Are Parents Destroying Their Kids? (Must Watch For Parents)

0:09There's a well-known Bukharian rabbi in Eretz Yisrael. He has some really emotional stories. And he says one time, in his shiur, he sees this young kid, Kavkazi kid, and in his shiur, comes to every shiur, comes to every shiur, dedicated. One day, the kid says to the rabbi, "Rabbi, I need to talk to you." Comes to him. "Yeah, what can I do? What happened? Everything's great. Listen, Rabbi, I love you. You changed my life. Doing teshuva, tefillin, everything. I'm sorry, I can't come to the shiur no more." "What? Usually it's the opposite. Usually change your life. Come to the shiur." "No, Rabbi, I'm sorry. My father..." The kid says to the rabbi, "Rabbi, I need to talk to you." He comes to him and says, "Yeah, what can I do? What happened? Everything's great." "Listen, Rabbi, I love you. You changed my life. Doing teshuva, tefillin, everything. I'm sorry, I can't come to the shiur no more." "What? Usually, it's the opposite. Usually, you change your life and come to the shiur." "No, Rabbi, I'm sorry. My father..." He hates it. He says, every time I'm doing teshuvah, it's the worst thing in the world. I'm ruining everything. That's not the way we are. Our family, we're religious in our heart. Don't start telling people to keep Shabbat, this, that. No, you're not allowed to go to shiur. I forbid you from going to this Rabbi's shiur. I had one time a talmid.

1:30A Russian guy came to me, an atheist. After three shiurim, he became Shomer Shabbat, Shomer mitzvot, and started learning every day. Baruch Hashem, he learned HaKadosh Baruch Hu is real. He told his mom in Eretz Yisrael, "Ima, I did teshuva." His mom started crying. She goes, "Oh, I wish you started doing cocaine instead." I'm telling you, he told me this. I said, it's a joke, right? He said, no, this is the word she used. He said, my mom told me, "I wish you became addicted to drugs instead of doing teshuva." Some people, they're so far from HaKadosh Baruch Hu that they think it's a bad thing. Shem yirachem. Imagine living your whole life thinking that Hashem is bad. That's already a punishment of its own. Now, this young kid tells the rabbi... Rabbi, I can't come to the shiur because my father says it's no good. It's not our family. We don't become rabbis in the family. We are grandfathers of rabbis. That's it. We work. We do our thing. That's it. We're religious in our heart. So Rabbi, I can't come. He says, listen, you got to stay strong, this, that. Next time is shiur. A week later, the kid comes. But...

2:48A surprise comes with him also. This hothead, Kavkazi old man, just looks at the rabbi like this, points to the rabbi, "I want to talk to you." Rabbi comes to him and goes, "Yes." He goes, "Listen, you don't know who I am. You know, like one of those tough guys. You don't know who you're dealing with here. But I'm telling you, my son, your shiur, no more." Don't mess with me. He says, what do you want me to tell him— not to come? He comes. Tell him to come. What do you want from his life? Let him learn Torah. He goes, listen to me. Talks to him like an avaryan, like a gangster. He goes, listen to me. My son, your shiur, no more. Don't mess with me. He goes, I'm not going to tell your son not to come. You don't know what you're dealing with here. Warns him a mash. What's the Rabbi going to do? He didn't say anything. But unfortunately, the kid saw this. Next shiur, he didn't come.

3:48Another week passed; he didn't come. Another week passed; he didn't come. Another week passed; he didn't come. Kid, what are you going to do? Your father goes against it. This one goes against it. It happened to me over here two months ago. Young kid, Baruch Hashem, started doing teshuva. His father ruined the whole thing. Had a whole argument with his father. His father ruined the whole thing. The kid, Hashem, what he is right now. not even a kid, he's 25 years old, but still has the influence of it under his father. Anyway, hopefully, he's watching this part because the finishing of this story gives you guys an idea of what's going on. So, after a couple of months, the kid's neshama, one day the Rabbi gets a phone call. He picks up the phone. Who is it? The gangster father. Kvoda Rav, I beg you to please come to my home for the levayah of my son. My son died, Hashem Yerachem. The Rabbi comes, he sees everybody's crying. The kid is young, he's 20, 25 years old, young, a little baby.

5:12sees. The father is hysterical and he sees the rabbi and he goes up to the rabbi, and he goes, "Why didn't you yell at me? Why didn't you yell at me? Why didn't you hit me? Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you force me? I killed my son. I killed my son. I killed my son." He says, "What happened? The kid stopped doing Teshuvah. He went back to his old life. What was his old life? Drugs, alcohol, parties, ecstasy, clubs, promotion, demotion, Hashem Yirachem. Okay, he went to that life. One day he did a little bit too many drugs, overdosed, that's it, finished, died. The father says, I killed my son. Why would I rather have a dead son over here, or Hashem, a kid that's a rabbi now? A kid that's a Baal Teshuva, keeps Shabbat, what's the big deal? The rabbi says, I felt so bad for the guy, but there's nothing anyone can ever do. For the rest of his life, for eternity, he's going to have to live with the fact that he murdered his son. Hashem.

6:18And all of these parents that live today, that are sending their kids to public school in America, public school in Israel, public school in Europe, or send them to go do whatever they want, give them complete freedom to watch TV, surf the internet, act like a goy, be like a goy. When they hear mussar, they want to start doing teshuva, and the parents stop them. The parents discourage them. The parents tell them, "You're a fanatic. Don't listen to this rabbi." Guess what? In Shamayim, you are a murderer. In this world, eventually, you will be one also. Why? Because you're murdering your kids. You're murdering your kids. What would you rather have? A kid that's a fanatic about Hashem or fanatic about some Game Boy? Fanatic about guns? Fanatic about girls? Fanatic about sports? Fanatic about money? Fanatic about all the garbage of the world? Instead of being fanatic about Hashem, what would you rather be? Alva, your kid becomes fanatic about a sham, but you're not gonna let him guess what in Shamayim. They're gonna make you see that, and you're gonna suffer seriously for such a thing. Why? Because you're murdering your own kids. Some parents don't want to do teshuvah. I got a kid who came to me once. He was in his late 20s, 27 or 28 years old. He came to one shiur that I gave once.

7:41A Jew goes to shul every day, learns Torah, does mitzvot, watches himself, gets blessed. He gets blessed because he watches his brit. Once he started watching his brit... A Jew goes to shul every day, learns Torah, and does mitzvot. He watched himself and got blessed. He got blessed because he watched his brit. Once he started watching his brit... 28 years, he's whining and dining, never finds somebody he wants to get married to. He washes his plate one year later. He finds a bat Yisrael. He's married now, Baruch Hashem. Married now, expecting kids, Ishtar Baruch Hashem. How are you gonna find a bat Yisrael in this Sodom and Gomorrah we live in? Sodom and Gomorrah we live in. This guy found a bat Yisrael. One shiur he went to. Now, why do I tell you these stories? Many of those, Baruch Hashem. Why do I tell you this story? His mom...

8:47empty, no religious connection whatsoever. She walks around like she's... what? She walks around like that, but she has merit. When he started doing teshuva, she didn't get in the way. She said, "You want to do it? That's good for you. Go for it. If it makes you happy to be close to Hashem, go for it." No problem. She has merit. Why? Even though she didn't do teshuva herself, she has merit. Why? One of her sons, a full Baal teshuva, Baruch Hashem. So we're not saying that because your kid's doing teshuva, you have to become a rabbi as a parent. But don't get in the way at least. You should be a rabbi as a parent. You should be a Baal teshuva too. That's one of the nevua of the end of days that Hashem says the kids are going to make the parents do teshuva. At the very least, don't get in the way of the kids that are trying to do teshuvah. A lot of kids are doing teshuvah from our shiurim. It's amazing how they hear one or two shiurim, and that's it—they're finished. Their souls are still pure; they're not as filthy as some of us adults from all the sins we've committed. So one or two shiurim are enough; they already want to do teshuvah.

10:08They're already scared. You don't have to teach them about Gehinnom five times. One time you mention Gehinnom, they're scared for the rest of their life. Unless they're addicted to wasting seed, then that makes it a little bit more difficult. But the point is, Abotai, is that all of these stories, all of these things, they've happened. Hashem gives each one of us warnings in different ways. If each one of us delves into our own past, you'll see that Hashem is giving you many, many different warnings before He gave you a slap. ...doesn't just slap for no reason. He gives you a warning shot and sometimes another warning shot, and sometimes He gives you a punch. Why? Either because you're not getting the point, or perhaps you're a special soul that doesn't have the luxury of time. He wants you to do teshuva now. He wants you to do teshuva now, not when you're 47, and already half your life is behind you... He wants you to do teshuva now, already in your early 20s. Why? You apparently have that stature of cheshbon. Maybe there's something you're supposed to do. Whatever it is. I don't know. I'm not going to pretend to be Hashem here. All I can tell you is some people get their sign later in life.

11:20Some people get their sign early in their life, but everybody gets signs; everybody gets a message. And every time you press snooze on that message and you ignore Hashem, you can rest assured that the next time He talks to you, the next time He gives you a message, it'll be much more painful. It'll continue to become more painful until a person, chas v'shalom, runs out of time. or a person listens and starts doing teshuva. I'll write that we use these Ten Days of Repentance and this Yom Kippur as a day to truly commit to HaKadosh Baruch Hu that once and for all, we are going to do teshuva. Once and for all, we're committed to changing, not just for the things that are obvious, but the things that are not so obvious. Not just for the things that are simple, but also for the things that are difficult for us. but also for the things that we don't know about but commit to learn about. Not just for the things that we like that the rabbi said and it sounded funny, but also for the things that we don't like and the rabbi said and we're going to do anyway. That's what got Eliezer, Eved Avraham, to the extent of going from being an arur, a cursed, but the things that are not so obvious. Not just for the things that are simple, but also for the things that are difficult for us.

12:24Not for the things that we just know about but also for the things that we don't know about but commit to learn about. Not just for the things that we like that the rabbi said and it sounded funny, but also for the things that we don't like and the rabbi said and we're gonna do anyway. That's what got Eliezer, Eved Avraham, to the extent of going from being an arur, a cursed Canaanite to being a Baruch. Going to Olam HaBa alive with his clothes on, he never died. Eliezer, the servant of Avraham Avinu, is one of ten people that went to Olam HaBa alive. Halvai, all of us should go there, even dead, to Olam HaBa, Gan Eden. Halvai, it's good enough. He went there alive with his clothes on, with his suit on. How come when Avraham came to Eliezer, Eliezer told him, "I have a daughter for your son"? Yitzchak needs to get married. I have a daughter, my daughter. She's a perfect girl, a beautiful girl. She grew up in my own house, a tzadika. Let her marry your son. Avraham says, your daughter can never marry my son Yitzchak. Why? You're a Canaanite. You are arur. You're a cursed nation. I am baruch. I'm Avraham Avinu. I'm

13:49The descendant of Shem, descendant of Shem, am baruch, Hashem blessed us. You, cursed, can never be together, Hashem says no. Now, who is Eliezer at this moment? Eliezer was first in command after Avraham Avinu. He fulfilled the entire Torah, Eliezer. Whenever Avraham Avinu couldn't give a shiur, Eliezer would teach Torah. So you would think, I tell somebody, "Listen, you're cursed. I'm blessed." All of a sudden, he says, "I'm blessed, I'm cursed. Okay, I'm fine. I quit, I quit. I did Teshuvah already. You still call me cursed? I quit." Eliezer, what do you say when Avraham Avinu says, "You're cursed, and I'm blessed"? What did Eliezer say? "Chazak u'Baruch, you're right. You're right." But he didn't just say the words in his heart. He didn't get offended because he knew this is Da'at Torah. He knew his rabbi said it. That's Da'at Torah. Even though it sounds offensive, it sounds not good, it's Da'at Torah kadosh. That's what the rabbi says. The rabbi says. In his heart, in his heart, he didn't get offended.

15:04Hashem says, you didn't get offended by the truth, you will never die. You go to Olam Haba alive. You turn into Baruch. You were Arur, now you're Baruch. You turn into Baruch. Why? Because you took the Emet and you didn't get offended. You didn't get offended by the Emet, you're now Baruch. You're now Baruch. Sometimes Mussar, sometimes rebuke, sometimes the Emet is offensive. To your yetzer hara. Your yetzer hatov is never offended by the emet. If you let the yetzer hatov take control of the steering wheel, you're never going to be offended. But if you let the yetzer hara take control of the steering wheel, you'll be offended by everything. You're only going to like the mitzvot that are easy for you. Shabbat you keep, you're going to love that mitzvah. Taharat hamishpacha you keep, you're going to love that mitzvah. But stealing at work... Since you do it, no, no, this rabbi is crazy. No, no, come on, no text message? What, three text messages is stealing? Come on, rabbi. No, what do you think of this generation? Moshe Rabbeinu thinks that's okay. No, no, everything that I do is okay. Everything I don't do is not okay.