Why Your Rebuke Does Not Work?

1:17That's ego. Many times people will start doing teshuva because they want to be better, but then they'll torture their household. They'll torture their wives and husbands and kids and neighbors and everybody else by telling them what they hear in a shiur. And then they come back to me and say, "Listen, I tried doing what you say in a shiur, but it doesn't work." Wait, you tried doing everything I said in a shiur only for everybody else, not for yourself. In shiur, I didn't just say Shabbat is a violation. I also said ego is a violation. I also said a lot of other things. Middot, character trait flaws, are a violation. So all you're worried about is telling everybody else. Meaning, you want to fix everyone else except yourself. Guess what? It's not going to work. Why? Because you are doing it out of ego, not out of care for other people. You know, I'll give you a little small indication. A small indication, you can check yourself. You don't have to tell me. If you want to help people do teshuva, or you're already doing it. Okay? You're already doing it. You're rebuking people. You see somebody that's driving on Shabbat, you tell them something. You see somebody that's walking around immodestly, you tell them something. You're trying to help them. You're trying to fulfill that mitzvah. But you see it's not working.

2:43Now, maybe it's not working because perhaps Hashem wants you to do it in a different way, or Hashem wants you to try even harder, and so on and so forth. But it could also be because it's coming from ego. How do you know if it's coming from ego or not? I mean, obviously, you should know if you have an ego or not, but let's say you like to lie to yourself and deny that you have an ego. So how do you know if you actually care about these people or if you're doing it simply to prove them wrong and prove yourself right, to look better? How do you know? If you know somebody is living a life that's against Hashem, and you rebuke them, you tell them the truth, you tell them the da-da-da, and they listen, they don't listen, whatever the case is. Now, usually after the first chance, it doesn't typically work right away. Now, if you simply continue to do it just by talking, but you don't pray for them, you don't cry to Hashem, and you don't beg Hashem for mercy to open up their heart, then no, you don't truly pray for them. You don't do anything meaningful; you're just expecting them to do it your way. Guess what? That's ego. You're not genuinely trying to help them; you're just trying to look good. And it's not going to work. I mean, a broken clock is right twice a day—it may seem to work here and there. don't pray to Hashem, you don't cry to Hashem, you don't beg Hashem for mercy to open up their heart. No, you don't pray for them. You don't do anything. You're just thinking they're going to do it my way. Guess what? That's ego. You're not trying to help them. You're just trying to look good, and it's not going to work. I mean, a broken clock is right twice a day. It may work here and there.

4:01But on a larger scale, it's not going to work. Why? Because it's not coming from the right place. If you really want to help Am Yisrael do teshuva, get used to crying for them. Now, it's hard to get from zero to crying for Am Yisrael. Why? Most of them you don't even know. So what do you do? Just start praying for them, period. We're not crying. Just pray for them. Pray for Hashem to have Am Yisrael do teshuva. Do things to help Am Yisrael do teshuva. Care about people doing teshuva. The more you care about them, the more likely it is that you're going to get to a point where you actually cry to Hashem for them. But if you've never cried for Am Yisrael, it's very, very likely that your rebuke is not going to work. If you're trying to make your brother, your sister, your cousin, your mother, or whoever do teshuva, and you saw them violate Shabbat even after you told them what you told them, and you didn't pass out, just check yourself. How come it doesn't bother you? No, no, it bothers me, I told them they don't want to listen. Yeah, okay, it's not just about "I told them, they don't want to listen." How come you don't cry?

5:17How come you don't beg Hashem to give them a little bit more time and not kill them? How come you don't? Because, in essence, again, it could be that it's not coming from the right place. I mean, it could very well be that it's coming from the right place, you just don't know how to do it. But the point is, we have to make it a daily task to pray to Hashem for everyone else, not ourselves. All day we pray for ourselves. Hashem, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. Give me, give me, give me. If "give me" could be the only word in our vocabulary, we'd be perfectly happy. Just give me. Enough with "give me." Enough with "give me." No, not at all. I don't think it's enough at all. You could keep saying "give me," but also say, Hashem, please, help Am Yisrael do teshuva. Strengthen Am Yisrael. Wake them up. Use me as a vessel. Use me as a tool so at least I have a purpose in the world—to get people to do teshuva. Or even if you don't want to use me, at least get them to do teshuva so they can do Your will, so they can get to Olam Haba, get to heaven, and so on. Pray for Am Yisrael. Pray for them.

6:26Pray for them to do teshuva. Once you start praying for them, guess what? Eventually, you'll start caring about them. And not just because they're your sister or your brother or your cousin, but even if they're complete strangers. You'll start caring about them, and you'll see something miraculous happen. Your rebuke starts working. Your tochachah starts working. What you're trying to do starts getting results. But not just one-time results. The guy said, no, no, I'm going to keep Shabbat. He keeps two, three, four, five Shabbatot, and then he stops. Permanent results. Real results. But that's because it comes from a place of care. And that takes, you have to show, you have to show that you care. Not just with the words you say to them, but also the words you say to Hashem in private. In the name of Hashem, we are very excited to offer you the new Be'ezrat Hashem app 3.0. It's a newer, faster app, full of Torah, lots of kedusha, featuring the shiurim that we do, myself, Rabbi Ephraim, and Rabbi Chaim.

7:28where you'll also have new features allowing you to use the app while engaging with other applications on your phone. You'll be able to share the shiurim directly from the app. You'll also be able to donate online and support our mikdash me'at and our Torah work that we're doing. And the most exciting feature is that you'll be able to actually ask questions directly on the app and get answers from the rabbis directly from the app. This is something unprecedented, and Baruch Hashem, we will be able to offer it. Thank you again for all of your support. Check it out. Make sure you have the kosher Torah that will re-energize your neshama each and every single day. Call to b'shanah tovah l'cha.