The ADDICTION TO MORE!!!

0:14We're back here in Sunny Isles with our Sunday night shiur. Everyone can come up front. Lots of interesting tests today that made me question whether to have the shiur or not. I would say at least 15-20 times. Which means that we had to have it. Shiur tonight will be for you. I've washed them off for my three little babies, Sara Bat Levana, Aviyah Ben Levana, and Yosef Ben Levana. God bless them, all three are sick with fevers. That's how it works when you have kids. once one catches something, the rest of them sometimes follow, Baruch Hashem. So b'ezrat Hashem they have refuah shlema and the fever goes down and the test is completed b'schut ha'shiur. Also for refuah shlema for my dear father, David ben Soraiah, Doris bat Jorah, Levana bat Sara, Elisha Chaya bat Sara,

1:40Batya bat Sarah, and Dvora bat Mercedes, and all of Am Yisrael, b'ezrat Hashem, will have refuah shlema, refuat hanefesh, refuat haguf. So while I was thinking about this shiur, since we've completed our series recently on Bitachon, we haven't started a new Sunday series yet. But I know that the last time we did a shiur here about just the general topic, baruch Hashem, it was very popular. So sometimes it's better to do a series. Sometimes it's better to do something that's new every week. It's all yad Hashem. Whatever Hashem tells us, that's what we do, baruch Hashem. So some of the things, baruch Hashem, that I have here, are very interesting and very sensitive subjects, which means that those that seek the truth will probably like this shiur more than most, if not all, of the shiurim that we've done. If Be'ezrat Hashem, Hashem gives us the zechut to say it the right way, and it teaches the Torah the right way, and it reaches your hearts, then I believe that this shiur will reach many, many hearts.

3:04And hopefully, Be'ezrat Hashem, wake up a lot of slumbering neshamot, waking them up to the crimes that they're committing, sometimes without even knowing. On the other hand, those that are looking for excuses to continue living their life without anybody telling them what to do will probably hate this shiur more than any other shiur we've done because it's scary. But it's scary. Meaning it's not scary like the shiur we did a couple of years ago about Gehenom that talks about all the gory things that happen to resha'im that don't do teshuva. It's not scary like that, but it's scary because almost every single one of us is guilty of what I'm about to tell you. Which means that we're all here for a reason. Now, the Chazon Ish, alev hashalom, in his extraordinary book, Emunah U'Bitachon. It's an unfinished book, but for all intents and purposes, for us, it's really finished. But he obviously intended on adding much more to it. This is something that you probably have to read a hundred times just to understand it completely.

4:31At least have a sense of what it says, but towards the end of the book, he breaks it up into plucking. In Chapter 4, Section 12, he says something very interesting. He says often the books of Mussar... set themselves a goal to ignite the light of refinement in the soul, seeing this light as a general cure for all the false tendencies together. It says that all of the books of Mussar that you're going to see, for example, you look at Mesilat Yesharim. Mesilat Yesharim, 26 chapters, each chapter has something to do with a different middah, a different character trait. alacrity, cleanliness, anger, and so on and so forth. Many say that the Mesilat Yesharim, the Ramchal, authored it with Ruach HaKodesh. 300 years ago, this is somebody that wasn't from this world, it seems like. The stuff that he said, in the beginning he says, I'm not here to bring you any chidushim. In reality, the whole book is a chidush. Even if you read it a thousand times, you'll find more chidushim.

5:54you look at the way he wrote it. Each chapter has to do with a different character trait, a different midah. You look at the same thing in many of the mussar books; they all break down things one at a time. But the Chazon Ish gives a chidush, a chidush that all of the baalei mussar knew, but it seems like he's the one that's saying it to us today. He says there's one midah, there's one character trait that's stronger and more powerful than all of the character traits. To the extent that if you do it, if you actually overcome this and acquire this good midah, all of your midot get affected in a positive way. One midah. You do this, all of a sudden you're not as angry. All of a sudden you're not cheap. All of a sudden you're not as arrogant. All of a sudden you have all positive things. Everything starts improving. It's not perfect, but everything improves. One midah, a get-out-of-jail-free card. On the other hand, if you don't acquire this midah,

7:15Doesn't matter what you do, all of your middot naturally get worse. Meaning, if you're angry, automatically, you're much angrier. If you're cheap, oh, it gets much worse. This guy, by the time the dollar comes out, a dollar has dust on it. George Washington says, "Wow, that's what light looks like." He's so cheap, he never takes a dollar out of his pocket. If he's arrogant, no one wants to walk next to him because his ego is bigger than him and... All of the character traits get worse. What makes this happen? The Chazon Ish says there's a reason why there are discrepancies between different students that learn Mussar. Sometimes somebody learns Mussar and, boom, a fire; the guy becomes a tzaddik quickly. You tell him you have to watch your eyes, he watches his eyes. Tell him you have to watch your breath, he watches his breath. He falls a few times, but he gets up. Tell him you have to learn Torah every day, he says, how much? I say two hours, he says, oh, that's enough. Sometimes you see somebody, you tell him stuff, he does it. Doesn't happen very often. Don't get your head, eh, that happens. But sometimes it happens. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you have these people, 500 times you have to tell them before they put on tefillin.

8:42The guy is listening to shiurim for two and a half years and he calls you on a Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. "Can I still put on tefillin now?" What do you mean? I thought you started doing shiurim two and a half years ago. What do you mean tefillin now? It's 5:30. The sun is going to sleep. Yeah, go put tefillin before it gets too late. The wife calls you. "Oh, he's still yelling at me." What do you mean he's still yelling at you? He says he watched the entire series Pirkei Avot. You watch the entire series of Pirkei Avot, you become Malach Hashem. How is he still yelling and screaming? What happened? Sometimes with certain people, you could tell them the same thing 500 times. They're moving, they're improving, but not so much. They're like, you know, the turtle. You know, one step at a time. You gotta learn Torah, you know, at least two hours a day. He goes, "No, Rabbi. Take it easy. I'm one step at a time." What one step at a time, habibi? 20 years you're doing teshuva. What one step at a time? How long is it gonna be one step at a time? You're 40 years old, you still don't even know what the Shas is.

9:48No, Rabbi, I'm still on Parashat HaShavua. Oh, could you finish the Chumash? No, not yet. I haven't finished the Chumash yet. Where are you? You're up to maybe Devarim, the last book? No, I'm still, I'm struggling with Bereishit. 20 years he's struggling with Bereishit. What happened? Why so slow? So Chazal say, Some people improve quickly, like mamash fire, and some almost like they're walking backwards. Lama? The reason is that the intensity of their light is not equal. One has a bright light close to refinement of the soul, whereas another has a feeble light, far from strong. Why do these two people have two different lights? Why? The Chazon Ish says, it's not that they were both born in different neighborhoods. One guy is born in Bnei Brak, the other one is born in, I don't know, in Sela or something, in Netanya, where all the criminals are, or at least they used to be.

11:05No. It's not because of where they were brought up. It's not because he was born in Florida, the other guy in Yerushalayim. It's not because his parents are rabbis or his grandfather was a big tzaddik. It has nothing to do with that. What does it have to do with? The Chazon Ish says it has to do with one midah, one character trait that every one of us could either acquire in a positive way or acquire in a negative way. What's that midah? Willpower. Do you want to change? The desire to change is the strongest midah of all middot. If you want to change, you will grow in spirituality like fire. you want to change. So as soon as you hear something, you say, "No, okay, Rabbi. It's hard, but I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna try to do this." Why? You got to learn an hour a day, two hours a day? Okay, I never learned five minutes a day, but okay, I'll try it. Oh, I can't be angry? Okay, I'm gonna try it. Oh, I can't be stingy anymore? Okay, I'll try it. It's because he wants to change. He wants to be better. She wants to be better. And

12:18Have to put clothes on, Rabbi. I can't walk around with a miniskirt all the time or even sometimes. Only in the shower, maybe. Okay, so I'll have to buy new clothes. I need to convince my husband to take a few shekels out of his pocket and buy me some clothes because apparently, I'm walking around in underwear. Okay, so I'll figure it out, Rabbi. I She wants to change. It's not that all of a sudden she likes the modest clothes. It's not that all of a sudden she likes the mitpachat. It's not that all of a sudden she became a tzaddeiket. No, it's going to take work to do that. It's not that all of a sudden he has the same metikut for the Torah, the same sweetness of Torah like the Chazon Ish had or Rav Chaim Kanievsky has. No, he still struggles with Aleph Bet. He wants to change; she wants to change. That's enough to motivate them to improve because once you want to change, the fact that now you know that you have flaws bothers you, and fact that now you know that it's not good to be angry; it's not good to be arrogant; it's not good to be cheap; it's not good to be all these negative things. Now, for the first time in your life, it bothers you that you're cheap. It bothers you that you're this way. You know that, naturally, you're angry, and everybody that looks at you the wrong way makes you want to punch them with the right and the left, just to make sure.

13:40But now, all of a sudden, it bothers you that you want to punch him. Why do I want to punch him? How come nobody else wants to punch him? How come his face looks so good to me to punch? It shouldn't be that way. And you get upset with yourself. Why? Because you know deep inside, I'm not good enough. I can be a better version of me. On the other hand, Hashem is with the people that have the opposite desire. It says, "I'm okay." Like it says in Sefer Devarim, "I'm okay. I'm fine. I don't need to change. I'm good the way I am. You want to change? You want to be good? Better than you? You do you. You leave me alone. I'm fine." I'm okay with my anger. I'm okay with my stinginess. I'm okay with the Goyisha girlfriend. I'm okay with stealing for business. Listen, I'm only stealing from Goyim. He makes it like it's kosher, like it's kosher, because he's only stealing from Goyim. He doesn't realize halacha is worse for Goyim. You steal from a Jew, you have to return double. You steal from a Goy, you have to go and die first in order to rectify that sin.

14:55Serious problem, still from going: one of my students in Eretz Yisrael heard this. The other day, I mentioned something about stealing. She calls me and tells me, "Listen, please tell me if you can help me." I said, "What?" She said, "I have some, but I don't know where they all are. Help me find them. I need to return $1,000." I said, "Why do you have to return $1,000? Why do you owe money?" She said, "No, no, I stole it." I said, "When?" "20 years ago." 20 years ago, I was a little kid. I know I took $1,000 over a period of time. I've got to return the money. Why? I want to go to Gan Eden. Because she heard in the shiur, no one's allowed to go into Gan Eden if they have stolen money. So now a person that says, everything is going to be okay by me, I don't need to change, automatically all of their middot get worse. Why? Because they say that everything is okay, now they're okay with the fact that they're angry. So naturally, they allow themselves to get even angrier.

16:00Because they don't feel like fixing themselves, they got angry, but they figured maybe the other guy didn't get the point when I started yelling. So let me flip the table and make sure he knows. He didn't realize that I was really angry because I just yelled. So I'm going to flip the table, maybe pour a cup of coffee in his face, and make sure he realizes I'm angry. You know, my wife, she doesn't realize I'm angry. I'm not going to go home for three days. I'll show her I'm angry. All of a sudden, all of his character traits become much worse. Why? Because he figures, or she figures, there's nothing for me to change. I'm perfect as I am, Hashem made me this way, and that's the way he's going to accept me. As if Hashem needs her. He needs him. That's the mistake, Rabotai Yekarim, all of us have made at some point in our lives. I can tell you a personal story; I've said it all the time. I used to wake up, you know, Jewish people, when they keep Torah and mitzvot, they wake up, what do they say?

17:01What do you start off with today? A Jew starts off with, thank you. Thank you, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, for giving me a neshama. Why? Because the neshama, in truth, didn't want to come back. In truth, the neshama went to Gan Eden in Shamayim. It went up to Shamayim and said, Hashem, it's good for me here. I don't want to go with this body. This body is ruining it. Every day it makes sins, this body. I was good, I'm good over there. Let me pay the bill. I'm already over here. Whatever it did, I'll pay for it. But enough, Hashem. It keeps making sins, this body. So the neshama doesn't want to come back. That's why it says, b'chemlah rabah emunatecha. Emunatecha means Hashem has emunah in us. What emunah in us? He forces the neshama to come back to the body because He has emunah that today, not tomorrow, today we're going to do teshuvah. So He says to the neshama, you have to go back. Why? Today he's going to do teshuvah. Today she's going to be better. I have emunah in him. He has emunah in us. We barely have emunah in Him though. He has belief that today we're going to do teshuvah.

18:02Now, that's a Jew wakes up. He says, "Thank you, Hashem, for having emunah in me. That's why I'm still alive." Because really, Gemara Masechet Berachot says, when you go to sleep, it's 1/60th of death. It's really death. You died. Your soul left. A lonely little piece stayed behind. He says, "Thank you, Hashem." Because really, in reality, it's resurrection of the dead every day. So now a Jew wakes up saying, "Thank you. How did I wake up every day?" It's embarrassing, but it's for the toilet. You're not allowed to say bad things about yourself unless it's going to help people. It's going to help you. I used to wake up every single day, and the first thing in the morning I would say was the F-word. Instead of saying Modeh Ani like a Jew, I'd say the F-word or the S-word or some type of word I invented. Why? I'm late. For what? Who knows? I was the boss. Doesn't matter if I woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning, 6 o'clock in the morning, 8 o'clock in the morning, or 10 o'clock. It didn't make a difference. I was always, in my mind, late to something: late to an appointment, late to go make money, late to go chase, late to go this, late to eat, late to something. I was always late. I would wake up—you ask my wife, she'd tell you—every day, meskin, the poor guy wakes up, curse word. Why? I'm late. To what? Who knows?

19:25Who knows? Who's going to fire you? You're the boss. I'm late to something. Angry. First thing in the morning. Every day. Now, I go to the office. People, usually a few people were there before me. When I first started in the business, I was the first guy in the office. Then, when I started building the business, I had employees; they started being there before me. Instead of being happy that the guys came to work and the girls came to work, everybody came to work, and I get upset. Why? They're not working hard enough. So I love, okay. I'm angry. I woke up, I'm angry. When I got to the office, I'm even angrier when I see everybody there and they're not working hard enough. Angry, angry, angry. At lunch, I'm angry. In the afternoon, I'm always angry. Now, no one dares tell me, "Listen, why are you so angry?" Why? Because they're scared for their job. But by the same token, once in a while, the anger would get worse and...

20:26...and not once in my life did I ever think this anger stuff is not good. When someone would mention, "Listen, don't get angry," but hey, you saying, "Don't get angry," that makes me angry. Don't tell me, "Don't get angry," that makes me angry. The fact that you tell me, "Don't get angry," that makes me angry. why? Because to me, I was born this way. I was born an angry guy. Don't tell me, "Don't be angry." It's like me telling you, "Don't be Steve," and your name is Steve. I'm the one who's angry. Same thing because in my mind it was so demented. with yetzer hara so poisoned that being angry was just me. It was part of me. So what do you mean don't be me? Don't be angry means don't be me. There's nothing wrong with being me. I was born this way. That's what the Yetzer Hara wants you to think. The Yetzer Hara wants you to think that you were born this way. You were born angry. You were born cheap. You were born this way and therefore you should not change. You cannot change. It's impossible for you to change. And he convinces you every single day with a very strong argument. What's the argument? You've always been this way.

21:44How could you change now? You've been like this for 30 years, 40 years, 50 years you've been angry. Now you're going to change? Listen, maybe if you wanted to change at 13, 14, 15 years old, maybe you would have had a chance to change after a few years. But now you're 40 years old. Ah, no, come on, it's already too late for you. Too late for you to change already. Like Choni HaMa'agel said to his son, Eliezer, says, "Why do you want to be coming too late? You're 27 years old. Go be a farmer like me, make a few shekels, and then you'll have some kids, and your kids will be coming." Eliezer started crying almost until his neshama left. He cried so much. Who says he deserves a present? He sent him Eliyahu HaNavi. Eliyahu HaNavi comes to this young man, 27 years old, named Eliezer, Eliezer ben Horkinos. He says, Eliezer, why are you crying? He says, I want to learn Torah. Eliezer didn't know anything, so much, he didn't even know where he could learn Torah. So Eliyahu HaNavi says to him, go to Yerushalayim, there's a big rabbi named Rabban Yochanan, Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai, go learn from him, he'll teach you. He'll teach you anything you want.

23:01Eliezer says, "Huh? Somebody would even teach somebody like me?" He got up, picked up, and left, went to Yerushalayim. And as you would have it, because of the koach ratzon, because of his willpower, Eliezer ben Horkinos became Rabbi Eliezer ben Horkinos. The rabbi of Rabbi Akiva. The rabbi of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva had 24,000 students, the biggest rabbi in the world. This is his rabbi. A generation before had an argument with Rabban Gamliel. He and Rabban Gamliel had a debate. He was married to Rabban Gamliel's sister, and they were studying together. They had an argument. A bat kol came from Shamayim. A bat kol came from Shamayim and said to Rabban Gamliel and all the Chachamim, "Why are you arguing with my son Rabbi Eliezer? Don't you know halakha is always like him?" Just like us, yeah. We say something, a bat kol comes down.

24:02Maybe Facebook says, too many posts, no bat kol. Rabbi Eliezer had an argument, a bat kol from Shamayim came and said, "Don't you know, halakha is always like him?" Why? He had willpower. Willpower to change, rabotai. Now, this means, rabotai, that the power to change, the desire to change, is a very, very important desire to have. if you desire to change, automatically everything that you already have improves, and now you can build on it. If you do not have a desire to change and you think that everything is okay with you, automatically all of your bad character traits will continue to deteriorate, continue to get worse. Why? Because you think that everything is okay. Accept me as I am. Angry, "accept me as I am"—which means that now, you have to not even comment on the fact that I'm angry. Not even mention the fact that I'm cheap and this and that. Nothing. The guy expects his wife to be fine with the fact that he's an arrogant, impossible person.

25:15He wants his wife to be happy with the fact that he's stingy. He doesn't want to give her any money. Why? Because he wants to call it frugal. He said, "No, honey, I'm saving for retirement." What retirement? I need to eat today, habibi. What retirement? "No, no, honey, don't buy this, don't buy that, don't buy this, don't buy that." Why am I not buying it? "No, if you save $20 a week, we could buy a house eventually." When? In a thousand years? There are certain things to save on. There are certain things to... Come on. Certain things to save. There are certain things not to save. You want a watch? Okay, you can buy a Casio watch for $10. But to buy a challah, that's a good one, for $5, and instead of the one for $4, you really think you're going to save that dollar, it's going to change your life? Or this sugar versus that sugar? Or the CVS brand of medicine versus the brand name medicine? If your wife says she wants the brand name, you buy her the brand name, even though it doesn't make any difference. Even though it doesn't make any sense. She wants the brand name, buy her the brand name. Why? Because that's what she wants.

26:27What do you think, you're gonna save the $2 that's gonna help you in your life? You're gonna buy a house because of the $2 you saved? What do you think is gonna happen with saving that $2? People save in the wrong places. The funny part is, when the guy at the car lot says to them, "Listen, you want a navigation system with that?" Yeah, sure, add it on, another $3,000 that he's never gonna use. Navigation system, another $3,000. He says, "Yeah, sure, it looks cool." He's never gonna use it. Why? Because he uses his phone anyway. free, but another three thousand dollars in a car? No problem. You want the chrome rims or the alloy rims, or this rim or that rim? Yeah, yeah, add that on. What is it? Only thirty dollars a month? No problem. Add it, add it for himself. No problem. Add it, add it, add it. But the challah, he has to get a dollar discount. The CDs? "Rabbi, is there a discount on the CDs? They're already a dollar each. What discount do you want? We're gonna pay you?" I don't know. Didn't you have a program where you're giving them out for free? Yeah, but you have money. Why do you want them for free? Oh, no, I thought I was going to get a large quantity discount. Okay, you know what? How much is the large quantity? Oh, I was going to order 20. Oh, so instead of spending $20, you want to spend what? Five? Ten? You think it's going to help you in your life? You're going to save that $10? Yeah, I'm going to give it out at a big party.

27:54How much does the party cost you? $50,000? Oh, so the $10 you're saving is on the CDs, but not the $50,000 party. You stop boggling. A lot of people amaze me sometimes, but you know what? You have to feel bad because they don't notice it themselves. They don't know that there's something wrong there. When the camera guy says $3,000, $4,000, $5,000 to be a camera guy, they don't question it for a second, and... What? Camera guy, five thousand? No, you take the album to CD also. Okay. No problem. Be there on time. But when the caterer says, "Listen, we have the hashgacha from this place, you know, highest hashgacha, and then we have, like, you know, like a homeless hashgacha, you know, the guys that are mechalelei Shabbat. Which one do you want?" No, no, get the second one, cheaper, get the second one. You go to the wedding, and the only thing that's kosher is the sign. Not the food. Why? It's cheaper. Saved a thousand bucks. But the camera guy, no discount. Why? It's the camera guy. Why? Because they value this, but not this. The yetzer hara cares less about the camera guy. He cares about the kosher guy. Torah, tell the guy, listen, can I get some mezuzot? Yeah, sure, it's 120 bucks, 150 bucks, 100 bucks, whatever, per mezuzah. Oh, why so expensive?

29:18Why so expensive? Why? You guys here to make money on us? No, you asked for the mezuzot. I didn't ask you. I didn't offer it to you. I didn't make a whole campaign here. Please buy the mezuzot. I'm going to kill you. No, you want mezuzot. You're asking me. I'm telling you, it's going to cost $150 for each mezuzah. You want it? Good. You don't want it? Go find yourself a new friend. What do you want from my life? No, why? There's no discounts? How many mezuzot do you need? All right, 20. What are you, a factory? No, it's my house. So your house has 20 doors, but you're complaining about a hundred fifty dollars a mezuzah, you rasha merusha. Your house has 20 doors. That's it. It's a million-dollar house, two-million-dollar house, but you're complaining about a hundred fifty bucks for a mezuzah. Why? Satan doesn't care about the house; he cares about the hundred bucks for the mezuzah. Why? He values this and not this. Guy calls me for Tefillin. "Rabbi, can I get Tefillin?" "Yeah, sure, no problem. Just look at the website. There are a few pairs over there. I don't really sell many, but whenever you want, you can get them. There's $600, there's $900, there's $1,000. Each one of them is worth double what we sell them for. But whatever. Yeah, go. Oh, no, no. I was hoping you'd give it to me for free. What am I, your father? No, I don't know. Why? You want me to do mitzvot? No. Aren't we all about doing Kiddush Hashem, Rabbi? Yeah, Kiddush Hashem. Pay for it, buddy."

30:43They want to do Kiddush Hashem with your money. It's the best thing in the world. Oh, okay, no, no, forget it then. Do you have Tefillin? No. So we'll get Tefillin. No, no, I'm not going to pay 600 bucks for Tefillin. Crazy. Best. The best. Why? You can't even be upset. Why? They don't know there's anything wrong. They don't know there's anything wrong. The desire to change... Those people are very, very small. It's up to a line. I'm willing to change as long as it's for a discount. I'm willing to change as long as it's free. I'm willing to change as long as it doesn't push me too much and I love the shiurim you make, Rabbi, but you know that one shiur you said about gambling? I don't like that one. Why? How come you don't like that one? No, because I gamble. Oh, so you like all of the shiurim that have nothing to do with you. Because you keep Shabbat, so you don't care about me talking about Mechalel Shabbat Mot Yumat. You keep Taharat HaMishpacha, so you don't care about me telling people about Nidah and so on. But the one thing that affects you, ah, now you care.

31:57Now you don't like me. Now you don't like Hashem because it touched home. This, rabotai, is a problem for all of us. And that's why Shlomo HaMelech says that you have to love mussar. What's mussar? Mussar is teachings that are going to rebuke you personally. Don't go and learn only the things that you're good at. Go learn the things that you're weak at. Now, there is one thing that all of us are weak. It all starts with Sefer Bereishit. Just this past weekend, we read Parashat Bereishit. We heard HaKadosh Baruch Hu create the world. He says that He's going to create Adam in our image, in our likeness. Showing us that all of mankind, whether Jew or non-Jew, are important to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But later on, when we get to the Torah, the Jews become the chosen people. But then you see something extraordinary. You see that HaKadosh Baruch Hu creates this beautiful Gan Eden. Everything is there.

33:22There's a river that's surrounded by gold and beauty. All of these rivers, the Torah describes them as being beautiful, with fruits and vegetables and all these wonderful things. When it came to food, the Gemara says that the Malachim came to Adam HaRishon and were making him barbecue. Malachim! HaKadosh Baruch Hu sent Malachim. Why? To serve Adam HaRishon and make him barbecue. Whatever he wants. He wants shishlik, make him shishlik. He wants a burger, make him a burger. Whatever he wants, make him whatever he wants. As much as he wants, no end. This was Gan Eden, meaning there's no end to the good you could have gotten in this place. But then we hear the very famous horrible story of what happened. The snake, the serpent, comes to Chava and entices her to eat from the forbidden fruit. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says you could have everything in this Gan Eden except for this fruit from this tree.

34:44The tree of knowledge, don't touch it. Everything else you can touch. In fact, the Chachamim explained to us that even the tree of life, the tree of life that was in the middle of the garden, they were allowed to eat from it. Why? Because Hashem didn't say don't eat from it. Meaning, if they found it, they could eat it and they could live forever. And that's why Rabbi Efraim says that's the real reason why Chava wanted to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Why? Because it says the Tree of Life was in the middle of the garden. But where's the middle of the garden? We don't know where it starts. We don't know where it ends. Where's the middle? So they figured if they eat from the Tree of Knowledge, the knowledge will be, where is the Tree of Life? Go find the Tree of Life. Go eat from it. Live forever. Why is this a mistake? The mistake is HaKadosh Baruch Hu already told you that you're going to live forever. In fact, the only way you're going to die is if you eat from the Tree of Knowledge. But Chava forgot this. Chava didn't take this into account. What did she take into account? More. The addiction to more. The same addiction all of us have.

36:03What are we all addicted to? More. More of what? Everything. More food, a second serving; more sex, a second, third wife; second, third husband; another this, another that; more money, another company. Yeah, but your first company is already successful. Yeah, that's why I'm opening a second one. Why do you need a second one? To make more. Famous movie I saw many years ago. The villain was a billionaire. So the good guy, if you will, says to him, "What do you want? How much more do you want? You already have buildings and this and that. What else do you want?" He says to him. The villain says, "More." Best line. Why? It's the truth. That's what we all want. More. We are addicted to more. The problem is if you do not control that addiction, you are ruining your own life. Just like Chava ruined her own life. She had the ability to live forever, but she wanted more. I have all of this fruit. I have all of this garden. I have this, but that one thing I don't have and I want it. Yeah, but you have everything else. Yeah, but I want more. Just a little more.

37:30But you're already rich. Yeah, but just a little richer. But you're already full. Yeah, but just another bite. But you're already married. Yeah, but just this one time. Everyone has an excuse because the Satan, the Malach HaMavet, is the same one from the story. He's been working already for 6,000 years. He's the one that convinced Chava. You don't think he's going to convince you? He convinced Chava to want more. Rabotai, our desire and our addiction to more is a disease, and if you don't control it, you're killing yourself. Tonight, b'ezrat Hashem, we're going to go over a few desires that many people have that are literally ruining lives, ruining families, ruining religion, ruining childhood, ruining everything.

38:33If you remember, the desire for more didn't necessarily start with Chava. The Gemara in Masechet Chullin, page 60b, says, if you notice, On Sefer Bereishit, chapter 1, verse 16, it says, "And God made two large luminaries: the large luminary to dominate the day and the smaller luminary to dominate the night, and the stars." In the beginning, it says there were two large luminaries; the sun and the moon were both the same size and... But then later, in the same verse, it says the large luminary to dominate the day, meaning the sun, and the smaller luminary to dominate the night. But hold on a second. Initially, it says there were two large luminaries. Then, in the same verse, it says one was large and one was smaller. Why don't you just say there were two luminaries, one bigger than the other? So the Gemara in Masechet Chullin 60b says,

39:53In the beginning, the sun and the moon were both the same size. But then the angel of the moon came to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and said, "There's no way that it's right for two luminaries to be the queens of the night and the day and be of the same size. Surely there should be one bigger one." HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, "You're right. I'll make the Sun the bigger one. You be smaller." And Hashem shrunk the moon as a punishment. Why? HaKadosh Baruch Hu does not like big eyes. He doesn't like people who want more than what they deserve, more than what they have, more than what He gifted them. This, by the way, is in our new series of children's cartoons. that, b'ezrat Hashem, will launch this week is a little story I just gave you. It's a nice cartoon with our tzaddik over here telling us the story of what I just said. So look out for it, b'ezrat Hashem, in the newsletter. But anyway, Rabotai Haikarim, we're trying to teach children the same thing that we teach adults, and adults actually, the same way we teach children.

41:16That it's not just about the story: Hashem created the world, Adam, Chava ate the fruit. Okay, chalas, we're at Moshe Rabbeinu already. There's a lesson to be learned everywhere. The first lesson is, Rabotai, if HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave you a package, it's not just good to be happy with your package. It's an obligation. It's not a suggestion to be happy with your share by the Chachamim of Pirkei Avot. It's an obligation to be happy with your share because HaKadosh Baruch Hu does not like people who are unhappy with their share. And I'm going to give you a few examples. It starts with Chava. Chava wanted more than what she had. She had the entire Gan Eden. The only thing that was forbidden was the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. She touched it and lost everything. She brought death to the world. Until this day, women are suffering because of Chava's desire for just a little bit more. Just a little bit more. Yeah, but what about Adam? How come he’s suffering? How come the animals are suffering? Everyone’s dying, not just women.

42:29Why? Because Chava gave everyone, the Chachamim say, of the fruit. Not just Adam. She gave the animals the fruit. She gave Adam the fruit. Everybody ate from the fruit. Why? Because everyone deep inside wanted a little bit more. Ah, you want a little bit more? You're all going to get punished. You're not happy with what Hashem gave you? You're all going to get punished. Why? You should be happy with what I gave you. If I gave it to you, it must be good. You notice also it says the original tree was to be a fruit tree that was fruit itself. The tree itself is a fruit that makes fruit. That's what the Pasuk says. Meaning the original tree was supposed to be a fruit itself. Meaning you were supposed to eat the tree too, not just the fruit. The Angel of the Trees didn't like this. Why? He says, "Wait, if I'm going to be edible too, they're going to eat all of us. There won't be enough." Thinking he knows better than Hashem, he didn't want to make himself edible. So, he made the actual tree itself not edible.

43:47Only the fruit is edible. And Hashem says, "You didn't do what I said because you thought that your plan is better. There's not going to be enough trees for eternity. You're going to get punished for the rest of this world. Every time there's a fire, a tree will be in it. What do we burn? We burn trees. You were afraid they were going to run out of trees because people were going to eat you? Okay, so don't worry. They're not going to eat you. They're going to burn you instead." because you thought that my plan, HaKadosh Baruch Hu's plan, is better. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is very critical of those who question Him. It's okay to ask questions, but it's not okay to question Hashem's decisions. You have a package; you have to be happy with the package you have. Further, we move on to the generation of Noach. Generation of Noach... You look at the Midrashim. It's unbelievable. They were filthy rich. There was money literally in the streets. Everyone was healthy. No one died. People were living almost a thousand years. Never a sickness. Sickness wasn't created yet. Sickness was only created at the time of Yaakov Avinu. The way somebody died one day, they're walking around, everyone looked like they were 20 years old.

45:15Whether you were a thousand years old or 20 years old, you looked the same. Always healthy, never even having a temperature, never having a sneeze, nothing. But if you sneezed, you died. Why? That was it. That's why until this day they say, "God bless you." Why? Because in the past, if the guy sneezed, he died. 6,000-year-old minhag. One died. People were giants, Nephilim. The Nephilim reached the sky, powerful people. It wasn't enough for them. They wanted more. They wanted more than what they had. They saw somebody had a few extra dollars that were in their bank and not in their own bank. They took it. He had a woman who wasn't their woman. They took her too. He had a house, they took his house. They started stealing from each other and being promiscuous. But that wasn't enough. The woman wasn't enough. They wanted more than the woman. They started wasting seed, the Gemara says. The Gemara says the reason why HaKadosh Baruch Hu hates and detests people that waste seed is because that's the real reason why He brought the Mabul.

46:31The flood, because people were wasting seed because the desire was not fulfilled enough with just women and just men. So they started wasting seed. It wasn't enough. If that was enough, animals too. Even the animals were affected. The animals weren't happy with each other. The giraffe wasn't happy with just the giraffe. He wanted to be with the lion too. The lion wasn't happy with the lion. He wanted to be with the zebra. The animals started going with the wrong gender, with the wrong species. No one was happy with what they had. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says this is a disaster. This is hamas. He has to destroy it. He destroyed the world. Why? People were not happy with what HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave them. They were addicted to more. Hashem says they have lost their right to live. He destroyed the entire world. this continues if you notice it almost in every single parashah in the Torah. Our sins as a people, as well as a nation itself, as a species of human beings, as well as a nation of Jews, have been repeated generation after generation.

47:47Family after family, person after person, we are all committing the same crime. We are all addicted to more. We all want more. We're all unhappy with whatever Hashem gave us. We're constantly complaining. Sometimes the only reason people like to pray is because they like to cry to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. When was the last time you cried about the Shekhinah not being here because He destroyed His house? When was the last time any of us cried, not because I want more money, I want a zivug, I want refuah shleimah, I want, I want. No. When was the last time you said to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, "I want Your Shekhinah to be in this world with the Beit HaMikdash. I want the Beit HaMikdash built." When was the last time anyone did this? Reality is, most people didn't even know they're supposed to pray for it. They're like, "Wow, when Hashem wants it, He'll do it Himself. He'll do it when you want it. He'll bring the Mashiach when you want the Mashiach." If the Mashiach came today, most people wouldn't want the Mashiach. Why? You have to be frum for the Mashiach to come. You have to keep the entire Torah for Mashiach to come. You have to leave America for the Mashiach to come.

49:08Moshiach shows up. Oh, CNN, Fox News, CNBC, all the news say, tu! Eliyahu HaNavi just announced, Moshiach is here! How many people think you're gonna get on the next El Al flight going to Israel? Ah, no, Moshiach. Take it easy, no? Take it easy. It's talking 2,000 more years. Okay, so another couple of years, it's not going to hurt. I just built a house, remodeled my kitchen. What, now you have to come? I just bought a new company. I just made an investment in Bitcoin. I think it's going to go up. Let it go up, then I'll come, Moshiach. Take it easy, Moshiach. Go learn some more Torah, no? People love this world so much, they forget the purpose. Why? They want more. Gemara, Masechet Sanhedrin, page 106, tells us a story about one of the biggest Reshaim that ever lived named Bilaam. Bilaam, we learned from Parashat Balak, tried to curse Am Yisrael. He was a Navi. He was a Navi of the Goyim that had powers that even Moshe Rabbeinu did not have. When it says no Navi like Moshe

50:26Ever came and says, "BeYisrael," in Israel, meaning there was no Navi like Moshe as far as power is concerned, but among the goyim, the Gemara says, there was Bilaam. Bilaam had a power that even Moshe Rabbeinu didn't have. He knew of a moment, there's a moment, there's a rega that HaKadosh Baruch Hu judges the people, and and if you curse anyone during that rega, Hashem does whatever you want because He's already judging the people. So during that rega, during that moment, is when he tried to curse Am Yisrael three times. Hashem, obviously, is not limited to the extent where He has to do it at that moment or He has to do it at all, so obviously, He didn't curse Am Yisrael. So after Bil'am failed He gave a suggestion to Balak to still kill a bunch of people. He says, go and convince all of these Jews to commit sexual immorality. Go and hang out with the goyot. Go hang out with them. Go be with them. If you get them to do that, Hashem is going to punish them anyway.

51:42And unfortunately, Zimri, as we talked about a week ago, Zimri was one of the leaders of the Shimon tribe. He fell, and 24,000 people followed him, and Hashem killed all of them. So the Gemara says, on page 106a of Masechet Sanhedrin, that Bil'am comes to Midian to collect his money. So the Gemara asks, what does Bil'am have to do with anything? He tried cursing Am Yisrael and he failed. What is he coming for? He says he came to collect his money for the good idea he gave Balak. It's not so easy to kill 24,000 Jews. Look, I gave you one piece of advice, you followed it, and 24,000 Jews died. I want my money. That's what you wanted me to do with the curse? I did it without the curse. I did it some other way. I gave you advice, you followed it, and it worked. And because of that, he went there. In Parashat Pinchas, you'll read that Bilaam was killed by Pinchas when he came to Midian. At the same moment, Moshe Rabbeinu and Am Yisrael attacked, with Pinchas leading the war, they saw that Bilaam arrived. At the same time, Bilaam, because he had powers, started flying in the air.

53:02But Pinchas was the Kohen Gadol now. He had a special blessing from Hashem. He used the power of the Shem HaMeforash. He also flew in the air. They both flew in the air. He took him down, put the spear to him, and killed him. Superheroes started from the Torah, already from the time of Yaakov Avinu, but also Parashat Pinchas. Now, the Gemara says, what is this like? It says this Bilaam is like a camel. Why a camel? The camel complained to Hashem. He said, "Hashem, how come the bull and the deer and all of these animals have horns? I want horns." The camel complained to Hashem, "I want horns too. Nice, nice horn spears. I could go have some fights." Hashem says, "Oh, you're not happy with what I gave you? Not only are you not going to get horns, I'll make your ears small." And that's why the camel has small ears. It's like holes in the head. You got punished. Why? You're not happy with what I gave you. He says that's Bilaam. Bilaam already got a lot for what he did. He wasn't happy. He wanted to get paid even more because his idea killed 24,000 Jews. He wanted more honor, more respect, more money. What did he get? He got killed instead. HaKadosh Baruch Hu does not like people with big eyes. There's a commandment called לא תחמוד (Lo Tachmod).

54:28You are not allowed to desire the wife of your neighbor. This unfortunately happens all the time. You find out your friend is in a shidduch. He found a woman. You're not happy for him. Why? Because you haven't found a shidduch yet. Or better yet, you're already married 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years. Your wife gave birth to a couple of kids. She's not the 19-year-old you met. But your friend, your cousin, somebody you know, he met some 20-year-old without kids. So she still looks like a 20-year-old. You're not a happy family. Why? You want her. You, my friend, are violating the Ten Commandments. You have a very serious problem. The violation is not if you actually draw and do something. The violation is even having the desire in your head. We're going to read some sources stating that the thought of the sin is worse than the sin. When it comes to immorality, when it comes to sex crimes, the thought is worse than the actual action.

55:50Watching pornography is even worse than being promiscuous. Why? Let me give you a small taste of the reason. If somebody is promiscuous, they still can't fulfill their desire all the time. They have to find somebody who agrees with them. But if somebody gets addicted to pornography, if somebody gets addicted to looking at immodest material, they can fulfill their desire 24/7 with no end. That's just one small little reason of why. Now, the Gemara in Masechet Sotah says something very interesting. It says, look at the Sotah. Sotah is a wayward woman, a woman that cheated on her husband with another man.

56:51She's caught in a room with another man after she's told not to do it, and she still does it, and there are two witnesses that see this. They bring her to the Beit HaMikdash because they don't know if she actually cheated or not, because they weren't in the middle of the action. Even if she says, "I did it," you don't believe her. A woman comes to her husband and says, "Honey, I cheated on you." The Gemara says you don't believe her. Why? Maybe she wants to divorce you. But if you saw her, it's a different story. But in the days of the Beit HaMikdash, if you saw her alone with a guy in a room after you told her not to do it, then she's already a wayward woman. You bring her to the Beit HaMikdash, and you let them tell us whether she cheated, unless she admits it. If she denies it and she really did it, she drinks the water and she blows up and dies on the spot. But if at the Beit HaMikdash, after she goes through the whole process and she finally admits it before she drinks the water, she admits she was with another guy, they let her go, they don't kill her. But the Gemara says this, Tanu Rabbanan, the rabbis are talking in a Beraita.

58:11The Sotah set her eyes upon one who's not fit for her. And what she sought was not given to her, and what was in her hand they took from her. For anyone who sets his eyes upon something that's not his, what he seeks they do not give him, and what is in his hand they take away from him. The Gemara teaches us something very, very interesting. Look what we learned from the Sotah. We don't have a Sotah today, Beit HaMikdash, all that stuff. Unfortunately, we have many women that cheat. In Eretz Yisrael, they recently did a statistic. They said that women now, in this generation, cheat just as much as men. Women, again, women cheat on their husbands just as much as men. Hashem Yirachem. Now, if a husband cheats on his wife... If she agrees to take him back, he agrees to do teshuvah, and she agrees to take him back, they are allowed. They are allowed to be together. But if the wife cheats on her husband, she is forbidden from him forever. Not allowed. So here the Gemara says, look at the Sotah; she admitted she was with another guy, but what happens?

59:32She wasn't happy with what she got. She wanted something else. Not only did she not end up getting what she wanted, because she's not allowed to be with the guy she cheated on her husband with, but on top of it, she loses her husband too. From here, the Gemara says we learn that someone who wants more than what HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives him, not only does Hashem not give him what he wants, but He takes what he has also. Then you say, wait a minute, so what, you're not allowed to be ambitious? I want to be ambitious. I want more. I want more Torah. I want more mitzvot. I want more money to give more tzedakah. That's not good? It's good, no? Yes, that's a mitzvah. But there's a very, very thin line between ambition and pure desire because you're obsessed with money, obsessed with materialism, obsessed with all of the other things. It's not really that you want more money because of more mitzvot. You want more money because you want a bigger house.

1:00:33So you could show off to the neighborhood for having a four-story house while the rest of them are homeless. It's not that you want more money because you're going to give everybody a ride in a carpool. You want a fancy schmancy car. It's not that you want more money because you want to give tzedakah. It's that you want your name on a building. Even if the building is a yeshiva, you want your name there too. Meaning it's not really the mitzvah that you want. You want kavod that comes with it. Someone like that, Rabotai, puts himself in danger. Why? You want what doesn't belong to you for the wrong reasons. You are risking losing what Hashem already gave you. What is it like, as the Gemara says? Look, we have several examples. The serpent set his eyes on something that's not fit for him. What did the serpent want? The serpent wanted Chava. The serpent didn't want another serpent. He didn't want another snake. What did he want? He wanted Chava. That's why he went to Chava, the Gemara says, to convince her to eat from the forbidden fruit. Why? He figured she's going to give it to her husband. He's going to die because Hashem said he's going to die. He never said Chava is going to die.

1:01:53Hashem talked to Adam HaRishon. Adam HaRishon, you know, he's married, but still, he never said to Chava, so maybe I'll let Chava go. Why? So now Adam HaRishon is going to eat the fruit. So the serpent says, I can be with her now. Because the serpent in those days wasn't like the snake today. He had arms and legs; he was the most beautiful animal. He actually looked like a human being, but even more beautiful. He wanted to be with the woman. Says you wanted what wasn't fit for you. Not only will you not get it, but you'll lose the ability to even have it ever. You'll crawl on your stomach. You'll eat, you know, everything that tastes like sand to you, and human beings naturally will hate you, especially women. And you're more cursed than all the other beasts and animals in the world. Another example the Gemara says, we have Kayin, Korach, Bil'am, Doeg, Achitofel, Gehazi, Avshalom, Adoniyahu, Uziyahu, Haman, all of the Reshaim in the Torah,

1:03:06Same exact mistake. From the beginning of Bereishit all the way to the end of the Tanach, every single Rasha made the same mistake. What? Addiction to more. Haman, what is Haman saying? Purim, Purim is coming up in a little while. What's going to be? What did he say, Haman? I have everything. He was even richer than the king. But it's not enough. Why? Because this Jew, Mordechai, won't bow to me. Jumbo the high is not gonna bow to me. Everything I have is worthless. For that, what happened? He became nothing—dust and ashes. Kayin saw that his brother Hevel was born with two twin wives. He only had one twin wife. He wanted his wives, so he killed him. Hashem punished him. He didn’t get anything and ended up destroying. There’s no lineage of Kayin anymore in the world, and...

1:04:07Seventh generation, you read it in this week's parasha, or last week's parasha, the seventh generation, everyone destroyed. There's no more generation of Kayin in the world. No one is a descendant of Kayin. Why? He wanted more. Korach wanted to be the president. Yeah, it's not enough. You're already the billionaire, richest guy in the world. Until this day, there's a saying in the Jewish world: "Ashir keKorach." You're rich like Korach. That's how rich Korach was. He had 70 camels, 70 camels just to carry all the keys to the safes that he had full of gold. 70 camels just to carry the keys. That's how much gold he had. He had more money than the rest of Am Yisrael put together. That was enough. Why? He wants to be president. He wants to take Moshe Rabbeinu's job. What did he get? Gehinom. The ground opened up, swallowed him and all of his followers. And till this day there's a place in the desert where you can hear the screams of Korach and all of his followers. Hashem is emet, Torah is emet, and Moshe Rabbeinu is emet. If you find it, let me know. Come. Till this day he's there.

1:05:21No breaks. No discounts. No end of sentence. Forever. Only Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai says a chiddush, says there's a chance that Korach will come out eventually when Mashiach comes. Why? After the pasuk, Tzadik katamar yifrach, Rashei Teivot Korach. That because so many people did teshuvah after learning the story of Korach, that maybe that's going to give him enough merit to get him out of Gehinnom when Mashiach comes. But not for sure. This is a machloket. Many chachamim say, "No, Rabbi Shimon, thank you very much, but we don't agree." We're not on the level of agreeing or disagreeing. All I know is Korach is dead now. Whoever wants to follow, follow your addiction of more. Bilaam we just talked about, Doeg, Achitophel, and so on. The point is, Rabotai, we see that the addiction for more is not something that began today. Now, the Gemara in another place, in Masechet Sotah, says how come the guy has the

1:06:34punishment from Heaven that he has a wife who becomes a Sotah. How come a guy gets a wife that wants more and wants another guy? I mean, that's really unnatural. It's natural, but it's unnatural. It's natural to want more than what you have. But once you have something, you have a husband, technically you already agreed as part of the marriage that he's your only one and you're his only one, and that's it. That's the whole point of marriage. The whole point of marriage is that you're my only one, I'm your only one, that's it, finished. I'm enough. I've had enough of the world. This is what I want. I want you, I want it, finished. How come the husband has the tikkun that he has such a wife? Who wants to give me an answer? I want to know. What do you guys think? Wasted seed at some point. No, more. That's a good reason, but it's not the reason that the Gemara gives. It's probably a good reason, though. It's probably a possible reason. It probably led to that, but there's something more specific. No, no, no, come on. More. More what? Who said more? The wife, the husband, and what they say more of.

1:07:57No, sonny, you completed it already. You remember this? You're never gonna believe this. The Gemara says, why did the husband get a tikkun of having such a rotten potatoes wife who goes and cheats on him? The Gemara says it's his fault. Why his fault? Why his fault? His wife came to him and said, "Honey, I need some money to go shopping." He said, "No, no, no, we don't have any money." But he had. He was just cheap. The rabbi said, "Listen, we're building a new center. You could donate. Yeah, it's $10." "Oh, you know what? I'll give you a chai." "What chai? What am I going to buy? Toilet paper? We're building a building. A chai is not going to help me." Oh, no, I don't have. You know, times are rough. But times are not rough. He's just cheap. He's cheap. Hashem says, I'm going to punish him.

1:09:03Just like he was too cheap to go give money to the Talmid Chacham, now his punishment is he has to go to the Talmid Chacham to ask him for help. Who's the Talmid Chacham? The Kohen. The Kohen Gadol. You didn't want to help the Kohen. You didn't want to help the Torah. You didn't want to publicize the Torah. Now you have to go to the Torah to ask for help. Why? Because your wife is possibly a cheater. You have to go to the Kohen and ask him, "Hey Kohen, did she cheat on me or not?" Can I still stay married or not? When you didn't go and use your money to publicize Torah, you're going to have to ask the Torah for help. When you didn't give money to your wife because you're cheap, your wife got another guy to give her money. There's always another guy that's going to buy her a car. There's always another guy that's going to buy her some type of jewelry. There's always another guy. You're cheap. Not that you don't have. If you don't have, you don't have. Guess what? You don't have? If you have a normal wife, she loves you even more. But if you have, but you're cheap because you want to save for retirement. You're 25 years old, but you're already saving for retirement. You, my friend, have a serious problem. Why? Torah says you're not allowed to be cheap with your wife. And this, Rabotai, is halacha. The Rambam. This is the laws of women.

1:10:30Chapter 16 says, our Sages commanded that a man honor his wife more than his own person and love her as much as he loves his own person. He has to love her just as much as he loves himself. We all love ourselves; that's why you're still alive, even though life is hard. You're alive because you love yourself; you don't want to kill yourself. People who are suicidal have lost that sense of understanding of what right and wrong is. Everyone is still alive despite the problems because they love themselves. Your wife, you have to love as much as you love yourself. But when it comes to honor, you have to honor her even more than yourself. This, Rabotai, is a very difficult halacha for some people to keep. Why? Because they think about the next halacha, which we'll go over in a second. They think, no, no, but she has to treat me like a king. That's what halacha says. Halacha says, a woman is commanded to honor her husband exceedingly and to be in awe of him.

1:11:46She should carry out all of her deeds according to his directives and consider him like an officer or a king. So the guys are saying, "Oh, she has to treat me like a king. If she treats me like a king, then I'll treat her, I'll love her, I'll honor her more." No, no, my friend. You're obligated regardless. You have your law, she has her law. Whether she treats you like a king or not, you still have to love her as much as yourself. You still have to honor her more than yourself. She, whether you honor her or not, still must treat you like a king. The problem is, most people read each other's laws to each other. "No, you honor me, then I'll treat you like a king." "No, no, you treat me like a king, then I'll honor you." No, no, my friend, you are obligated with your rule. You're obligated with your rule. But then it says the following, same halacha number 19, after it says he has to honor her even more than himself. He has financial resources. He should offer her benefits in accordance with his resources. You have money; you have to spend it on your wife. To what extent? You have money, you want to buy a watch, your wife has to have a watch first, and

1:13:02your wife has to have jewelry first. Why? There's an obligation to buy her something, not an obligation to buy yourself something. Yeah, but I'm the one that works. So, what did you write in the Ketubah? In the Ketubah, you wrote, you signed off, that you're going to buy her jewelry. You're going to buy her clothes. You're going to buy her stuff. You're not allowed to be cheap with your wife. If you're cheap with your wife, it's like eating pig. It's no different. This is not a Rambam's suggestion for a good marriage. This is halakha, this is Moshe miSinai. Who here wants to eat pig? Nobody, right? Same thing here. You have money, you have to buy your wife stuff. You have to buy her presents. How much? As much as your resources allow. Meaning, if you're rich, you buy rich people's stuff. You're a rich person, you make half a million, a million, two million dollars a year, or actually technically, you make $300,000 a year, you're already considered rich. Somebody came to me the other day, he says, ah, I'm struggling. I said, what happened? He said, no, I wish I had more money, I'm really struggling; it's terrible times.

1:14:21Well, it's not b'shamayim (in heaven) that you have better times, I don't know, and then his friend said, "How much money did you make this year?" He responded, "I made $160,000." I looked at the guy, who has three times as many expenses and five kids, and said, "You're struggling on $160,000?" He said, "Yeah." I asked, "How many kids do you have?" He responded, "None." no kids, no nothing. You have a pet maybe, I don't know. So what do you do with the money? Ah, I'm struggling. $160,000 a year, I'm struggling. Another guy also told me he's struggling, but he has five kids, six kids. Okay, five, six kids. If you're in America, depends where you live, it could be difficult. Could be. If you're a spender and you're used to more money and so on, you have tuition, you have this, you have that. It's a lot of money, but nonetheless... Guy that's single, struggling with $160,000 a year. Why? Because we have no idea what we even have. We don't appreciate it. We don't value it. We always want more. If you make three hundred and thirty thousand dollars a year, to be exact according to statistics, you are considered one of the top one percent of earners in the world out of almost eight billion people.

1:15:30billion people in the world. If you make three hundred thirty thousand dollars a year, you're in the top one percent, the top eighty million. Why? The vast majority of the world is not America. Here, the average person makes thirty or forty thousand dollars a year. In the rest of the world, the average person makes four or five thousand a year. Peanuts, literally, that's all they can afford and And they live more happily than the people in America. People in America have a suicide problem. People in Bangladesh don't commit suicide. People in China don't really commit suicide like they do in America. Rich country. Why? Over there they understand the value of life even though they don't really have a life. Here, they don't understand the value of life. They want more. They want two lives. One life's not enough. They want to be a cat. So now, Rabotai, a person has to be generous with his wife based on his resources. That's what the Halacha says. If you have money, you have to spend it on your wife. If you don't have any money, you don't have any money, there's no obligation; you're an anus. It's like someone says, "Listen, I don't have money, I don't have tefillin, and I don't have money to buy tefillin, and pretty much I don't live in a place where I can even borrow tefillin. So what do I do? Nothing, you don't have the ability to do it."

1:16:52But if you have money to go buy tefillin, but you choose instead to go out and buy tickets to the next basketball game, guess what? In Shamayim, they're already preparing Gehinnom for you to burn you. With that ticket inside. Why? Instead of buying tefillin, you bought front-row tickets to the New York Knicks to watch them lose or win. To watch a bunch of guys throw a piece of leather into a hoop. You think that's better than your tefillin? For that, you have money, but for tefillin, you don't have any money. Tefillin, the guy has since his bar mitzvah. He's 37 years old. 25 years already, he has the same tefillin. Why don't you buy grown-up pairs of tefillin? Ah, it's expensive. Oh yeah, but front-row tickets for a football game, not expensive. In Shamayim, they judge people on this. The wife asks him, "Honey, can you do me a favor? Can you get me a new car? The car has three wheels. It's not really a car anymore. Can you do me a favor? Lease a new car. It's three, four hundred bucks a month. Please, honey, please." No, no, we don't have any money. He comes home with a brand-new watch. They're going to burn him in Shamayim with this watch. Why? You're obligated to give your wife what you have. Obligated. It's not just a nice thing to do.

1:18:07Not allowed to be cheap with your wife. It also hurts parnasah, by the way. But the Gemara says, back to the original teachings, why does the sotah end up becoming a sotah? It says many times it's because the husband was cheap. Cheap on her and cheap with Torah. Sometimes he's generous with his wife. His wife is blinged out. She's got jewelry coming out of her ears. But when the rabbi comes, "Listen, we need some money for kiruv. Help Am Yisrael. Just keep Shabbat." "No, rabbi, times are tough. I only made two million last year. Times are rough, rabbi. Only 10,000 last month. Only 10,000. It's not enough. I'm trying to save. I'm trying to save. Come back next year. Maybe I'll have something for you." When I have a lot of money, I'll give you. That's everybody's excuse. When I have a lot of money, I'll give you. You have a little money, can you give a little money? You have a lot of money, give a lot of money. You have a little money, can you give a little money? I got a 19-year-old, a 19-year-old kid in the process of conversion. Almost two years already, he sends me 40 bucks a week. Not to me, to B'ezrat Hashem. He's 19 years old and he works; he makes $350 a week.

1:19:22The kid makes 350 bucks a week, and he sends 40 bucks for Torah. Why? He knows it's important. But the guy that makes 100,000 a year, you know, complains. "Oh, Rabbi, how come you post so many times that you need tzedakah? Wait, is it all about money with you? How much did you donate?" "No, I haven't donated yet, but I was just thinking." No, it's all about money. Maybe people are going to be turned off because of so many campaigns. Did you donate? You didn't even donate. Are you complaining? Funny thing is the guys that never donate always complain. The ones that do donate say, "Our Rabbi shouldn't remind me. Tell me, and I'll donate again." Why? It's a character trait of a person. A person that's cheap with his wife is putting his marriage in danger. Again, cheap, not "doesn't have" — there is a very big difference. And... not allowed to be more generous with yourself than you are with your wife. Men, you have to know this is very important. Now it then continues and says he should not cast an excessive measure of fear over her. He should talk to her gently, being neither sad nor angry, meaning he has to treat his wife in a certain way. He shouldn't be the type of husband where it feels like...

1:20:50It's a golden prison. Sometimes guys that are relatively successful give their wives everything. They give them a card, "Hey honey, buy whatever you want." And the wife cheats on them anyway. Or she's miserable, or she's taking a bunch of Xanax so she doesn't commit suicide. Why? Because that wife has everything except the husband. He goes away for a year at a time. He's in business. He's with the guys. He's at casinos. He's doing everything except hanging out with his wife. Now again, you're not supposed to be with your wife all the time, but you have to be a husband at some point or another. Don't think that if you just give her money, that's your solution to everything. It's your solution to marriage. Many guys think they can do whatever they want as long as they give their wife money. That's not what we're saying here. You have to be generous, but you also have to be a husband too. So, that, Rabotai, is with the maaseh of the Sotah. Now that we finished the introduction, I'll give you a little bit more insight. Shlomo HaMelech says, in Proverbs, chapter 13, verse number 12, it says,

1:22:16says a drawn-out hope brings sickness to the heart, but desire attained is a tree of life. So, Shlomo HaMelech says if your desire for more, your desire for success becomes an obsession, you're gonna make yourself sick, both spiritually and physically. Rav Mordechai Eliyahu, alav ha-shalom, was the Rishon LeTzion, was like the Aharon HaKohen of the generation. He loved Am Yisrael, brought them the Torah. Whether you were religious or not, he spoke to you with a beautiful face, tried to get you closer to Hashem, and people would come to Rav Mordechai Eliyahu for blessings all the time. I saw, as a side note, I saw video one time of this scientist that discovered that your aura changes when you add spirituality to it, and you can record it. He invented a machine that could take a picture of your aura, this light that's around every single person, every single thing. It's an energy.

1:23:40He said, "Look at this machine," and he would take pictures of people. He said that the average person has a standard aura, I believe of yellow. But if their level of spirituality increases, they could get up to purple, which is the highest level, or actually white is perfect. Purple is practically an angel, and then other levels below it, but yellow is like normal and... So in this book, "Science Comes of Age" or "The Coming Revolution" (both are the same book) by Rabbi Zamir Cohen, he has pictures of different people that put on tefillin. ...and without the tefillin. And it shows that the people before putting on tefillin, their aura was yellow. After they put on tefillin, their aura became purple, meaning it improved the person's spirituality simply by putting the tefillin on their head without praying. But then, as part of the video, the scientist went to Rav Mordechai Eliyahu. He took a picture of him naturally without tefillin, and he was purple.

1:24:46He naturally, naturally, was better than people with tefillin on already. Without anything. Then he told the Kavod HaRav, "Can you put on tefillin?" And the Rav says, "No, it takes a lot, a lot of effort to put on tefillin. Not like us, one, two, three, you forget the berachah, you forget even if you said it, and you already finished in five minutes. No, he has all these kavanot, the names of Hashem, all types of Kabbalistic things that he would do, that would take him a lot of effort." to put on tefillin. He says, no, let me just put on a tallit. Tallit! Fabric on your head, that's it. He records this. There's a video of this. He put on a tallit, he became white. His aura became mamash, white like an angel. That's Rav Mordechai Eliyahu. Just so you know what we're talking about. Now, Rav Mordechai Eliyahu had people come to him all the time asking for blessings. One time, this guy comes, and he's among the crowd, and he's asking the Rabbi for a blessing, but the Rabbi is ignoring him. Rav Mordechai Eliyahu is ignoring him, which is not like him. So one of the chassidim there thought that maybe Rav Mordechai Eliyahu didn't notice him. So he came to the Rav, he said to the Rav, the guy is sick, he has cancer.

1:26:12The guy told him, "I have cancer, please, I need a blessing from the Rabbi." The guy has the illness, maybe the Rabbi could give him a blessing. The Rabbi ignores him. Ignores the chassid, ignores his own student. Nothing. Continues. So the guy, the guy that's sick, got frustrated, started pushing people around, "I want a blessing, I want a blessing." Looks at him and looks at everyone as if there's something unusual. There's no need to push. Everyone knows that I see all of you here. And if I'm not blessing you, there's a reason. After the guy left, the Chassidim said, "Kvoda Rav, lamdenu, teach us. Why? Every other person he blesses. This one guy doesn't get a blessing?" He says, the machala that he has, cancer, what is it, be'emet? Nobody knew this guy. Bar Mordechai says, this machala, what is it, be'emet? It's a cell.

1:27:27continues to grow and grow and grow. Why? It's not happy with its share; it wants more. More space, more room, more of the body until it kills the person. Hashem yirachem. It's not happy with what it has. The only One that could tell this cell to stop is HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But He doesn't say stop to someone who that doesn't stop himself when it comes to other people's wives. There's a reason why I didn't bless him. What he's getting, no blessing can help him. It's measure for measure for what he did. You have to have Ruach HaKodesh to do such a thing. But the point is, Rabotai, we see here, the Chachamim, it's not, "Oh, I bless you, one, two, three, go." When they give somebody a blessing, they give somebody a blessing, it takes a lot. I asked Rabbi Fahim one time, I said, "Rav, can you do me a favor, bless this guy?" He goes, "I don't know, who is he? Do you know him?" I said, "No, he's just asking for a blessing." He said, "No, no, please." I said, "Why not? Just bless the guy. He just wants a blessing. Bless him." He goes, "It takes a lot for me to bless somebody."

1:28:51It's a huge toll on the tzaddik to bless someone. Why? Because when you even go and visit a sick person, you take a sixtieth of their illness. To that extent. You bless another sick person, you go visit a sick person, you bless them, you're taking a sixtieth of their illness. Somebody came to the Chafetz Chaim when he was young. I have this disease, please help me. Everything else failed. The Chafetz Chaim says to him, "Go to this rabbi in this town. Tell him to bless you, and everything is going to be okay." The guy leaves, thinking, "Okay, I thought the Chafetz Chaim was the one to go to, but the Chafetz Chaim sent me somewhere else." So he goes to the other rabbi. The rabbi doesn't know why the Chafetz Chaim, one of the Gedolei HaDor, is sending this guy to him. He says, "He sent you to me to get a blessing? Me? Because what do I know?" "Listen, he says you're the tzaddik that has the blessing. Please don't let me down. I'm sick. I'm dying." "Okay, Mi Sheberach Avraham Yitzchak Yaakov," gives the guy a blessing. As you would have it, the guy's healed. Now, as a side note,

1:30:19The Chafetz Chaim told him, "Go there, he'll give you the blessing, you'll be healed, but there's one condition. Don't ever tell anyone where I sent you and how you got cured. That's the deal." The guy says, "No problem, just cure me, what do I care? No one has this disease anyway." It was one of those rare diseases, Hashem Yerachem. The guy gets cured. 20 years pass. The granddaughter gets the same sickness, and all the doctors are dumbfounded. No one has a cure still. No one knows what to do. But, ah, all of a sudden everybody remembers: "Wait, Saba had it 20 years ago. Saba, where'd you go? What'd you do?" He goes, "I went to the Chafetz Chaim." Then what happened? "No, no, I can't tell you. I can't say." Can't say what happened. What do you mean, what? No, you have to tell us. No, come on. She's dying. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's your granddaughter. You want her to die? She's so young. She saw this. She saw that. The guy broke. He said, okay, fine. He sent me to some other tzaddik. The next day, he got the disease back. Now he and the granddaughter have it.

1:31:41He goes back to the Chafetz Chaim. He says, "Please help me. Please, please. Where's this other tzaddik?" He goes, "No, don't worry. He's not going to help you." "Why not? Why not?" He goes, "He didn't really help you in the first place." He goes, "So who helped me?" He says, "I took it on you." "What? What do you mean you took it?" He goes, "I took the disease for you. I did something to take on the suffering that you're going to have for the next 20 years. I took it on myself." i felt so bad for you. You said you had kids, and you were crying, and you felt you looked so helpless. I said, "Ah, Hashem, I'll take it. Please help me again." He goes, "I'm sorry. At my old age, I don't have the strength to do it again. I don't have the strength to do it again." When a person is not happy with what he has, it will only lead him to trouble.

1:32:44Another story about a Tunisian young couple comes to him. The husband says, "I want to throw out this woman." "Why?" "Ah, it's no good. She's this, she's that." "No, no, what's the reason?" "She embarrassed me." "What's wrong with her?" "Ah, listen, we just got married." I had a party and guys were there, and they saw my wife. She's all this, you know, ancient kisui rosh, you know, and they told me, "What, did you marry the Ben Ish Chai? Go marry a more modern-looking woman. That's more like, you know, with the guys. Your wife doesn't even talk to us and... She didn't even say hello. What kind of wife is this? Go marry one of the Israeli women that gives us high-fives. What's up? What's up? How you doing? Have some beers with the guys. The guy is stupid. He listens to his friends. He says to the Rabbi, "I don't want this wife. I just got married to her. I don't want her. She's not good for me. I need somebody better. Divorce her."

1:33:55Go found himself one of the girls that says "what's up" to guys, public property. So yeah, he marries this girl. So he wants to show off to his friends. His wife, she wears a tank top instead of a dress. Her hair is everywhere instead of kisui rosh. She sees guys, she says, "what's up?" They say, "you want a beer?" She says, "I already have one." You know, one of those girls. So he brings his friends to the house. Ah, come see my wife. Brings the guys to the wife. The wife is sitting down with the guys. Yeah, ha, ha, ha. Everybody's laughing, ha, ha, ha. She's one of the guys, right? So the husband sees that, you know, everybody's happy with his wife. He says, honey, get us a couple of beers. This wife, she goes, you get up, get yourself a couple of beers. What am I, a slave?

1:34:55This husband is old-fashioned. He's not used to a woman talking to him this way. He goes, "Woman, you go get me another beer." The woman took the bottle, smashed it on his head, and broke his head in front of all of his friends. He's in the hospital for the next three weeks. Stitches everywhere. His whole head popped like a melon. One of the guys, he got one of the guys. So now, as soon as he got out of the hospital, he had to divorce this woman. He said, what did I do to myself? I had an eshet chayil with kisui rosh, modest, and doesn't talk to men because she's not supposed to. She's not supposed to be one of the guys. She's my wife, not one of the guys. This idiot realized he made the mistake of his life. He goes on all fours to his first wife. His wife, Bat Yisrael, has never been with another guy in her life. She says, listen, who says I want to be with you? Okay, you made your mistakes. You go and marry Satan's wife. That's your problem. Who says that I want you back? Please, please, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I love you. I miss you. I doubt. I'll honor you. I'll kiss you. I'll do, do, do, do, do, do. He says, listen, the only way that I'll come back to you is if the head Rav of all of the Tunisians, Rav Rafael Baruch Toledano, if Rav Toledano

1:36:19says, "Okay, if you say so, I'll go. Now, how are you going to get to the head rabbi of all the people? This guy didn't know his right from his left, but he had somebody that was connected. Please, please help me. I want to," he tells him the whole story. Together, they go to Rav Saban. Rav Saban says... After Amalek's wife opened his head, he allowed some sechel, some common sense, to enter. So it's okay now. He'll respect his first wife. She can go back to him now. Now he has some common sense after she opened his head, split it open like a melon. Okay, now he'll respect his first wife. Sometimes, Abotai, sometimes we're not happy with what we have. We ask for more. We get ourselves in trouble.

1:37:22Now, one of the biggest tragedies that we have in our generation is the addiction that people have to wasting seed. And we've talked about this many times. We have, Baruch Hashem, many shiurim about this topic. But everybody knows that wasting seed doesn't happen by itself. It all begins with the eyes. As the Gemara Masechet Avodah Zarah says, you should be careful of the things that you see during the day so the ra, the evil, does not come to you at night. Chachamim say, what's ra? Ra is wasting seed. We learned that from the story of Er and Onan in the book of Bereshit, where it says what they did was ra be'enei Hashem, was evil in the eyes of Hashem. Chachamim say from there we learn that wasting seed, being promiscuous, and all immorality are considered evil in the eyes of Hashem.

1:38:44Now, there's nothing new under the sun. Wasting seed is literally in Sefer Bereishit. Adam HaRishon left his wife after the sin. The Zohar HaKadosh says he left his wife to do teshuva. He thought that if he leaves his wife, he's going to be able to get closer to Hashem. But HaKadosh Baruch Hu already said, a man is not supposed to be alone. He has to be with a wife. It's not good for man to be alone. Why? Because the Gemara says, a wife, if she takes care of his children and she keeps him away from immorality, she's an Eshet Chayil. Because a man, it's impossible for him not to waste seed. Impossible. Either he's going to do it with someone or by himself. If he's with his wife, it's not wasting seed; it's allowed. As long as it goes in the right place, he's allowed, perfectly fine mitzvah. But if he does it by himself, or he does it with a woman that's not his wife, or he does it with a prostitute, or a goya, or whatever it is, or an animal, whatever he does to it, it's all sins. Adam HaRishon made a mistake. What did he do? He left his wife thinking, "I'm going to get close to Hashem, say I'm sorry for eating from the Tree of Knowledge." He left her for almost 130 years. The problem is, during those 130 years, he wasted seed. All of the demons in the world came from him.

1:40:05Meaning that wasting seed already started in Sefer Bereshit. It continued already with Yehuda and Tamar. Er and Onan, the sons of Yehuda, wasted seed. Hashem killed them. So, this is in creation. Wasting seed is not a new thing. What's new then? What's the chiddush? The chiddush is, rabotai, this generation. has two problems. One, lack of knowledge. We are the generation of ignorance. We do not know anything about anything. Even the things we think we know about, we don't know. And two, we have too much information available to us too easily, to the extent that we become addicted to things very quickly. Now, many scientists

1:41:05did not believe that pornography is something that is addictive, until many other scientists proved them wrong. There is an extensive paper written by a group of different scientists, neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, all types of experts from different universities The addiction of pornography, and they call it the new drug. "Fighting the New Drug: How Porn Changes the Brain," and it literally says that what they found in their research, it's very, very interesting. I'm not gonna go through the whole thing, is that... Pornography is no less addictive than the hardest drugs in the world. When the Rambam wrote in Halakha that the biggest addiction a human being can have is to waste seed, is immorality,

1:42:22he wasn't saying it as a suggestion or as a possibility or as his opinion. He was saying it as this is divine information. When the scientists, the neurologists, and all the researchers came together and discovered the same thing, all they did is discover what was already written in the Torah for 3,000 years. Now, why did the scientists arrive at this conclusion that pornography The first stage that leads to wasting seed is something that's addictive. What happens with pornography is that it triggers a protein called Delta Fos B. Delta Fos B is one of the things that a person, in essence, gets pleasure from, but it's also one of the things that is connected to addiction. drug addiction, sex addiction, money addiction, all types of addictions. And in essence, this particular protein is confused, thinking now after he saw that him seeing this immodesty, this pritzut, led to a good feeling, and now connects the brain to think that every time he sees this filth, it's going to lead to good feelings.

1:43:48So now what happens is a kid doesn't know right or left, 12, 13, 14 years old, gets a phone, goes on a computer, has free access, goes on the internet, starts looking up pornography, things he's never even imagined in his worst dreams, and he gets pleasure as a result of it, thinking it's not a big deal. Even sometimes the parents do it next to the kids. I have one kid telling me that his father watches it in the living room. No problem. i said, "You must have done some serious sins in your previous life to have such a father. What kind of people we have in the world today! In the older generation, at least people would be ashamed of it. They would do it privately. Today, they do it openly in the office next to the guys. 'Hey, come look at this.'" That's what people do today. They have no shame whatsoever. Why? Because they're all addicted to it. The girls and the guys, not just the guys. Guess what? Research says pornography sites have more members that are women than men. Surprise, surprise of the sick generation we live in.

1:45:05more members that are women than men. That's how low we are. That's how low women think of themselves. Now guys see this, girls see this, they get a certain pleasure as a result of seeing this filth, this animalistic behavior. And now this particular protein programs their brains to think that every time they see nakedness, it will lead to good. Hence, the addiction to immodesty, not only of what you see, but the immodesty of how you dress, the immodesty of how you behave, the immodesty of how you look at the world. Women ask me all the time, "Wait a minute, if Hashem created us, what difference is it to Him if I'm wearing clothes or not? He knows what I look like naked." It's not about how Hashem looks at you, you fool. It's about how you look at yourself, how you value yourself. But the problem is when you are addicted to filth, you don't value yourself. You value what people perceive you as.

1:46:24If they perceive you as pretty, you feel pretty. If they perceive you as ugly, you feel ugly. That's at least theoretically. What's the funny thing? The funny thing is that the prettiest women are the most self-conscious people on earth. Why? Because once you are addicted to other people's perception of you, guess what? It's never enough. You're always going to think they don't think you're pretty. You're always going to think they think there's something wrong with you. Why? Because you're too dependent on other people's opinions instead of your own opinion. No, no, I'm dressing like this for myself. Bubkes. No, I like to wear these clothes. It makes me feel good about myself. Bubkes. Liar. You're a filthy liar, even to yourself. What's the proof? If you were stuck on an island by yourself, and your next-door neighbors were a monkey, a chimpanzee, and a giraffe, would you still wear those filthy clothes and put on makeup that's three pounds thick? No. Why? Because no one's there to look at you.

1:47:31Meaning the only reason you're wearing three inches worth of makeup and clothes that are better fit for underwear is because you want other people to look at you because you're a self-conscious person. It's sad. You have all the tools in the world to be as happy as can possibly be regardless of what you look like. Why? You're God's daughter, for Heaven's sake. What else do you need? what is ashir? Ashir means wealthy. What's really ashir? You have eyes, you have teeth, you have arms, you have legs, you're rich, you're beautiful, you're perfect. That's all you need. you don't need a six-pack and a two-pack and a one-pack and eyes here and eyes there and arms here. You don't need any of that stuff. There's somebody for somebody everywhere. Trust me, I deal with this. I deal with a lot of people in my life. I see people. Somebody asked me for a shidduch. I say, "But it's not the same. I'll try to find you somebody." Sometimes they're good-looking people, sometimes they're ugly people. It's not for me to judge, but you'd be surprised.

1:48:54You'd be surprised. Sometimes some guy that looks like he just came out of a cave, hasn't seen a man in his life, finds the most beautiful woman in the world. How? She finds him beautiful. She finds him fine. She's attracted to him. Who am I to say no? Or vice versa. Sometimes you look at a guy, he looks like a statue that came from some comic book or something, but his wife looks like she has no size. She's the size of everything. She fits in everything. She's like water. But he likes it. He loves it. Good for you. That's your taste? Congratulations. Who am I to tell you what to like? The point is, Rabotai, there's somebody for everybody. Kadosh Baruch Hu is the one that is Mezaveg Zivugim. You depend on other people's tastes, other people's visions, you can live a very poor life. Now, what happens with those people is that they end up being very lonely, and when you're very lonely, you end up making many, many mistakes. One of them is getting addicted to pornography. Scientists have confirmed that it's an addiction no less severe than drugs. There are sex addiction centers in every single community now because of the addictions that people have.

1:50:05Everywhere, there are sex addicts. It's not an imagined issue; it's a reality. It all starts with oneself. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov says in Likutey Moharan that if a person is promiscuous with himself, eventually he will be promiscuous with the opposite sex. If he is promiscuous with the opposite sex, eventually it will lead to promiscuity with the same sex. Why? Because it's never enough. He seeks the taboo. by himself is not enough, watching a certain type of filth. So, he watches some other filth. Eventually, he wants to fulfill that filth. It wasn't enough for him to see normal filth, so now he wants to see abnormal. A young guy, in his 20s, says he went to yeshiva his whole life, sends me a message. Says, Rabbi, is there any permission at all for me to look at naked pictures of boys? I said, excuse me? Figured it's girls. No, boys. I said, you know you're going to become a pedophile, right? He goes, yeah, most likely you're right. He goes, but I'm not doing anything. I'm just looking. I said, yeah, that's how it starts. If you don’t start controlling yourself with what you're looking at, eventually you're going to become the next pedophile. He won't give me his name, though. Trying to help the guy. He won't help himself.

1:51:31I don't need his name to help him. The point is, some people don't want to help themselves. Why? They don't realize there's something wrong, something wrong, there's a screw loose. Another person calls me, not too long ago, says, I sent my child to the best schools in the world. I said, okay, what's the problem? They're just about to turn 30 years old. I said, okay, so what's the problem? 30 happens eventually. That's a good thing. He says, yeah, the problem is, he just called me, he says, Ima, I don't want to be a woman anymore. I want to be a man. So she went to public school? No, she went to Beis Yaakov. She had boyfriends? She goes, never. She's a virgin. She got traumatized, raped, something? She goes, never, nothing. Something's wrong. It's not normal. She's been watching something, doing something. It's not normal to get to this. These problems are coming from religious homes. Needless to say, there's 50 million times more of it in non-religious homes. It all starts with where your eyes go. People are addicted to pornography; this is what happens. Unfortunately, there are many websites out there that try to protect people by saying, guard yourself in different ways, put filters on the internet, put filters, put filters, put filters, but I'm sorry, it's not gonna work. Why? There's no filter for people's desires other than...

1:52:59You can filter as much as you want. You can filter the phone as much as you want, the computer as much as you want. Guess what? They'll find another computer. They'll find another phone. I got a yeshiva guy four years ago. Yeshiva guy, avrech. Avrech, he's already in his 30s. He says to me, "I'm sorry, I have to tell you, you're the only one that can help me." I said, "Why?" He goes, "Because you don't know me and you talk about it." I said, "What happened to you?" He says, "I'm addicted to pornography." I said, "How? Get a sensor, get a filter, get something." He goes, "I have all of them." I said, "Okay, take out the TV from your house." He goes, "Chas v'shalom, you think I have a TV in my house?" He goes, "Where do you think I'm going?" I said, "No, no, I'm sorry. I was new already at the time." He said, "No, I don't know. I figured you watch pornography. You have a TV in your house." He goes, "Where do you think my wife is? Where do you think?" He yelled at me. I said, "No, okay. So how do you watch pornography? On your phone?" He goes, "What do you think? I don't have a filter on my phone." I said, "Okay, so how do you do it?" He says to me this: "Once a month, once a month, we go to family's house."

1:54:03They have a computer without a filter, I say. And because that's it, I said, "Wait, you're telling me that the whole month, you're just waiting for this one hour you have with this computer?" He says, "Yes." I said, "You are sick, pauka. Stop being sick." I helped him. How? No filter in the world is going to help him. You know what helped him? I Yirat Shamayim. I explained to him what kind of Gehenom they're gonna rip him apart in. I told him to watch the shiur about wasting seed. Watch the shiur about Gehenom. He watched it, Baruch Hashem, he's helping other people do teshuva today. Why? Yirat Shamayim is the only thing that can help people stop. The filters could contain you to a certain extent, could stop you, could make it a little more difficult. But if your desire is uncontrollable, it'll just get worse. It won't get better. Why? Because everything we just said is already written in the Torah. Where? Gemara, Masechet Yoma, page 29, says a parable. It's very hard to understand, but b'ezrat Hashem, I had a chiddush.

1:55:25And I verify with my Rabbi Tzemet. It says the following: I'll just read in English. The thoughts of sin are worse than the sin itself. The thoughts of sin are worse than the sin itself. Once you get the junk into your mind, it's already worse than the sin itself. We'll explain in a second why. But why does the Gemara say it is? Why is the thought of the sin worse than the sin? This doesn't make any sense. So the Gemara is going to tell us why. It says to remember this: there's a mnemonic, there's something that's going to help you remember that the thought of the sin is worse than the sin. What's the mnemonic? The aroma of roasting meat. The aroma of roasting meat. Because roasting meat, in essence, is something that someone with a sexual desire experiences. It's like not having what he wants, so it's like, in essence, if somebody has a desire...

1:56:47for something, someone has a desire to eat meat. He's hungry and you put meat in front of him, but he's not allowed to eat it. His desire gets worse. And further, the end of summer is worse than the beginning of summer. The Mefarshim say, what does it mean that the end of summer will be worse than summer? They say that at the end of the month of Elul, the sun is much more dangerous because by that time, people have already been in the sun for a couple of months. The sun at the end of that month is more dangerous because you already have a lot of tan. So a little bit of sun can cause even more damage because you've already been exposed to the sun. Further, it says that a heated oven is like the thought of sin. The thought of sin is like a heated oven, and... The winter fever is stronger than the summer. And a cold oven. And relearning old things, forgotten information is harder than acquiring new knowledge. Just as cement is more difficult to make from old cement than from existing cement. So all of this parable is like, might as well be Chinese to a bunch of English speakers. What's the chidush? Chidush explains what the Gemara is trying to tell us here. Simply said, everything we just said, that's what the Gemara is saying. Everything we just said for 20 minutes straight, that's what the Gemara is saying. How? Following. Why are the thoughts of sin worse than the sin itself? The thoughts...

1:58:14to a bunch of English speakers. What's the chiddush? Chiddush explains what the Gemara is trying to tell us here. Simply said, everything we just said, that's what the Gemara is saying. Everything we just said for 20 minutes straight, that's what the Gemara is saying. How? Following. Why are the thoughts of sin worse than the sin itself? The thoughts... ...come from not guarding your eyes. Because what is the thought? It's the intellect, it's the intellect, whereas the sin itself is a reality. It's your body itself. Even if somebody is promiscuous, like we said earlier, even if somebody is promiscuous and they want to be with just anybody, they still have to find just anybody, and there are just so many people that would agree with you...

1:59:16whether you're male or female, even though female, there's just so many, she can't do it all the time, every day and so on. Men even less, normally speaking. But when it's the intellect, when the sin is in your mind, when it comes from pornography, That sin is literally in your mind at all times. You can think filth all the time. You go to the store, there's a woman cashier, you think about her. You look at your cousin, you think about her. You look at a classmate, you think about her. Teacher, you think about her. Gas tank, gas... you think about her, magazine, think about her, billboard, think about her, the milk carton, you think about her, TV, you think about her, every single place you think about her. Better yet, you start looking at things as images and you start thinking, "This looks like her." Everything starts looking to you like this. Why? Because the sin is of the mind, and the mind has no limitations like the body. You start looking at different things. This is a shape. One woman asked me about a dress. I asked the Rabbanit about this dress. Is this dress kosher? She says, no. I said, why? It covers everything from head to toe. The neck, everything, the line. She goes, yeah, but it has a design. I said, yeah, a lot of things have design. She goes, no, no, pay attention to the design. The design has a certain triangle that ends exactly at the member, at the private part of a woman.

2:00:41That's what guys are going to look at. They're not going to look at the long sleeves and the long dress. They're going to look at the design of this triangle. That's how sick the sick mind is. But that's what a Bat Yisrael needs to think about. That's what the husband needs to think about also. Because a sick mind has no limitations. So the thoughts of sin are worse than the sin. But further, what does this mean? Because the thoughts also train the person. When you start watching things that are filthy, you start watching pornography, what ends up happening is you train your mind to think that things are unrealistic. You start thinking that everything is supposed to be that way, like these filthy people whose whole life is this ta'avah.

2:01:42you think that your wife is supposed to look like this. you think that your wife is supposed to do things like this, that this is the way you're supposed to get pleasure. this is the way your husband is supposed to look like. this is the way you're supposed to get pleasure. that's why the guy has crazy, psychotic thoughts of maybe we should ask your friend to come over more often and all types of disgusting things that religious guys tell their wives sometimes. I'm not talking about the non-religious world, Hashem knows what's happening over there. There are certain communities where the guys have it as a thing where they switch wives, and it's normal and accepted. There are television shows about how they do this. "Oh, you'll be my wife for this month, and my wife will be his wife for this month," with everything included. This is what you're having your kids watch if you have a television at home. "No, my kids don't watch this." You bet they are. Yes, they are. They definitely are. You have a TV. You have free internet in your house. They're allowed to see whatever they want. They're definitely watching this filth. How do I know? I talk to those kids all day. That's what they're watching.

2:03:07Guys that watch, girls that watch pornography, they start training their minds to unrealistic circumstances. And therefore, the Gemara continues, it's like the aroma of meat. What do you mean the aroma of meat? The aroma of meat is for someone who can't eat. Meaning that the smell of the meat The smell of the meat is much more enticing than the meat itself. Why? Because the smell of the meat gives you unrealistic expectations. When you smell the meat, it always smells delicious. You want to eat it. You want to have all of it. You want to have the whole cow. Once you have a bite, it's not that good. It's not always as good as it smelled. That's pornography. Think, oh, I'm gonna get married, so I'm gonna get a wife or husband like this. Oh, I'm gonna get that girl, so she's gonna do this, and she's gonna laugh, huh? And then once he makes the act, yeah, it wasn't that great after all. Why? He has unrealistic expectations. He thinks she's gonna be like the prostitute on TV. She thinks he's gonna be like that filthy animal on television. She doesn't realize that's not real life. The meat is not like the aroma.

2:04:32Those unrealistic expectations end up confronting the limited reality that we have and the limited pleasure that we have, which disappoints an endless number of people and leads to an endless number of divorces. There are countless men and women who are married to beautiful people that file for divorce weekly. Celebrities, for the most part, are generally beautiful people. That's part of the reason they became celebrities. Yet they all get married and divorced four, five, six, seven countless times. Why? He's beautiful. She's beautiful. Why would you divorce such a beautiful person? He's rich. He's beautiful. What's wrong with him? Ah, she's ugly. He's ugly. How? How could you see them as ugly? Because they have unrealistic expectations. They thought that the aroma of the meat would be just like the meat, and they realize after all is said and done, it's not. It's a disappointment. Why? Because they've trained themselves already for something unrealistic that's unattainable. They can't even get what they want ever. It's only a matter of time for them to be sick of whatever good they have anyway. Even what they have that they think is good now eventually will become old news.

2:05:59That's why the divorce rate is only a matter of time in the secular world, in the celebrity world. It's not a question of if they will, it's a matter of time. Five years, if they make it that long. Ten years, twenty years, it depends on how famous he or she is, but it's a matter of time. You know what they celebrate in the celebrity world? Oh, this superstar is married to his wife for twenty years. So what if he wants to clap for you? That's the way it's supposed to be, habibi. They're celebrating a guy who's been married to the same woman for 20 years like he's some big shot now. That's the way it's supposed to be. That's how awful their world is. That's how awful the secular world is now. The Gemara continues, because of these unrealistic expectations, therefore, the summer is more dangerous. The end of the summer is more dangerous than the beginning of the summer. Meaning that once a person trains themselves, and in essence, trains themselves for disgustingness, trains themselves for immorality, and makes themselves addicted to this stuff, they, in essence, become much more vulnerable to do it again. Once you've watched pornography once or twice, that's it; you're much more vulnerable to press play again.

2:07:26you're much more vulnerable to be promiscuous. You're much more vulnerable to do bad things. Why? Because, to you, it became the new normal. It became allowed. It became, you know, not so much the forbidden fruit, but rather, yeah, you know, it's not so bad after all. The Gemara says after you make the same sin twice, it becomes allowed in your mind. The Yetzer Hara tells you it's allowed. That's why the end of the summer is more dangerous than the beginning of the summer. In the beginning, before you watched it, you weren't as vulnerable. It was something you never saw before. But once you become addicted to pornography, now you're much more vulnerable. Anybody says, "Oh, come look at this," you're going. Somebody says, "Come to this filthy club," you're going. Somebody says, "You want to go on a double date?" You're going. Doesn't matter, married, not married, busy, not busy, doesn't make a difference. Why? You're vulnerable, you're addicted. It's easier to repeat the sin even further when the sin is a thought. That's why it says the sin of thought is worse than the sin itself. Because now that you've seen pornography, you're much more vulnerable to make that sin over and over in your mind.

2:08:44...can make this in the middle of the afternoon. You're at work, you're in your office, you're doing whatever it is that you're doing. Somebody upsets you, and you remember in your mind the last time you were upset, the way you relieved yourself to make yourself not upset was you went and did some filthy things. So what do you do? You go to the bathroom, you go to some place, you go to your car, you go to some filthy place. Half-hour break, you're finished... Some guys are so addicted, they do it in school. They do it everywhere. They do it all day, all night—girls too. Why? They're addicted, and they don't even realize the disease. It's like having cancer and AIDS at the same time and thinking you're perfectly healthy. That's what pornography is. You're so vulnerable to making the sin endless times because it's a sin of thought. you can access that thought in a second. Whereas if it was a physical sin, it'll take time to fulfill that sin. But when it's thought, two seconds. Press the button, you have a phone in front of you, finished. Computer, finished. Television, finished. Going to the street, finished. You can just go to the store, depends how sick you are. Some people could literally look at a pole and that's it, that's enough. Therefore, the Gemara continues,

2:10:08the person becomes like a heated oven. Why a heated oven? Because rekindling a heated oven is much easier than rekindling an oven that's shut off completely. Because the oven, in the old days, had a fire. When you turn off the oven, you turn off the fire. But the fire doesn't really turn off completely. Even if you put water on it, there's always still a few sparks here and there. Especially if it's still hot, you want to put the fire up loud again, it takes just two seconds. A guy is addicted to pornography, a woman is addicted to filth, guess what? Even if she's trying to stop, two seconds, she's back to filth again. Even if he's trying to stop for two, three, four days, he sees some billboard, and he's back to it again. As if nothing happened, as if he didn't watch. It is very difficult to do teshuva. That's why the Zohar HaKadosh says that doing teshuva for wasting seed is impossible. Not impossible per se that you can't do it; impossible per se that Hashem is not going to help you. You have to do it yourself. Why? Because the sin is so great, Hashem says, if you really want to do teshuva for it, you have to do it yourself.

2:11:25So, a heated oven is much easier to rekindle. Someone who's already addicted to pornography is, unfortunately, much more vulnerable, and they continue failing. Therefore, the winter fever is much more dangerous than the summer fever. Why? Why is the winter fever much more dangerous than the summer fever? This means that there's a stronger addiction. To this, the natural intimacy. When a person is addicted to wasting seed or pleasuring themselves in whatever form or another, this leads a person to become more addicted to this than even natural intimacy. Hence, the reason why this is a problem in many houses where the people are married and they have a relatively healthy sex life. Meaning even if the wife wants to be with him whenever he wants, whenever it's allowed, and the husband is okay, the guys that are addicted to pornography will still waste seed many times unless they have yirat shamayim. Why? It's much easier. leads a person to become more addicted to this than to even natural intimacy. Hence, the reason why this is a problem in many homes where the people are married and they have a relatively healthy sex life. Meaning, even if the wife wants to be with him whenever he wants, whenever it's allowed, and the husband is okay, the guys that are addicted to pornography will still waste seed many times unless they have yirat shamayim. Why? It's much easier.

2:12:44He doesn't have to wine and dine. He doesn't have to convince anyone. He doesn't have to wait for a certain time of the month or when the kids are sleeping or when the lights are off or on. All he's got to do is do his filth, go to the bathroom, go to his room, go to his car, go to Gehinom, wherever he's going to make the sin. And that's it. He's finished. Same thing with the wife. She doesn't have to have this whole thing. She does it also. Why? Because they're already mentally sick and they don't realize they're sick. ...hence, that the reason why they say that the fever of winter is more dangerous than that of summer is because it lasts longer. The addiction is much more difficult to overcome. The fever of the winter is much more difficult to overcome than the fever of the summer. This type of addiction, that's a mental sin... is much more difficult to overcome. Why? Because it's literally more addictive than the physical part. Meaning even if somebody was addicted to being with another person all the time, they won't be as addicted to that as they are to themselves. Because it's so much easier, so much more convenient, and so much more addictive, if you will. And then the Gemara continues. It says that it's like a cold oven.

2:14:08Once a person gets addicted to pornography, he becomes like a cold oven that is much more difficult to light up. Light up with mussar, light up with emet. It's much more difficult to wake a sleepy neshamah to do teshuvah when they're addicted to wasting seed, to promiscuity, to immorality. They're like a cold oven. A cold oven is harder to ignite than an oven that's just sitting there, or perhaps even a hot oven. There's ice everywhere. That's what this pornography does. That's what this immorality does. You're constantly sinning in your mind, so to get you out of the filth is much more difficult. It's not enough to tell you about Gehenom. It's not enough to tell you about Kaf HaKela. It's not enough to tell you about Yirat Shamayim. You have to tell the person how they're ruining their own life by showing them what's happening with their own life. Look, your wife is unhappy with you, right? Yeah, how did you know? That's because your neshama knows that you're cheating on her.

2:15:15Your wife doesn't want to be with you as often, right? Yeah, how'd you know? That's because Hashem knows that you're cheating on her. Your money, every time you make money, it's always being spent on bills, the IRS, and doctor bills, and you don't have enough money ever, even though you got a raise every year since you started, right? Yeah, how’d you know? That's because all the shefa that Hashem gives you, you're wasting it. You start showing him that all of the curses of the Torah that are mentioned by the Chachamim are actually happening in his life. You don't look as good as you did when you were younger, right? You're starting to lose hair, right? Yeah, how'd you know? Do you ever see me? No, but I know what happens. You have a bald spot, you're only 25, right? Yeah, how'd you know? That's because that's what happens also. You always feel oily, right? Yeah, how'd you know? That's because that's what happens. Your skin becomes oily. You start becoming disgusting. Ever notice that you always smell bad? Yeah, how'd you know? That's what happens. What are you, a prophet? No, I just read books. That's what happens. That's what the Chachamim say happens. Not all of it happens to one person, but for sure, some of it happens to many others. That's what happens.

2:16:38you start showing people this stuff is not just a punishment in Gehinnom that they don't even know what it is yet. And they have a hard time believing in it. You show them in their own life. That's why that shiur about wasting seed is so popular, because it's not just talking about Gehinnom and the dangerous part, but it's also talking about the stuff that happens in this world to people. And Marriages break up, difficulty finding a shidduch, people are cheating on you, people are lying to you, losing money, problems with all types of parnassah, all types of health issues, all types of weird things with your body. You start seeing things, weird stuff happening when you go to sleep, seeing all types of beings, everything looks like a face to you, all types of wonderful stuff that you definitely don't want in your life, and You go on the internet, you type in "night terrors," you see how many hundreds of videos people made about night terrors, but nobody has the reason except the Torah. Anyone that has night terrors, it's only happening because of wasting seed and avodah zarah. Those two are usually connected. Because wasting seed, according to the Gemara, is the same thing as avodah zarah. That's what avodah zarah requires, blood or seed.

2:17:55Now, when someone is already addicted to this mental sin of pornography, they're like a "tanur kar" (cold oven), the Gemara says. It is harder to help them because now that they're addicted to something that's unnatural, they see things on TV that are unnatural—men and women doing things that are unnatural, not normal. That means that even if they try to stop and they get married to a normal person, it's going to be unnatural. a little bit of time before they get used to it and actually enjoy it because their level of good and bad, and their appreciation of good and bad, and generally their senses altogether are off. They're not going to be happy with normal for a while because they're used to things that are not normal. I remember on Wall Street, I had a guy work for me. This guy, sick person, sickest person I ever met. Came from a very, very rich family. He said during his teenage years, he used to crash Ferraris and Porsches for fun. That's how much money he came up with. This guy, you can give him 50 women; he won't be happy with any one of them.

2:19:18Marry all 50, divorce all 50, give him another 50—still won't be happy. Why? He's destroyed all of his senses of normalcy. All senses of normalcy. Unfortunately, kids are doing this to themselves all day, every day, today by watching this filth on the internet and on TV and in all types of places. It's harder to get those people off... because they're now no longer going to view natural things as good. Those normal things are not going to meet their standards due to their addiction to all types of fantastical things. And that's why the next part of the Gemara says, relearning the old information is harder, meaning remembering Something old memory is harder than relearning something that's forgotten is harder than acquiring new information. Relearning the old information, meaning you used to know, remember that normal intimacy was good for you. You thought it was good. It was pleasurable to you. But now it's become old, and re-educating the guy that that old is actually the good is much more difficult because you have to remove the filth that he's replaced it with.

2:20:43You have to re-educate them about standards. And that's why the last part of the Gemara says that making cement is more difficult if you're going to make it from old cement than from new cement. Once a person breaks all of their senses of normalcy, it's much more difficult to bring them back into a whole person than to train your children already as young kids not to waste seed. If you give me a bunch of, a school of kids, you're going to see those kids growing up, Be'ezrat Hashem, Kedoshim. Why? The vast majority of them are going to be Kedoshim. Why? Because as soon as they enter the school, whether they're six years old or sixteen, they're going to start getting trickles of information from the Torah that has to do with Shmirat HaBrit, along with many other things of information. Why? Because you're supposed to teach this to kids. Not by the time it's too late. Some people are foolish. I had some rasha over here in Florida, in North Miami Beach, telling me, "No, I don't agree with your teaching. You're teaching Shmirat HaBrit to teenagers." I said, "Who am I supposed to teach it to? People that already ruined their Brit? By the time they're your age, they're 40, 50 years old. Teach them when they're teenagers, so hopefully they're not too addicted to it."

2:22:05There's still hope. But if you wait, you wait for them to turn 25, 35 already. It's too late already. They're already addicted to it. They've been doing it for 15, 20 years. Good luck fixing that. You know how hard it is to fix that? For every one guy, for every one male that's 30 years old that we helped do teshuva for wasting seed, we probably helped 50 kids. Even though the kids did it much more often, much more addicted to it, it wasn't a long-lasting addiction. Just like the Gemara says, it wasn't broken already. Their senses of normalcy haven't been broken yet. Whereas the guy that's 30, 40, 50 years old, he's broken a lot of his normalcy. We had to literally retrain the guy. It takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, but it works eventually. The point is, Rabotai, that everything that the scientists... recently discovered from different neurological experiments, psychological experiments, and so on, is already written in the Gemara. It's written in a certain way that's hard to understand unless you study the subject deeply, but simply said, the thoughts of sin are worse than the sin itself. Why? Because you can make many more sins in your mind than you can make in your physical self.

2:23:28This is why you have to protect your eyes, no matter whether you're male or female. And this has a lot to do with everything that we talked about today. If the man or woman understands that whatever HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave you is yours, then you will be able to better control your desires and focus on your spiritual growth. ... Whatever He didn't give you is not yours. Don't desire more. If you already start training yourself not to desire more than what you have and be happy with what you have, automatically it will help you with everything else we talked about. Because if you know that He gave you a wife, that means that the only woman you're allowed to look at is your wife... You're not going to desire more. Why? You know that the only woman you're allowed to look at is your wife. Naturally, what ends up happening is that your wife becomes the most beautiful person on earth in your eyes. Why? Because she's the only one you stare at. Other women you see that pass by, you say hello, they're a colleague, but you never stare at any other woman. Why? They're not your wife. Your wife, you stare at her as much as you want.

2:24:42Honey, you're so beautiful. Yeah, honey, what are you talking about? I'm wearing pajamas. How beautiful? He goes, you're the most beautiful thing on earth. Honey, I haven't put on makeup in three weeks. Amazing. I don't know, maybe you're made out of gold. What are you talking about? They're feeding you drugs and coal? Yes, drugs of Kedusha. Why? You're the only woman I can see. A guy that watches his eyes, naturally his wife looks more beautiful to him every day. It doesn't matter how much she weighs, how little she weighs, what she eats, or what she doesn't eat. As long as she's k'dosha, as long as she also preserves herself, as long as she's tznua, if she's prutza Hashem y'rachem. This also leads to the next point. This is why it's in every woman's best interest to never ever wear a wig. Never wear a wig no matter what your husband says. Because by wearing a wig, forget about the other argument that we've mentioned already for four years about immodesty and about the Avodah Zarah and it's coming from India. Put that aside for a second. Every smart woman will never ever wear a wig. And the reason why, the second you put on a wig, you're giving your husband full permission to look at every woman. Why? They look just like you.

2:26:03They look just like you. Oh, I didn't know she's married. Oh, I didn't know. That's why the people that fight for wigs the most are guys. Resha'im. Resha'im, some of them call themselves Chabadniks, some of them call themselves all types of other Jews and so on. Biggest resha'im in the world. Why? A woman having a wig gives you permission to look at women. Why? It's not enough to be modest with a mitpachat. I need to be a superstar. I need to look like the goyim. I need to be beautiful in the streets, not just beautiful for my husband. More. The guy wants more. The woman wants more. She wants to be more. She wants to not only be beautiful for her husband; she wants to be beautiful for people in the public. So she wants to wear a wig. Hashem says, be beautiful for your husband, but she's not happy with that. She wants to be beautiful also for other people too. So she wants to wear a wig. The guy says, I want her beautiful all the time, and I want to also be able to look anywhere I want. It's not enough for me. So he wants her to also wear a wig. This is what people don't calculate. The biggest advocates for wigs are guys, not women. Women will happily do teshuvah for this most of the time. It's easier.

2:27:26But that's the problem. When you're addicted to filth, it only leads to wrong decisions. So, it's very, very important for guys to understand: if you watch your eyes, your wife automatically becomes beautiful to you—the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. You're happy with what you have. What about if you're not married? We go back to the same equation. This is what Hashem gave you. Hashem gave you the mitzvah of being single right now. Because he says in the Gemara, who are the people that make Hashem happier than ever? Happier than anything. You could say somebody who learns a lot of Torah and finishes the Shas. You could say somebody that does Kiruv. You could say somebody that gives tzedakah. You could say a lot of things, right? But what does the Gemara say? Who makes Hashem happy? The mitzvah of being single right now. Because it says in the Gemara, who are the people that make Hashem happier than ever? Happier than anything. You could say somebody who learns a lot of Torah and finishes the Shas. You could say somebody that does kiruv. You could say somebody that gives tzedakah. You could say a lot of things, right? But what does the Gemara say? Who makes Hashem happy? A young man who's single, who can sin but doesn't. A young man who can sin by wasting seed, either with somebody or by himself, but he doesn't, he makes Hashem happy. So Hashem didn't give you a wife. Why? Because He's giving you an opportunity to make Him happy.

2:28:49Who doesn't want to go up to Shamayim after 120 years, and Hashem says, "Oh, here's my son, here's my daughter, you made Me so happy." Who doesn't want that welcome? "Oh, here's the one that made Me happy." You have an opportunity, you're single, be happy with that. Why? You have an opportunity to make Hashem happy. When Hashem wants you to make Him happy in a different way, with a wife or with a husband, He'll give you that. Be happy with whatever you have. It doesn't mean don't be ambitious. It doesn't mean don't have hishtadlut and don't try. But don't make yourself obsessed over those things. Don't make your whole life about it. Don't break your rules and the Torah's rules for it. Oh, yeah, he's a nice guy. He's not religious, but listen, I have to get married. Or like this guy sends me another thing. He goes, listen. What would you say if my shidduch is not exactly so religious, but she says she'll keep Shabbat? Is this still a good shidduch? I said, well, keeping Shabbat is good. It's one of the mitzvot. What about keeping modesty? No, she's not into that modesty. How is this a shidduch then?

2:30:05She wants to be married to everybody. Carlos from the supermarket, Steve from work, you know, Sylvester from the construction company. When she's not modest, she wants everybody to look at her. How is this a shidduch? How is this a shidduch exactly? Why? So desperate from being alone and not understanding the gadlut in being alone. The significance of being alone sometimes. How many mitzvot can you do alone? You have an opportunity to make Hashem happy. It doesn't mean you should be alone permanently. But right now, Hashem didn't give you a wife. Do your best with what you have. But no, you're going to break the rules. You think you can teach Hashem. Oh, Hashem didn't give me a normal wife that wants to be modest, so I'm going to marry this prutza. Oh, what do you think about, you know, this girl is not exactly religious, and she's not exactly Jewish, but she's really nice though. And she wants to marry me.

2:31:05What do you think? I don't think about things like this. I have better hopes for mankind, especially the Jewish people, that they have brains and realize what's allowed and what's not allowed. If you're a Jew, you have to marry a Jew. If you're not a Jew, you don't marry Jews. Simple. Torah says Jews marry Jews. Non-Jews marry non-Jews. If you're a non-Jew married to a Jew, you have a problem. Even if you're a nice person, you go up to Shamayim, they're going to rip you apart. Permanently. Why? You murdered a Jew by marrying him, by marrying her. Nice person doesn't mean anything in Shamayim. Nice is only defined by Hashem. So when a person understands that they can fulfill the will of Hashem regardless of what they have, All of a sudden, most of their problems are solved. They don't want more. They just want to do whatever they can with what they have. I have five bucks in my pocket; I'm going to do whatever I can with the $5. I have $500,000 in my pocket; I'm going to do whatever I can with the $500,000. I have a house; I'm going to do whatever I can with the house. I have a car; I'm going to do whatever I can with that car. I have a child; I'm going to do whatever I can with the child to be the best parent I can be for this child.

2:32:17Whatever you have, do the best you can. Stop complaining about more. Because what ends up happening is that when you complain about more, you end up doing bad things that are against Hashem. People who complain about money often end up becoming gamblers, either in business or in casinos. Sometimes they gamble in casinos. We already showed you many, many laws in the Torah. You're not allowed to gamble. Gemara Masechet Sanhedrin, page 24, talks about anyone that's a mesachek bekubya, anyone that's a gambler is pasul le'edut, cannot be a witness in a Jewish ceremony. You have a wedding, you cannot use them as a witness. You have a court case, you cannot use them as a witness. He's considered almost like a mechallel Shabbat. Why? He's addicted to gambling. If he's addicted to gambling, that means you could buy him off as a witness and change his opinion. Another reason why gambling is not allowed is because of moshav leitzim, it's a place of clowns, people that desecrate the Torah. Another reason is because it's a place of chilul Hashem, no Torah over there.

2:33:28A lot of immodesty, a lot of promiscuity. Another reason why it's not allowed is because when you win gambling, you're stealing because the other side doesn't really want to give you the money. Even though there are rules, they only agree to those rules because they assume they're going to win. So when you win, in essence, you're stealing. You have to go up to the Shamayim and tell them, "Oh, here's the thief." What do you mean? "I never stole a penny." What do you mean you never stole a penny? You won half a million dollars in poker. You're a big thief. You stole half a million dollars. You know how many people couldn't pay rent because of you? I didn't mean to do that. We had rules to the game. Yeah, there's rules to the Torah also. So gambling is not allowed, but a lot of people also gamble with their olam haba in business because of their addiction to money. They work on Shabbat. They do businesses that are not allowed. They go into the cash advance business. They think it's allowed to do cash advances, charge Jews and non-Jews obscene interest. called neshech. The Torah calls it neshech. Neshech means like the bite of a snake. The venom kills the person a little bit at a time until it eventually kills them. That's what big interest is. You don't have to charge people big interest, whether they're Jews or non-Jews. But their obsession for money makes them do it, or they do non-kosher businesses. They sell used goods as new.

2:34:50Ah, the guy can't tell the difference. It still works. It's just an iPhone. What difference? It still has numbers. Yeah, it's fine. The system itself is fine. That's not the problem. The problem is that you stole his mind. He thought he's buying something new. Therefore, he's paying a brand new item's price. You're not selling him something new. You're selling him something refurbished, renewed. That's theft. That's gezel. Because the price between new and what you sold refurbished is shamayim va'aretz, day and night. Sometimes even half the price or less. That's gezel. Or they sell something they know is a bad good. They know that this thing does not work. Some people sell these things called "As Seen on TV." And they tell you, "Oh yeah, put these teeth in your mouth and it makes you look like you have brand new teeth." You order this thing, it gets to your house, and it looks like something you would buy at a costume store. But on the TV, it looks like it's real teeth. These people that are selling it are going to get gehinnom. Why? Because they know it's not real teeth, and it doesn't look like real teeth, and the whole thing is a hoax. But they're depending on the fact that 90% of people are too lazy to go and return products.

2:36:09People that sell bad goods, they know they're selling bad goods. It's not a surprise. Don't call them and yell at them. You're wasting your energy. Just process the return without yelling. They know that it's not good. You're not giving them any chiddushim. but they're depending on the fact that 90% of people will not file a return because they're lazy, they're busy. They don't feel like doing it. It's only $10. It's only $15. They figure a million people say the same thing. It's only $15. They just sold 15 million clean. That's how it works on Wall Street. That's how it works in capitalism. That's how it works in the world. One day this newscaster came out with a book called I.O.U.S.A. I.O.U.S.A. it's called. Very good book. It talks about all the crime that the U.S. government commits by their own politicians. How they steal from the government. All these weird things. They have a foundation, a government foundation. They spend $15 million a year to find out

2:37:15what a horse thinks—what a horse thinks when you throw them out of a plane with a parachute. I'm dead serious; this is not a joke. They spend 15 million dollars on this. Now, anyone that believes there are any horses coming out of planes with parachutes is an idiot. But this is just a way for them to steal 15 million dollars. Or they buy all types of tools, and you see that a screw was $80,000. Anyone that thinks that a screw is worth $80,000 is as stupid as the screw. It's just that they know that no one's going to do the accounting and the checks and balances to make sure that the screws are really supposed to be 80 cents, not $80,000. Thieves rely on other people's mistakes. Why? They're addicted to more. If we are addicted to more, we are eventually going to be just like them. We're going to do a job on Shabbat even though we know it's not allowed. No, no, I have a heter. Why do you have a heter? My rabbi says it's allowed. Why, is your rabbi Moshe Rabbeinu or Hashem? Which one is he? Because even if he was Moshe Rabbeinu, he can't say it's allowed. No, no, my rabbi told me it's allowed to tell the goy to turn on the lights on Shabbat.

2:38:37Why? Oh, it's Goy Shabbat. Show me a halacha that says that. That you're allowed to tell a goy to turn on and off the lights and do laundry for you and do everything. And you tell him. If he does it on his own, he works for you all week, it's a different story. But you're telling him to do stuff that you're not allowed to do. Not allowed. No, that's you, you're a machmir. No, it's not machmir, it's halacha. No, but my rabbi has it in the shul. Okay, your rabbi's going to gain on them. What can I tell you? Unless the goy does it by himself, different rules, different guidance. But if you start telling them what to do, how to do, turn on the light, turn it off, you only work on Shabbat, but you get paid for the whole week. All these kombinos that people think they're fooling Hashem, this is because of an addiction to money, an addiction to more. You're gonna marry the wrong person, you're gonna do the wrong business, you're gonna do the wrong thing. Why? You're addicted. And that's why the Chazon Ish says the most important middah, the most important character trait, is the desire to change. If you have the desire to change, automatically it'll be easier for you

2:39:49to overcome all obstacles. Overcome the obstacle of pornography addiction, overcome the obstacle of addiction to money, overcome the obstacle of making bad decisions with men and women, overcome the addiction of all types of things. Why? Because you want to change. But if you don't feel like changing because you think you're perfect, you think that you're good as you are, automatically all of those addictions become worse. Why? You think you're perfectly fine. What's there to change? I'm perfect. When somebody says, you know, you should change, you look behind you. Who? You're talking to him? Yeah, he has to change, right? Not me. You can't be talking to me about change. You know who I am. You know how much of a tzaddik I am. You know how many mitzvot I do. You start looking at yourself. You start giving the guy an Excel spreadsheet of all your mitzvot and all the tzedakah that you ever gave. That's the problem. A person who says, "Everything will be good by me," is a person in danger. He doesn't even know it. This is something we are all a little bit guilty of—sometimes a lot guilty of. All that's required to fix everything we just said is the desire to change. Stop being addicted to more.

2:41:14Start being happy with whatever you have. That's the first step. After that, start looking at where you need to improve. There are some big mitzvot that all of us need improvement on. But there are also some little ones that we don't pay attention to because we figure they're little. Fix the little ones too. Everyone needs to fix something. If you're not fixing something every single day, there's something wrong. There's a possibility that you think that you're good enough. And that means that there's a bigger problem than you imagine. You're sicker than you thought. There's always something to fix. Because all of us are, to some extent, addicted to more. And sometimes more is good, but many times it's not. More mitzvot are good, but not if they are going to take into account only your own selfishness and everybody else is going to have to suffer for it. If your mitzvah makes other people suffer, that's not a mitzvah. So everything has to be with the right amount, the right place, the right time, just like when you put tavlinim, you know, you put spices in food. If you put too much, the soup is going to come out disgusting. You put too little, it's going to be flavorless.

2:42:34It has to be just the right amount. It also has to be just the right time. You put it when it's cold, it's not going to help you so much. You put it when it's too hot, it's going to burn everything. It has to be the right time, the right place, the right time. This is how Torah Hashem works. It's every day. Every day, every day you work a little bit. B'ezrat Hashem, this helps each one of us. a little bit of a wake-up call of some of the things that we all need to work on—all of our own addictions, whether it's our eyes, whether it's our desire for people to approve the way we look, the way we act, the way we have all of these different things. All of the women that continue to wear immodest clothes need to do cheshbon nefesh, to ask themselves: Why do I care so much about what everybody else says except Hashem? Every woman has to do cheshbon nefesh. In the last couple of days, Baruch Hashem, we had a couple of women, tzaddikot, who burned their wigs and sent us videos of their wigs being burned. There's one fantastic one. Coming out tomorrow, b'ezrat Hashem. A woman not only burned the wig, but she also gave us a shiur. This shiur, rabotai, five minutes, life-changing. Fantastic shiur, one talmida, baruch Hashem, and now it's Yisrael. It's in English, b'ezrat Hashem. So tomorrow, look, stay tuned for it. All guys should send this to their wives, the shiur, because it gives women chizuk.

2:43:56And b'ezrat Hashem, help all of Am Yisrael remove all of the Avodah Zarah from our hearts, all of the Avodah Zarah from our homes, all of the Avodah Zarah from our minds, and get us closer and closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Baruch Adonai le'olam. Amen ve'amen.