you can make a mitzvah every second called tzitzit. For $5, you can make a mitzvah and a kiddush Hashem every second as a woman by covering your hair with the mitpachat. Every second, it's kiddush Hashem. It's a mitzvah de'oraita. Every second you have it, for $5 you can make a mitzvah. For $10-$20, you can buy a tzitzit. I'm leaving a world where every second, I can make a mitzvah for nothing. Whereas once I go to Olam Ha'emet, the eternal world, even if I give them all the money in the world, I still can't make one mitzvah. I'm leaving such a world, such a wonderful place. That's why you're crying? He goes, well no, I'm crying because not only am I leaving it, but I'm leaving it after doing calculations that in 83 years, there's a few moments. There are a few moments. There are a few moments. I don't know what I did. Since I can perform a mitzvah every single second, and this mitzvah is so valuable in the next world, I want to make sure that I utilize every second. I'm now 83 years old, and I know I'm doing the calculation. 83 years, there are a few moments in those 83 years. A few moments, I don't know what I did. I don't know if I did the mitzvah or not.

5:26Avaya, they know to have a few moments in every minute that we don't know what we did. We burn hours and hours every single day not doing anything. People tell me, "Oh, no. I've just been doing nothing all day." What do you mean doing nothing all day? "No, I just burned some time, had some coffee, went to Starbucks, went to this place, did that, watched a movie, just burned a few hours. But now I'm here." She burned a few hours like nothing. Why? Because we don't understand the value of time. So what does it mean? What's the value of actually not wasting time? His students ask him, "Okay, so now we know why you're crying, Kvoda Rav. Why are you laughing?" He says, "Because I remember reading that they say that the tzaddikim, when they pass away, they have tzaddikim to welcome them." I never knew where I stood, but now I know why. I see my father and Yaakov Avinu right here behind you. My father is telling you, "Look, look, look, look at what kind of son I'm bringing you. Look at what kind of son I'm bringing you." That's a person who didn't waste any time.

6:45First understanding: the first reason is because he understood the value, the value of knowing the truth, first and foremost. The second reason is he understood that not necessarily everything in the Torah is going to be easy to understand, but you have to fight for it because that's in essence the point, that's the purpose.