From Selfishness To Selflessness (6 Minutes)

0:10Simcha Zissel from Kelm says that the foundation of all bad middot is selfishness, loving yourself too much. Unfortunately, in the Western world, this is one of the most popular teachings, especially from these coaches and different types of motivational speakers. They constantly teach people to love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, and... Only have what you're able to give and what you're willing to give. That's all you have. If you can't give it because you don't have it, that means you don't have it. If you don't want to give it, that means you don't have it, even though your bank account says something. It means nothing. You don't actually have it. What you have in this world is what you're actually able to give. The problem is that when a person is selfish and loves himself too much, he is unable to see beyond his own desires and needs.

1:33He's not able to remove himself from his own self-interest in the equation. He's never able to empathize. Now, if a person reduces the "I" in his perspective, meaning himself, and remembers that there's also a "him," meaning there are other people, not just himself, there's her, there's him, there's them. It’s not just all about himself. He tries to bring his love of self closer to the love of others, and to bridge the gap between them, he will rise accordingly to purify and refine his character traits. This is the secret to the success of the Gedolei HaDor, who refined and beautified their character traits. This is also the secret of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva's words were, "Ve'ahavta l'rei'acha kamocha" ("And you shall love your friend as yourself"). This is the Torah's most important principle, and the words of Hillel are, "What you don't want done to you, don't do to your friend." This is the entire Torah, and the rest is commentary—go and learn it. This is what Hillel said. This is the foundation of both of these important statements by Rabbi Akiva and Hillel HaZaken: becoming selfless, not selfish. Selfless.

3:02The secret of all the giants, all the G'dolei HaDor, whether it's Rav Ovadia, Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rebbe Akiva, Rabbi Akiva Eiger, Rambam, Ramban, all of these giants, the ones that made something out of themselves, that built a legacy, Rav Avigdor Miller, is that they decided early on to remove themselves from the equation. Start worrying about people; start worrying about everybody else. It's called mesirat nefesh – self-sacrifice. This is the most brilliant thing that you can learn in your life because once a person becomes selfless, then his opinion is unbiased. He officially becomes a source of truth. Now the problem with people's advice, if you remember, we talked a little bit about advice last week. People love to give advice. It's very easy to give advice. It's fun to give advice. It's fun to tell people what to do. The problem is that most advice is worth nothing. It's worth less than nothing because it's biased advice. They tell you what they want for themselves, not what's good for you, and...

4:20They don't know how to empathize. When they give you advice, they tell you, "Yeah, yeah, I think you should get that job." Why do you think I should get that job? Because it makes more money. Yeah, but it also removes me from having the ability to have a relationship because I'm working 900 hours a week. I'm not able to move, I'm not able to eat. "Yeah, but you have a lot of money." Who cares about money? I want to get married, I want to have kids, I want to serve Hashem. So really, they're giving you advice to get a job because they want more money. They think that you should get more money, and that should be your life's goal. Oh, no, no, I wouldn't marry her. Why wouldn't you marry her? Yeah, I think she's too old. Yeah, but everything, you know, why do you think she's too old? She's the same age as me. Yeah, you should get somebody younger than her. Why? Why should you get somebody younger than her? Yeah, maybe you get somebody younger, or maybe it's because this guy has perverted thoughts in his head, and he thinks that you should have perverted thoughts in your head, and that's not the way to approach relationships or life decisions. So they're not giving you advice based on your perspective. They're giving you advice based on their perspective, so once a person becomes selfless and starts caring about the world around him, then he becomes the source of truth.