Daily Chidush: Getting MIXED Messages From Different Rabbis

0:47So this week's parasha, Parashat Chayei Sarah, we learn a few interesting things. The whole story of Sarah Imeinu comes to an end where she goes to the next world, and Avraham Avinu, alav ha-shalom, cries for her for a period of time and then immediately gets up and moves on to bury her body in accordance with Hashem's law. Now, without wasting a moment, he goes to find a grave site for her that's respectable, that's honorable, and that's at her level. And he spares no expense by going to Efron, the wicked, and the people that were around him, saying, find me Efron. in accordance with Hashem's law. Now, without wasting a moment, he goes to find a gravesite for her that's respectable, that's honorable, and that's at her level. And he spares no expense by going to Ephron, the wicked, and the people that were around him, saying, find me Ephron, The son of Tzohar, let him grant me the Cave of Machpelah, which is his, on the edge of his field. Let him grant it to me for its full price as an estate for a burial site. And then Efron responds after he meets him and says, "No, my lord, heed me. I have given you the field." Efron says, "No, I'm giving it to you. You don't have to buy it. You're a man of God. You're the...

2:15...of God, you are the president and the prince of Hashem. I don't understand why you'd have to buy anything from me. I'm giving it to you, and he does this in full view of the children of his people. But then shortly later, Ephron comes to Avraham, and it says in Genesis, chapter 23, verse 14... and if one replied to Avraham saying to him, "My lord, heed me. Land worth 400 silver shekels between you and me, what is it? Bury your dead." Wait a minute, didn't you just say that you're giving it to me? Didn't you just say I'm a prince of God? Didn't you just say in front of everyone that this is all for free? All of a sudden, you're saying I have to pay 400 silver shekels? 400 shekels, silver shekels, which according to the math that Chazal did, if we look at it today, it's talking about millions and millions of dollars, much more than what it was worth. And he's saying not only that, Ephron is saying, between you and me, what's 400? Like it's nothing for you. You're a billionaire, Avraham, everybody knows. What's 400 shekels to you?

3:37So here we see something very interesting. We see that a person changes his mind just like people do today. When a politician goes on stage and tells everybody, "I promise you change, I promise change, I promise change to the public," he promises change. And then, when it comes to private moments and it's time to sign the document, to sign the dotted lines, there's no change, there's no line, nothing. Same thing when you have a contractor. A contractor comes to you and says, "Listen, look at my portfolio. I did this job, and I did that job, and I did this job." In reality, the entire portfolio that he has is just stuff that he stole from a magazine. He didn't do any of those jobs because if he actually showed you his real jobs, you'd see that they're all 75% complete. As soon as he got the money, he didn't come anymore. So, you see, the times haven't really changed. As Shlomo HaMelech says, "There is nothing new under the sun." And Ephron said one thing in front of people and something different when he was in private. And then you see the same thing happen later on with Avraham Avinu's top student at the time, Eliezer, who goes and looks for a shidduch for Avraham's son, Yitzchak. And after seeing the signs and getting the signs that he was asking Hashem to show him, Eliezer finds Rivka, and he gives her a gift right away.

5:05Eliezer finds Rivka, and he gives her a gift right away, and he asks, "Who is your father?" He meets with her family, and they make a whole feast, inviting him to join them. Eliezer doesn't waste any time, just like Avraham didn't with Ephron or the sons of Chet when he was seeking Ma'aras HaMachpelah, the Cave of Machpelah. Eliezer, the student of his Rebbe... Avraham, he doesn't wait three times. He goes, and in verse 49, chapter 24, it says, "And now, if you intend to do kindness and truth with my master, tell me; and if not, tell me so I may turn to the right or to the left." He is speaking to Lavan and Betuel. And to the family, if you're going to do kindness to my master Avraham and give me your daughter Rivka to marry his son, then tell me right now. I don't want to eat or waste time with wining and dining. I'm not a politician, contractor, or businessman. I'm here to find a wife for my master's son. If you're going to do it, tell me right now. If you are, I'll eat with you, dine with you, or whatever you want. But let's get to business.

6:32Let's cut to the chase. In the beginning, it says, "Then Lavan and Betuel answered and said, 'The matter stemmed from Hashem. We can say to you neither bad nor good.'" Saying to him, listen, you're saying that you got all these signs from Hashem? We can't say if it's good or bad. It's Hashem. We have emunah. We believe. We do. We go to Beit Knesset at least a few times a year. We do tefillin at least a few times a year. We eat kosher when you're here. You know, we believe. We believe in our heart. Whatever. You say you've got a sign from Hashem? Whatever you want. Just eat. Just eat, my friend. But then... The Midrash tells us the reason why they wanted him to eat is because they saw how much money Eliezer came with. He had ten camels with employees carrying loads of gold, silver, diamonds, and all types of wonderful things. He came in before he even knew if Rivka was going to be accepted as the wife for his master's son.

7:48He already gave her gold; he already gave her presents. They said, "This guy has so much money. Let's just take him out. Let's be nice to him, wine and dine him, throw a couple of bits of poison in the soup, and that's it. Finish, khalas, we're done. We take everything he has, and that's it." So in reality, in the beginning, they would just come, "Listen, we believe, we believe," not because they truly believed. ...believed in killing him, and Chazal tells us that at this moment they put poison. This is why, after they finished eating and when they went in the morning, in verse 54... They ate and they drank, he and the men who were with him, and they spent the night. When they arose the next morning, he said, send me to my master. So the next morning, Eliezer says, okay, send me to my master. But then we find out something very interesting. Her brother and mother said, let the maiden remain with us a year or ten months. Wait a minute, what's happening here? First of all, we see on a plain verse, that is a major change here. Number one, they changed their mind. They said, let Rivkah stay here for ten months or a year. What happened to sending her away? But even more interestingly, is in the previous verses, it says that Lavan and Betuel, the father of Lavan, the brother of Rivkah, and Betuel, her father, were the ones that responded. But here it says the brother and the mother. Where's the father? Chazal explains to us that the father, Betuel, died.

9:10That is a major change here. Number one, they changed their mind. They said, let Rivka stay here for ten months or a year. What happened to sending her away? But even more interestingly, in the previous verses, it says that Lavan and Betuel, the father, Lavan, the brother of Rivka, and Betuel, her father, were the ones that responded. But here it says the brother and the mother. Where's the father? Chazal explains to us that the father, Betuel, died. Because Hashem sent an angel from Shamayim to switch the bowls and make sure that Betuel, the rasha, drank the poison that he was planning on giving Eliezer. So now that he died, Lavan has a problem. Because he really didn't mean to send his sister. All he wanted was the gold; all he wanted was the diamonds. But now he says, listen, let her stay with us for ten months or a year to mourn our father. Eliezer says, don't delay me. Do not delay me now that Hashem has made my journey successful. Send me, and I will go to my master. Let's stop wasting time. And then, all of a sudden, Lavan says, let us call the maiden. Let us call Rivka and ask her decision. Listen, I really don't have much of a choice. I already said yes. Now you're saying, you know, you want to go right now. I don't have much. So maybe, since I didn't really ask Rivka if she wanted to go in the first place.

10:40Let me ask her. Hopefully, she's going to say no. Hopefully, she's going to say no. Give him some money. He's got his back against the wall. They asked Rivkah in verse 58. They called Rivkah and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" And she said, "I will go." So here, Lavan has no option but to let her go. But now we have a few questions. "We have a few very interesting questions. First and foremost, anyone who knows or has ever met a Jew knows the number one trait that the entire world knows about Jews is that we know how to do business. So, what kind of businessman is Avraham, and let alone, what kind of businessman is Eliezer, where they show all of their cards on day one? Avraham comes and says to the sons of Chet, he says, listen," I'm looking for Me'arat HaMachpelah, and I'm willing to pay the full price for it. And Eliezer says, I'm looking for this girl, and I'm willing to pay any price for it. The teacher and the student do the same thing. Where are the negotiations? Where is the wisdom? What's happening here?

11:55So first and foremost, we have to understand that Avraham, just like he did everything in the previous parashot, with full emunah, nothing has changed. When Hashem told him, "Listen, I want you to bring your son, your only son, the one you love, Yitzchak, as an offering," London, ask any questions. Oh, wait, Hashem. You know, listen. He's the One. He's the only One. He's the One who said my descendants are gonna come from, they're gonna be like the stars of the heaven, they're gonna be great, they're gonna be amazing. What happened? Did You change Your mind, Hashem? Didn't You say that You don't change Your mind? What happened? Didn't You tell me to start telling everybody else to stop killing their kids for false offerings? Offerings to their false gods. No, I didn’t do any of that. As soon as I said it, it actually said that Avraham woke up extra early in the morning to go do the mitzvah that Hashem commanded him to do. It didn’t matter that he didn’t understand. The same concept goes here. Avraham knows that he has a mitzvah to do. He has to bury his wife.

13:08And as I heard as a chidush from Rabbi Shai Tahan, which was a very nice chidush, the reason why you're not negotiating is the very same reason why Eliezer is not negotiating. When you want the world to know that what you're doing is extremely valuable, you don't look at the price. You don't look at the opinions of others. Oh, he paid too much. Oh, he did this. Oh, he should do that. You don't care about any of that. You go for the top. As a matter of fact, Eliezer wanted to make sure he pays extra just to make sure that Rivka knows that she's important. Rivka needs to know that she's going to the most important person on earth. Ephron needs to know, and all of the people need to know, that there's no price that's too expensive for our matriarch, our tzadeket—the one who taught us that beauty does not necessarily have to come at a price; that beauty doesn't necessarily need to be shared with the world where we need to expose our skin and make sure that everybody knows what we look like naked.

14:21Sarai Imeinu is known for her modesty despite being noted as the most beautiful woman that ever lived. This is why the malachim, when they came to Avraham Avinu's house, asked, "Where is your wife?" What, the angels don't know where his wife is? Of course, they know. But she's so modest that she understood she couldn't even hang out with the men. Her husband was with these men, and she needed to be in her place, as it was not modest for her to just hang out with the men, who were strangers. It's not my father. It's not my brother. They're just some strangers. It's not like today where a girl is having the football party with the guys because they're friends. So we see, modesty is not just clothing, but also behavior. And if the Torah is telling us about someone like that, for it says, the kavod (honor) of Hashem for someone like that, there's no price that's too much. There's no negotiations. There's no negotiation that's needed. And he's going into it with complete emunah because he knows that no person has ever lost, nor will ever lose, by having emunah in Hashem and acting accordingly. Not being one of those people who say, yeah, yeah, I have emunah, I have emunah, but then can't sleep at night because they're not sure where next week's rent is coming from. Emunah means trusting in Hashem fully and living your life in harmony with that trust.

15:41or one of these people that says, "Yeah, yeah, I have Emunah, I have Emunah," but they have to work overtime because, hey, listen, you've got to pay the bills and the vacation, and sometimes you have to skip Shiur Torah. No, my friends, there's no such thing as skipping Shiur Torah. There's no such thing as overtime either. Why? Because you have to prioritize in your life. If you have emunah, you know that you don't need to work overtime. Your parnassah is already dictated from Shamayim. As it says in the Gemara, Masechet Beitzah, Masechet Rosh Hashanah, in a couple of different places, your parnassah is dictated from Shamayim on Rosh Hashanah until Rosh Hashanah. So nonetheless, you have here Avraham Avinu working with complete emunah, and his student is doing the same. doing and living with a hundred percent Emunah and his student is doing the same. And this is why they don't need to negotiate. But then, you see that after Eliezer leaves with Rivka, we see towards the end of the parasha that Rivka sees from far away this man.

16:55It says in verse 64, chapter 24, verse 64, "And Rivka raised her eyes and saw Yitzchak. She inclined while upon the camel, and she said to the servant, to Eliezer, 'Who is that man walking in the field towards us?' And the servant said, 'He is my master.' And she then took the veil and covered herself." Why did Rivka cover herself? What did she need to cover herself for? She's just going to meet her future husband. If anything, she should go dancing like they do today in the clubs, no? No, my friends. Rivka knew this is an important man. This is a man that she's going to spend the rest of her life with. This is a man that's holy. And his eyes cannot be tainted by anything that's not holy. She knew that immediately she had to cover herself, which leads me to the point of this entire shiur. My student called me today and told me something heartbreaking. She said she just came back from a convention with all of these big rabbis, and I would tell them, "People, listen..."

18:18... this you should do, that you should do, this you have when the issue of modesty came up. Very lightweight, saying, "Listen, don't tell people that they should be modest because the women that are not modest are causing other people to sin." Absolutely not! Never tell them that. Tell them... They're nice, tell them that they're holy, tell them that it's good for them, and all of this lightweight stuff, as we all know, and anyone who's already been listening to me for the last 19 minutes knows, doesn't work. No one starts doing teshuva because you tell them, "Listen, it's nice for you to do teshuva. It's nice for you to start putting clothes on." If they agreed with you, they would have already done it. So the question this holy woman is asking me is, what happened to the rabbis? Why aren't they telling people the consequences that it says in the Torah about lack of modesty? Why doesn't anybody talk about Parashat Balak, verse 1, chapter 25?

19:40Israel settled in the Shittim, and the people began to commit harlotry with the daughters of Moab. Here we learn something extraordinary. We see that Hashem put us in a wonderful situation, giving us the Torah, offering us a second chance after we committed idol worship. He continually granted us opportunities to be the chosen people, even after we had complained countless times in the desert. Yet, when it came to the sin of immodesty, he didn't warn us, he didn't say stop it. put us in a wonderful situation by giving us the Torah, offering us a second chance after we engaged in idol worship, granting us opportunities even after we've complained countless times in the desert, and choosing us to be the chosen people. And yet, when it came to the sin of immodesty, He didn't warn us; He didn't say, "Stop it." Hey, don't do that! No! Immediately, it says that Hashem punished Am Yisrael and killed 24,000 of us in an instant. And it was only stopped because of the zealousness of Pinchas. When he took the spear and killed the leader of all the people of Shimon who were leading the sin.

20:59Him and the woman that he was with—Zimri and Kozbi. The zealousness of Pinchas saved the nation. But there was no warning here. There was no warning whatsoever. Why aren't the rabbis mentioning that? Why aren't the rabbis mentioning that, hey, your immodesty is not only bad for you, it's bad for everyone around you? Because when a man looks at a woman who is not modest, he is sinning. Even if he does not act on this sin with you, he will go home, and even if he has a wife, he will be thinking about you. The Gemara discusses the seriousness of this sin to such an extent that there is a machloket, meaning there is a debate about whether a man who is thinking about another woman...

22:00While he's intimate with his own wife, whether the son is considered his son or not, or her son or not, whether it's considered the mom is there, whether it's considered a legitimate child one way or another, we know it's a problematic child. Why did the Rabbis mention this? The Rabbis mention at the beginning of Masechet Sotah that... Man is given a woman based on his actions. If he's righteous, he gets a modest woman, and if he's wicked, he gets an immodest woman. Why isn't it that if he's righteous, he gets a righteous woman, and if he's wicked, he gets a wicked woman? Why is it modest and immodest? Because Rashi explains to us... he's righteous, he's gonna get a woman that's modest because she's much more likely to be righteous. But, if he's wicked, he's gonna get someone that's not modest. Why? Because if she's not modest, it's impossible for her to ever be righteous in the eyes of Hashem. In the eyes of people, it is meaningless, my friends—meaningless. What people think is good or bad is meaningless in heaven.

23:18It's what God decreed, what God said. And if Hashem is Hashem of the Torah, He's Hashem all the time. The same rules He gave us 3,300 years ago that did not allow immodesty apply today. So, to answer the question: of why aren't rabbis, especially some notable rabbis, mentioning that modesty is a really big problem? Generally, it's treated as a very lightweight issue. It's like being told to be nice. It's for the same reason why they don't tell you that someone who violates Shabbat by driving to shul is not only not considered someone fulfilling a mitzvah by praying in the shul, but also is not even considered a part of the minyan because he's considered, according to halacha, according to the Rambam, according to

24:20Zohar, according to the Gemara in Masechet Shabbat, and according to the Shulchan Aruch in seven different places, as well as according to the Five Books of Moses in Parashat Ki Tisa, Parashat Ki Tavo, Parashat Bechukotai, and several other places—pretty much in every single book that's ever written about Shabbat—show that someone who drives to shul on Shabbat is considered a hundred percent idol worshiper. So the fact that he's driving to shul is meaningless. He's not making a mitzvah because his prayers are not answered. As a matter of fact, if he says Kaddish, you're not allowed to say Amen. So why aren't the rabbis saying that? Why is this guy... that just did teshuva a few years ago, telling people this. Finally joining Rabbi Mizrachi and a couple of other rabbis that have been saying it for years. Why? Because, my friends, the same thing that I saw in the business world is what I see in the religious world. Unfortunately, money is a very big motivator for people's actions. And lack of emunah makes money an even bigger motivator. If someone has no emunah, then they're going to do exactly what Ephron did.

25:34No emunah. Then they're going to do exactly what Ephron did. Ephron thought that, listen, this guy, he's my parnassah, even though I promised everyone that I'm going to give it to him for free because he's a man of God, because he's a tzaddik, because of this, because it's the right thing to do, and so forth. Eh, listen, he also already told me ahead of time he's willing to pay any price, he's willing to pay anything, so what? So, he said it, I'm going to take advantage of it. Said he's driving to school. I'm going to jump in the car. So that's when I found that he had no emunah. So he said, "Listen, not only am I going to charge you when I said I wouldn't, but I'm going to charge you full price. I'm going to charge you 400 silver shekels, signing my name forever to not having emunah." This is the reason why there is a letter missing from his name forever. If one was written, "I pay this vav nun sofit." letters. Five letters. But then after that, if you notice it, there's one letter missing for his lack of emunah, for his lack of trust in Hashem, for being a wicked person, for going against the rules of Hashem and going against one of Hashem's soldiers, Avraham Avinu. Someone who doesn't have emunah, that's what they do. But when someone does have emunah, they say what they know is true and...

26:54Unfortunately, when people are constantly struggling with money, they have to meet their bills and have to meet their obligations. And with the kids going to yeshivas costing a thousand dollars a month these days, and if it's a better yeshiva, it's even more. If it's a bigger house because you have to fit in a nice community, you have to get yourself a million dollar house because the four hundred thousand dollar house is not good enough anymore. The car that's only thirty thousand dollars is not good enough; you have to get a Lexus or a Mercedes or whatever because you have to fit the profile. You have to do all of these things that I myself used to do in the business world because that's the world I lived in. Obligations and the kids going to yeshivas, a thousand dollars a month these days. And I know if it's a better yeshiva, it's even more. And if it's a bigger house, because you have to fit in, it's a nice community, so you have to get yourself a million-dollar house because the four-hundred-thousand-dollar house is not good enough anymore. And the car that's only thirty thousand dollars is not good enough; you have to get a Lexus or a Mercedes or whatever, because you have to fit the profile. You have to do all of these things that I myself used to do in the business world because that's the world I lived in. The difference is, I had no Torah. The difference between Ephron and the rabbis is that he has no Torah; he has nothing. He has an excuse to be an idiot, an imbecile, a lack of emunah person. I had an excuse also—I had nothing. What do the rabbis have? Unfortunately, I have no answer to that. The only answer I have is that they have a very big yetzer hara.

28:00So although we're not supposed to bring a kitrug on Am Yisrael, the Gemara in Masechet Shabbat, page 54, calls it as it is. When Hashem was asked, "Why did you punish the rabbis in the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash before you punished the wicked people?" The Shekhinah answers. Because they didn't rebuke the people, they didn't tell them the truth. They didn't tell them to stop driving on Shabbat. They didn't tell the women to start putting clothes on. They didn't tell the people to stop making new rules because it's convenient. didn't tell people the truth so I punished them first because they're not considered fully righteous if they're not telling people the truth. According to Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, who compiled the Mishnah, from which we have the Gemara, he says in several other places in the Torah that a person who does not rebuke when he has an opportunity, does not tell somebody the truth.

29:13When he has an opportunity, he takes on the entire sin himself. A rabbi that knows his kehillah is driving on Shabbat. A rabbi that knows that his kehillah is full of immodest women. A rabbi that knows that his seminar is full of people that have no idea what the truth is and does not take the opportunity to tell them is going to take all of their sins. This doesn't mean that they're scot-free and can continue doing what they're doing. They also get punished for it. But nonetheless, the Rabbis who are not telling the truth will find themselves in the same cell in Gehinnom, unfortunately. It's time for us to tell people the truth because it's not fair. The fact that people have no Emunah, that Hashem runs the world, and that you can still tell people the truth, and they'll still give you donations. You can tell people the truth, and your bills will still be paid. You can tell people the truth, and you'll still be able to sell some books. And just in case you're wondering, those books that tell the truth, they sell too. It's called Gemara, Shulchan Aruch.

30:27Some of the books about Mussar, all of them from previous generations, tell the truth. Look at the books of Rav Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler. They tell the truth. He was a major influence in the Mussar movement. All the softy ones that tell people, "Oh, be nice to people, be polite, love Am Yisrael, love Hashem," all this love, love, love stuff: yes, it's all wonderful, but it's only after you have yirah. It's only after you have fear. Without fear, you have nothing. So, everything that it says in the Torah is real, and I'll finalize it with one point. When people ask me, "Why is it that your teaching is always so direct, telling people it's tough stuff? You know, a guy that violates Shabbat is not considered part of the Jewish community, and the immodest woman is going to be punished severely in Gehinnom, and all these horrible, horrible things that are hard to hear..." Why do you say these things when the vast majority of rabbis tell people they're wonderful, and they're trying to help them with their day-to-day life in Shalom Bayit, and they're trying to tell you how amazing Moshe Rabbeinu was? What kind of Torah are you teaching versus theirs? And there's a very simple answer. The rabbis that are telling you only wonderful things...

31:54They are teaching parts of the Torah, no questions asked. They're not teaching the Quran, they're not teaching the New Testament, they're teaching the Torah. But nonetheless, parts of the Torah. What we try to do is what our teachers taught us, which is to teach the whole thing. Teach the entire Torah, not just parts of it. Not just the stuff you like. Not just the stuff that sounds good. Not just the stuff that's polite and politically correct. You teach everything that Hashem wrote. Why? Because if He didn't want you to know it, He wouldn't write it. He wouldn't put it in a sefer. He wouldn't put it in the Gemara. He wouldn't put it in the Zohar. He wouldn't put it in the Chumash or the Tanach. He wouldn't put it in existence. It would still be a secret. But if He put it there, that means it's for you to know. And it's time for us to listen to Avraham Avinu and live our lives with emunah, knowing that Hashem runs the world. Eliezer, Avraham Avinu's servant, lived his life with full emunah because he knew that Hashem runs the world. Eliezer lived accordingly, not because he had the same connection with Hashem, but because he listened to his teacher, because he listened to his master. These rabbis have amazing teachers, whether it's the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

33:16it's the teachers they read about in the books, or teachers from even just one or two generations ago. If you read any of these teachers' books or listen to any of their recorded works, you'd see that they taught the entire Torah. So what I suggest today is that it's time for us to start listening to our teachers, like Eliezer, and teach people the entire Torah. and Because if we don't, that entire sin they're making is going to be attributed to us. May Hashem continue to bless you. And with the help of Hashem, we will all do teshuva.