Shiur Torah # 95 Wasting Seed, The Self-Made Physical & Spiritual Gehinom PART 4

1:34If you're married, Baruch Hashem, you have your wife. If you're single, if there was a way to not go to the bathroom, I would tell you not to go to the bathroom. Because when you're single, it's almost impossible. The third thing is, if you're single, you have to find yourself a wife. Stop being one of these people who are 40 years old and still looking for the perfect woman. Find a wife, be a normal person, and don't worry about it. You'll develop love over time. I'm serious. There are a bunch of guys that I went to school with. They're in their 40s and 45. They're still looking for the perfect one. What are they looking for, in clubs? No, they couldn't find the perfect one. They thought they had found her. When? 20 years ago. Okay, what about now? They're 45 years old. What are they waiting for? Find a woman. Settle down. Get a wife. That's it. She doesn't have to be, you know, the number one person on earth. Just find somebody, settle down, and develop love over time. If you have something in common, if you can tolerate each other, if you can have a connection and chemistry, that's it. It doesn't have to be like a Marilyn Monroe and, you know, one of these other, I don't know, Brad Pitt or something. Just normal people. Build a family. Build a future. Just have something in common.

2:53There doesn't need to be this shidduch crisis that we have today. It's all because we can't watch our eyes. The men cannot stop looking at immodest women, so they think that the tzaddekes who just came from Bais Yaakov is supposed to look like the woman he saw dressed immodestly in the mall. And unfortunately, some women are very materialistic, and they expect... Why? Because they watch TV, they look at these magazines, and they see that all these celebrities have this and that. So, the guy is chasing money to keep up with the girl's expectations, and they both drive each other crazy. There shouldn't be a shidduch crisis. There's plenty of men and plenty of women. Every single day, I have someone asking me if I have a shidduch for them. How could it be? There are guys who want shidduchim, and there are girls who want shidduchim. What, you can't meet each other? What's the problem? Find yourself a wife. If it's not because of anything else, it's to stop this sin. Stop this sin. I'm telling you, it's such a horrendous sin. I had a lot of health problems. Anyone that wants to know my personal story, you can watch last night's video. It's online. B'ezrat Hashem, it will be online tonight. I know suffering. One thing I understand is suffering. I had many, many years of suffering.

4:14Pain, and screaming, and surgeries, and pills. All types of wonderful suffering. Baruch Hashem, I know what suffering is. I'm an expert in suffering. You want to know again? It looks like I could tell you. In this world, not the other one, I know what it looks like. I know what suffering is. You don't want it. You don't want suffering. It's a nightmare. You got to get yourself a wife. It's number two. If you don't have a wife, get yourself a wife. Work on it. Work on it. It has to become, aside from learning Torah, it has to become number one. Number three, just as the Rambam says, the only type of people that waste seed, spend their time on this stuff, are people that are empty-minded. They have no chochmah. They have nothing in their head. So they're bored to death. And boredom leads to sin, like Shlomo HaMelech told us. Can't be bored. Can't find yourself bored. What do you have to do? You have to go learn Torah. Stop being a batlan, doing nothing with your life. Watching sports is boredom. Watching television is boredom. You can watch TV for nine hours and not even realize nine hours passed. Because your neshama went to sleep. Your body is just dead. Nothing happens. Whether the guy died or he lived, whether the team won or not, it doesn't affect your life. You're just wasting your life.

5:39You have to spend time developing your neshama, developing your brain. Ari HaKadosh here says, you want to rectify all the seed that you wasted? You have to sweat for mitzvot. Because each drop of sweat that comes out of your body due to a mitzvah is fixing one drop of seed that came out of your body. So, on Simchat Torah, You should be the guy that runs around and sweats his eyes out with the Torah celebrating the mitzvah. You're supposed to be happy. Run around, have a good time. If it's hard in the kollel, you should study even more. Hard in yeshiva, study extra. Sweat doing a mitzvah. Literally sweat. Because each one of them is mamash helping you out. The most important thing is you have to learn difficult Torah. Learning nice Sipurei Tzadikim, listening to a nice story, yeah, it's fine, it's good, it's not bad. But for this sin, you have to choose your suffering. There are two types of suffering as far as this Teshuva. It's either suffering by your choice, or suffering that's not your choice. So it's either you force yourself to learn difficult Gemara and pretty much...

7:07to the point of ripping your hair out of your head, and struggling at 1:30 in the morning. Instead of going and getting 8 hours of sleep, you only got 5, because you struggled to learn some Torah. Otherwise, Hashem is going to give you different suffering. You don't want that suffering. You have to struggle. That's what "Amal BaTorah" is. The Or HaChaim, in one of his 42 pirushim, says it means "Amal BaTorah." means difficult Torah, learning Torah. It's difficult, it's not easy. The Midrashim, they're nice. Sippurei Tzaddikim is nice. A little tape here, a little CD there, it's all nice. But if it's easy for you, it's not going to fix the sin. It's good for Torah, but not enough if you have the sin like pretty much every single person that's alive today.

8:20A few things and I'll finish. This is really more for the women than anything else. Every time the men look at women, they're not really doing her any favors. A woman walks around like a prostitute and doesn't want to wear any clothes, or the clothes she does wear become like a second skin. It's so tight that you can pretty much tell exactly what she looks like. She has to understand that each time She walks around like this, and the demons are following her. Why? Because she falls into this description. The Mishnah, Pirkei Avot 5:21, states, "Kol hamezakeh et harabim, ein chet ba al yado, vekol hamechti et harabim, ein maspikim beyado la'asot teshuva." Whoever influences the masses to become meritorious, meaning to do teshuva, shall not be the cause of sin. Someone who is doing zikuy harabim, organizing lectures, giving lectures, distributing CDs, publicizing Torah, and trying to get people to do teshuva, Hashem is going to give them special protection. Hashem is going to help them in a big way if they're not committing this major sin. By committing this major sin, you're cutting your connection with Hashem.

9:48But one who influences the public, influences the masses to sin, will not be given the means to repent. A woman that walks around, a modest woman walks around, she doesn't realize that every single time she walks around, it's not really the problem that she walks around that way. God doesn't actually care whether you wear a tank top, or you wear a tube top, or you wear nothing. Or you wear modest clothes. God knows exactly what you look like. He created you. It's that every single step that you take has another guy looking at you, and every single second that he looks at you is a sin. Every time he sins, you and he create a demon. And neither one of them ever leaves. So, a woman that goes from Avenue 15 to Avenue 20...

10:49thinks, "Oh, she looks cute with her new mini skirt." Doesn't realize, just from Avenue 15 to Avenue 20, a thousand men looked at her. She just created a few thousand demons for herself and for them. Who wants that problem? We all have enough problems in our life. What do we need this for? She becomes a machti haRabim, one who causes the public, the masses, to sin. People don't understand. It's not about Hashem caring about your clothing style or not. He cares about His children. He cares about what His children look like and how they behave. This is why even the Goyim must be modest. Because if a Goya walks around immodestly and she causes a Jew to sin, it's a major problem. She has a major, major problem with Hashem. Exactly. But it’s even bigger when she's causing one of His sons to sin. For example, in the Torah, it mentions that anyone who commits a sin with an animal, which is bestiality, is viewed by Hashem as equivalent to homosexuality. That’s why they are always mentioned together, side by side, in the Torah. Homosexuality and bestiality, although in this generation, it seems like it’s...

12:17Almost both of them are considered normal in society, but at least being homosexual is accepted; they even have parades for them. However, in reality, in Hashem's eyes, it is not accepted. He views it as akin to a man being with an animal or a woman being with an animal. The Torah says that if a man sins with an animal, or a woman sins with an animal, both of them are deserving of punishment. Now, okay, fine, you killed the guy, I understand, he's crazy, he doesn't deserve to live. But what are you killing the animal for? What, the cow winked at him? Why are you killing the animal? What did she do? Chazal (our Sages of Blessed Memory) say it's because Hashem doesn't want to look at her and be reminded that for her, he had to kill one of his sons. Understand? So Hashem and the woman that walks around immodestly, He knows that because of her, He has to send a bunch of his sons to concentration camps. So people don't understand how important modesty is. We made a lot of sins throughout our generations. Hashem had mercy on us in every single generation. He had mercy on us. He almost destroyed us several times, but He had mercy on us. He loves us.

13:42We sinned with the Golden Calf. He had mercy on us. He gave us a warning. We sinned with the manna. He gave us a warning. We complained. He gave us a warning. Idol worship—He gave us a warning. Before the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed, we received countless warnings. The second Beit HaMikdash, we received countless warnings. Before He punished us, we received countless warnings. Except once. Only one time in the entire Torah, only one time in the entire history did we not get warnings. Parashat Balak. When Balak and Bilaam tried to curse Am Yisrael, Bilaam's curse did not work and turned into a blessing. So he told Balak, "Listen, I can't curse them because their God protects them. But if you want to beat them..." Send all your women there. Send all your immodest women over there. No kisui rosh, miniskirts, tight jeans. Send all of them over there. Why? Their God hates zima. What's zima? Zima is immodesty, prostitution. As soon as the women arrived, Am Yisrael sinned.

15:10Kozbi. This shows the seriousness of their sin and the zeal of Pinchas for Hashem's honor. This plague was a direct consequence of the actions of Zimri and Kozbi, highlighting how certain transgressions can lead to immediate and severe repercussions. Such events remind us of the importance of living in accordance with Hashem's commandments and maintaining the sanctity of the Israelite camp. And with the leaders of the women also, we see this punishment, which is different. Even though idol worship seems really bad--it is. Chilul Shabbat, really bad. Complaining to Hashem, bad. Everything is bad. When we do anything that's against Hashem, it's bad. But in modesty, Hashem says, [when you act immodestly,] you're killing my children. This is why you see today, so many women getting so many different diseases. Where are they getting these diseases? In the reproductive organs. Where's the number one cancer for both males and females today?

16:41those exact areas, right? The areas for women, the areas for men, private areas—this is where the disease is. Hashem is telling us, it's like, well, Hashem is telling us you have to act like Jews, not like the people of Sodom, not like the people of Noach. And that's why women... have to work on their modesty, and they also have to work on their husbands. You have to make sure you do not allow your husband for one second to look at other women. It's never okay. Ever. Because you're protecting him. If he starts doing it, the children are going to do it. That's the thing, it's just that once a kid starts with it, Chazal says there's almost no way to do teshuva for wasting seed. Why? Because it's the biggest addiction there is; it's more addictive than crack. So much so that this Rav who wrote this medical book 190 years ago said that even when he told the guy, "Listen, I cured you, now you made yourself worse."

18:00If you continue wasting seed, you're 100% going to die. One after another, after another, gentlemen continued and continued until they ended up killing themselves. That’s how addictive it is. So you have to overcome it. It's a big deal. It's a big deal in Hashem's eyes. It's also a big deal in Hashem's eyes that you don't cause men to do that. If a woman is responsible for a man using that as an excuse for wasting seed, she's a partner in the crime. And that's the big thing that people need to understand. This is going to be a wake-up call for whoever can hear this shiur at full length and actually get some yirat shamayim. Because the biggest compliment that Hashem gave to Avraham Avinu after the Akeidah is, now I know that you're in awe of Me. After he passed ten tests. Ten tests. He was just about to sacrifice his own son.

19:02Hashem, Hashem stops him and says, "No, no, don't lay your hand on him, because now I know that you fear Me." So fear, unlike what this generation thinks, is not only a good thing; it's a compliment. After Avraham Avinu died, He called Avraham "My lover." But during his life, he called him and said the highest level of compliment he told him is that now I know you fear Me. Fearing Hashem is the foundation. It's the beginning. If you have no fear of Hashem, the shiur is not even relevant to you. Nothing is going to help you. You have to develop fear of Hashem. Pay attention to Him. Notice Him. Believe in Him and follow what He says. Any questions? You have questions. I know it's soon. The camera's off, so you guys have to have questions. Usually, when the camera's on, no one asks any questions. Camera's off. It's 500 questions. Yesterday, I think I said questions. Nobody asked any questions. I shut off the camera. We stayed there until 2 o'clock in the morning. There are even more sources, but I think you guys get the point. On the girls' side...

20:26You have to make sure that your husband knows this information so he doesn't ever think it's okay. You have to ensure that you're not the reason why anyone else becomes a sinner, not just your husband but anyone else. For men, it all starts with keeping your eyes clean. And you begin working on Yirat Shamayim. To gain Yirat Shamayim, you have to engage in learning consistently. You need to study Gemara and Mussar regularly, every day. Learning only once a week, even if it's for 24 hours straight, isn't sufficient. It's more beneficial to dedicate two hours each day to learning, rather than cramming everything into one day. Just as your body needs nourishment daily, so too does your Neshama require spiritual sustenance every day, not only once a week. For example, if I told you, listen, don't eat every day, it would be detrimental to your health. Don't eat every day. Just eat once a week, but eat the whole day. Steaks. One steak after another. You won't survive. You need to eat every day. Yeah, there are a few Tehillim. There are a few Tehillim that you can say. It's not necessarily a bracha. There are a few Tehillim that I'll, if you want, text me and I'll send them to you that you can say to help you as far as protecting your eyes.

21:48But the biggest thing, the biggest thing that you can do to help yourself with Shemirat HaBrit is when you learn Torah, especially difficult Torah, your brain starts working differently. And just like the Rambam says in Hilchot Yesodei HaTorah, Perek 4, Halacha 21. I want the same place where he said that only an empty brain makes this type of sin. In essence, he's also telling us that if you fill your brain with Torah, you're never going to be bored. You're learning Torah every day, even if it's only for an hour or two hours a day. Your brain is always going to be functioning. You know, yesterday Rashi said this, or, you know, your brain's always going to be working on that. If your brain is only working on business, on the material world, it's very easy to sin. But if your brain has some Torah in it on a regular basis, it's going to function differently, and you're not going to think about that stuff.

22:58But obviously, it requires some work. You have to do it every day. So Torah, especially difficult Torah, not just because it's inherently difficult and you never understand it, but difficult until you understand it, is the type of study that's going to fix your brain and neshamah (soul) and get you away from seeing all of this inappropriate material and thinking about it in improper ways. Second thing is, obviously, have a good relationship with your wife. If you're mean to your wife, then you can't blame her for not wanting to look at you. Some guys think that the wife is like a slave or something. I don't know what happened to this world, but people treat their wives like they think they're a plant. They can move them wherever they want. You have to treat your wife like a human being. You have to respect her and appreciate her. Take care of yourself. You can't expect her to be excited to be with you when you don't take a shower more than once a week. You know, you have to take care of yourself. The same thing applies to women. I'm telling you, guys, this is the type of feedback I receive. No, I don't want to be with him. Why? Because he smells. Okay, well, take a shower. Why can't you tell him? No, I feel bad telling him. So, who will tell him then? Who will tell him?

24:15Who's going to tell him? Tell him, listen, I refuse to be with you because you smell. Okay, so the guy's going to start taking showers ten times a day. He wants to be with his wife. If he's not going to be with his wife, he's going to sin. So the wife, thinking she's nice to him by not hurting his feelings, being politically correct, she's leading him to sin. Enough with the political correctness. Tell people the truth. You could say it in a nice way. You could even say it in a funny way and joke around privately. But say the truth. Just say what it is. Enough with this garbage in the world with all this political correctness. No, I don't want to hurt the feelings. Why hurt the feelings? You're telling the guy something that's going to help him. Okay, so the surgery is going to hurt. I understand. But if we don't do the surgery, the guy is going to die. What are you going to do? I know it's going to hurt. The recovery is going to hurt. The surgery is going to hurt. Everything is going to hurt. But eventually, he's going to live. It's better that I hurt now and be better later than no later. So tell people the truth. The biggest thing that you can do for overall connection to Hashem is to take care of His children. In a woman's case, two major things. One, modesty. You have to be modest. There is no other option. If you're married, you have to cover your hair. It's better that I hurt now and be better later than no later. So tell people the truth. The biggest thing that you can do for all overall connection to Hashem is to take care of His children. In a woman's case, there are two major things. One, modesty. You have to be modest. There is no other option. You have to be modest. If you're married, you have to cover your hair.

25:42Not with a wig that reaches the floor. Kisui Rosh. Appropriate. Look modest. Don't drag it, you know, grabbing the attention of the public is not appropriate. The only one who should see your beauty is your husband. The wigs of today are not kosher. Even the rabbis who say that wigs are kosher, or used to say that wigs are kosher, would never say that the wigs of today are kosher. Because the wigs of today look better than natural hair. I can never understand that. So it's nonsense. No one, no big rabbi in the world today agrees with today's wigs. No one. Even if you tell me, no, but his own wife wears it. Okay, he has his own problem. It doesn't mean anything. Someone came to Rabbi Ovadia (Yosef) and said, Rabbi Ovadia spoke against wigs all the time. He says, there's no place in the Torah that says you're allowed to wear wigs. Whoever said it is making a mistake. You're not allowed to wear wigs. He said, yes, but Kvod HaRav, your own granddaughter is wearing a wig. He said, yes, there's a place for her in Gehinnom also. It's all a problem. The human hair part is because it comes from Avodah Zarah most of the time. There are different traditions in Tibet, in India, in different places in Asia where it's part of idol worship to cut off their hair.

26:54Idol worshippers, it's an issue; idol worshippers outright, idol worshippers. Part of the tradition is to cut off hair as part of idol worship. So women that wear wigs, in many cases, are using hair connected to idol worship. Well, you're not allowed to benefit from idol worship in any way, even if it's a gold statue. You're not allowed to benefit from it, not allowed to use it, not allowed to sell it, nothing. So, of course, you're not allowed to wear it on your head. But aside from that, it's not modest. It doesn't meet the basic requirement. It's not modest. So, women need to understand, yes, I know this is a big tikkun in this generation. No one wants to cover their hair. Everyone wants to look pretty for Steve and Mikey at ShopRite. I understand. But your husband is more important, and Hashem is more important. Steve and Mike are going to look at some other girl. They don't have to look at you. Your husband should look at you. That's it. Cover your hair. Cover your body. Your skirt needs to cover your knees after you sit down, not just before. If it rides up and becomes a mini skirt when you sit, that's not modesty. Ideally, a skirt should cover your ankles even when you're sitting down. But even if it cannot, the point is that it needs to cover your knees at the very minimum when you sit down. Avoid constantly adjusting it every few seconds.

28:21You know, there are a lot of women. You go to, like, a wedding, and it's like every two seconds, they're all doing sit-ups at the chair. That's not... That's to cover it normally. And also, it's not supposed to be that tight. Why? Because if it's tight, then anyone with eyes can see exactly what your body looks like. It has to be loose. That's what modesty is like. That's what Hashem said. It's not me. If it was up to me, I'm a guy. What do you think a guy would want? It's not. Before we did teshuva, I would tell my wife, don't wear any clothes. I had no concept. I was an animal. I'm telling you, this is what Hashem wants. Shirts have to cover the elbows at all times. The neckline needs to be covered. Obviously, you have to act like a human being. You can't talk like a truck driver. Speak like a lady. And guys, for heaven's sake, if you're wearing skinny jeans, stop it already. It's mamash, like, enough. And aside from that, whoever you know wears them, tell them something.

29:44It's just not appropriate. It doesn't look nice. I don't know who thinks it looks nice, but whatever. I guess it's a taste situation. You got to stop it. I don't know. It's just one of those things. By the way, whoever doesn't know who actually made this style popular, it's not exactly that Mr. Righteous made this style popular. It's a guy named Lil Wayne. He's not the ideal Jew or anything. He's not Yosef HaTzadik. He's the one that actually made it really, really popular, and then obviously, other superstars followed. I think he eventually graduated to just wear women's pants because the men's pants weren't tight enough. I'm serious. So, as Jews, we must maintain our own standards and not imitate such trends. You're a nice Jewish boy who fears Hashem and wants to fulfill your purpose in the world. Why are you using this guy as an example? Who wants to look like him? We're Jews; we're not going to act like them. We have to stop acting like them. They're not even supposed to act like that. Nonetheless, we have a higher responsibility. We're supposed to be a light to the nations.

30:55This is why Hashem uses anti-Semitism. Because even with the anti-Semitism that exists in the world, we still have a huge, huge amount of assimilation. There is a huge amount of intermarriage, and a huge number of Jews not keeping anything because they feel like Tommy and Joey are the same as them. There is a huge amount of people with no interest whatsoever in God. It's huge. And it's funny because... the learning is tough. That's the secret. Stopping it, obviously. And if you're single, get yourself together. Find yourself a wife, and there's not the same for all of you. Do it very soon. Learning the challenging material is essential; that's the secret. Stopping this study will prevent growth. If you're single, it’s crucial to get yourself together and find a wife. This may not be the same for all of you, but I hope you all accomplish this very soon.