How To Do TeShuva!! (A Very Personal Story)

0:42Now, when I first started doing teshuva, I was in this version. Do you know what version I was in? I was a very, very different version. The version was that I knew I needed to change. I knew I didn't know anything. And I knew that if I didn't submit to somebody bigger than me, somebody smarter than me, why even bother? My whole life, I was the leader. My whole life, I was the smartest. My whole life, I was the richest. Then you have to make sure that you show him some love, but you have to give him mussar. But remember, you're giving him mussar out of love. So you see, today, when I teach whatever I teach, you come to my house, you can see there's a lot of books. A lot of books, a lot of impressive books. More books than here. You have a lot of books. And I try to read those books. A lot of impressive books. But you know what was my first halacha book?

2:12My first halacha book for Shabbat. The Shabbat is a big mitzvah. Without Shabbat, there's no teshuva. Without Shabbat, there's no Judaism. You can keep 612 mitzvot, but if you don't keep Shabbat, there's no Shabbat, there's no Judaism, nothing. So, if you come to my house, you might think, oh wait, it was probably Yalkut Yosef, or perhaps the Gemara Masechet Shabbat, or maybe another Shabbat book. There's a bunch of Shabbat books there. You know what was my first halacha book for Shabbat? When my rabbi told me, "Yaron, it's time to keep Shabbat," I started making some excuses. I said, "You know, Shabbat is the time that I usually take a break. I watch some movies. I go to the casino. I have a good time. I have such a tough life. I need Shabbat to go relax, do whatever I want." And then I realized that I was full of it, and I said, "Okay, okay, I'll keep Shabbat. How do I keep Shabbat though? Okay, I'm going to keep Shabbat. But how do I keep Shabbat?" How do I do it? Like, what do I do? Do I just stay there? Like this? Hold my breath? Why? What should I do? He says, don't worry. I'm going to send you, I'm going to show you some love. He didn't actually say he was going to show me some love, but that's how it felt. He said, I'm going to send you a halacha book on how to keep Shabbat. Now, you might think he would give me the book that I offered you all for free, or maybe he would suggest I show him your website. Show him your website. Go to Shabbat.com. You're going to keep Shabbat that way, right? Do you know what my first Shabbat book was? This.

3:42Now you're gonna laugh, but you're wrong. This is one of the best Shabbat books in the world. Yeah, it's a children's book, but that's how I learned how to keep Shabbat. Now, Baruch Hashem, I have many other books that have more details, but this is how I started. It's a children's book, but written by Talmidei Chachamim. And if you read it word for word, you're gonna learn how to keep Shabbat the best possible way. And if you advance, you'll read other books and there are more details. But if you're going to be one of these people who says, "Nah, what am I, a kid? I'm going to learn Shabbat from a kid's book," you're never going to keep Shabbat. You're never going to be a real Jew. You're always going to be a faker because you're full of arrogance. Hashem despises arrogant people. Why? Because you're too good for it. Your rabbi said read the kid's book. That's what you read. The rabbi suggested something else, you read something else. But if the rabbi said this is the book, you, Yaron Reuven, the smartest guy on the block, that's what you're gonna read to learn Shabbat. Guess what? That's what Yaron reads. Why? Rabbi said so. The rabbi said so. That's what people don't understand. They say, wait, the rabbi said this to me, but do I really have to listen to him? Maybe I should ask a different rabbi.

5:00Maybe I should shop around, go to Walmart, see aisle 6, and get a new rabbi every week. Now, if you think this is like a one-time thing, you're wrong. I also had a new Mussar book. I had to learn Mussar. Why? I had to fix myself. I had to fix myself, and my wife had to fix herself. Everyone had to fix themselves. I had to learn Middot. I didn't even know that Middot existed. I just thought if you're angry, that's the way you are; if you're cheap, that's the way you are. That's... I don't know how you're supposed to change. So my Rabbi says, you have to learn Mussar. I said, okay, how do you learn Mussar? We learn in a shiur. Okay, but what else? Is there a book? I'm going to send you a book. Now, Rabbi Fein wasn't exactly rich. So each one of these was like a life-saving investment in me. He sent me a Mussar book. Do you know what my first Mussar book was? Here's my first Mussar book: it's called The Incredible Voyage of Good Middot. It's a children's book, but I bet you any adult that reads it, actually studies this book, changes his life. And by the way, if you like it, there's a whole series of them. There's a whole series of this. Why? It's all based on Orchot Tzadikim. The real Mussar book. The real Mussar book is Orchot Tzadikim. One of the greatest Mussar books that was ever written. But if you give a new Baal Teshuva that doesn't even know what Teshuva is yet, Orchot Tzadikim, he says, Rabbi, this Judaism is too big for me.

6:28I'm 50 years old. I'm 40 years old. I'm 30 years old. What do I do with it? I got to the second page. I already started blowing smoke out of my ears. I don't know what he's saying. He's saying I'm supposed to be holy. What is he talking about? He's saying I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to do that. Where is this guy? Does he know what generation I'm living in? So the rabbi that shows love, sometimes he tells the guy... I love you. That's why I'm telling you things that are against your logic. Because your logic thinks that you're much bigger than what you really are. In reality, you're a child. And you need to learn children's books. Learn Mussar from a children's book. If you're an arrogant person who thinks she knows it all, guess what you're going to say? "Listen, Rabbi, are you insulting me? You're telling me to read children's books? Are you serious? I'm a Wall Street executive. I made a million and a half dollars in one day." I was on CNBC, on Bloomberg, on CNN. I was on the board of directors of a company. I mean, what are you kidding me? You're sending me a children's book? But guess what? You know what you once said? Nothing. Thank you. I love you. I'm going to read it from page to page. And every day, my wife and I will read it page to page, every little character, every little thing. We go to the back and double check, just like a kid. Why? Because that's what HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants.

7:52We finished this one, and we got another one and another one, and you'll come to my house. You're gonna see why he has a lot of kids' books. You're gonna think it's for my kids. No, this was for me. These were all for me. But you see, that's the difference; nobody's gonna admit this stuff to you. I don't care what you think. I care what HaKadosh Baruch Hu thinks. That's the difference that people can't get into their minds. They care too much about what people think. They care too much about what their friends think. They're only going to do this. They're only going to do that. She's only going to wear this. She's only going to wear that. You forget, HaKadosh Baruch Hu runs the world. If you're going to serve Him, serve Him like He wants, not like you want. Stop questioning Him. Why did You send me this generation? Why did You send me no money? Why did You send me this? Why did You send me that? He knows what He's doing. He knows what he's doing. If we simply stop questioning Him, you're going to start winning.

8:55If every single time something happens in your life, every time some gas comes out of your body, you're going to change religion, change opinion, change rabbi, or change something, guess what? You're never going to get ahead. You're going to be a failure for the rest of your life. In order to succeed, you have to humble yourself. You have to realize there's a world you know, and there's a world you don't know. In the world you know, do what you got to do. In the world you don't know, which is the Torah world, keep your mouth shut and listen to the rabbi. Listen to what the rabbi says. They know what they're doing. They've been here for a while and have read a lot more than you have. They know what HaKadosh Baruch Hu said. But if you only listen to yourself, guess what? You're never even going to graduate from the kids' level. You're never going to graduate. Why? Because you never started. And that's what people need to understand. Need to make sure that if you're going to do teshuvah, the first rule is that Hashem runs the world. The second rule is don't forget the first rule. The rest of it will just take some time. The Rabbi says you do, the sefer says you do, Hashem says you do. Why? That's your job in the world.

10:16That’s your job in the world. Be simple. Don't ever think you're too big or too smart or too this or too that for anything. Because if HaKadosh Baruch Hu brought this to your life, that means He wants this. He doesn't want something else. When somebody came to the Chafetz Chaim and said to him, K'vod HaRav, how do I do the will of Hashem? How do I do the will of Hashem? The Chafetz Chaim says to him, you want to do the will of Hashem? He says, yes. He said, "Are you sure?" He said, "Yes." He says, "Regardless of what happens in your life, be happy. Regardless of what happens—car accident, health crisis, financial crisis, marriage, divorce, children or no children—regardless, serve HaKadosh Baruch Hu with full happiness, full extent, full power. Every tefillah with kavanah, every time you give a shiur, 100%. Every time you learn, 100%. Everything you do for HaKadosh Baruch Hu, 100%." If this is it, as if a shamai, I know you're here, you're gonna get the gan Eden. I did, you're gonna go to olam haba, but you don't 50-50.

12:14Thank you for joining today’s shiur Torah. Our focus will be on the words of our sages and the teachings of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva's insights have guided generations of scholars and Torah learners. It's vital we approach these texts with reverence and exactitude. As we're delving deeper, remember the words of the Rambam in his Mishneh Torah, reminding us of the importance of precision in learning. Let's begin by analyzing this passage which often includes nuanced interpretations of Gemara and Rashi's commentary. As we progress, keep in mind the interpretations of the Chofetz Chaim and how his analysis can shed light on complex areas of halacha. As always, I remind you that our discussion is rooted deeply in traditional interpretation, seeking to understand our Torah with clarity and authenticity. Thank you for your patience and dedication to our studies. Looking forward to engaging more with you in these profound teachings.