Interesting Questions & Answers About Wasting Seed (11 Minutes)

1:33It's more than our entire Gemara. Just as one tractate is bigger than our entire Gemara. So how? If he knew that his wife can't bring children to the world, he knew. It wasn't a secret. He knew. He's a prophet. His wife was a prophetess. They knew. Why are they still doing it? What are they trying for? You know it's not going to happen. It's wasting seed, no? So Chazal explains, I believe this is from Midrash HaGadol, and maybe there's an actual source in the Zohar. that all of those seeds that they used for the 90 years of not having children, or obviously a little less than that, ended up creating the neshamot (souls) of all the gerim (converts). Which is part of the reason why every convert says, "My father is Avraham," he created you 4,000 years ago. So what happens to people who aren't like,

2:35I'm doing it. Obviously, those days... Do they get recycled? Like, do they go back up and then... Yeah, go ahead. It's similar to what you're saying. And even for us, let's say, what about, okay, if a woman is pregnant, are you wasting seed? No. So, here's the thing. You're responsible for effort, not outcome. In life in general, Hashem does not punish you for effort. He punishes you for lack of effort. The outcome is only in His hands, just like we were talking about at the beginning of this shiur. We really can't do anything. Everything is Hashem. One of the ten remembrances, the tenth remembrance, or the ninth remembrance, which you have to repeat every day after Shacharit, or at any point during the day, is that Hashem, in essence, is responsible for everything, responsible for parnassah, and so on. This, in essence, is a reminder that not only is He responsible for parnassah, He's responsible for everything. Because you, as a human being, can't do anything. You want to believe you can do something, but in reality, you can't. You can, you know, depend on Hashem. You want to move your hand? Hashem has to allow you to move your hand. You want to see? Hashem has to allow your eyes to see. You want to think? Hashem has to allow your brain to function. And so on. Hashem is everything.

3:51So in essence, we are responsible for effort, for trying, for exerting effort, but as far as the outcome, what actually happens as a result of that effort, that is something that only Hashem can decide. You can work, not nine to five, but 24 hours a day, and still be poor. There are many, many people that work very, very hard, much harder than all of us put together, and they're still broke. And there are some people who barely work and are multi-millionaires. Multi-millionaires. Why? Hashem decided he's going to be a millionaire and he's going to be broke. The outcome is not because you're a hard worker. Don't think you became rich because you're a hard worker. Don't think you became successful because you're smart. Don't think your wife is beautiful because you're so wonderful. Hashem decided this, and Hashem decided that. In essence, getting to the bottom line of your question: Hashem is responsible for the outcome. We are responsible for the effort. You are obligated as a man to try to fulfill the mitzvah of "piryah u'rivyah," of bringing children into the world. A woman is not obligated, but obviously, it's a nice partnership. So now, you're responsible to try. Whether you're going to have children or not, it's not up to you.

5:11But you have to try. And you're not allowed to not try until you at least fulfill the mitzvah, which means you have had at least one boy and one girl. This is the reason why there's no heter to take birth control pills just because you want to have fun. You're only allowed to take birth control pills if there is some medical issue or if you just gave birth. You have to get rabbinical approval to do it, not just because you feel like having fun. No, we're still too young, or we want to go on vacation this year, and I want to look good in my bikini. There's no detail. So you have to fulfill the mitzvah of p'ru u'rvu because, in essence, you can; you have to do it. So now, if two people fulfill that mitzvah, they try to bring children to the world, and they do their share, and there's no child, it's not their problem. It's Hashem's problem. He decided there's not gonna be a kid. Somebody who is 60 years old or 70 years old, they can't. Physically, they can't bring a kid into the world. She already went through that time. She already passed that time. His seed doesn't work, something. It can't happen. Physically, it cannot happen. It's not your problem. You're responsible for the effort. The outcome, that's Hashem's business. If someone understands this, everything in their life changes.

6:32Same thing obviously applies to someone who is pregnant. If a woman is pregnant, she cannot become pregnant again. This is evident. Additionally, this should not be your concern. The primary reason Hashem made intimacy pleasurable is that, without the enjoyment, no one would desire to have children. If just one person in a neighborhood had a child, and others observed the challenges and complications involved, no one else would be inclined to become parents. Therefore, Hashem ensured it would be pleasurable. If the intention was for humans to behave merely like animals, devoid of enjoyment, then there would be no children, and the world would ultimately face destruction. So, He made it enjoyable, which means you're supposed to enjoy it. But there's a kosher way to enjoy intimacy. You don't have to be a lion. You can enjoy intimacy, but there's a kosher way to do it. So, Hashem gave us a certain amount of privileges, a certain amount of time to spend with our wives, a certain amount of time not to spend with our wives, a certain amount of time to be together, and a certain amount of time not to be together. certain amount of time it could happen that you are pregnant, certain amount of time when it cannot happen. The point is that as long as you are within those boundaries, your life will be wonderful. Your intimate life, your spiritual life, material life, everything will be wonderful. As soon as you start going out of that circle and start creating your own circle,

7:43That's when problems begin. Yeah. But is that only under the context in which you engage in a traditional sexual encounter with the intention to procreate within the woman? Yes. Well, as long as you are performing intimacy in a kosher way. So that means that the semen has to go in the place it's supposed to go. Otherwise, it's considered spilling seed. It's considered wasting seed. If it's going anywhere else in the body or anywhere else, then it's considered spilling seed. We learned this from Er and Onan. Er and Onan, who were the two children of Yehuda, They both had the same wife. And both of them were killed by Hashem, even though this was before Matan Torah. This was even before the Torah. The reason why is because they both found Tamar to be ultra-beautiful. She was one of the most beautiful women that ever existed. They thought, "If she gets pregnant, it will ruin her beauty." So they ejaculated, but not inside her. Instead, elsewhere. Hashem said, "Oh, okay. You don’t want to bring kids to the world? Fine. I don’t need you either." So He killed both of them.

8:45This is also one of the major sources from which we learn that wasting seed is also a sin for goyim. It's not to the same level of sin as for Jews, but it is definitely something that Hashem frowns upon and views as reprehensible. So, in essence, when it comes to seed, you're supposed to try. Seed is supposed to go in the vagina. There's no other place that a woman can get pregnant. And as long as it's there, you're fine. Whether there's a baby or not is not your business. Whether you become rich or not, it's not your business. Whether you are going to become a Talmid Chacham or not, it's not your business. You are just supposed to try. As long as you try, they can't complain about you. You go up to Shamayim, and they won't say, "Listen, Amos, why weren't you Moshe Rabbeinu?" What do you mean? You made me Amos. I gave you Moshe Rabbeinu. Oh, you know what? You're right. You have to be Amos. That's what Rabbi Zusha said. They would ask Rabbi Zusha, "Rabbi, what are you trying to be your whole life? What are you trying to be?" He would respond, "I'm just trying to be Zusha." What about Rabbi Akiva, Moshe Rabbeinu, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai? He would say, "No, no, I'm just trying to be Zusha. Just Zusha, not even Rabbi Zusha, just Zusha."

10:08Why Zusha? He says, because when I go up to Shamayim, they're not going to ask me, why weren't you Moshe Rabbeinu? Why weren't you Rabbi Akiva? They made me Zusha. I'm going to be Zusha. I'm going to be the best possible Zusha I can be. So you have to try to be the best version of yourself. Not someone else. But that also means you can't waste time. You can't just spend your time with pilpul. Pilpul means just mental stimulation for absolutely no reason whatsoever. So, focus on meaningful pursuits that help you grow and fulfill your purpose in this world. It's like, you know, there's a word for it in English that I keep forgetting. What is it? Entertainment? No, no, it's not for entertainment. Yes, I guess it's entertaining, but that's not the purpose. There's something else it conveys. Whatever it is, you understand the message. Go ahead.