How Dangerous Is It To Have An Ego?

0:14So the question is that, you know, the Mesilat Yesharim, and also it's in the Gemara, Sanhedrin 102a, says that Yeravam ben Nevat, who was one of the biggest Resha'im that we had in Am Yisrael, but who also knew a lot of Torah, and the merit of his Torah was big enough for Hashem to come to him Himself and say, listen, if you do Teshuva, you and I, and Ben Ishai—Ben Ishai is David HaMelech—will walk together in Gan Eden. So the Midrash Me'am Loez says that when you refer to somebody as, instead of their name, Hashem is referring to somebody instead of David, He refers to them as the son of Ishai, maybe it's disparaging. So I can give you a couple of ideas in regards to that. It's not necessarily chas v'shalom, disparaging David HaMelech, but rather to show two points. Number one, HaKadosh Baruch Hu knows His creation, and He knows that Yeravam, his weapon of destruction, or rather, weapon of self-destruction, was his ego.

1:31So if HaKadosh Baruch Hu would refer to David HaMelech as David HaMelech, and He's not referring to Yeravam as a Melech, Yeravam would be insulted. So, in essence, for the sake of helping Yeravam do teshuva, to please his ego, if you will, to soothe his ego, if you will, He referred to David as if he's lesser. The second thing is, the second thing is, that if you notice, after HaKadosh Baruch Hu said to Yeravam ben Nevat, "You and I and Ben Yishai would walk in Gan Eden," Yeravam responds and asks, "Who's walking first?" And Hashem says, "David Ben Yishai is." That doesn't make any sense. Why? Because if David was going to walk first, ahead of Yeruvam, it should say, me, meaning Hashem, and David ben Yishai, and you, would walk in Gan Eden. Which means that originally, originally, if Yeruvam was going to do teshuvah, HaKadosh Baruch Hu was going to let him walk ahead of David HaMelech, in Gan Eden. But because...

2:50Yerovam's ego was so big, he was the type of person, when you gave him a compliment, and he heard what you said. He would say, "What did you say again? What did you say? What did you say again? Oh, what? Good chiddush? My chiddush? Oh, my chiddush is good? Oh, you meant me? Oh, okay, okay. Oh, what? You mean me? Oh, like those people. You know, sometimes, you tell somebody, 'Hey, chazak u'baruch.'" Oh, me? What did you say? What did you say? Me? Me? What? Me? Oh, oh. They want you to repeat it. Why? Their ego is enormous. It's so big, it's not enough one compliment. It's not enough. Yeravam ben Nevat's weapon of mass self-destruction was his ego. It's so bad that he said to Hashem, what would you say again? What would you say again? Who's going to go in Gan Eden? But Hashem said it already. You have to repeat it. Too much. I told you you're going to walk first. But now you want me to repeat it? Okay, now you're second. You can still go to Gan Eden. Who's promising us Gan Eden? You can still go to Gan Eden and walk with HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But now because of this disgusting, filthy ego, now you're going to be behind Ben Yishai. Now you're going to be behind him. And that was too much for him to handle. He says, no, if I'm not walking first...

4:05I'm not doing teshuva. And until this day, Yeravam ben Nevat is burning in Gehinnom, and he will never leave. Gemara Masechet Sanhedrin says, Yeravam ben Nevat is one of the people that has no share in the world to come, and for that stupid ego of his, that filthy, despicable ego of his, he got a personalized invitation from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Which one of us here could say, "I got a personal invitation from HaKadosh Baruch Hu?" He got a personal invitation from HaKadosh Baruch Hu, but the ego that he had was so filthy that he said, "No, no, no." I'd rather not do teshuva. Why? He never saw Gehinnom. But now that he sees Gehinnom, he can't get out. Why? There's no door. It's a dead-end street. Once you go into Gehinnom, there's no... Finished. The seventh level is just a... No coming out. And that's what happened. Why? For ego. Ego is a very, very dangerous thing. And it's, like I said before, it's one of those things that's perhaps more dangerous than many other things because you could have an ego and not even realize that it's destroying you. The Gemara says that an ego is so detestable, so detestable that even a person's family hates him. When a person is an arrogant person, even his own wife and kids hate him.

5:26He thinks they hate him because they only care about money. He thinks they hate him because they're not nice. No, no. They hate you because you have a big ego. And HaKadosh Baruch Hu is trying to teach you to do teshuva, but no, no, no. They'll do teshuva. They need to do teshuva. Everybody else needs to do teshuva. And this ego comes in different forms and sizes. The thing is, ego is one of those things where... it doesn't come in an obvious way. You have the obvious way, like a Donald Trump. Donald Trump, no one can say he's a humble person. It's like a joke, like an oxymoron, putting Donald Trump and humility in the same sentence. He's an arrogant person. He's proud to be arrogant. And people elected him because he's arrogant, because the society is upside down, and they want arrogance. It's praiseworthy to be an arrogant person in today's warped society. So there's the obvious arrogance, which is pretty much a person that says, I'm better, I'm better, I beat you here, I'm better here. That's the obvious one. But then, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov says, there is the worst form of ego, the worst form of arrogance, which is the exact opposite, as far as its expression. It's a person that pretends to be humble. He pretends to be humble.

6:47He walks around, yeah, yeah, I don't know anything, I don't know anything. Yeah, no. Yeah, who am I? And in his heart, he thinks he's better than everybody else. He's pretending to be humble. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov says that's the worst type of arrogance. The worst type. But then there are the ones that are in between. The ones that are in between, that are like Yeravam ben Nevat, that want to... Do over. You say, hey, listen, you did a good job. What? What did I do? What? What did I do? I said you did a good job. I was right next to you. It was two feet from you. You didn't hear me? Oh, no, no, no. I heard, but I wasn't sure if you were talking to... I did a good job. Oh, okay, okay. I did a good job. Hey, listen. You said I did something before. I forgot what you were saying. What did you say I did? My wife is picking me up. I'm confused. What did you say I did? I said you did a good job. Oh, I did? See, honey? I did a good job. That's ego. That's ego. It's disgusting. It's gross. It makes Hashem want to vomit on you. Why? Because ego is considered an abomination in the eyes of Hashem.

7:57And many times people do not even know that they have an ego. They don't even know they have an ego. They don't even know that it's arrogance. Or they don't even think it's that bad, perhaps. But in reality, it's poison. It's poison. And a person needs to know that someone like Yerovam, who knew the entire Torah, knew a lot of Torah. The Gemara says he had 127 chiddushim on every single subject in the Torah. You can't even imagine such a thing. What killed them? Ego. Same exact thing. Same exact thing. Many people that were chachamim, heads of the Sanhedrin, are in Gehinnom to this day. Why? Ego. Ego. I want things my way. That's ego. That's ego. You don't want to eat your wife's food as is. You have to, you know, tell her, no, no, no, no. Do it over. Why? It's not well done. It's like, well, it's not like well done. You got to do it over. Just throw this one out. Ego. You're going to get a divorce probably or a miserable marriage. Ah, son, what? Only 95? Nah, come on. Ego. What? A 95-grade is not good for your son?

9:13Why not? Why can't you encourage him? Maybe next time he'll do better. Nothing is good enough for you. Ego. All of these things come from ego. Believe it or not, rebuke. Rebuke many times. Many times it doesn't work. You rebuke somebody, and it doesn't work. Why? Because you're rebuking with ego. You're not rebuking him because you want to help him. You're rebuking him because you know that you have the right answer, and he doesn't. He is ignorant of the Torah. He never heard in his life that a Mechalel Shabbat is considered an idol worshiper. So you want to tear him up. Look, it says in the Rambam, Hilchot Shabbat, chapter 30, Halacha number 16, I even remember it, even though you just saw it yesterday. Yeah, look, so it says, you're an idol worshiper. Ah, ah, guess what? It's not going to work. You know why it's not going to work? His neshama is repulsed by your neshama. Even though you're right, he's repulsed by you. Why? You're not trying to help him. You're trying to prove him wrong.

10:20That's ego. Many times people will start doing teshuva because they want to be better, but then they'll torture their household. They'll torture their wives and husbands and kids and neighbors and everybody else by telling them what they hear in a shiur. And then they come back to me and say, "Listen, I tried doing what you say in a shiur, but it doesn't work." Wait, you tried doing everything I said in a shiur only for everybody else, not for yourself. In shiur, I didn't just say Shabbat is a violation. I also said ego is a violation. I also said a lot of other things. Middot, character traits, flaws, are a violation. So all you're worried about is telling everybody else. Meaning, you want to fix everyone else except yourself. Guess what? It's not going to work. Why? Because you are doing it out of ego. Not out of care for other people. You know, I'll give you a little small indication. A small indication you can check yourself. You don't have to tell me. If you want to help people do teshuvah, or you're already doing it. Okay? You're already doing it. You're rebuking people. You see somebody that's driving on Shabbat; you tell them something. You see somebody that's walking around Emanuel; you tell them something. You're trying to help them. You're trying to fulfill that mitzvah.

11:43But you see it's not working. Now, maybe it's not working because perhaps Hashem wants you to do it in a different way, or Hashem wants you to try even harder, and so on and so forth. But it could also be because it's coming from ego. How do you know if it's coming from ego or not? I mean, obviously, you should know if you have an ego or not. But let's say you like to lie to yourself and deny that you have an ego. So, how do you know if you actually care about these people or not? You're doing it simply to prove them wrong and prove yourself right, to look better. How do you know? If you know somebody is living a life that's against Hashem, and you rebuke them, you tell them the truth, you tell them the this and that, and they listen or they don't listen, whatever the case is. Now, usually after the first chance, it doesn't work right away. Now, if you simply continue to do it just by talking, but you don't pray about them, you don't pray to Hashem, you don't cry to Hashem, you don't beg Hashem for mercy to open up their hearts, no, you don't pray for them, you don't do anything. You just think they're going to do teshuva my way. Guess what? That's ego. You're not trying to help them; you're just trying to look good. And it's not going to work.

13:00I mean, a broken clock is right twice a day. It may work here and there, but on a larger scale, it's not going to work. Why? Because it's not coming from the right place. If you really want to help Am Yisrael do teshuva, get used to crying for them. Now, it's hard to get from zero to crying for Am Yisrael. Why? Most of them you don't even know. So what do you do? Just start praying for them, period. We're not crying, just pray for them. Pray for Hashem to have Am Yisrael do teshuva. Do things to help Am Yisrael do teshuva. Care about people. Care about people doing teshuva. The more you care about them, the more likely it is that you're going to get to a point where you actually cry to Hashem for them. But if you've never cried for Am Yisrael, it's very, very likely that your rebuke is not going to work. If you're trying to make your brother, your sister, your cousin, your mother, or whoever do teshuva, and you saw them violate Shabbat, even after you told them what you told them, and you didn't pass out, just check yourself. How come it doesn't bother you? No, no, it bothers me. I told them, and they don't want to listen. Yeah, okay, it's not just about, "I told them, and they don't want to listen." How come you don't cry?

14:20How come you don't beg Hashem to give them a little bit more time and not kill them? How come? How come you don't? Because, in essence, again, it could be that it's not coming from the right place. I mean, it could very well be that it's coming from the right place; you just don't know how to do it. But the point being is, we have to make it a daily task to pray to Hashem for everyone else, not just ourselves. All day we pray for ourselves. Hashem, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. Give me, give me, give me. If that could be the only word in our vocabulary, we'd be perfectly happy. Just give me. Give me, give me, give me. Enough with the give me. Enough with the give me. No, not at all. I'm not saying not at all. You could keep saying give me. But also say, Hashem, please, help Am Yisrael. Strengthen Am Yisrael. Wake them up. Use me as a vessel. Use me as a tool so at least I have a purpose in the world: to get people to do teshuva. Or even if you don't want to use me, at least get them to do teshuva so they can do Your will, so they can get to Olam Haba, get to heaven, and so on. Pray for Am Yisrael. Pray for them.

15:29Pray for them to do teshuvah. Once you start praying for them, guess what? Eventually, you'll start caring about them. And not just because they're your sister or your brother or your cousin. Even if they're complete strangers, you'll start caring about them, and you'll see something miraculous happen. Your rebuke starts working. Your tochachah starts working. What you're trying to do starts getting results. But not just one-time results. The guy said, no, no, I'm going to keep Shabbat. He keeps two, three, four, five Shabbatot and then he stops. Permanent results. Real results. But that's because it comes from a place of care. And that takes, that takes, you have to show, you have to show that you care. Not just with the words you say to them, but also the words you say to Hashem in private. Next question. We're very excited to offer you the new Be'ezrat Hashem app 3.0. It's a newer, faster app, full of Torah, lots of Kedusha from the shiurim that we do. Myself, Rabbi Efraim, Rabbi Chaim.

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