The Non Existent Shidduch Crisis (4 minutes)
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Transcript
0:10They say that in the religious world there's something called a shidduch crisis. The reality is that the shidduch crisis is non-existent. It's not really a shidduch crisis; it's a middot crisis. It's a character trait crisis. And the reason why is because people are looking for things they shouldn't have, looking for things that don't matter, and avoiding things that are truly significant. So when someone is single and is looking for a shidduch, the most important thing that they need to look at is: Can I grow with this person? Do I see myself as someone who can become a better version of myself with the help of this other person? If you see that this person is just going to be like a statue in your house and is not going to do anything, On the other hand, if you see that you can grow with this person, then that's obviously something good. Now when I say grow, I don't mean grow with money. I don't mean grow with popularity. When I say grow, I mean grow in terms of your connection to Hashem and your purpose in life.
1:25actually fulfilling your purpose of life, not living one of these lives that's purposeless. Living a life with purpose. So you need to see somebody that is like-minded, looking for the truth, and is looking for something that's much more significant than the mundane that we surround ourselves with. Second thing is you need to have somebody that has good middot, good character traits. If you see that this person gets angry after five seconds, this is obviously not a person that you should deal with. Why? Because if they're getting angry already during the dating process, well, you guys are just talking. What are they going to do when you're not dating? If this person is stingy... When you're just barely meeting each other, what are they going to do once you're married? So there are certain character traits that you yourself have to know that are absolute no-nos. Everyone has certain traits they can't deal with. Everyone has flaws. You have flaws, I have flaws, probably more than you even, but the point is, the reality is, there are certain things you can't deal with. For example, myself, I can't deal with lies. It's unbearable to me. Lies are like an allergy to me. Another thing I can't deal with is stinginess. I'm allergic to stingy people. That's me. You might not care about it as much. You might care more about someone being angry. Is that there's certain things that you can't deal with. Like, for example, myself, I can't deal with lies. It's unbearable for me. I can't deal with lies. Lies, to me, are like an allergy. Another thing, I can't deal with stinginess. People that are stingy, I'm allergic to them. That's me. You may not care as much about it. You may care more about somebody that's angry.
2:43Somebody that's arrogant or so on and so forth. So you have to make a list of, okay, this is something that I can tolerate, this is something that's an absolute no-no, and this is something that's maybe a yes, maybe not, depending on the other two topics. So you have to make a list of what you're looking for and look for those specific things. Ultimately, the best character trait that there is, the Ramban writes, and he gave it to his son, with the most important character trait to have is anavah (humility). Humility in today's world is very difficult to find because it's often confused with being a fool. When someone is humble, people might think he is a fool. So finding humility is like finding a treasure with infinite buying power. Therefore, you should look for humility if you can find it. Nonetheless, you should definitely avoid all the things that you can't take. And then, try to see if this is a person that you can grow with... And then try to see if this is a person with whom you can grow, a person with whom you can become a better version of yourself, a person whom you can help. Ultimately, this means that you'll achieve shalom bayit while having the Shechinah in your home at all times. Once the Shechinah resides in your home because of your shalom bayit, you can't go wrong. There are no problems that exist, no worries, because you know that Hashem is there, taking care of everything.
