You're Responsible for Effort NOT Outcome

1:20So, in essence, we are responsible for hishtadlut, for effort, for trying, for exerting effort. But as far as the outcome, what actually happens as a result of that effort, that is something that only Hashem can decide. You can work, not 9 to 5, but 24 hours a day, and still be poor. There are many, many people who work very, very hard, much harder than all of us put together, and they're still broke. And there are some people who barely work and are multi-millionaires. Multi-millionaires. Why? Hashem decided he's going to be a millionaire, and he's going to be broke. The outcome is not because you're a hard worker. Don't think you became rich because you're a hard worker. Don't think you became successful because you're smart. Don't think your wife is beautiful because you're so wonderful. Hashem decided this, and Hashem decided that. In essence, getting to the bottom line of your question, Hashem is responsible for the outcome. We are responsible for the effort. You are obligated as a man to try to fulfill the mitzvah of pru u'rvu, of bringing children into the world. A woman is not obligated, but obviously it's a nice partnership. So now, you're responsible to try. Whether you're going to have children or not, it's not up to you.

2:40But you have to try. And you're not allowed to stop trying until you at least fulfill the mitzvah, which means having at least one boy and one girl. This is why there's no heter to take birth control pills just because you want to have fun. You're only allowed to take birth control pills if there is a medical issue, or if you just gave birth. You must get rabbinical approval to do it, not just because you feel like having fun. No, we're still too young or we want to go on vacation this year, and I want to look good in my bikini. There's no tail. So, you have to fulfill the mitzvah of pru u'rvu because, in essence, you have to do it. So now, if two people fulfill that mitzvah, they try to bring children to the world, they do their share. There's no kid. It's not their problem; it's Hashem's problem. Either side, there's not gonna be a kid. Somebody 60 years old, 70 years old, physically, they can't bring a kid to the world. She already went through that time, she already passed that time. His seed doesn't, something can happen. Physically, it cannot happen; it's not your problem. You're responsible for effort. The outcome, that's His business. If someone understands this, everything in their life changes.

4:01Same thing obviously goes for someone who's pregnant. If a woman is pregnant, she can't get pregnant again. If she's already pregnant, the same principle applies. It's not your concern. Number one, the reason why Hashem made intimacy enjoyable is because if it wasn’t, then no one would have children. One person in the community would have a child, everyone would witness the challenges, and no one else would have children. So Hashem made it enjoyable. If He intended for you to behave like animals, it wouldn’t be enjoyable, and then no one would have any children, leading to the destruction of the world. So you made it enjoyable, which means you're supposed to enjoy it. But there's a kosher way to enjoy intimacy. You don't have to be like a lion. You can enjoy intimacy, but there's a kosher way to do it. So Hashem gave us certain amounts of privileges, certain amounts of time to spend with our wives, certain amounts of time not to spend with our wives, certain amounts of time to be together, and certain amounts of time not to be together. Certain amount of time that you can be pregnant, and a certain amount of time you can't be pregnant. The point is that as long as you are within those boundaries, your life will be wonderful. Your intimate life, your spiritual life, and material life—everything will be wonderful. As soon as you start going out of that circle and begin creating your own circle, that's when problems begin.

5:12That's when problems begin, indeed. Yeah. But is that only under the context in which you engage in a traditional sexual encounter with intent to deposit within the woman? Yes. Well, as long as you are performing intimacy in a kosher way, the semen must go in the place it's supposed to go. Otherwise, it's considered spilling seed. It's considered wasting seed. If it's going anywhere else in the body or anywhere else, then it's considered spilling seed. We learned this from Er and Onan. Er and Onan were the two children of Yehuda. They both had the same wife, Tamar. And both of them were killed by Hashem, even though this was before Matan Torah, before the Torah was given. The reason is that they both found Tamar to be extraordinarily beautiful. She was one of the most beautiful women that ever existed. They reasoned that if she got pregnant, it would ruin her beauty. So, they ejaculated but not inside her, choosing to spill their seed elsewhere. Hashem said, "Oh, you don't want to bring children into the world? Fine, I don't need you either." And so He killed both of them.

6:14This is also one of the major strongholds where we learn that wasting seed is also a sin for goyim. It's not at the same level of sin as for Jews, but it is definitely something that Hashem frowns upon and views as something detestable. So, in essence, regarding seed, you're supposed to try. Seed is supposed to go in the vagina. There is no other place that a woman can get pregnant. And as long as it's there, you're fine. Whether there's a baby or not is not your business. Whether you become rich or not, it's not your business. Whether you are going to become a Talmid Chacham or not, it's not your business. You are just supposed to try. As long as you try, they can't complain about you. You go up to Shamayim, they'll say, listen, they're not going to say, listen, Amos, why weren't you Moshe Rabbeinu? What do you mean? You made me Amos. I gave you Moshe Rabbeinu. Oh, you know what? You're right. Why don't you be Moshe Rabbeinu? You have to be Amos. That's why Rabbi Zusha said, when they would ask him, "Rabbi, what are you trying to be your whole life? What are you trying to be?" He would respond, "I'm just trying to be Zusha." What about Rabbi Akiva, Moshe Rabbeinu, or Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai? He would say, "No, no, I'm just trying to be Zusha. Just Zusha, not even Rabbi Zusha, just Zusha."

7:37Why Zusha? He said, because when I go up to Shamayim, they're not going to ask me why I wasn't Moshe Rabbeinu or why I wasn't Rabbi Akiva. They made me Zusha. I'm going to be Zusha. I'm going to be the best possible Zusha I can be. So you have to try to be the best version of yourself, not someone else. But that also means you can't waste time. You can't just spend your time with pilpulim. Pilpulim means just like mental stimulation for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It's like, you know, there's a term in English I keep forgetting. Is it entertainment? No, it's not just for entertainment. Sure, it can be entertaining, but that's not the main point. There's something deeper about it. You get the idea, though. Please, you had a question.