If You Look For Me, You’ll Find Me. (12 minutes)

1:24The same One that brought me into this world is the same One that's doing it. He didn't forget me. He doesn't hate me. He's trying to save me. The pride of man will be his downfall. My ga'avah was my skill set, my ability, my money. Why should I worry about anything? Hashem gave me something to worry about. Eventually, I gave in, and I said, you know what? I gotta go to this guy. God, answer my prayers. I started praying; it didn't work. I said, ah, somebody recommended this Rav to go to Shiur Torah. All these religious people that would come to my office had no recommendations whatsoever. Eventually, I gave in, and I said, you know what? I gotta go to this guy. God, please answer my prayers. I started praying. It didn’t work. I said, ah, somebody recommended this Rav to go to shiur Torah. All these religious people that would come to my office had no recommendations whatsoever.

2:26They just hoped that I could continue to give them money. They still didn't tell me there was anything wrong with my life. So I went to a shiur Torah every Tuesday. In the beginning, at most, I would survive five minutes. Five minutes, and I'd fall asleep. I couldn't take it. It was very interesting. but there were so many sins on my soul. There's something called a klipah, a peel or shell that's around your soul every time you commit a sin, which makes it very, very difficult for you to learn Torah. You have a lot of sins and a lot of impurity, especially if it's wasting seed or Chilul Shabbat—major sins. They develop a shell around your soul. So you can't learn Torah like you want to. I was a talmid chacham and everything else. You give me a company, I can tell you exactly how much it's worth. You give me a business, I'll tell you exactly how to fix it, how to grow it, how to market for it. In that world, I was better than anybody else I knew. I'm sure somebody better exists; I just didn't know them. Torah world, five minutes.

3:52Next week, five and a half minutes. Next week, capped out at six. So I started forcing myself to stay up. I said, you know what? I'm going to write down every single thing he says. If you keep moving, you have to stay up. So I started writing everything he says. This was Rabbi Pinto in the city. It's very interesting, but I still didn't do teshuva. Here and there, I started doing tefillin. giving some tzedakah, whatever I had. Money was running out the door faster than I could count. But anybody that needed help and I had some money, I'd give it to them. It never really meant much to me, as far as money is concerned. It's like making it again. Eventually, my health started deteriorating to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. I reached my limit. Obviously, Hashem knew. And that's when the first miracle happened. My mom saw me in a really, really bad condition, and you know how moms are; they understand you completely without you saying a word. She knew that I didn't have much time left, at least not psychologically. So she decided to take one of these phone books that she has collected over the years. These phone books are filled with rabbis' names from all over the world with their phone numbers, and she starts calling every single rabbi in the book. For almost two hours, she's calling rabbis.

5:19But nobody's answering the phone today. Then, she reaches a number in Israel, a different country. A woman answers the phone. She asks for a certain rabbi. The woman says, "I'm sorry, it's the wrong phone number. There's no such rabbi in Hebrew." My mom breaks down and starts crying to this strange lady over the phone. And then... Hashem shows us Himself. And the woman says, Doris? Which is my mother's name. She says, who is this? How do you know my name? She dialed the wrong phone number in a different country. And she got to not only a person that knows who she is, but also recognizes her voice, which is not very easy, by the way, especially since they had never talked to each other on the phone in their life. but is also the only person that can help. And she says, who is this? She goes, this is Penina, your niece. How did I get to you? I don't even have your phone number. We've never talked on the phone. She says, I don't know. But if you got to me, then obviously Hashem has a reason. Why are you crying? She tells her the story. My son is dying. I need some help. I need to speak to a rabbi. She says, why don't you talk to my brother, Rabbi Ephraim?

6:46It's a big Talmid Chacham. Although very young, he's extremely accomplished. He's written six books by the time he was in his early twenties. He's one of the Talmidim of Rav Ovadia. He finished the Shas four times before he was twenty. This is somebody special. This is one of these people that's not from this world. He's the wrong generation. Why don't you talk to him? These extra facts I added that I know about him. But she said he's a Talmid Chacham. I found out these facts later. She says, "Will you talk to me?" She goes, "Yeah, of course. You're Doda Doris from America. You're the Aunt Doris from America. Of course, I'm going to talk to you. You're a famous aunt from America." She calls Rabbi Ephraim. Rabbi Ephraim is, of course, esteemed like the Talmid Chacham that he is. But he calls her back. And she starts crying to Rabbi Ephraim. Now, I did not know that Rabbi Ephraim existed. Because when I left Israel, he was still a child. He was born maybe a couple of years before. He's younger than I am. I didn't know he existed. I didn't know anything about him. And he didn't really know much about me. So he asked my mom, does he speak Hebrew?

8:03And she says, "Yeah, he speaks a little bit. He speaks Hebrew." "Okay, so can I call him?" "No, he won't talk to you. He barely talks to us. Barely talks to his own family." And at that very moment, which I found out later, I called my mom for the first time in years. The real reason why I called my mom is because I figured that if I'm going to commit suicide, I should be nice to my mom for a little while. I got to my peak, called my mom. My mom is hysterical, crying, and she says, "Talk to him." I said, "To who?" She's hysterical. "Talk to Efraim." "Who's Efraim? What do you want me to talk about? Why are you crying? What does Efraim do that you're crying because of him?" "No, he can talk to him. He can help you. He can help you." I said, "Okay. Anyone you want can just call me. Just stop crying." So, Efraim calls me. He tells me the story of Yehuda and Tamar. I find it very interesting. I start asking him questions, questions I had my whole life. And for the first time in my life, I get answers. But not just answers, I get answers with sources. If you ask me questions, sometimes I'll provide you a source. Sometimes I'll tell you I'll get back to you.

9:32But he was something different. A tzadik. And not only that, when I would ask a question, he'd make me feel good about it. I'd ask a question, he'd say, oh yeah, this rabbi asked the same question as you 852 years ago. In this sefer, on this daf, this paragraph. And he gives me exactly what it says. How do you remember the page, b'chlal? Who thinks about the daf? I thought I was smart. This guy was a malach? So then I ask another question. He goes, oh, what a great question. It makes you feel so good. I'm like, yeah, of course I ask the same question. What do you mean? I'm from Wall Street. Of course I ask the same question as the Rambam. Little do I know that I'm closer to being a monkey than the Rambam. He says, oh, yeah, this rabbi asked the same question 412 years ago. In this section, this paragraph, on this page. And I ask everything. So the first conversation was very nice, lasting an hour and 40 minutes. The following week, he calls me on Thursday at 4 o'clock. We have a conversation for 3 hours. Same thing: questions, answers, sources. The following week, Thursday at 4 o'clock, it’s a 5-hour conversation. The week after, again on Thursday at 4 o'clock, it’s a 7-hour conversation. Straight through. The whole time discussing Torah, but with questions about everything.

10:53Business, money, dinosaurs, science, anything you can think of. I couldn't believe it. I was getting answers. It was like a high. Something unbelievable. The pain all of a sudden was not relevant. I didn't care if I was in pain or not. I was getting answers. Finally, you're finding the reason for even being in this world. You're finally getting answers. Getting answers for anyone that hasn't gotten answers in their life, you have to try. As Hashem says to us in Sefer Devarim chapter 4, if you look for me, you'll find me. But only if you look for me with all of your heart and all of your soul. You can't look for Hashem like a cat. You look behind the garage, oh he's not here, we're going to buy another one. It's not fish you look at in the aquarium. I think maybe it died. No, Hashem is the purpose of life. Hashem is everything. Without Hashem, you have nothing. Dedicate your life to finding Hashem. Without Hashem, you have nothing. I had millions, yet I had nothing.

12:17With the millions in the bank, it's still having nothing, still being depressed, still being miserable every day. The reason I worked so much was to escape the misery I actually lived. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.