How Did HaRav Moshe Feinstein ZTL Pray?

0:06One story, and you guys can ask whatever questions you want. I'll give you a simple human understanding of what fearing Hashem means to someone who lived among us, walked among us, not too long ago. One of the Gedolei HaDor, his name was Rabbi Moshe Feinstein.

1:17When he prayed, it was very well known that he literally stood like a pillar. He didn't move an inch — not right, not left, not forward, not backward, nothing. It was so much so that it was strange to everyone else. It was just, how do you not move at all? Like nothing, not even a little, you know, sometimes you look around a little bit, you finish, or you just move a little, like something, even if you don't want to move, you move. Almost like a little fire is in you, and you start, you know, when the fire is dancing a little bit. Right? Nothing. Zero. He stood immobile, as if he was made of cement. So one time, one of the people in the kehillah says, kifu d'rav. It was just, how do you not move at all? Like nothing, not even like, you know, like sometimes you look around a little bit, you finish, or you just, you know, you move a little, like something, something, you know, even if you don't want to move, you move. Almost like a little fire is in you, and you start, you know, when the fire is dancing a little bit. Right? Nothing. Zero. Stands like a pillar, like he's made out of cement. So one time, one of the people in the kehillah says, "Kefuy darav," Please tell us, why don't you move? You should know, based on halacha, based on halacha, you're really not supposed to move during Amidah. You could see actually in the Sdei Chemed, also Tefillah LeMoshe, Rabbi Moshe Levi, both wrote that if you're going to move, if you're going to go back and forth, only do it during the other prayers. Don't move during Amidah.

2:44Don't do any Amidah. Why? You're in front of the Melech Malchei HaMelachim at the most serious time. It's not a time for dancing. So they asked Rav Moshe Feinstein, Kvod HaRav, how come you don't move? He said, when I was in Russia, one time these Cossacks, these Reshaim, wicked people, put a gun to my head. And he said, if you move, I'm going to kill you. And I was young at the time. But when he put that gun to my head, I was so scared that he was going to kill me for nothing. I didn't do anything. Just for moving, just twitching, right? Or if something itched—not like I was walking or running away. If I simply scratched my forehead, he was going to kill me. He was dead serious about killing me. It wasn't a joke. He was just looking for an excuse to kill me. that fear that I had made me realize how insignificant I am, how much of a zero I am. And at that moment, I said, this insignificance, this zero-ness, I must dedicate this to Hashem. I must dedicate this to Hashem the rest of my life. And that's why every time I meet Hashem, every time I pray,

4:11Was he? Put a gun to my head; he's flesh and blood. Worst case scenario, I die—big deal. But I was scared, I didn't move. I didn't move! How could I not be scared if I'm meeting HaKadosh Baruch Hu? Many of the tzaddikim prayed very differently than the way you see in shuls. Why? The more Torah you know, the more you understand you have to be a little bit different. Different doesn't mean you make a scene. Different doesn't mean you are the loudest voice. Different means that you're the one who sees what HaKadosh Baruch Hu says and sticks to it. Today, it's different, unfortunately. But I promise you that the more different you are from everybody else around you, in terms of complying with the Torah, the more you'll influence everyone around you to be different, just like you. The Kedusha that you bring to the place will influence them much more than you trying to be just like them and fit in. That's a mistake that many young rabbis make. They try to appease the crowd by telling people what they want to hear. They soften the approach. They start talking about Yirat Shamayim in such a nice way that you forget you're supposed to be afraid. There's an article on the internet by Chabad about Gehenom. After I read it, I wrote to them, saying, "how you portray Gehenom, I want to go there."

5:33how you portray Gehinnom, I want to go there. This approach that happened in our generation, unfortunately, is confusing a lot of people. It's very important to know that we have our Torah, we have our tzaddikim that tell us exactly what this means, what that means, what this means, what that means, and that's what we follow. We don't follow any local rabbi. We don't follow any famous speaker. We're not looking to be motivated into some type of state of numbness, thinking that we're tzaddikim. If you're alive, that's because HaKadosh Baruch Hu is saying constantly, "My son, my daughter, you have work to do." That's why you're alive. Yirat Shamayim, you start having Emunah, you start having Bitachon, you combine all three different pieces, and little by little you get closer and closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu in fulfilling your mission in the world. But if you think that you could just pick apart whichever pieces you like, you're going to love Hashem sometimes, you're going to believe sometimes, once in a blue moon when a car is approaching you, you're going to be afraid, but if it's not approaching, then it's okay, your Yirat Shamayim will go on vacation.

6:47You know, you start picking and choosing which mitzvot you have, it's not going to fare very well. And that's why I always tell people, it's written in the Torah. Fear of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, that's My treasure. So the Gemara in Masechet Shabbat says, what does it mean that's His treasure? Chachamim say He created the entire world just for you to be afraid of Him. Not for you to love Him. For you to be afraid of Him. You should love Him—it's a mitzvah. But it's not possible if you don't fear Him first. Meaning that if you're only afraid of Him, it's perfectly fine. Why? It's still a connection to Him. But if you think you could only love Him, it's not a connection to Him. It's a connection to something else. It's not Him. Why? If you know Him, if you know HaKadosh Baruch Hu, you must be afraid. So it's either fear, or fear and love. It can never be just love. And that's what Rabbi Akiva gave us as a chidush. We thought, oh, maybe we could skip the fear part and go straight to the party. But the reason why we can't is that most of us don't even know what it means to truly love Hashem. We tend to think that loving Hashem is something nice and simple, like how we love our spouses, with all the mushy feelings. However, it's not like that at all. Hashem is not someone or something to compare to a puppy or to our earthly affections. A small example of what it truly means to love Hashem can be found in this Tanakh, which I opened right at the beginning of the lecture.

8:09And I said, I can't believe I opened it here. Because the whole idea of the lecture is in this one verse. The whole idea, the whole verse, the whole lecture of what I just told you is in this one verse. Hashem doesn't need three hours; He needs just one verse. And even this one verse, you could elaborate on it for 500 years. The prophet Iyov (Job) says in chapter 13, verse 15: "Were He to kill me, I would still yearn for Him." This emphasize the unwavering faith Iyov had, despite the severe suffering he experienced. I would still yearn for Him. Iyov (Job) is saying, even if HaKadosh Baruch Hu kills me, destroys me, punishes me, hurts me—all that stuff, all the worst things you could possibly imagine—I’ll still do everything He says. Why? Because He's HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And even for this high level, There's a debate in the Gemara about whether this is the highest level of fear or the beginning of love. But it's definitely not the highest level of love. We're thinking in our mind, wow, this guy loves Hashem. Even if He's going to kill you, you're going to still serve Him? You fell in love with Hashem. Wow. No, no. There's actually a machloket between two Tana'im.

9:25One says, yeah, he loves him. That one says, ah, I'm in love with you. Crazy love. No. He got to the highest level of yirah (fear). That's what he got to. He's not loving him yet. Meaning that the highest level of yirah is the beginning of loving Hashem. Needless to say, most people in our generation simply do not even understand the basic definition of what it means to love Hashem. Loving Hashem simply means you have no interest in yourself anymore. You have Hashem's interest only. You only care about what Hashem wants. That's loving Hashem. You're not doing anything for a reward. Meaning, even if Hashem says, listen, you keep Shabbat, I'm going to punish you. But you have to keep Shabbat. But I'm going to punish you for every single time you keep Shabbat. I'm going to punish you. And you still keep Shabbat. That's loving Hashem. How many people do you have there? Even Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said it himself in Likutey Moharan. He says it. He said it himself.

10:30So, this is why we constantly talk about Yirat Shamayim. Because, quite frankly, from experience and from the sefarim, talking about Ahavat Hashem is really irrelevant for most people at this stage. If you have arrived at a point where you can fall in love with Hashem and have Yirat Hashem, most likely you are teaching. You are not learning from me anymore. You already know Hashem, maybe I can learn from you. You are not learning from me. I like, I can learn from you.