Personality Test From Heaven (MUST WATCH & RELEARN FOR ALL)

1:24Obviously, a person that has no yirat Shamayim. Why no yirat Shamayim? Because if he understood the cost of anger, he would never get angry so often. Maybe he would still get angry, but not so often. So, last night we talked about the person that is angered easily and pacified easily. This is a very common thing, and this is a very, very dangerous place to be. Because a person that thinks, listen, yeah, I get angry, but I calm down pretty quickly. I get angry, yeah, I get angry, but I calm down. Everybody gets angry. That's what he's telling you. Everybody gets angry. And even this Mishnah says we're not talking about five different types of temperaments, we're talking about only four. And one of them is that a person doesn't get angry. Such a thing doesn't exist. Everyone gets angry. So he says, okay, since I get angry, fine, I get angry, but I'm pacified easily. I calm down pretty quickly. It's okay then, right? No. Why? Because allowing yourself to think that it's okay to be angry means you do not understand the cost of being angry.

2:39And one of those causes is that you're going to destroy relationships. You're going to destroy lives. You're going to destroy neshamos. You're going to destroy a lot of things in those moments of anger, not only because you got angry, but even more so because you don't think there's anything wrong with it. So you're never going to fix it. You're thinking it's just like anything else. People get stomachaches, people get headaches. Okay, people get angry. No. No. Stomachaches are beyond your abilities and beyond your control; headaches are beyond your control. Anger, however, is within your control. Thinking that it's okay to be angry already makes you a very dangerous person, and the fact that you calm down quickly is working against you. It's the way that the yetzer hara allows you to pacify yourself that makes you very dangerous. Now then, the other person is someone who is hard to anger but also hard to pacify. As we discussed, this is a very dangerous person. Because a person like this, even though he doesn't get angry for a while, since he is hard to pacify, it means that he holds onto his anger to the extent that it can become malice, to the point where it can become vengeful, and he desires to take revenge.

4:05Revenge is something people think is good to have. There are even funny sayings about it like "Revenge is sweet." However, there's nothing like revenge. People think it's a good thing to take revenge, but they don't realize revenge belongs to Hashem, not to anyone else. Someone just asked me last night, "Listen, someone is disrespecting my family. He divorced my sister and now he's saying bad things about the family. What should I do?" Serious question: What should I do? What do you think I would answer? Oh, you should murder him like, what do you think I'm going to tell you? I said nothing—do nothing. Let Hashem run the world. He doesn't need your help. He doesn't need your help to run the world. If the guy is wicked, Hashem will take care of him. We're not here to be judges or juries. We're not here to deliver the death penalty to anyone. We're not here to punch anyone. We're not here to punish anyone. We're here to inform people. That's all we're here to do. So a person who is hard to anger, but is also hard to pacify, his loss is offset by his gain. Even though this person is hard to appease, his flaw is not very damaging, according to one of the opinions, because he is slow to anger in the first place. This could be used for good. How good is it if his outbursts are occasional?

5:33They are occasional. That means that there's enough power. He has enough willpower to pretty much not get angry at all. So on the good side, if he's hard to anger to begin with, this could be very good. The Sfat Emet says that a person who's easily angered and easily appeased, which is the first one, is worse off than this one. Is worse off than someone that's hard to anger and hard to appease. This is because it's easy to find ways to prevent such a person's anger from exploding in the first place. The first type of person is hard to appease initially; he's always angry, and it takes him a while to calm down. So it's easier to control this person, as one who falls into the pattern of getting angry easily and being easily appeased under the first condition. can lose perspective and begin to accept this anger as natural. Exactly like we said. Saying exactly, it doesn't matter if I'm angry. It'll soon pass, he says to himself. It's everything going to be fine. Like it says in the Book of Devarim. Everything is fine. Peace is going to be upon me. What does Hashem say about people that say peace is going to be upon me and they don't do teshuva? He says, I'll never forgive those people.

7:02The very following verse says, those people that say, peace be upon me, everything's going to be fine, there's no need for me to do teshuva, I'm okay. Hashem says, those people, I'll never forgive them. Mamash, a scary, scary statement. Hashem says, you look at the Torah, even people that murdered, it's explicit. The Ten Commandments, the sixth commandment is "lo tirtzach" - do not murder. There's teshuva for those people. There's teshuva for those people, and Hashem says their penalty is the death penalty. But He doesn't say, "I'll never forgive them." He doesn't say that. They have a punishment; they have to pay the punishment. They have to pay the bill, but at some point, it ends. At some point, it ends. But the person that says, rabbotai, a person that says in chapter 29, verse 18, in the book of Devarim,

8:03Peace will be upon me, though I walk as my heart sees fit, meaning he does whatever is good in his heart. The very next verse says Hashem will not be willing to forgive him, for then Hashem's anger and jealousy will smoke against that man, and the entire implication written in this book will come down upon him. Hashem will erase his name from under the heavens, meaning a person who says, "No, I'm good." You must do teshuva. You come to shiur, and they say, "No, no, I'm good. I'm good where I'm at. I don't need to do teshuva. I don't need to attend shiur. I'm good. I'm a good person." Hashem says he loses Olam Haba. This is mamash the definition. A person loses Olam Haba for what? For just saying something simple like, "I'm good. I don't need to come to shiur. I'm okay. Mussar is too old. It's not for me." So, it's very, very dangerous to think that we're okay. Very dangerous. Teshuva is something that's one of the 613 mitzvot in the Torah. It's not just an opinion. It's not just a movement. It's one of the 613 mitzvot in the Torah. And even a murderer, according to the Torah, the sixth commandment is "Do not murder." Someone that murders...

9:27loses his right to live. They kill him. Death penalty. The Sanhedrin executes him. But even that person, Hashem says, he has teshuva. He's going to get punished, but he eventually gets to Olam HaBa. He eventually gets to Olam HaBa, depending on who, what, when, and how. But if it's, let's say, for example, someone that, aside from committing murder, was keeping Shabbat, mitzvot, and so on and so forth, and that was his one sin, he still has a share in the World to Come. On the other hand, a person says, no, no, I'm good. I'm good. I don't need to do anything. This is a person that loses the olam haba. Do you understand the risk here of not understanding the cost of our sins? So this, rabotai, this, rabotai, just gives us a little bit of an understanding that if we don't understand, it's risky. Not understanding is risky. It's expensive.

10:31So, the Sfat Emet continues and says, that this person tells himself that the bitterness and pain he caused everyone else is something not to forget. Don't forget about it, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal, forget about it. This is what makes it worse. On the other hand, this specific middah, where a person finds it hard to get angry but... Hard to pacify too. He says this is not so with such a person. These types of things are not as dangerous. Why? Because when he does become angry, he suffers the consequences of his temper for so long and with such intensity that he might as well attempt to cure himself of his fault. In the long run, therefore, he's better off. So there's one opinion here that a person that is hard to anger but hard to pacify is better off than the first case. is better off than the first case. The Me'iri, however, inverts it. It's the opposite. It says, actually, he's worse. For the same reason that we told you before. Yes, he's hard to anger. He's hard. But, when he does lose his temper, the effect is lasting. When he finally loses his temper, he can cause significant harm, such as causing immense damage to property or people.

11:59Okay, he hasn't lost his temper in two years. Yeah, but those two years were already filled with consequences; we're still paying the bill on that one. We still have half the house broken. There are still holes in the walls from that incident. So, that person becomes more dangerous. Now, the next one is someone who is hard to anger but is pacified easily. Not only is he good in regard to anger, he doesn't get angry quickly; it takes a while to anger him. But on top of that, he gets pacified easily. This is what the Torah calls a Hasid. Last week we talked about what it means to be a Chasid with money. Someone who says, "Mine is yours and yours is yours," meaning all he wants to do is give to others. That's a Chasid with money. But when it comes to middot, when it comes to character traits, do you want to be a Chasid? Do you want to be Kodesh Kodashim? Do you want to be like a miniature Moshe Rabbeinu? Learn this: Don't get angry quickly. And anytime you do get angry, forgive right away. Right away. Even if they're 100% wrong, forgive promptly.

13:14It's not your fault, even if they're 100% wrong. Somebody came to you. Your wife upset you. She did something terrible, horrible. She cursed you out or something. One time she lost her mind, she cursed you. I'm not talking about these women that talk like truck drivers and think it's okay; that's not what I'm talking about. Personally, by the way, you should know if you want to marry a woman, you must consider her character and speech. You want to know what she's going to look like in the future? If she curses, just so you know, it's only a matter of time before she's going to curse your mother. In the beginning, she's cursing the people. Later on, she's cursing you. Eventually, she's going to curse your mother. So before you get married, think twice. It's not exactly a good middah to have a truck driver's mouth. Not a male, not a female. It's a horrible thing to do. To such an extent, the Gemara says a person that curses, even if it was decided on Rosh Hashanah that he's going to get 70 years of blessings, one curse, one curse can overturn 70 years of blessings into the opposite, into curses. One curse. That's the price, Rabbi Tai. Before you say "F you," and "this you," and "that you," and all the "you," think about it. Think about it.

14:37Expensive. It's expensive. So, a person needs to know that if his wife did something horrible, or the husband did something horrible, and he insulted you, called you a name, cursed at you, yelled at you, whatever. Meaning still controlled and civilized. I'm not talking about somebody that beats up his wife. Somebody that beats up his wife should be going to jail. I'm talking about normal people. Things happen sometimes. The guy loses his temper. He pushes the wife. It's absolutely wrong, but we can't classify this as the same level as the guy that gave his wife six black eyes in the last two months. It's not the same level. Certain things happen, certain things people lose their minds. Hashem forgives such people. If a person like that doesn't do teshuva, you're not allowed to count them in a minyan. A person that beats his wife, you're not allowed to count them in a minyan. You have to put them in cherem until he does teshuva. But in normal situations, still things happen. And in Shamayim, when they want to get your attention...

15:59How do they get it usually? They send your wife. That's your mirror. If you want to know how they feel about you in Shamayim, look at your Shalom Bayit. Shalom Bayit doesn't exist? In Shamayim, there's no Shalom Bayit for you either. You should know this. No parnassah? It's because there's no Shalom Bayit. You're sick? That's because there's no Shalom Bayit. Shalom Bayit is a big deal in Shamayim. Hashem is willing to erase His name for the sake of Shalom Bayit. We learn from Ma'aseh Sotah how they identify the wayward woman by Hashem allowing them to take His name, write it on a scroll, put it into the holy water, and the name gets erased through this action just for the sake of finding out if she cheated or she didn't cheat. Ordinarily, you're not allowed to erase Hashem's name. But Hashem says for this, erase My name; it's a mitzvah. So, shalom bayit is important to Hashem, but let's say, for example, something happened: The guy had a bad day and he lost his mind on his wife, or the opposite; the wife had a bad day, the kids are crying, climbing up the walls, driving her crazy. The husband got upset, gave her a face because the food wasn't hot enough or something, and she lost her mind and cursed him and his mother.

17:27Things like this happen. This is real life. So what do you do? It depends. You want to be a rasha? You want to be a tzaddik. If you want to be a rasha, follow the yetzer hara. You want to be a rasha? Do immediately what you're inclined to do. Yell back. Yell back. Yell even more, curse even more. You want a villa over there? Nice, go. Follow the Yetzer Hara, do exactly as he tells you. Today he tells you to curse, tomorrow he's going to tell you to hit, the next day he's going to tell you to murder, go. Be an animal. You want to be a tzaddik? You want to be a chassid? Forgive her immediately. Yeah, but she's wrong. Exactly. But she cursed me and my mom and my dad. Exactly. That's what makes you a chassid. You forgive her or you forgive him immediately with no conditions. Not one of these conditions like, "Listen, but don't do it again," or "I'm going to remember this and we'll check again." No, no, no. Forgive like it never happened. In fact, take the opposite approach. You say, "Listen, I know you're stressed out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." They might respond, "What do you mean sorry? You didn't do anything." But you should say, "No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we got to this point."

18:42You want to be a tzadik? You want to be a tzadeket? That's what you do. Why? Because you're going to need this argument in Shamayim. Why? All the sins you make, what do you think they forgot about in Shamayim? In Shamayim, they say, “Look, look at all the sins you made." Yeah, yeah, but can you forgive me? Did you forgive your husband? Did you forgive your wife when she was late one time by 37 seconds? When the food wasn't hot, or when she forgot to cook, did you forgive her, or did you make her remember it for the rest of her life? So, you want to be a Chasid? A real Chasid forgives immediately. No conditions. Immediately. Why? That's Ratzon Hashem. That is the will of Hashem. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. It has to do with you wanting to do what Hashem wants you to do. I'm not saying that you have to become some placemat for your spouse to walk on you all day. What I am saying is that you have to forgive. If your spouse is using your forgiving them as an excuse to make you into a placemat, you have made a bad choice in spouses. It's your fault to begin with. Why did you pick them?

20:09Why'd you pick such a person that's so evil, that's going to take advantage of a good middah, a good character trait, and turn it into something terrible? There's something wrong in the marriage. It's not just this. There's something else. It's not a normal thing. It's not a normal thing for a normal human being, even. Forget just a Jew, a religious Jew. A normal human being normally does not return bad for good to the person that's the most close to them, their spouse. If the wife makes the husband happy, he will, in return, make her happy. If the husband makes the wife happy, she'll try to make him happy too. They may not necessarily always succeed, but they'll try. But they're definitely not going to return bad for good. Meaning that if it's happening that you're always forgiving, yet he's always giving you more reasons to be upset, there's something else wrong. There's something else there. You may not really be forgiving; he may not really be taking it as you forgiving. There's something else in the water. It's not normal. It's not a normal thing for a person to return evil for good. So, a person that gets to such a level, whose heart is slow to anger and easily pacified, is a Hasid. So what does it mean?

21:31Who has great patience and forbearance to such an extent that he almost never arouses anger? This is truly a chasid. How does he deal with this anger silently? He silently bears whatever Divine Providence allots him in life and does not allow himself to be provoked by insults. This, up to now, was according to the Rambam.