How Can Someone Be Happy With Bad Luck?

0:07unhappy because of their circumstances. They struggle with various issues such as marital problems, financial difficulties, and more. The Chafetz Chaim in Parashat Vayetchanan, chapter 3, addresses this question, pondering how one can attain happiness despite challenging life situations. Lonely people, broke people, and those having all types of problems, such as marriage problems, financial problems, and so on and so forth, often say, “How could I be happy if Hashem didn't give me a wife, Hashem didn't give me a husband, Hashem didn't give me money, Hashem didn't give me this? How could I be happy with such terrible circumstances?” And that's actually the question the Chafetz Chaim asks in Al HaTorah, Parashat Va'etchanan, chapter 3. Verse number, chapter 6, verse number 3. And the Chafetz Chaim gives an analogy. He says there are two types of cutters that were available. One was a cutter for diamonds. To cut diamonds, you need very special tools, and this tool is extremely expensive.

1:31But it can cut a diamond, which is, in essence, the hardest material we have on earth. But if the guy who cuts wood wants to cut wood, he should use a regular saw. You can buy one from Home Depot for $5, and you're finished. But what if he wants to use a $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, or $6,000 diamond cutter? It's not going to be good. Not only is it not going to cut the wood, but it will destroy the $6,000 cutter. Why? It's not the right one. It's not the right saw. It's not the right tool. That's the part we don't understand. What the Chafetz Chaim is saying is that you might be thinking that you're supposed to be something else. You're supposed to be rich when you're not, you're supposed to be married when you're not, you're supposed to have this amount of children when you don't, you're supposed to be in this town when you're not. We're constantly thinking that we're supposed to be somewhere else because we believe we would be better off if we had different circumstances.

2:45But what the Chofetz Chaim is trying to teach us is, no, you have to understand, you are simply a servant of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And HaKadosh Baruch Hu created you with certain types of tools. He gave you a heart that can deal with this amount of pressure. This means that when you have a certain amount of problems, Hashem gave you the heart to deal with those problems. You have the right tools to deal with your problems. You don't have the right tools to deal with his problems. If you were given his problems, even though it looks easier—it's just money problems. You may have health problems, so you're thinking, "Ah, this guy's a big complainer. Why? He's just complaining about money." Guess what? If you were given his test, you'd fail miserably. Yeah, but how I might handle this is much more difficult. I'm sick all the time. Yes, but that's because you were given a heart that could deal with this. You've been given a tool that could manage this health problem. You may not have been given the heart to deal with this financial problem, so the first thing we have to know is that the circumstances we face are divinely ordained.

3:51Whatever they are, whether it's loneliness, a financial crisis, health issues, or whatever it is, never ever say, "Oh, I can't believe Hashem did this to me," or "Oh, I don't know if I can pass this test," or "Oh, this is too hard." All of those statements are simply the wrong perspective and actually an expression of kfirah (denial) in Hashem. Why? Because, in essence, what we're saying is that Hashem made a mistake with me. And what the Chafetz Chaim is trying to say is that if you have this problem, it means you also possess the tools to overcome it. If you think otherwise, it's a mistake. The second thing is what Rabbeinu Bachya said. Rabbeinu Bachya said something extremely interesting. How is it that this happiness is connected to humility and Yirat Shamayim? He says, first and foremost, if a person is humble, that means they would have had to have Yirat Shamayim first. Because the pasuk says in Mishlei, "Ekev anava Yirat Hashem," the heel.

5:21Of humility is fear of Hashem, meaning if a person fears Hashem, he'll eventually become humble. So if a person has Yirat Shamayim, he's naturally going to become humble. He's gonna know where he stands. Now, one of the greatest things about humility is that you know where you stand, and therefore, you're happy with whatever you have. Naturally, you'll become happy with your share. And Rabbeinu Bachya says that's what's going to make you rich. It's not that you're necessarily going to suddenly inherit billions of dollars, but that whatever you have will be sufficient. You'll be content with it, and that's the definition of being rich. It's not a certain amount of money; it's just being happy with whatever you have. So if you have Yirat Shamayim (fear of Heaven) Going to eventually become humble. If you're humble, you'll be happy with whatever you have. If you are content with what you have, you are rich. If you're rich, you'll live a much longer life—not just in terms of years, but also psychologically. The reason why is because, when it's the opposite...

6:49A person is not humble when they are constantly looking for more; they'll never be happy with whatever they have. As the Midrash says, someone who has a hundred wants two hundred, someone who has two hundred wants four hundred, and someone who has four hundred wants eight hundred, meaning that the more a person has, the more they desire. The more they feel like they're missing, meaning that the richest guy is also the poorest guy in his mind. He has a billion dollars, but in his mind, he should have two billion. Whereas us, we have 50 bucks, so what do we want? We want another 50 dollars. We want 100. So who's really, psychologically, poor? He feels like he's lacking much more. Now, in his mind, he's never going to have enough. Because there's no such thing as a person dying with even half of what they wanted. Meaning, not only does he currently feel like he should have double what he actually has, but he'll continuously descend to the point where, even after he dies, he's going to reach a stage where even half of what he wanted will no longer be enough either.

8:16Unless the person humbles himself, the damage will continue. When a person is prideful about things, he ends up wanting more and more than what he actually has, which literally makes his entire life just one sad story. He's sad about everything. But what is he sad about? This is the chiddush. If you actually think about it, it's pure genius. We would have never arrived at this thought, but after you hear it, you can say, yeah, of course we would have arrived at it. What's the genius here? Think about this. Someone who's proud. Someone who wants more than what they have. Why? Because they feel entitled. He feels like whatever he has is not enough. Why? Because he thinks he's better than what he really is, right? He is driving a little Toyota. But he's like, nah, come on, Toyota for somebody like me? Minimum Mercedes. Minimum. Once he has a Mercedes, he goes, yeah, Mercedes was yesterday. Ferrari, maybe. Once he has a Ferrari, he wants a plane. It's never enough. Why? Because he's proud, because he thinks of himself much, much more. So it means he's always going to be lacking. It's never going to be enough. He's always going to think that he should have more. He needs to get more. It'll never be enough, which will make his life one long, sad story. But what is he sad about?

9:20But he's like, nah, come on, a Toyota for someone like me? Minimum, a Mercedes. Minimum. Once he has a Mercedes, he goes, yeah, a Mercedes was yesterday. Maybe a Ferrari. Once he has a Ferrari, he wants a plane. It's never enough. Why? Because he's proud, because he thinks of himself much, much more. Which means he's always going to be lacking. It's never going to be enough. He's always going to think that he should have more. He needs to get more. It'll never be enough. This will make his life one long, sad story. But what is he sad about? When it comes down to it, Rabbeinu Bechaye says he's sad about a life that does not belong to him. He's sad about something else. He's sad about all the stuff that doesn't belong to him. He's sad about his friend having that car and not him having the car. But it's not your car. Why are you sad about his car? He's sad that his friend got married to her, and he didn't get married to her. He's sad that his friend has this house, and he doesn't have this house. He's constantly sad and agitated, miserable, and depressed about a bunch of stuff that's not his. It's one big optical illusion. And that's why...

10:35I always tell people, the lowest form of conversation, meaning a clear indication that someone doesn't have anything in their mind, is when your topic of conversation is other people's money. People that talk about sports stars and celebrities making an X amount of money, and he made this deal, and he just signed a contract for $20 million, and he just signed this deal for $2, and that, like talking about other people's money, is literally the lowest form of conversation. It simply shows that there may not even be a mouse in there. Why? Why do you care what he has? Is he going to pay your bills? Like, if this baseball player hits an extra five home runs and makes an extra zillion dollars, whatever he's going to make, how's that going to affect you? Why do you care? Oh yeah, but he signed a deal with the Mets. So? Yeah, but he should have been with the Yankees. Why? Because he would have made more money. What do you care how much money he has? What are you, his accountant? Are you a hedge fund manager managing his stuff? Like, why? For what? What do you care? But this, Rabotai, is literally the topic of discussion of the entire generation.

11:50I remember on Wall Street, non-stop, you go downstairs for a cigarette break or for lunch, and everybody's talking about other people's money. Oh, you see him, he's just in this trade. Yeah, he made a million dollars. Yeah, he made $200. Yeah, but it's not as much as that guy. It's not as much as this guy. Oh, that baseball player, that rapper, that celebrity, that movie star. Constantly, constantly talking about other people's money. Constantly. Kids, teenagers, they don't know anything in the Torah or anything about life, but they know the salary cap of every single team in the NFL and... They know exactly how much every single basketball player who plays for their team made last year, including signing bonuses, contracts with Coca-Cola, Adidas, and Nike, as well as how much he made on the side with some investments, how much he gambles, whether he's getting a divorce or not, and whether he has a prenup. They know the bank accounts of every single celebrity, but how to add, they don't really know so much. To wake up early in the morning, go pray, or even do something useful—not so much. But discussing salary caps, other people's money, how much this movie made, or how much this movie cost; they know this. This is literally a disaster, an epidemic that's causing people to become more and more depressed without a cure in sight because they don't think that they're sick.

13:16The average person doesn't think there's anything wrong with talking about other people's money. Why not? Unless you learn what Rabbeinu Bachaye says, you're never gonna arrive at this conclusion. Why? What's wrong with talking about other people's money? They do it on the news all the time. What's wrong with it is that when you talk about other people's money, you're picturing not what he has, not what she has. But what you don't have, you're not genuinely happy for him when he just bought a plane. You're thinking, "Ah, he bought a plane, hopefully it crashes. Oh, no, I mean, hopefully it's good, yeah, yeah." Oh, he bought a nice car? Yeah, you're thinking, "Hopefully it has a flat tire." You're placing every curse under the sun. You're not truly happy for him. Oh, he just got married? Yeah, yeah, and under your breath you're thinking, "Probably be a divorce soon." What? No, no, "mazal tov, mazal tov, mazal tov." You're not actually happy for them. Under your breath, you're cursing them, harboring resentment. Why? Because you don't have it. This is a reflection of the danger of jealousy, how it can corrupt our hearts and make us harbor ill will towards others. And this is something we must all strive to overcome.

14:18Because you don't have it. That's why the Gemara says something. The first time I learned it, I didn't get it. The second time I learned it, I didn't get it. The third time I learned it, I didn't get it. You know when I got it? Right now. The Gemara says, everybody knows what the chatan and kallah are going to do after the wedding. But anyone that thinks about it, Anyone that talks about it, discusses it with each other, or even thinks about himself, it's better off he didn't come to the world. Think to myself, "Oh, relax. Oh, guys, okay, we know what's gonna happen." So why is it so bad that it's better off the guy's never born? I mean, that bad? Yes, that bad. Why? Because that simply means that you are living in an illusion; you're constantly going to be upset at other people's happiness, and...

15:19You're gonna look at their life and be jealous because you think that it all belongs to you. Such a life is better off not being born. Such a life is a miserable existence. That's why, when we see the chachamim tell us that we need to have certain tools in order to survive this life, it's not really a suggestion. It's more like a survival guide. You see people left and right taking drugs, all types of medications to numb their pain, to numb their depression, to escape reality. In truth, you don't need any of this. All you need is to follow the guidance of the Chazal, our sages. But that requires effort and toil.