ABC's of Tikkun HaBrit

0:49Meaning that if we leave an opening for the Yetzer Hara, the Yetzer Hara breaks the door down. So what are the openings? First and foremost, the Gemara says in Masechet Avodah Zarah, "Don't look at evil during the day because it will come, don't look at immodesty during the day because the evil will come to you at night." So a person has to watch his eyes. You have to watch your eyes more than anything else, because anything that you see is permanently recorded in your mind, in your neshamah, and it's going to impact you. So, of course, immodesty is everywhere. But you don't get punished or even give the Yetzer Hara an opening for a first look that happens. You get punished for a second glance. for staring, for staying looking, meaning you see something and you don't look away. So you have to train yourself to look away immediately as soon as you see immodesty, as if you just, I don't know, saw something disgusting. So you have to make sure you train your eyes. This takes a little bit of time, but nonetheless, it's very much possible.

1:50Second, a person needs to educate themselves about this subject. While the first step of teshuvah is to stop, obviously, the purposeful sin, the second step is to put a geder, to put a... The offense, or the "fence," is to educate yourself enough about the sin to make sure that you don't ever do it purposefully or unintentionally by watching the shiurim or listening to the shiurim on a regular basis—not like once in a blue moon, but on a regular basis. Every guy needs to listen to these shiurim for at least 5, 10, 20, or 30 minutes a day, depending on their stage of their teshuvah. But every day, they have to get a little bit of Mussar about this topic because when it comes to arayot, it means that nobody is above the issues of morality. Even if people have been watching your behavior for 20 years, you still have to keep that fence strong. So, you have to listen to those shiurim and make sure that you're very, very much aware of the issue. There's also books. If you're a...

3:03fluent Hebrew reader. There are some books there too, but the shiurim combination with the books is always good because sometimes listening to a voice hits the neshamah more than words on a piece of paper. Sometimes the opposite, whatever affects your neshamah. So the shiurim is a second step. Third step is to, once you've learned enough about the topic, make sure that you are protecting yourself at night. Now, how do you protect yourself at night? There are certain things you need to do. Number one, don't eat big meals before you go to sleep. So that's the first thing. Second, don't eat spicy food. Third, when you go to sleep, before you go to sleep, say the Shema Yisrael. The Shema L'mitah helps you and also has a special prayer on top of it. Ask Hashem to protect you during the night so nothing harmful occurs. Next step is to start your night by sleeping on your left side. Okay, this is a very big must. The Shulchan Aruch says, even if you see your father sleeping on his back, you have to wake him up, even though it's something that would look like a violation of Kibud Av Va'em.

4:10But the Shulchan Aruch says it's not. And the reason why is because when a guy sleeps on his back, it's Pikuach Nefesh. Pikuach Nefesh means it's a life risk because seed could come out if he stays on his back for an extended period of time. You can't sleep on your back, and you can't sleep on your stomach, which means that sleep becomes much less comfortable. But you have to do it. And obviously, this is something that takes training because, in the beginning, While you're going to sleep, it's easy to lie on your left or your right, whatever it is. But while you're sleeping, if you try to stay on your left or your right, you lose control over your body. The most important thing is to stay on your left side when you have control. Over time, you'll stay that way the whole night. So that's something very important. Next step is, what do you do while you're awake? Now, sometimes guys get excited for different reasons. They saw something on the internet, on some screen, or in real life. These are different things that a person needs to overcome. Even if he's doing well right now, he has to already know these things so he's prepared. So if he ever gets aroused and he's a single guy, then run to a cold shower. Take a cold shower because a normal human body loses arousal with cold water. If that's not possible, let's say you're at work, you're in an office, you can't take a cold shower, then you have to exert energy. Start doing some pushups, sit-ups, things like that to exert your energy. Now, if neither one of those options is available, let's say, for example, you're an Uber driver,

5:17then run to a cold shower. Take a cold shower because a normal human body loses its arousal with cold water. If that's not possible, let's say you're at work and you're in an office, you can't take a cold shower, then you have to exert energy. Start doing some push-ups, sit-ups, things like that to exert your energy. Now, if neither one of those options is available, let's say, for example, you're an Uber driver, and you can't, you know, take a cold shower. You can't do push-ups because you're in the middle of the highway. If you can't do either of those, then your option number three, as Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai advises, is to inflict a small amount of pain on yourself. What kind of pain? Take, you know, your fingers and pinch yourself in a very sensitive spot, either behind the wrist or behind the leg. Not to the point of bleeding or causing any lasting harm, Chas V'Shalom, but enough pain to cause a distraction and reduce arousal. where you realize that you lose the arousal because a normal human body loses its arousal when it experiences pain. And again, I'm saying normal. There are some sadistic people out there who want the opposite. But if you're a normal person, this should be enough. This is how to deal with it during the day. Obviously, listening to shiurim and so on, with or without this has to happen. But the point is that you have to know how to deal with it.

6:43After that, you have to make sure that you've learned enough about the sin to understand the magnitude of the damage a person created. It doesn't matter if they were a teenager, and it doesn't matter even if they were nine years old. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says that it's an issur, and that this is the only sin for which He punishes a person regardless of the age at which they committed it. This means that every person needs to do teshuva for it. You know, Pagam HaBrit is a very big deal in Shamayim. HaKadosh Baruch Hu destroyed the world. Time of Noach because of chamas. So a person needs to do teshuva for this issue. How do they do teshuva aside from stopping, aside from making sure they don't do it again? They have to help people do teshuva. How do you help people do teshuva? You could share the shiurim that we have on our site. You could do that for free. You could sponsor CDs. We actually have CDs coming out with just talks about—and I believe it's the first time in history that there's a CD about this in English that's coming out next month. And so, you could sponsor CDs. There's also the option of just sharing the lectures that we have online for free, sharing the lectures that...

7:53We do live. The point is that you could utilize platforms like WhatsApp and Facebook—all of these different social media channels need to be used for a positive purpose, not just to waste life. So, there's a myriad of ways to share this Torah to encourage others to do teshuvah for this issue. The reason why is because this is the only true way for us to rectify what we've done in the past. Next step is tikkun ha'brit. The tikkun ha'brit involves giving money for the sake of every time we wasted seed. Now, the average person has no idea how many times they did it, especially if they only discovered that this is even considered a sin when they're in their mid-20s, 30s, or 40s. So tikkun ha'brit can be quite costly, but is nonetheless necessary for every person to do as much as they possibly can. It means that Hashem is not going to punish someone for things that they can't do, but He will hold them accountable for things they can do and choose not to do. So we have a campaign that talks about exactly what it means, how much to give, purpose, and so on. I'll send you the information you can review. In so many words, a person should make this particular type of donation a permanent part of their teshuvah. Meaning, if they have done it as many times as the average teenager does, this is something they need to contribute to as often as they can.

9:12once a month, twice a month, once a quarter, whatever it is, whatever they can give. And again, this is for themselves. It's not for anybody else. This is simply a person doing Tikkun HaBrit, which is not only helping people and not only helping his own neshama undo the damage that he did, but with our particular campaign, since we're using the money to publicize shiurim about this issue, it's also helping him do kiruv. So that's the next thing. The last thing is to make sure that he understands enough about the sin so that he prays to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and cries about it. He cries about every time that he sinned; he cries about this issue, realizing the damage he’s done because it causes significant harm. Now, of course, a person is not going to be able to cry about it at the beginning because he doesn't even realize why it's so bad. This understanding takes a little bit of time. But he needs to learn about this topic because it's critical. It's critical for him to know it. Obviously, you need to get married. But marriage is not a solution. Marriage is just a way to contain it.

10:17If a person does not know how to control himself, even if he's married to 20 wives, it's not going to be enough. None of that stuff is a solution; people think that marriage is a solution. Marriage is a way to contain it to a certain extent, but guys that don't have control, whether they're married or not, it doesn't make a difference. I have plenty of guys that I deal with and try to help with this issue that are married, and when they come to me, they're addicted to it worse than teenagers. The problem only deteriorates over time, so it's very important to take it seriously. Like I said, at night, make sure that you don't watch anything inappropriate before you go to sleep or at all. Make sure that you sleep on your left side. Don't eat a big meal before you go to sleep. Don't eat spicy food. Sleep on your left. Also, have a special prayer for Hashem to help you. During the night, this is why the tefillah that is part of Kriyat Shema Al HaMitah... mentions that Shlomo HaMelech had all of these guards around his bed. Why did he have all these guards around his bed? To protect him from all the demons that come to affect a person, to make him waste seed.

11:26was scared to go to sleep, and so was David, because of all that. He kept all petrified of going to sleep for an extended period of time. Oh, and last but not least, don't sleep too much. You know, you could sleep five, six, seven hours, whatever you need to sleep, but don't be like one of those teenagers that have long binges of sleep, you know, 10 hours. It's very bad to sleep very long, and also try not to eat very much during the day. you know, more than a half hour, hour, let's say on Shabbat, that's enough. Don't sleep a long time during the day because that's also a problem. And that's it. Learn a lot of Torah, learn Gemara, and you'll succeed in a very big way.

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