Telling Your Embarrassing Secrets To Rabbi and A Friend | Torat HaChassidut (18)

0:00So what did he do? Chaim Zusha, he said, "Zusha, Zusha, what did you do? What did you do, Zusha? Why did you violate the Shabbat? Why? Why did you violate Shabbat? You lit a cigarette on Shabbat, Zusha? Why, why, why, why, why, why?" And the guy is hearing this. "What, the rabbi is violating Shabbat? I also smoked a cigarette on Shabbat, and he smoked a cigarette on Shabbat?" Oh yeah, yeah, then as soon as you heard someone coming in, you turned off the cigarette. That's another sin. Oh, why did you turn off the cigarette? That's another sin. Do you know how many years you're going to get punished for that? It happened to me. The guy's thinking, oh, that happened to me. And then after that, you thought that HaKadosh Baruch Hu wasn't watching because your wife wasn't watching. You thought HaKadosh Baruch Hu wasn't watching either. So you lied to her; you told her you were going to go out to the synagogue, but you didn't go to the synagogue. You went and you made some sins, you made some sins with another woman, and you thought that nobody was watching because your wife wasn't watching. Why did you do that, Zusha? Why, why, why did you do that? You know how many years you're going to suffer for this. Oh, you're going to get burned, you know how many years they're going to tear you to pieces. Why did you do that? And the guy's like, how does he know all this stuff?

1:24Back, you know, when it's on our Sunday night. It's been a while, and on Sunday night, you can take the opportunity to learn more and more about how to improve ourselves. Tonight's show is sponsored by our dear friends Yonah HaLevi and his dear family. It will be for them and also for all the righteous Noahides. For those of you who want to support and help us continue publicizing Torah all over the world, you can donate at be'ezratHashem.org, our website, or many other places that we have, on YouTube, on Facebook donations. The website now has many other options that we didn't have before. You can make monthly donations.

2:31to make it a habit to donate not just by credit card, but you could also donate via Bitcoin. You could donate directly from the bank if you're located in the US; it's called ACH. If you want to save yourself the expense, as far as if it bothers you that the credit card costs money, everything costs money, but The ACH is one option that you have now. And of course, you can always wire and send checks and so on, as some of you already do. With that being said, another reminder for everyone that if you haven't ordered, or even if you have, but there's still more need in your community. You could get the books and, they say, our posters for free on our Chabad store at Chabadstore.org. So, with that being said, we have the Tanya Katon and really, the Tanya Katon has really helped us rewire our brains for anyone that's been paying attention and has been

3:40applying this to their life in any aspect, whether it completely or even partially, has certainly helped quite a bit rewire our brains to think correctly based not just on the teachings of Hasidut and what Hasidut really stands for, but also for anyone that wants to simply be a better person. Be a better person in every aspect. And the Tzetil Katan, based on the teachings of Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk, is not going to go a step further, which is finding a friend. Finding a friend and finding a rabbi are two different things, but many people combine them. As the Mishnah in the first chapter, the sixth Mishnah, has a famous teaching. It is in another place that talks about finding yourself a rabbi. But the key is, Yehoshua ben Perachya says, get yourself a rabbi and acquire a friend. And Yehoshua ben Perachya famously was the rabbi of Jesus. And of course, Jesus was a wicked person who did not listen to his rabbi and did not treat his rabbi the way rabbis are supposed to be treated. But unfortunately,

5:05of the tide. There are many little Yeshu-like figures around the world today who consider themselves religious and believe they are going in the right direction without even realizing that they're literally going down a path reminiscent of Yeshu. One of the things that we're going to see here is what is the difference, number one, between a Rabbi and a friend. Secondly, What kind of friend am I looking for? You know, usually when people look for friends, they're looking for somebody to party with, somebody to have a barbecue with, somebody to watch the game with, somebody to do business with—all types of other things that people use their friends for—somebody to borrow money from. You know, all types of reasons why people get friends. But you know, I think they, uh... They want benefits for, uh, for their friends and, uh, for those that, uh, are thinking otherwise, uh, you know, in other ways to benefit. But the point being is, is that, uh, the Tanna Katan is telling us now to get ourselves a rabbi, to get ourselves a friend. Now what is he referring to about getting a friend? I mean, uh, how is the friend of the Tanna Katan different than the friends that, uh,

6:23You have right now many people who sometimes live a certain life, especially when they're young, but this sometimes applies to people who are a little older, in their 20s and even 30s, where their perception of happiness is based on who their friends are. is based on who their friends are. They feel like they need to have friends around them all the time. They need to have people to drink coffee with or to have a beer with or whatever it is. And Rashi said that if you want friends, read the commentaries in the Torah. Those are the real friends. Why is that a real friend? I mean, you can't have a beer with the Ba'alei Tosafot. You can have a... a drink or watch the game with Rabbi Akiva. How are those friends? Well, let's see. So Tsefi Katan starts off by saying this: Tell your spiritual mentor or even your trusted friend all the improper thoughts you have that are against the Holy Torah, which the evil inclination brings to your mind and heart during Torah study and prayer when you lie in your bed.

7:44in the middle of the day, don't conceal anything from him out of embarrassment. By relating and giving voice to these things, you break the power of the evil inclination, making it unable to overcome you to the same degree at a later time. Additionally, you may receive good advice from your friend on how to follow God's way. This is an amazingly effective practice. So, already the uh is telling us that this spiritual mentor, call it the rabbi or this trusted friend, is very, very much a world of difference from the friends that people are looking for because Here, this is, in essence, the same idea as what the Mishnah tells us: to get yourself a rabbi, to get yourself a friend. It is not referring to someone to have a good time with, although you are not forbidden from having celebrations, as long as the celebrations are obviously kosher and proper and...

8:46In still following in the path of God, the key is to know that finding yourself a rabbi or a friend is not for the sake of, "Oh, I like the way he talks," or, "I like—you know—he has a big house." No, no, this is, in essence, something very, very different. You're looking for a rabbi or a spiritual mentor. and a trusted friend that you're going to be able to confide in. Now, of course, this removes the overwhelming majority of people that are in your life from even being a possibility of being that friend, because most people do not want to share their embarrassing issues with their friends, such as what they think about when they're alone, or what improper thoughts they may have. Nobody wants to share those things, and quite frankly, as one of the great Mussar (ethical teachings) authorities once said... I told my dear Rav many years ago, probably 25 years ago or so, in today's world, you have to be very careful about which so-called friend you share your secrets with, lest they use that against you, whether it's to publicize it against you or to blackmail you.

10:01or doing anything like that. So, a person has to zip it when it comes to the vast majority of their friends and simply not say anything. That's the reason why a rabbi and a friend are connected; they must always be together in the sense that they have to be in an elevated status. It cannot just be anybody. It has to be somebody, whether it be a rabbi or it be a friend—it has to be somebody that can uplift you closer to the derech of Hashem, closer to the ways of Hashem. One of the things that caused Yoshke, Jesus, to fail and fail miserably—and anyone that wants to know more details can watch my lectures about that topic that I've given over the years—is the Kabbalistic secrets. behind Yeshu or did Yeshu hate his rabbi? In different lectures that I've given about this topic over the years, one of the main issues with Yeshu was that even though he had a rabbi, and even though his rabbi is

11:09was greatly knowledgeable. You should know, Ben Hargash was one of those who go out. This was even before the generation of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Perachya was one of the great sages of Am Yisrael. But at the same token, Jesus didn't view him that way. He not only treated him as if he was equal to him, and... but he actually treated him as if he's less than him, where Yeshua was looking at the woman that was running the inn where they were staying, and he thought that she was unattractive. He told his rabbi, "Oh yeah, she's unattractive." Thinking that the rabbi is also looking at the girl because he has a dirty mind and he's looking at women inappropriately. He thinks that his rabbi is looking at the women inappropriately also. This is unfortunately very common where people think that their rabbis think the same way they do because they have dirty minds. They think that since the rabbi is a human being, he probably also has a dirty mind. He probably also thinks like me.

12:14if he thinks like you, he's not a rabbi; needless to say, he's not your rabbi. And if he doesn't think like you, why do you put thoughts in his head? Why do you assume that he's thinking like you? Why do you assume that he even has any concept of these types of thoughts? Because if he is a real talmid, if he is somebody that's working on himself on a regular basis, these things don't go into their minds. And that's one of the things that he failed at miserably, where he simply saw his rabbi as an equal. Or perhaps not equal 100%, but close, not too far away. You know, those types of people say, well, yeah, he's smarter than me. He knows more information than me. But at the end of the day, he still puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like me. Meaning, in so many words, we're the same thing. It's just that he read a few more books than me. So, in the same sense that you hear, You have a major failure. The other thing is that he disagreed with his rabbi, and this is even more common, even for those people who say that their rabbis are greater than them. And even if they're not talking about their rabbis, they're talking about the great sages, the great chachamim of Am Yisrael, whether it be the Rabbeinu Ovadia Yosef, the Steipler, Rabbi Eliyashiv, Rabbi Akiva, or Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai—doesn't make a difference who it is, the Rambam. People have the audacity to...

13:41to disagree with, as if what's the difference? What's the difference between me disagreeing with the police officer who stopped me, saying that I'm speeding when I wasn't, and Rabbi Akiva saying that I'm doing wrong and I don't think I am? In essence, what they're doing is they're minimizing the greatness of the Chachamim that dedicated their life to the Torah, who literally understand things that are beyond human comprehension. I could just tell you, and I've told you in the past, that the more you learn, the more frustrated you get by the mentality of the ignoramuses of the world. ...the Torah and to me, it's extremely difficult to even understand what's being written here. Yet, these Gedolim, to them it's like they know it like the back of their hand. They wrote entire volumes of books about this. They have paskened over there, you know, to the extent where they know this so well and explain it so well. To me, it's difficult that I'm learning it, yet the person that's criticizing them doesn't even know...

14:44or different parts of the Torah, and to me, it's extremely difficult to even understand what's being written here. Yet these Gedolim, to them, it's like they know it like the back of their hand. They wrote entire volumes of books about this. They have pasken over there, you know, to the extent where they know this so well and explain it so well. And to me, it's difficult that I'm learning it, yet the person that's criticizing them doesn't even know. ...doesn't even know any part of it. Nothing. You ask him, "Okay, listen, if you have a hotel and there's an opening on both sides and it's thin, and you want to make it a place where people can go to, but it's not a public area, and at the same time, it's not private either. What can you do?" they're gonna look at you like, "Huh? What are you talking about? What do you mean, why is it open on both ends? Why can't you just go outside? Why, what—can I put—well, if I put a stick at the end and connect it to the opening, is that going to change anything?" And I'm going to tell you, no. Other than the fact that you just wasted a few minutes putting a stick there, nothing's going to happen. Yes, exactly. You have no idea what's being talked about.

15:57have no idea what's being talked about here. Why? Because you don't know halacha, you don't know Torah, you don't know anything. Yet, you feel you have the ability to disagree with chachamim. Why? Because perhaps you watched a few videos online, maybe even read a few books. You know a few stories from the Torah that were pretty much literal, that any five-year-old could know the same thing, and therefore you think you're on the same level of knowledge as the chachamim. The world of The difference between an average person, even if he learned in yeshiva for 20 years, and a gadol ha'dor is wider than the ocean. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people do not understand this, and Yeshu was one of them. Therefore, he felt that he could disagree with his rabbi. He could disagree with his rabbi. "Well, listen," he thought, "the rabbi said this, but I don't have to agree." That's the first failure. If you think that there is any room for you to disagree with your rabbi, he is no longer your rabbi. He's no longer your rabbi. Why?

17:10Gemara tells us you have to have fear of the rabbi like you fear God. Not that the rabbi is God, but rather because if he is your rabbi, that means he's a talmid chacham. That means he's a Torah scholar; he knows what he's doing. That means he's giving you the words of God. He's telling you exactly what God said in every aspect of your life. And if you don't believe that he's giving you the words of God, then you don't have a rabbi. so the moment a person thinks that they have room to disagree with their rabbi, that's when all hell breaks loose. That's when everything fails. Unfortunately, many times people fail in this particular aspect, and they lose in such a big way that they'll never be able to replace it. They're simply never going to be able to replace it due to the shame, embarrassment, and ignorance. So, the first thing that the Tzeidah Laderech is telling us here is that you have to actually have somebody in your life that is going to help you do teshuva. Because you cannot do it on your own. You can't do it on your own. You know, there are some people who, since it's much easier to access Torah lectures and books and everything today,

18:38than other times in the past, then people feel like they can be like an island. They can be by themselves in the middle of nowhere, or even if it's in the middle of a community, but they have their shiurim that they watch, they have their books that they watch, and they feel like they can pasken for themselves, decide for themselves. If they have a question, they ask five different rabbis, they choose whichever one they prefer, whichever answer they prefer, and they go shopping. Every time there's a question, they go shopping. And unfortunately, what ends up happening with these people is that they become a bigger problem than they can imagine. Why? Because the world that they create becomes detestable to anyone that's around them, because it's all based on ga'ava. It's all based on ego. So the first thing that the Tzava'at Harivash is telling us is that you have to have some type of spiritual mentor or trusted friend in your life to help you do teshuva. because if you're not going to have somebody, you're never going to know when to go right, when to go left, when to do something, when not to do it. You're not going to know until after the fact. Sometimes people make decisions and then they have doubts, so then they ask the Rabbi. This is not the proper way of doing things. The way to do things is first you ask, then you decide.

20:02Do you decide based on the answer that you got, meaning the one that is more elevated and knowledgeable than you are in the ways of Hashem is, in essence, going to make the decision for you? He's not going to tell you, "Do this" or "Don't do this." He's simply going to tell you, "Allowed," "Not allowed," "Appropriate," "Inappropriate." Some things are allowed but not recommended. Some things are allowed and... Recommended: Some things are forbidden, some things are permitted. How can you possibly think that way? But if you don't have that kind of relationship with anybody, you can have a very difficult, if not impossible, time elevating yourself beyond the standard three to five years ba'al teshuva. What's the standard three to five year ba'al teshuva? You watch some lectures, you're inspired by whoever it is, whether it be myself or some other rabbis out there, you like it, you hear the stories, you get inspired, maybe you'll start keeping some Shabbat, maybe you'll keep some kosher, but you'll still stay the same behema that you started with, meaning nothing will actually change. The personality will stay the same, the bad character traits will stay the same, and in fact,

21:22They will get worse over time because just like the Gemara promises that those who become sharper over time as they age, the ignoramuses of the world become worse as they age. So you see somebody that started off like a sharp knife. Lethal and capable when they first started learning Torah literally become a danger to society as they grow older without a rabbi, without a spiritual mentor, and they start doing some of the dumbest things you can possibly imagine that even a secular person... They never learned Torah, which wouldn't do. They'll start going to witchcraft practitioners, thinking that it's a spiritual elevation. They'll start doing drugs, thinking that's going to elevate their soul to higher levels they can't achieve through the books. They'll start engaging in all types of strange behaviors that they wouldn't have done had they remained secular. And that's why some of the Chachamim even said that for some people, it's better off they don't do Teshuva. Why? Because they get worse. So, the...

22:25Tayna KiMana is telling us that this spiritual mentor or trusted friend is not really just a recommendation. It's a must-have, just like air in your lungs is a must-have. This is a must-have. Now, one of the great things that caused Yeshu to fall miserably, and in the same case makes many people fall, and... Today, we discuss a concept called "bitul." What's bitul? It means to live with a tilt towards self-nullification, to nullify yourself. Now, this means that if I were to ask my rabbi something, I... then it doesn't matter what the answer is, meaning whether I like it or dislike it, agree with it or disagree with it. If I want to truly follow in the ways of Hashem, immediately, as soon as the question arises or the issue is presented, I already know that whatever he says, that's what I'm doing. I'm not saying, "Oh, whatever you do, I'm going to do"—no, no. This is, in essence, a default response.

23:45Why? Because I am nullifying my opinion, my thoughts, my feelings, and everything else. Because I'm going to a doctor; you have a doctor, I need it. Therefore, whatever you say, that's what I'm going to do. It doesn't matter that I disagree, or that I think I know better, or that I feel differently; it's completely irrelevant. Yeshu failed at this completely. Why? He refused to be mevatel etzmo. He refused to nullify himself. He felt he was a gvir. He felt that he was all-knowing. He felt he knew better than his rabbi. He felt that there's a better way to do things. There's a better way to say things. There's a better way to communicate. There's a better way this and there's a better way that. And unfortunately, there's a lot of Yeshu-like figures out there. And unfortunately, I've had the misfortune of meeting many of them. where they refuse to nullify themselves to anyone they call a rabbi, not just me, to anyone they refer to as a rabbi. Why? Because their ego gets in the way.

24:53Their ego does not allow them to nullify themselves. They still feel like, "Yeah, but I think differently." "But I thought this." And they'll even start arguing with Torah sources: "Yeah, but what about this?" And "What about that?" And "What about this?" Now, again, we're not saying that you're not allowed to ask questions. We're not saying that you're not allowed to bring in different sources for things that you thought. there's a difference here when you're in the process of learning. Let's say you're learning the Gemara together, or you're learning the Chumash together, or you're learning Halacha together. Then, there's no problem if you have a question, you have a source, you have a doubt, you have anything. Rabbi is there to explain. The rabbi is there to address each and every issue. Sometimes you'll be right, sometimes you'll be wrong, but the point is that this is a time for learning. During a time for learning, this is a time to bring all the sources under the sun. However, when it's time to ask for guidance, time to ask for what to do and what not to do, there is no back and forth. This is what it is.

26:07That's the end. Now, if you have questions, no problem. "Yeah, but why is it? I thought that this is allowed." No, it's not. It has nothing to do with it. No, you'll get the explanations, but the answer stays the same, meaning don't think for a moment. that just because you brought a source or you brought a question or you brought something that's going to change the answer, the answer, once it's given, is done. Why? Because if the Rabbi, the spiritual leader, is a Torah scholar, that means he already thought of all the things that you can possibly think of. Now, if you don't think that's possible, that means you do not have emunah. And when you do not have emunat chachamim, when you do not have faith in the knowledge of our sages, in the commitment of our sages, in the siyata dishmaya of our sages, Then, unfortunately, you're going to have a very, very difficult time in your progress. Sometimes people come to me for guidance and I tell them, listen, the way you're going about it is not the right way. You're trying to convince your wife, let's say, or your husband to do teshuva, but you're trying to do it like you heard it in the shiur. You heard me yell and scream about a certain issue and you think that you can do that with your husband or wife. It's not going to work.

27:25when I'm speaking to the public, it's one thing. When I speak to an individual, it's something completely different. When you're speaking to your children, it's one thing; when you're speaking to your spouse, it has to become something completely different. If you speak to your spouse the same way you speak to your children or your employees, it's not going to work out. Why? It's a completely different relationship. Now if a person Refuses to change, and they think that they can do whatever they want whenever they want. That means that no one can help them. Why? The ego is too big in their life for any truth to seep in. Hence, the reason why Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, someone that has a big ego—I cannot be in the same room as him. Even though Hakadosh Baruch Hu and Or Ein Sof is everywhere and there's nothing else but Him. and He is all-encompassing and He is everywhere. He says, "I can't be in the same room as this person that has a big ego," not because Hashem has limitations, but rather because the person won't let Him in. Even if Hashem is standing right in front of them, they will not acknowledge it. Why? Their ego is in the way, preventing them from being receptive to what Da'at Torah is. So, when Rabbi Elimelech...

28:43Tells us to find yourself a spiritual mentor, a trusted friend to whom you can confide all of your improper thoughts that are against the holy Torah. He's not just talking about your best friend from high school or just somebody that lives on the same block as you. He's talking about finding somebody that is elevated above and beyond where you are, someone to whom you are willing to nullify yourself. Meaning, whatever they say, that's what I do. And if you say, well, I haven't found anybody like that, then the problem is usually with you rather than with people. Why? Because there's plenty of people that are greater than you. And if you don't think that, either you live in the middle of a zoo or you are the zoo. There's no way that there are no greater people than you if you live in a Jewish community with Torah scholars. Needless to say, today with the internet and readily available resources from all over the world that are willing and able to help, if you still can't find somebody, either you live in a zoo or you are the zoo, and usually, it's the latter. Why? Because people are not willing to nullify themselves. So now, when a person thinks about this...

30:08When a person thinks about this and their ego gets in the way, they say, "Well, why should I nullify myself? He learns and I learn. He does and I do. I'm a good person. Okay, I'm willing to listen to him, but why do I have to nullify myself? Why do I have to limit myself? Why do I have to shut myself up?" Because you do it anyway in other places. How so? When you go to the doctor, anyone that's old enough has been to the doctor, and what do you do when you go to the doctor? The first thing, without even realizing it, you subconsciously nullify yourself, already assuming the doctor knows better than you based on his credentials, based on his profession, and based on his experience. The same thing you do with a lawyer, the same thing you do with any expert. Anyone who's old enough has been to the doctor. When you go to the doctor, the first thing you do, often without even realizing it, is subconsciously nullify yourself, already assuming the doctor knows better than you based on his credentials, profession, and experience. The same thing happens when you consult a lawyer or any other expert. So when you walk into the office, doesn't matter if you are a billionaire or you're a millionaire or you're this or that, it doesn't make a difference. As soon as you go, you sit on the same little bench that's not really appropriate for sitting on, more like lying on, but nonetheless, you sit there and tell them all your problems. "Yeah, well, you know my shoulder hurt, but then on Tuesday, I don't know what happened; my leg started hurting, and then when my wife yelled at me, my foot started hurting, and then..."

31:14That's not really appropriate for sitting, more like lying down, but nonetheless, you're sitting there and telling them all your problems. Yeah, well, you know, my shoulder hurt, but then on Tuesday, uh, I don't know what happened, my legs started hurting, and then when my wife yelled at me, my foot started hurting, and then... Why are you telling them all these things? Because you're nullifying yourself, and in essence, you're giving them all of the information. Of course, there are much more embarrassing details that you're going to share, such as where else it hurts, what else happened, and what other issues you weren't able to address, without any qualms or issues about it. You're going to have no problem whatsoever telling the doctor all of your embarrassing things. ...can have no problem telling the lawyer all of the embarrassing things. "Yeah, you know, I had the secretary, and then we made a wire transfer, but then we found out that wasn't really allowed, and then we took this," but you ask, "Can you defend this anyway? Can you do this?" You can tell them all the different things. Why? Because you already know that if you don't tell this doctor, lawyer, or whatever professional it is, all the details, you're tying their hands...

32:34and making them incapable of helping you. So, when you go to the doctor, when you go to the lawyer, when you go to all the other things, you have to nullify yourself in order to get the help that you need. And you have no problem doing it. People generally do not have a problem communicating with their doctors or lawyers or whatever other professional. But when it comes to a talmid chacham, when it comes to a Torah scholar, that's usually when the problem comes in. why people are willing to tell all, to tell some of the secrets, so long as it does not make them look too bad, but even more so, so long as the rabbi is going to tell them what they want to hear. the minute that they get something from the rabbi they don't want to hear, oh, you offended me; oh, I can't believe you said that; oh, my wife is upset at you now; oh, my this, my that; wife is upset at me

33:38Who asked you whether your wife is upset or not upset? You asked me a question. I gave you an answer. Whether your wife is upset or not upset, or you're upset or not upset, that's your problem. That's not my problem. My problem is to make sure that I have the time, ability, and knowledge to answer and address your issues. My problem is not your emotional roller coaster. That's not my problem. No, we're going to find a different rabbi. Thank you very much, you've relieved me from this burden. People do not understand where they stand, and what ends up happening is they make a series of bad choices because their ego is in the way, and they're not willing to nullify themselves. This is the unfortunate mistake that caused Jesus to become as problematic as he was. It wasn't just that he saw his rabbi on the same level; it wasn't just that he doubted his rabbi, but worse than all, he wasn't willing to be mevatel.

34:53He wasn't willing to nullify himself. And the moment you are that person, do not see yourself as anything different than someone who could cause harm, just in the making. Perhaps you're not going to have as much of a damaging effect on the world as he did, but for sure, you could already bet, more than you're betting on the Super Bowl and all the other frivolous things that people bet on, that you could have a negative impact on your life and on the people around you. Why? A person that's not willing to nullify themselves Torah scholars are simply gedolim in the making. That's all it is. That's who they were. That's the greatness that came. This is what's happening in the world today; many people are simply not willing to nullify themselves and... on the other hand, they'll view, "Oh wow, look at this guy! He's such a tzaddik!" Look at that guy! You know what? If these people that you view as real tzaddikim, do you know what they all have in common? They all nullify themselves in front of the Rabbis, and not just their Rabbi, any Torah scholar. Any Torah scholar. Why? Because the appreciation for Torah has no limits. This is why some of the great Chachamim...

36:14Their children would come home. They would ask them, give them kisses on their heads, and ask them for blessings or give them all types of treats. Why? Because they understand this precious little gem—"That's my child"—just learned Torah. When their kids answered a question or gave a story, they appreciated it no differently than if Rav Ovadia Yosef himself came back from Gan Eden, told the story, and went back. ...why? Because they understood this is the word of Hashem. This child just delivered the word of Hashem. The appreciation for Torah scholars—people who have dedicated 20, 30, 40, 50, even 70 years to the Torah—obviously grows much more than a child's. When a person does not have an understanding of this, then unfortunately, they're going to have a very, very difficult life... because they're not going to be able to solve their problems with the Torah. Because the Torah is a tool for people to solve any problem that they have, live a successful and happy life, have an extraordinary marriage, happiness with their kids, satisfaction, and all the good things that you could possibly have, a blessed life. So long as you are willing to put your head down and know that's the final opinion, there is no other opinion.

37:38as long as you don't have that in your life, unfortunately, it's very, very difficult to progress, as the satan is explaining here. Well, he's telling us that this spiritual mentor and trusted friend is a person that you are going to confide in and tell all of your improper thoughts that are against the Torah. You thought about getting into some inappropriate business. Be the evil cash advance business that unfortunately is spreading like cancer in Israel, in America, and all over the world. All types of people who have zero credibility are vouching for it as if they have credibility. I've even heard training phone calls from these people, explaining how they train their staff and literally, from the beginning, even if you exclude the actual illegality and corruption of the business itself, let's just say they were selling lollipops or they're selling q-tips to hotel chains. It doesn't matter. The conversation, whether it's the sales conversation or the training conversation to their own staff who are just processing loans, is a lie from the beginning of the call until the end.

39:02Literally compulsive, disgusting liars, and this is growing like wildfire. People are going into this business, and now there's even another Amalek force that is empowering them further. They're going into what's called debt settlements. some of them are opening debt settlements and debt consolidation, all types of so-called debt services, which are again another problematic business that's full of corruption. They're going under the same umbrella as the cash advance companies. Some are opening a second company, as if to make two different umbrellas, so that when one fails, the other will back up the other one. The point being is Horrific corruption is growing. Why is it growing? Because they're able to recruit more innocent, naive, gullible, and greedy people to work for them. When you answer one of those ads.

40:10they have in the WhatsApp groups or on the internet to get a job with high commissions and so on, and you're interested even after you found out it's cash advance, and you know that it's not allowed. That means that the corruption is not just with them; it's in your neshama, and you're starting to argue away, but maybe it's allowed because of this and because of that. You're not understanding; it says it's forbidden. That's what it says; it's forbidden. And I've told you guys once, I've told you guys twice, and I've said a million times, if I have to, to any halachic authority that has the knowledge and the willingness to dispute it. Let them write an answer, a real teshuva disputing what we have in the sefer by our own dear Rav Ephraim or Rav Badin that shows how illegal this business is and against the Torah. Let him write a real teshuva, not just say "No, no, it's allowed," without understanding. Let him write a teshuva. Nobody in the world is going to be able to write a teshuva, and no person that's allowing it truly understands how predatory lending is destroying the world and how it's literally empowering Amalek.

41:28Merchant cash advance businesses and all other types of corrupt businesses are growing around the world, including in the Jewish community. Corruption exists globally; it doesn't matter where you go—any business can encounter corruption. This cancer, unfortunately, persists despite people's awareness of the issue because greed drives them. is beyond comprehension, and they're not willing to nullify themselves to a doctor. So, Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk is saying that you have to find yourself a spiritual mentor or a trusted friend to whom you're going to confess all these improper thoughts. For example, "Oh, I'm thinking about going into this horrible business that's forbidden," or "Oh, I'm thinking about stealing from my customers," or "Oh, I'm thinking about cheating on my wife or husband." You know how many cases, you know how many horrible cases come into a Beit Din? In the old days,

42:33You read the stories. You read the poskim. You see what kind of people came to the Beit Din. They came with all types of questions. Some were the questions of marriage and adultery and all types of horrible things. But some of them were legitimate questions about what do I do if I have this type of business transaction that went wrong? What do I do if this happened to my house and I need to make sure that I'm allowed to... Carry outside of the house. The move issues the hats are all types of people. People will come with legitimate questions today. People come to the Beit Din for two issues, and I've heard this from a Dayan. I've heard this from a Dayan. They come for a money or tzniut, either money or immorality. They come when there's a money problem or there's a morality problem. Somebody cheated on somebody else. That's it. Every day, that's the thing. It's unbelievable, "Mazonot," that's how they called it, literally the words they used. Now, when you have people coming to a Beit Din with these issues day after day, it gives you an understanding of what we're dealing with and...

43:53This means that you have never actually made yourself a friend, made yourself a rabbi, that's going to guide you along the way, before it got to the problem of mazon mezonot. Didn't get that. If you had somebody, you would have never gone that far. You would have never cheated on your wife or husband. You would have never stolen in your business. You would have never gotten into that business in the first place because you know what corruption is. If you would have asked a Rabbi whether you're allowed to do XYZ in your business, he would have told you no. But because you did not have it, now you're in a problem. So, the Tikkunei Zohar is telling us... you have to do is have somebody to tell them about all the things that you think about that are against the holy Torah. All the thoughts that the yetzer hara brings to your mind and heart, even during a time when you're studying Torah, even during the times when you're lying in bed or you're praying. Do not conceal anything from him out of embarrassment. Now, one of the things...

45:12that HaRav Lublinsky had as a mesorah (a tradition) that he learned from his rabbis, is that anytime he would give a shiur, it would be on a specific subject. However, if some other idea or story popped into his mind while he was speaking, the tradition was to say it. ...but it doesn't have anything to do with what you're talking about. It doesn't matter; the tradition is if Hashem put this thought in your mind during the shiur, that means it is intended for someone. He tells a story where there was one time he was giving a shiur about modesty and so on, and all of a sudden, in the middle of the shiur, he had a thought about eating kosher... thought about eating kosher, and he started talking about how important it is to eat kosher. Now he's talking to a bunch of Charedim; he's talking about the religious people. These are not people that have a problem with kashrut, not like today when everybody thinks that, you know, either everything is allowed or everything is forbidden. The greatest thing in the world is if you watch the internet, you think everything is forbidden.

46:36because you watched a bunch of videos where there's a bunch of people with microscopes and everything is not allowed, or perhaps all the shechitot, all of the slaughters, are corrupt, there's no such thing as kosher meat, and all this other nonsense that people have, or the opposite You think everything is allowed, no matter what. The kashrut is just simply if it says anything on it remotely close to "kosher," even if it says "bosher," "tosher," or something similar. If it's sharing, sharing revenues with a different company, you'll share, share. Okay, you'll eat it like a dog. So the person does not have da'at, to uh, will not know what to do. They're gonna eat everything or not eat anything, thinking that they're righteous. But here in the story... I believe it is written in a book called the Maggid, which was written by Rabbi Dov Ber of Mezeritch. He says that he was giving a shiur about a subject, I think it was modesty, and all of a sudden he starts talking about kashrut, how important it is to eat kosher, and how it destroys the neshama if you don't eat kosher.

47:48how if you don't eat kosher, you're not going to be able to understand Torah. You're not going to be able to have your prayers heard, and all types of horrible things [may happen]. Of course, the crowd has no idea why the Rabbi just made a huge segue from modesty to kosher, but they're there. They're not going to tell the Rabbi what to say. After that lecture, everybody was leaving. There was one new guy that uh came up to the rabbi and told him, "Thank you very much for what you said." "Oh, sure, what did I say?" "No, what you said about kosher and everything." What happened was this guy left the derech several years before, but for whatever reason, he decided that he wanted to hear some of the teachings that day. He hadn't even eaten kosher in years. and he said, "You know what, let me just walk into anywhere that I can find." He walks into one place, and that's where Rav Shalom Shwadron was speaking. As soon as he came in, Rav Shwadron changed the entire shiur to the topic of kashrut, which was the perfect cure for that person's neshama at that point. The same happened with another story that was just publicized last week.

49:15I know we've been giving shiurim for about a decade now, many shiurim, thousands of shiurim. Thousands of people have done teshuva, but the vast majority of people, I don't know who they are. Some people contact me, ask questions, some people donate, some people send emails, some people I've never heard of because they're all over the world, we're all over the world. But about a month ago, a shadchanit... That I know sends me a video of a young man from a holy yeshiva. Looks like a precious neshama, and then I hear him talk. He is in Israel, but he's originally from Germany. Grew up in Germany, lived in Germany his whole life. Completely secular, keeping absolutely nothing.

50:16No different than Carlos next door, no different than Muhammad down the street, he was living whatever the heart desires, the heart should get. Now, of course, out of all the shiurim that I've ever done, usually I would think something that would inspire somebody. change their life to change their ways. Perhaps it would be my personal story. It's an inspiring story that deals with a lot of different subjects, whether it's the ambition for money, issues with intermarriage, health issues, or all types of other things. It's a very good story, and it's already reached millions of views in different languages. perhaps it was going to be some of the lectures that we spoke about based on the teachings of Elchanan Wasserman or the teachings about Gehinnom or all types of other things. That's what I would think logically would inspire a soul to change a life that is completely disassociated from Judaism, needless to say, in Germany. But no, out of one of the shiurim that I did,

51:35maybe ten years ago, nine years ago, I was invited to Los Angeles to do some lectures over there. They invited me to a little yeshiva with a bunch of young kids, teenagers, to speak one night. After I told the kids parts of my story and so on, they started asking some questions. One of the questions they asked was about the stock market versus gambling and so on. about the stock market versus gambling and so on, okay. So, I answered the question, and we made a clip out of it. I don't know how many years ago was this little segment of the shiur, and we publicized it. It's certainly not one of the top clips that we have that got tens of thousands of views. I don't even know if it got a couple of thousand views. But you know what? One of those views made a young... precious neshamah completely lost in an Amalek town of Germany spark up and say, "Wow, if Judaism has an answer even for something like this, it must have answers for everything."

52:53He started binging on my lectures, watching one lecture after another, and before you know it, this young bachur decided, not only am I changing my life, but I'm going to yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael. He picked himself up and went to Eretz Yisrael to learn Torah, and he's still there now. Who would have thought that that particular clip, talking about gambling versus the stock market, what's the difference? The similarities, who would have thought that that would spark up a neshama, needless to say in Germany. But that's what happened. Who decides what's yours and what's not, what's going to work and what's not, what every neshama needs and what it doesn't, and if a person does not nullify themselves... For sure, they're not going to nullify themselves before Hashem. You can have questions and doubts about Hashem every other day. That's why the Tanna Katan is telling us and emphasizing this issue, dedicating an entire segment to it.

54:10you have to have a spiritual mentor, a trusted friend, to whom you can confide all of your improper thoughts—all of the things that the yetzer hara brings to your mind—and don't conceal anything because you don't know which part of the things that you say might also open up the gates to the solution. you think that the problem is X and therefore you're only going to talk about X, but who says that's the problem? You decided that's the problem, but maybe that's not the problem. One woman asks me, "Rabbi, my husband, he decided that he wants to get some guidance." not from a rabbi, he's going to go to some fortune teller because she's known to know the future and know the source of his soul. Is this even allowed? Because somebody that calls himself a rabbi told him that he should go there, I said that they both have the same problem.

55:33Person that told them, regardless of whether they call themselves a rabbi or not, any person that has an ego, that's the problem. The problem is not the witch, which the Torah says that there's no such thing as even going to them, needless to say, to even allow them to live. At the time of the Sanhedrin, they would kill these people. The problem is ego. Why? They’re not willing to nullify themselves before the Torah that tells them what to do. So, they want to go to something exotic, something outside, something that no one else has seen before. It's ego. Ego is the reason why he's going there. It has nothing to do with him wanting to spiritually elevate himself. It's simply ego. It's all ego. And if you have ego, you're not going to get far. Or you're going to hit the wall and run into it over and over again, smashing your head repeatedly, just like the fools who keep asking the same questions on the thread...

56:41because they haven't investigated themselves. They haven't investigated their own questions. So now, rabotai, a chaver cannot be another person that's just like you. Meaning, if you're a baal teshuva, convert, or even if you're frum from birth, but you're struggling with different things, you're not exactly the biggest tzadik yet. not the biggest tanin chayit you're struggling with things for if you're gonna have a chavrusa, if you're gonna have a friend, it cannot be somebody that's on your same level. Why? This is like if somebody's stuck in the mud. They're in the mud; they're in quicksand. Anyone who knows about it—quicksand. sink, you stand in the sand and you start sinking. The more you move, the more you sink. Eventually, an entire person or even an elephant can sink into the sand. Now obviously, you need somebody to pull you out, because you can't get yourself out. You need somebody to pull you out. Now if you weigh

58:05If you weigh 200 pounds and your friend also weighs 200 pounds, it's usually not a good idea. Needless to say, if your friend weighs 100 pounds. Why? Because it's more likely that both of you end up in the mud, both of you end up in the quicksand, than both of you are out of it. You need someone much stronger than you to uplift you. And that's what happens many times. People confide in others who are just like them. He's going to tell all of his secrets, all of his failures, all of his issues to whom? To his boys. She's going to tell her girls. "Oh, I had a coffee with my girlfriend and we talked, and she said that my husband was wrong about such and such." Is she married? No, she's divorced. So what does she know about marriage? Well, she used to be married. Well, obviously, she's not good at it if she's divorced. How are you going to get marriage advice from somebody who's divorced? It's like asking financial advice from somebody who's homeless. I never understood it. I never understood people.

59:16You get advice from people that are homeless. Why? If you want to know how to be homeless, ask the homeless person. You want to know how to get divorced, ask somebody that's divorced. But if you want to ask for marriage advice, you want to ask for financial advice, you want to ask for any type of advice, you have to ask somebody that is extremely successful, much more successful than you are. You cannot even ask somebody that's just like you. Why? They're making mistakes and lack knowledge just like you. They have the same mistakes, they have the same limited knowledge. Even if they sound good, and they sound like they have good ideas, and they're willing to talk to you about this or that, the reality is, Rabotai, having a chaver, having a friend, a real friend, means it's somebody better than you, smarter than you, more knowledgeable than you, specifically about Torah. Now, of course, if you can ask them about other things, they should be better than you about those things as well. Now, one of the issues, as we mentioned before, is ego. And this is not an invention, but rather a halacha. The Rambam writes about it in Hilchot Deot, chapter two, first halacha.

1:00:45compares the flaws in morality, ethics, and character traits to a physical ailment, and he says that to those who are physically ill, the bitter tastes sweet, and the sweet tastes bitter. taste bitter. Some of the sick even desire and crave that which is not fit to eat, such as earth or charcoal, and hate healthy foods such as bread and meat, all depending on how serious the sickness is. The guy is sick. She's sick. Okay, maybe I give you something to drink, some orange juice. Maybe I give you some water. No, no, no. I want some mud. Huh? Mud? Mud. Give me some mud.

1:01:47What would he do with mud? I want to eat it. Obviously, this is a person who is crazy. That's what happens. Similarly, says the Rambam, 800 years ago, those who are morally ill desire and love bad traits. They hate the good path and are lazy to follow the good path. Depending on how sick they are, they find it exceedingly burdensome. be more careful with who you pick and what you do and how you behave? No, no, no. I don't feel like it. Listen, I am who I am. They have to accept me as I am. Oh, I am what you think of G-d. They'll accept you as you are, that's it? Okay, stay alone. More careful with whom you pick and what you do and how you behave. No, no, no, I don't feel like it. Listen, I am who I am. They have to accept me as I am. Oh, you think that of God? They'll accept you as you are? That's it? Okay, stay alone.

1:02:57Oh, Rabbi, I'm looking for a shidduch. Okay, fine, no problem. Looking for a shidduch. Want to get somebody married? No problem. Listen, what about this woman? She's also looking for a shidduch. No, Rabbi, she's not good looking. What's wrong with her? Her ears are over there. Her eyes are over there. Her mouth is over there. She keeps Torah and Mitzvot. What's the problem? No, I don't know. I'm not attracted. Okay, b'seder, listen, you have to be attracted to somebody if you find them disgusting. You can't marry them. No problem. What about this one? No, not this one, and not that one. Okay, what about this one? Before you know it, you start realizing it's not the people. It cannot possibly be true that everyone is unattractive. Oh, Rabbi, I really don't want a blonde; I want a brunette. I don't want a brunette; I want a blonde. I want someone who can be short, can be tall, can be this. Oh, what do you think you are, a male? What do you think you are, the prince of beauty? People are so picky with whom they want, and he has to be this tall and this short, with this amount of money, from that type of family, and this type of tradition, that type of tradition. Oh, Habibi, you're almost a senior citizen. You're 40 years old already. Even if she's homeless in the street and willing to marry you, you should marry her by now. You still have the audacity to be picky. You're a senior citizen.

1:04:17before you know it, you're gonna be walking with a stick. You're still picky. Someone's even willing to consider you, and you have the audacity to be picky. Unfortunately, you're spiritually sick. Spiritually sick people, you don't listen. You have to stop. If you want to get married, you have to lower your standards. Yeah, but Rabbi, I don't want to be with somebody ugly. Nobody told you to be with somebody ugly, but you're looking for some filth that you saw on TV. That's what you're looking for. You're looking for something that doesn't exist in the kosher, holy world. You're looking for filth. You're looking to turn some zonah into a tzaddikah. It's not gonna happen. This is not a club, habibi. You're not gonna find the club. One of a kind. 3,300 years ago. The end. You want to find somebody to build a bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael? Lower your standards. Stop being so picky. Now again, no one's telling you to go and marry somebody ugly, somebody with missing arms and legs, somebody with some gibbenet, something coming out of their back. No, nobody's telling you to go and marry some cripple. I'm not telling you that. What I'm telling you is, stop being so picky.

1:05:38Number one, because you have tainted your mind and, therefore, your standards are higher than reality. Number two, by the way, you're not exactly Melech HaYofi. I actually asked somebody this. Somebody came to me, a nice young boy, maybe 20, 25 years old, however old he is. He says, Rabbi, I want to get married. Okay, I went on a shidduch with this girl. She's really nice. Okay. She's religious. Good. Okay. Everything's good. But she's only pretty, Rabbi. So what's the problem? If she's pretty, she's this, she's that. What's the problem? No, she's just pretty, but she's not like beautiful. So I asked him, are you beautiful? Now again, when you ask another man that's mature, if you're beautiful, the default answer is, now come on, I'm a guy. What beautiful? I'm a guy.

1:06:41Unless you're Yosef HaTzaddik or Rabbi Yochanan, what's beautiful? What's beautiful? You wake up with sounds, you go to sleep with sounds. There's nothing beautiful about a guy. But this kid answered me, yeah, yeah. You know what? I am. I couldn't believe my ears. You spend way too much time in front of the mirror, Habibi. And I can assure you that you probably haven't fixed your brit. Why? You think you're beautiful? You're spending too much time looking at yourself. If your husband spends as much time in front of the mirror as you do, most likely it's not going to last. Why? He thinks he's too beautiful. He thinks he's too beautiful. It's a problem. A man is not supposed to look at himself. Needless to say, to find himself beautiful. This makes a problem for the women. Why do women become self-conscious when their husbands think of themselves as beautiful? I've met a few of those people where the husband literally grooms himself, goes for a manicure, pedicure, and a haircut once a week. What are you, the Kohen Gadol? Once a week: haircut, manicure, pedicure, suntan—go spend all that extra on your wife or your kids or your learning or something else. You know why you're doing that? Because you're acting like an adulterer.

1:08:07...either in the making or already made spiritually sick. You tell people they have to change, stop acting that way. "No, come on, this is what it is, this is what I'm used to." The same concept applies to every other type of character trait flaw. You tell people they have to stop; they have to swallow their pride, nullify themselves, relax, be patient, whatever it is. As the Rambam says, it's not just that they have bad traits. Rather, they love bad traits, they hate the good path, and they're lazy to follow the good path. All depending on how sick they are, they find it exceedingly burdensome. "Rabbi, really, I have to do all that stuff?" As the prophet Yeshayahu says in chapter 5, verse 20, the Rambam speaks about such people, woe to those who call the bad good and the good bad, who take darkness to be light and light to be darkness, who take bitter to be sweet and sweet to be bitter. Concerning them, says Shlomo in Mishlei, chapter 2, verse 13, about those who leave the upright paths to walk in the ways of darkness. ...speaks about such people in a manner which says, "Woe to those who call the bad good and the good bad, who take darkness to be light and light to be darkness, who take bitter to be sweet and sweet to be bitter." Concerning them, says Shlomo in Mishlei (Proverbs), Chapter 2, Verse 13, "Those who leave the upright paths to walk in the ways of darkness."

1:09:29And then says the Rambam, what is the remedy for this morally ill person, whether it be male or female? They should go to the wise, to the chachamim, for they are the healers of the souls. They will heal them by teaching them how to acquire proper traits until they return them to the good path. This last part is the ultimate key that is the solution, but also the problem for most people. ...meaning this is no different than gravity. This is no different than all of the physical laws of nature that Hashem instilled into the world. This is reality. If you are a morally sick person, you need a cure. The cure is available at the hands and the mouth of the chachamim...

1:10:30Go to them because they're the healers of the soul. If you don't want to go to them or you go to them but you don't nullify yourself, that means that you're still sick and you're not willing to heal yourself. The solution and the cure are still the same as they were 3,000 years ago, 800 years ago, or yesterday. But then there are people who refuse. They refuse the cure. What does the Rambam have to say about them? Concerning those who recognize their bad traits and do not go to the wise to heal them, Shlomo HaMelech says about them in Proverbs 1, verse 7, "Fools scorn wisdom and correction." This, Rabotai, is the clear and simple word of the Living God. This is the Torah. This is what HaKadosh Baruch Hu is telling us. He gave us the Torah in this week's parasha, Parashat Yitro. Even Yitro, who used to be a priest and an idol worshiper...

1:11:53When he heard the greatness of the Torah, the greatness of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, the greatness, he changed everything. He doesn't care about money anymore. He loses everything. It doesn't make a difference. I need to be a Jew. I need to do everything possible to go over there. Yeah, but it's in the middle of the desert. It's dangerous. It doesn't matter. Yeah, but people may kill you. It doesn't matter. But you're abandoning everything. It doesn't matter. I'm going. I'm going. Why? Why are you going? Because I know that Moshe Rabbeinu has the truth. I know that Moshe Rabbeinu has the truth. Yeah, but how do you know he's the right leader? Says the Torah, Rabotai HaYekarim, Vayikach Yitro, Choten Moshe, Tzipora, Eshet Moshe, Achar Shilucheha. And Yitro took Moshe Rabbeinu's wife Tzipora, because Moshe Rabbeinu sent her away. V'et Shnei Baneha,

1:12:53And then the Torah says, and he also took with him the children, two sons. One of them is named Gershom. Why was his name Gershom? Because Moshe said, "I was a stranger in a strange land." And the other one is Eliezer. Why? Because the God of my father was my help, and He saved me from the sword of Pharaoh. Now, with all due respect to Yitro, What does it have to do with anything? You're going to Moshe Rabbeinu. You're bringing his wife and kids. What are you reminding him of? Oh, it's Moshe, and he has kids. And do you know why his name is Gershom? Because he was a sojourner, and then God helped him. What does it have to do with anything? You either want to be a Jew, or you don't want to be a Jew. He goes, no, no, no, no. You don't understand.

1:13:55I'm going to the leader. I'm going to Moshe Rabbeinu because Moshe Rabbeinu, since the day that I know him, has treated this world as if he's simply visiting. He's a sojourner in this world. Whether he was in Egypt, or in Midian, or in Cush (which is Ethiopia), or wherever he was, Moshe Rabbeinu treated this world as temporary. He didn't live for this world. Moshe Rabbeinu got to where he was because HaKadosh Baruch Hu, yishtabach Shemo, helped him. Because he nullified himself. Because he wasn't living for this world. He was looking for the truth wherever he went. Somebody like that, I'll go find him in the middle of the desert if I have to. Why? That's the leader I want. That's the leader I want. I want somebody who's willing to go into the desert to find HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and I'm willing to follow him no matter what he says, whether he wants it or not. I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm willing to pay any price.

1:15:00When a person understands that they have a chacham, the Gemara tells us, the Zohar HaKadosh tells us, chachamim tell us, pay any price, pay any price, to have a chacham in your life, pay any price, it doesn't matter what the limit is. To have a chacham in your life, to have somebody that has da'at Torah in your life, is priceless. Yitro v'yishma Yitro. Yitro says, I had everything. I had millions. I had billions. I had everything. But now I have a chacham. I'm giving up everything just for the chacham. I'm giving up everything just for the chacham. That's all that matters. And people throw the chachamim into the garbage today as if they're in abundance. Why? Because they're fools. Because they're spiritually sick and they don't even know it. And that's the problem. A person says, "Yeah, but what if I need a different cure?" Says the Rambam in the next halacha, "How are these people gonna be healed?" We tell the wrathful man to train himself to feel no reaction even if he's been cursed. He should follow this course of behavior for a long time until the anger is uprooted from his heart. The man that's full of pride should cause himself to experience much disgrace.

1:16:22He should sit in the lowliest of places, dressed in tattered rags which shame the wearer, and the like, until the arrogance is uprooted from his heart and he returns to the middle path, which is the proper path. When he returns to the middle path, he should walk in it for the rest of his life. And one should take a similar course with each of the other traits. Person who's swayed in the direction of one extreme should move in the direction of the opposite extreme and accustom himself to that for a long time until he has returned to the proper path, which is the midpoint for each and every temperament. In so many words, the Rambam says if you want to fix that spiritual ailment, if you want to fix that spiritual deformity that causes you to go against HaKadosh Baruch Hu, one path is to listen to Mussar. Get that Torah, nullify yourself. Remove the ego from your life, remove it. Nullify yourself. Stop pretending to be humble, stop pretending to be anything that you're not. Why? It's not gonna help you in Shamayim (Heaven), kudos from people who know what's the truth. Hashem knows if you're a liar or not. Now, unless you have that spiritual mentor, that good friend, that...

1:17:47that's much higher than you, that you're willing to be in front of him or her. How are you going to get there? How do you even know that you need to get there? And that's why the Rambam says you have a problem and you don't realize how bad it is. Hence, the reason why I'm telling you the solution is to listen to Mussar and to listen to Da'at Torah in the opposite extreme. Why the opposite extreme? Because your sickness is much worse than you think. You still do not know the value of Da'at Torah; you still do not know that you're not as great as you think you are. Hence the reason why you have to go to the opposite extreme until you arrive at the middle path. If your sickness was small, you wouldn't need extreme treatment. Somebody comes to the doctor with a headache, they don't give him cancer medication. He has a headache; give him an Advil, give him something else. Somebody comes with a toothache,

1:19:03They don't remove all of his teeth. They fix one tooth. The Rambam says if you're spiritually sick, you do not have the ability to judge how sick you are. Hence, the reason why your cure has to be extreme—absolutely extreme. Why? To get you to the middle path. Because if we give you medicine that you think will not help, not only will you not get to the middle path, you may even get worse. Therefore, one should not conceal anything from him out of embarrassment. Why out of embarrassment? Because the Gemara says on page 12b: A person who commits a sin that brings him embarrassment...

1:20:08And I'll read the language. And Rabbi Chanina, the elder, said in the name of Rav, anyone who commits a sin and is embarrassed by it is forgiven for all of his sins, as it is stated by the prophet Yechezkel, chapter 16, verse 63, in order that you remember and be ashamed. And so that you no longer have an excuse because of your humiliations, when I forgive you for all that you have done, says Hashem God. Here the Gemara tells us outright: you made a sin. Part of the cure is embarrassment. Part of the cure is embarrassment. Sometimes people come to me and say, "Listen, I stole some money. I stole something a long time ago." Okay, give it back. Well, listen, if I give it back, then it's going to be embarrassing because it's my father-in-law, because it's my partner, because it's this clerk or this or this or that. Is there any way? Can I just give it to Kiruv? If the person is alive and you have access to them, you have to give it back to them.

1:21:32Donating the money in their name is not going to be sufficient. The only time that you could donate money to a public cause like kiruv as a form of teshuva, as a form of tikkun for stolen money, is if either the source from which you stole it is no longer available, either they died or... It's if it's a company, it's bankrupt, it's gone, or the person is, you know, nowhere to be found. You have no idea where they are. You've tried locating them. You don't know where they are. Or if giving the money back could cause you legal problems, meaning you stole from XYZ company and... And you know that this company has a very, very strict policy that if you return the money—let's just call it—let's say it's the government. You call the government, "Hi, Mr. Government. Mr. Trump, listen, I have good news and bad news. Okay, the good news is there's an extra half a million dollars I need to send to the government." "Okay, what's the bad news?" "I stole the money from the government. That's why I'm giving it back." It's very possible that maybe Mr. Trump

1:22:49gonna say no problem, give it back, get back, no problem, we're good. But it may be possible that Mr. Trump or anybody else will say, "Listen, uh, yeah, yeah, bring it back, bring it back." The second you come there with the check, okay, the check clears, okay, you're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be held against you. Whoa, I gave back the money. Yeah, you gave it back to me; you stole it. So, if that's the case, it is a possible legal problem, then you don't have to give it back. could donate the money, for in essence, their benefit. But if that's not a reality—if it's your uncle, your friend, your brother, your father, your mother, or somebody else you took the money from—and the only problem is once you give it back to them, you'll be embarrassed. Habibi, that's the point. That's the cure. That's what you need. You need the embarrassment. You need the embarrassment. In fact, I The Noda B'Yehuda, the Noda B'Yehuda Kama in Orach Chayim Siman 35 has a Teshuvah. A man came to the Noda B'Yehuda and told him that he made a horrible sin. What sin? He committed adultery with his mother-in-law, Shem Yishmor V'Yatzil.

1:24:10The w that says, "Okay, part of your teshuva is to go tell your father-in-law what you did." Whoa, the embarrassment! Oh, yeah, yeah. Not only did you commit the sin, now you have to tell the father-in-law? Yeah, go tell the father-in-law, habibi. That's embarrassing. Exactly, that's the cure. That's the cure. You need that cure; you need the embarrassment. No, but I don't want to be embarrassed. Oh, so you don't want to do teshuva? Why? You're protecting your ego. No, but that's going to break me. Perfect. Yeah, that's it. You've got to break that ego, that klipah that you have. That caused you to sin in the first place, thinking that anything belongs to you, including somebody else's wife. Who is the brother?

1:25:11Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk was asked one time, as he had Ruach HaKodesh, and was a Tzadik and Kadosh: "Rabbi Zusha, you have seen into the soul of Adam HaRishon. How did you let him sin?" Rabbi Zusha replied, "Let him sin? I helped him sin." The Rabbi helped them sin. Yes, I helped them sin. Why? I saw that the nachash, the serpent, told them that, "Listen, the reason why Hashem doesn't want you to eat from the Tree of Knowledge is because once you eat from it, you’re going to be like Him." So I thought to myself, wait, is it better that he eat? continues to think this stupidity, that Hashem needs him, that Hashem, he's going to be like Hashem, and all types of other heretical thoughts, or let him just eat the fruit and then get all the curses and the punishment that comes with it. I said, you know what? It's better that he eats it and gets punished than continue to live with kefirah in his heart, with heresy in his heart. So I helped him.

1:26:40Why? Because he wanted to make sure that there are only kosher things in your mind. Sometimes the ego that you have makes you think that you're much more than what you really are. But, of course, Rabbi Zusha was saying to all of his community not just the things that they wanted to hear; he told them the things that they needed to hear, but when he knew that there's an ego that's in the way... He would work with that ego. How so? A person would come to the Kehillah full of sins, full of filth. But he doesn't want to admit it. Why? It's going to embarrass him. It's an embarrassment to say what happened, what he did. He looks religious. He's got a beard. He's a benefactor of the community. He doesn't want to tell people that he's a sinner. So, what would he do?

1:27:46Rabbi Zusha, he said, Zusha, Zusha, what did you do? What did you do, Zusha? Why did you violate Shabbat? Why, why did you violate Shabbat? You lit a cigarette on Shabbat, Zusha? Why, why, why, why, why, why? And the guy is hearing this. What, the Rabbi is violating Shabbat? I also smoked a cigarette on Shabbat, and he smoked a cigarette on Shabbat? Oh yeah, yeah, then as soon as you heard somebody coming in, you turned off the cigarette. That's another sin. Oh, why did you turn off the cigarette? That's another sin. You know how many years you're going to spend in Gehinnom for that? The man's thinking, "Oh, that happened to me." And then after that, you thought that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wasn't watching because your wife was not watching. You thought Hakadosh Baruch Hu wasn't watching either, so you lied to her. You told her you were going to go out to the synagogue, but you didn't go to the synagogue. you went and you made some sins, you made some sins with some other lady, and you thought that Hashem doesn't watch because your wife doesn't watch. Why did you do that, Zusha? Why, why, why did you do that? You know how many years of Gehinnom you're going to get burned? You know how many years in Gehinnom they're going to rip you up to pieces. Why did you do that? And the guy's like, how does he know all this stuff? Would say all the things the guy just did in the last week.

1:29:09He violated this. He did this. He did that. He stole there. He stole this. And the guy's like, oh, Rebbe, Rebbe, listen. I don't know what's happening, but why did you do all those things? And the rabbi says, no, no, what are you talking about? No, to Zusha. Zusha also stole from his business partner. Zusha stole from his business partner. Why did you steal from your business partner on Tuesday? He thought he was going to use the money to buy a house, but you used it to go gamble. Why did you do that, Zusha? And the guy is hearing every sin that he committed every day of the week. And Rabbi Zusha is saying it as if he did it because the neshama of the tzaddik is like the neshama of Am Yisrael. But at the same time, Rabbi Zusha knew that once the person hears what he did, the ego will be broken. Eventually, the person says, "I'm sorry, please, Rabbi, help me do teshuva. Help me do teshuva. Yes, I did all those things." And the person would start crying hysterically and do teshuva. Unfortunately, Rabotai HaKedoshim,

1:30:16Today, we don't have Rabbi Zusha, but we do have the sins. We do have the problems. And unless a person is willing to destroy their ego and allow embarrassment into their life as a form of healing, teshuva is never going to be complete. There's always going to be a portion of it that's still there. It's always still there. always still there. I had a guy come to me, telling me, "Listen, I feel terrible. My girlfriend left me. Not only did she leave me, but she embarrassed me on the way out. She said all types of things about me that are not true. What should I do, Rabbi?" Now, if I was a puppet rabbi... that is dependent on people's opinions. I tell them, "Listen, I'm sorry to hear. Better luck next time." Because I want to genuinely help this person, I say, "Don't listen, although I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. The reality is, you did it to yourself. You were with her in a forbidden relationship, and you know it's forbidden."

1:31:40You did it anyway, so that means there's no "I didn't know," and there's going to be no blessing in such a relationship. How can you possibly expect a blessed relationship with such actions? Do better next time. Date a woman without intimacy a few times. If you want to be together, get married first. That's it. What's the problem? If you want to have a blessing from HaKadosh Baruch Hu, you have to go in the way of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Hopefully, this not only reaches his ear but also his heart, and he realizes this is the right way. But when a person is not willing to accept the truth, then unfortunately there's no way that you can help him. Many times, you tell people the truth, and they run away from you. Why? They're looking for someone to lick their wounds. They don't want embarrassment. But they don't realize that the embarrassment is part of the cure. It's like the bitter taste in medicine. Interestingly enough, it's not that they're completely against embarrassment because there's no end to the number of people who publicize their problems.

1:33:09in the online world, whether it be on Facebook, Reddit, or all other types of websites where people talk, they have all types of questions. Sometimes it's technical questions, financial questions, and sometimes it's embarrassing issues. Listen, I have this thing that happened with my wife or my husband, and what do you think? And then you see 50,000 comments. They have no problems. They have no qualms about publicizing their most shameful things. No problems. But when it comes to telling those things to the right audience, whether it be their spiritual mentor, their guide to the truth, or to the place where it's going to be part of the cure itself, bringing embarrassment where it actually matters, they hesitate. This is the Yetzer Hara. their guide to the truth, or to the place where it's going to be part of the cure itself, bringing embarrassment where it actually matters. No, no, no, no. I don't want to embarrass myself. Yeah, but you didn't have a problem publicizing the garbage that you did on Facebook. You didn't have the problem publicizing the garbage on Reddit, on Twitter, on X, on whatever, on Genome, or whatever it is. You publicize it everywhere else. Here you have a problem. Here you have a problem. What do we know from there? It's Yetzer Hara. Yetzer Hara.

1:34:26the yetzer hara has been playing us not just today, not just yesterday; the yetzer hara has been playing us for many, many years. as the prophet Yeshayahu says in chapter 59, Am Yisrael is crying, "Oh, Hashem, how come we're still at war over 500 days later? How come we're still at war? How come we're still being tormented?" by these evil terrorists, by these evil places, these evil leaders. How come? How come? Our prayers don't matter, Hashem, You're not listening to us. You don't hear our prayers. Says the prophet Yeshayahu in chapter 59 verse number one and on. Surely the hand of Hashem is not too limited to save, nor is His ear heavy, preventing Him from hearing. Rather, your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your transgressions have caused Him to hide His countenance from you, preventing Him from hearing you. For your palms are stained with blood and your fingers with iniquity; your lips speak falsehood and your tongues utter wickedness.

1:35:40no one calls in righteousness, and no one is judged truthfully, trusting in emptiness and speaking vanity, conceiving wrongdoing and giving birth to wickedness. Here, the prophet tells us exactly what we're dealing with today because the Gemara says that any prophecy that's written in the Torah or in the Tanakh is not only a prophecy that was relevant in its own time but also has enduring relevance, as explained previously. is not only a prophecy that was relevant to the day that it was said but also a prophecy that's relevant to every single day forever until Mashiach comes and for eternity. So now, what is he saying over here? First and foremost, he's saying, "Surely the hand of Hashem is not too limited." And Rashi says, what does that mean? It's not that you have not been redeemed from the exile because God lacks the strength to do so. As implied by your complaints that you're fasting in vain or praying without Him answering, it's not His ability that is deficient, rather it's your sins that build a barrier between you and God that makes it seem as if He does not hear your prayers. Because the problem is that a person who is mired in sin, is shaped by his desires and activities and therefore he has no common dialogue with someone who lives in the world of holiness. When a person has filthy deeds, they think that everyone else is filthy too. A person that's a thief thinks that everybody else is a thief. A person that's a liar thinks that everybody else is a liar. A person that's a cheater thinks that his spouse is cheating on him too.

1:36:58is shaped by his desires and activities and therefore he has no common dialogue with someone who lives in the world of holiness. When a person has filthy deeds, they think that everyone else is filthy too. A person that's a thief thinks that everybody else is a thief. A person that's a liar thinks that everybody else is a liar. A person that's a cheater thinks that his spouse is cheating on him too. Therefore, when such a person prays to HaKadosh, who does not get an answer, he thinks there's something wrong with God too. And the prophet says, "Your transgressions have caused Hashem to hide." This means, just like a person who doesn't want to hear from somebody stays away from them, God covers His face and ears. Ignoring the insincere prayer—why is it insincere prayer? If you're praying to HaKadosh Baruch Hu without doing teshuvah, without repenting for your sins, the prayer is worthless. If you have not done teshuvah, the prayer is worthless, just like the Rambam's pesak in regards to Yom Kippur.

1:38:24if you have not done teshuva, you did not repent before Yom Kippur. Fasting is simply a diet; it's not really a mitzvah. If you're still planning on driving on Shabbat after Yom Kippur, that means that your fast is worthless. You'll get punished for everything, including the fast. This is why a person has to understand that teshuva is changing your actions. is the basic minimum requirement in order to have a kadosh book which answers your prayers and changes the path that you're on. And when there's embarrassment in that, welcome that embarrassment. Why? Because Hashem is the one that's custom making it for you, as it's part of the cure. No, but maybe it's something else, therefore the chachamim clarify.

1:39:24Only a sin can interfere with Am Yisrael's closeness to God, because by definition, sins are a denial of His presence. Similarly, says the Baal HaTanya, certain sins are so serious that they subject the sinner to karet, spiritual excision, which means that the sinner's connection to God has been severed. Among those are sins of idolatry and sexual immorality. Among those are sins of idolatry and sexual immorality. Now, what does that have to do with what the Prophet actually says? Because the Prophet said in verse number 3, "For your palms are stained with blood, and your fingers with iniquity, and your lips speak falsehood, and your tongues utter wickedness." Says Rav Moshe Alshich, alav hashalom, from the time of Rav Yosef Karo. He said, your palms are stained with blood because you've wasted seed. Your fingers are full of iniquity because you've stolen in your business, your cash advances, and your other dishonest businesses, where you have conducted yourself in an inappropriate way.

1:40:44you've stolen money, you've wasted seed, and you come with those hands open, saying, "Please give me parnassah, please help me, Hashem." Or you come with the mouth, the same mouth that the prophet says speaks falsehood. You keep lying. Or the tongues that utter wickedness. You keep saying heretical things like "God needs you," or all types of other heretical things. So the tools that you're using, says Rav Moshe Alshich, your mouth and your hands, that you're using them as your defense to get Hashem to answer you, have turned into the prosecutors against you. Because they're full of sins. And then the prophet says, no one calls out for righteousness and no one is judged truthfully. This is because you go to false spiritual leaders who do not rebuke the people. You have a rabbi that tells you everything you're doing is perfect, even though he knows you're driving on Shabbat, even though you know you're in a corrupt business, even though he knows that you're cheating on your husband or you're cheating on your wife, even though he knows that you go to a casino and gamble, and even though he knows he still says you're a tzaddik, you're a tzaddika.

1:42:05Both of you are going to be in a similar type of Gehinnom with all the other tzaddikim like you. If you continue on this path, your spiritual leaders do not rebuke the people, says the Ibn Ezra. Your judges are not just. It's like the so-called rabbis that have allowed all of these forbidden things as if they're allowed. People make promises with no intention of keeping their words. They think no one will know that they're being dishonest, but God knows. Unfortunately, people keep crying to HaKadosh Baruch Hu with empty tears, crocodile tears. Why? Because tears that do not accompany teshuva (repentance)... simply waste a prayer that does not accompany teshuvah is a wasted prayer. And therefore, says the prophet Isaiah in verse number nine, that's why justice has become distant from us, and righteousness has not reached us. We hope for light, but behold, there's darkness; for brightness, we walk in deep darkness. What does this mean?

1:43:30say that the Rashi begins by saying although we cried out to Hashem to save us from our enemies, from the Hamas, from the Hezbollah, from the Amalekites. We keep praying to Hashem to help us, but every day some other Jew is murdered in cold blood, whether it be in Israel, or it be in America, or anywhere else in the world. Every day there's a new report of innocent blood being spilled and nothing being done about it. Why? Hashem does not punish our oppressors because we haven't done teshuvah. Because the Jewish people are not being just among themselves, says the Me'iri. So, what right do we have to complain about foreign oppressors, measure for measure, if we continue to be corrupt to each other, lie to each other, and speak lashon hara about each other? We must address our own shortcomings before we can expect divine intervention. What right do we have to complain about the oppressors that Hashem is sending to punish us? In so many words, the stick that Hashem is hitting us with is being fueled by our own misactions. And so long as we delude ourselves to think that we do not have to do teshuva, we will continue to face challenges.

1:44:58delude ourselves into thinking that we do not have to do teshuva. We do not have to nullify ourselves to da'at Torah. We do not have to change and improve ourselves. We're good enough. Somebody else needs to change. Let's worry about the secular people. Habibi, look into the mirror and sometimes see yourself as maybe that person who's secular because you haven't done enough teshuva. If you haven't done teshuva today for something, what's the difference between you and the secular person? Every single person that I know who is a tzaddik does teshuva every day for something. David HaMelech was scared to death of any judgment. Can you even imagine being a tzaddik like, like the ground that David walked on? He was scared to death of sins, but people today walk around like they can do whatever they want. But I believe it's the Chafetz Chaim telling us here advice that could literally change not just our lives, but literally our entire nation, our entire eternity. He's telling us this spiritual mentor, this trusted friend. This is a person that we do not only want, we need. We don't only need, we want. Why? Because this is part of our Chiyuv.

1:46:22have somebody that's going to give us the direction to go, hence the reason why he calls this an amazingly effective practice. He's not even saying this whole thing is about maybe you'll get some good advice, only at the end he says maybe you also get some good advice to follow God's ways. But the biggest benefit The biggest benefit is having someone to whom you could simply say, "I did all of these things, tell me what to do, what's the cure." The extra guidance on what job to take, what job not to take, who to marry, who not to marry, that's the extra bonus. But if you could simply tell me what to do with these filthy sins that I've done, that's already the greatest possible thing that you can do for yourself. The only way it works is if a person begins with the right mindset by nullifying themselves before they even say a word, meaning whatever he says, I'm going to do. If you have not gotten yourself to that point, then you have a lot of work to do because you are still spiritually sick.

1:47:49We can admit we're all spiritually sick to a certain extent. But if you want to be on the path of the cure, it begins with nullifying yourself and getting that spiritual guide that's going to get you that cure. Once we do that, rabotai, every mitzvah that we do can change the outcome of our lives and the entire nation, as the Mishnah says. A Jew who performs a mitzvah should view it as if he has uplifted all of Am Yisrael positively, and a Jew who commits a sin should perceive it as if he has taken all of Am Yisrael in a negative direction. Every mitzvah can transform something, every mitzvah can change a life, including your own, including saving a life. If we want to put an end to all the problems that we're all suffering from, we need to take this seriously. It begins with doing teshuva. And teshuva is more than just keeping some mitzvot that you like. Teshuva is also keeping the rest of the Torah, which stands on fixing our character traits. When we do that, we can be assured that we are all on the path of Hashem. And b'ezrat Hashem, we will all succeed in getting on that path.

1:49:16staying on that path and getting others to join us. Thank you very much for learning with me. May Hashem bless each and every single one of you, especially those who take this to heart and apply it to their lives. And may Hashem allow us to succeed in spreading this message all over the world, no less than how? the nourishment for your body. Help support, donate. You can do it on our website, you can do it on YouTube, you can do it in a lot of different places. There's no shortage of ways to help because the need is there for more people. Help support and donate. You can do it on our website, on YouTube, and in many different places. There is no shortage of ways to help because the need is there for more people.

1:50:16to hear the word of Hashem, to hear the word of Hashem. And there's, unfortunately, not enough voices out there. If a young Jew from Germany could be saved by a simple, short clip, imagine how many more Jews we can save with these longer shiurim, with the films, with all of the other things that, Baruch Hashem, we're doing. Help, support, partner with us and, Be'ezrat Hashem, we'll succeed in getting this message to every corner of the world. Wherever there's a precious neshamah, the Torah is going to be there to save it. Thank you very much. We'll learn again soon. Kol Tuv. I'd like to introduce you to your new best friend. We did it. AI Rabbi is here. It's an AI model that is based on kosher Torah sources. It supports 30 different languages that are available to you. So if you want to ask it in Spanish, Chinese, Portuguese, whatever you want to do, it's available for you. Kol Tuv. Can you tell me about Aviyah HaKedoshah? So it's timestamped to the shiur. Press the screen button. AI Rabbi on your WhatsApp. You'll have the ability to ask questions at will. You'll be provided sources. Most importantly, you'll be able to know the truth and rely on the sources.