The Power Of Change

0:07Now, the Chazon Ish, alav hashalom, in his extraordinary book, Emunah U'Bitachon, it's an unfinished book, but it's, for all practical purposes, finished for us. But he obviously intended on adding much more to it. The books of Mussar set themselves a goal to ignite the light of refinement in the soul, seeing this light as a general cure for all false tendencies altogether. It says that all of the books of Mussar, that you're going to see, for example, if you look at Mesilat Yesharim. Mesilat Yesharim has 26 chapters, each chapter has something to do with a different midah, a different character trait.

1:35alacrity, cleanliness, anger, and so on and so forth. Many say that the Mesilat Yesharim, the Ramchal, alav hashalom, wrote it with Ruach HaKodesh. 300 years ago, this is somebody that wasn't from this world, it seems like. The stuff that he said, in the beginning he says, I'm not here to bring you any chidushim. In reality, the whole book is a chidush. Even if you read it a thousand times, you'll find more chidushim. You look at the way he wrote it. Each chapter has to do with a different character trait, a different midah. When you look at many of the mussar books, they all break down things one at a time. However, the Chazon Ish gives a chiddush, a revelation that all of the Baalei Mussar knew, but it seems like he's the one that's saying it to us today. saying it to us today. He says there's one midah, there's one character trait that's stronger and more powerful than all of the character traits. To the extent that if you do it, if you actually overcome this and acquire this good midah, all of your midot are affected in a positive way.

3:01One midah. You do this, and all of a sudden, you're not as angry. All of a sudden, you're not cheap. All of a sudden, you're not as arrogant. All of a sudden, you have all positive things. Everything starts improving. It's not perfect, but everything improves. One midah, a get-out-of-jail-free card. On the other hand, if you don't acquire this midah, Doesn't matter what you do, all of your middot naturally get worse. Meaning if you're angry, automatically, you're much angrier. If you're cheap, while they walk, oh, it gets much worse. This guy, by the time the dollar comes out, it has dust on it. George Washington says, "Wow, that's what light looks like!" He's so cheap, he never takes a dollar out of his pocket. If he's arrogant, no one wants to walk near him because his ego is bigger than him. All of the character traits get worse. What causes this? The Chazon Ish says there's a reason why there's discrepancies between different students that learn Mussar. Sometimes somebody learns Mussar and boom, a fire ignites within them, and the guy becomes a tzaddik quickly.

4:20You tell him, you have to watch your eyes; he watches his eyes. Tell him, you have to watch your breath; he watches his breath. He falls a few times, but he gets up. Tell him, you have to learn Torah every day; he asks, how much? I say, two hours; he says, oh, that's enough. Sometimes you encounter somebody, you tell him something, and he does it. It doesn't happen very often. Don't get it in your head that it happens frequently. But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes you encounter those individuals who need to hear it 500 times before they put on tefillin. The guy has been listening to teshuva for two and a half years, and he calls you on a Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. asking, "Can I still put on tefillin now?" What do you mean? I thought you started doing teshuva two and a half years ago. What do you mean tefillin now? It's 5:30. The sun is going down. Yes, go put on tefillin before it gets too late. Then the wife calls you, saying, "Oh, he's still yelling at me." What do you mean he's still yelling at you? He says he watched the entire series of Pirkei Avot. You watch the entire series of Pirkei Avot, you become Malach Hashem. How is he still yelling and screaming? What happened? Sometimes certain people, you could tell them the same thing 500 times. They're moving, they're improving, but not so much. They're like, you know, like the turtle.

5:36Well, you know, one step at a time. Tell him, listen, you gotta learn Torah, you know, at least two hours a day. He goes, no, Rabbi, take it easy. I'm going one step at a time. What one step at a time, habibi? 20 years you're doing teshuva. What one step at a time? How long is it going to be one step at a time? You're 40 years old. You still don't even know what the Shas is. No Rabbi, I'm still on Parashat HaShavua. Oh, have you finished the Chumash? No, not yet. I haven't finished the Chumash yet. Where are you? You're up to maybe Devarim, the last book? No, I'm still struggling with Bereshit. 20 years he's struggling with Bereshit. What happened? Why so slow? So Chazon Ish says, Some people improve quickly, like mamash fire, and some almost seem like they're walking backwards. Lama? The reason is that the intensity of their light is not equal. One has a bright light, close to the refinement of the soul, whereas another has a feeble light, far from strong.

6:44close to refinement of the soul, whereas another is a feeble light, far from being strong. Why do these two people have two different lights? Why? The Chazon Ish says, it's not that they were both born in different neighborhoods. One guy is born in Bnei Brak, the other one is born in, I don't know, in Sela or something, in Netanya, where all the criminals are, or at least they used to be. No, it's not because of where they were brought up. It's not because he was born in Florida, the other guy in Yerushalayim. It's not because his parents are rabbis or his grandfather was a big tzaddik. It has nothing to do with that. What does it have to do with? The Chazon Ish says it has to do with one midah, one character trait that every one of us could either acquire in a positive way or acquire in a negative way. What's that middah? Willpower. Do you want to change? The desire to change is the strongest middah of all middot. If you want to change, you will grow in spirituality like fire.

8:04Why? You want to change. So, as soon as you hear something, you say, "Okay, Rabbi, it's hard, but I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to try to do this." Why? You must learn an hour a day, two hours a day. "Okay, I never learned five minutes a day, but okay, I'll try it." Oh, I can't be angry? "Okay, I'm going to try it." Oh, I can't be stingy anymore? "Okay, I'll try it." Because he wants to change. He wants to be better. She wants to be better. have to put on modest clothes, Rabbi. I can't walk around in a miniskirt all the time, or even sometimes. Only in the shower, maybe. Okay, so I'll have to buy new clothes. I'll have to convince my husband to take a few shekels out of his pocket to buy me some clothes because apparently, I'm walking around inappropriately. Okay, so I'll figure it out, Rabbi. She wants to change. It's not that all of a sudden she likes the modest clothes. It's not that all of a sudden she likes the mitpachat. It's not that all of a sudden she became a tzaddekes. No, it's going to take work to do that. It's not that all of a sudden he has the same metikut for the Torah, the same sweetness of Torah like the Chazon Ish had or Rav Kanievsky has. No, he still struggles with Aleph Bet.

9:11But he wants to change. She wants to change. That's enough to motivate them to improve because once you want to change, the fact that now you know that you have flaws bothers you. The fact that now you know that it's not good to be angry, it's not good to be arrogant, it's not good to be cheap, it's not good to embody all these negative traits, now for the first time in your life, it bothers you that you're cheap. It bothers you that you're this way. You know that, naturally, you're inclined to anger, and everyone who looks at you the wrong way makes you want to throw a punch, first with the right and then with the left, just to make sure. Now all of a sudden, it bothers you that you want to punch him. Why do I want to punch him? How come nobody else wants to punch him? How come his face looks so good to me to punch? It shouldn't be that way, and you get upset with yourself. Why? Because you know deep inside you're not good enough. You can be a better version of yourself. On the other hand, Hashem is with the people that have the opposite desire.

10:18Say, "I'm okay," like it says in Sefer Devarim. I'm okay. I'm fine. I don't need to change. I'm good the way I am. You want to change? You want to be good? Better than you? You do you. You leave me alone. I'm fine. I'm okay with my anger. I'm okay with my stinginess. I'm okay with the Goy girlfriend. I'm okay with stealing from business. Listen, I'm only stealing from Goyim. He makes it like it's kosher, like it's kosher, because he's only stealing from Goyim. He doesn't realize the halacha is worse for Goyim. You steal from a Jew, you have to return double. You steal from a Goy, you have to go and die first in order to rectify that sin. You have a serious problem. One of my students in Eretz Yisrael heard this. The other day, I mentioned something about stealing. She calls me and tells me, "Listen, please tell me if you can help me." I said, "What?" "I have some, but I don't know where they all are. Help me find them. I need to return $1,000." I asked, "Why do you have to return $1,000? You owe money?" She said, "No, no, I stole it." I asked, "When?" "20 years ago."

11:29Twenty years ago, I was a little kid. I know I took $1,000 over a period of time. I have to return the money. Why? I want to go to Gan Eden. Because she heard in the movie, no one's allowed to go into Gan Eden if they have stolen money. So now a person that says, "Everything is going to be okay by me, I don't need to change," automatically all of their actions get worse. Why? Because they say that everything is okay, so now they're okay with the fact that they're angry. So naturally, they allow themselves to get even angrier. Because they don't feel like fixing themselves, they got angry, but they figured maybe the other guy didn't get the point when they started yelling. So they thought, let me flip the table and make sure he knows. He didn't realize that I was really angry because I just yelled. So I'm going to flip the table, maybe pour a cup of coffee in his face, to make sure he realizes I'm angry. You know, my wife doesn't realize I'm angry, so I'm not going to go home for three days. I'll show her I'm angry.

12:33All of a sudden, all of his character traits become much worse. Why? Because he figures, or she figures, there's nothing for me to change. I'm perfect as I am. Hashem made me this way, and that's the way He's going to accept me. As if Hashem needs her, or needs him. That's the mistake, Rabotai HaKedoshim, all of us have made at some point in our lives. I can tell you a personal story; I've said it many times. I used to wake up, you know, Jewish people, when they keep Torah and mitzvot, they wake up, what do they say? What do you start off with today? A Jew starts off with, thank you. Thank you, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, for giving me a neshama. Why? Because the neshama, in truth, didn't want to come back. In truth, the neshama went to Gan Eden, the Shamayim. It went up to the Shamayim and said, Hashem, it's good for me here. I don't want to go with this body. This body is ruining it. Every day it makes sins, this body. I was good, I'm good over there. Let me pay the bill. I'm already over here. Whatever he did, I'll pay for it. But enough, Hashem. It keeps making sins, this guy.

13:41So the neshama doesn't want to come back. That's why it says Emunatecha; it means Hashem has emunah in us. What emunah in us? He forces the neshama to come back to the body because He has emunah that today, not tomorrow, today we're going to do teshuva. So He says to the neshama, you have to go back. Why? Today he's going to do teshuva. Today she's going to be better. I have emunah in him. He has emunah in us. We barely have emunah in Him, though. He believes that today we're going to do teshuva. That's a Jew wakes up and he says "Modeh Ani" to thank Hashem for granting him life, acknowledging that he's still alive. When you go to sleep, it's like experiencing one-sixtieth of death. Your neshama (soul) leaves, and only a small piece stays behind. So, you thank Hashem because, in reality, it's like experiencing techiyat hameitim (resurrection of the dead) every day. Now, a Jew wakes up saying thank you, appreciating each new day. It's embarrassing, but it's for mussar. You're not allowed to say bad things about yourself unless it's going to help people, unless it's for self-improvement. I used to wake up every single day, and the first thing I would say in the morning was a curse word. Instead of saying "Modeh Ani" like a Jew, I'd say the F-word or the S-word or some type of word I invented. Why? I'm late again. For what? Who knows? I was the boss.

15:07Doesn't matter, woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning, 6 o'clock in the morning, 8 o'clock in the morning, 10 o'clock—it didn't make a difference. I was always, in my mind, late to something: late to an appointment, late to go make money, late to go chase, late to this, late to eat, late to something. I was always late. I would wake up. You ask my wife, she’d tell you every day, “The poor guy wakes up, curse word. Why? I'm late to what? Who knows?” Who knows? Who's going to fire you? You're the boss. I'm late to something, angry, first thing in the morning, every day. Now, I go to the office, people, usually a few people were there before me. When I first started in the business, I was the first guy in the office. Then when I started building the business, I had employees; they started being there before me. Instead of being happy that the guys came to work and the girls came to work, and everybody came to work, I would get upset. Why aren't they working hard enough? So, I thought, okay, I'm angry. I woke up angry. When I got to the office, I was even angrier when I saw everybody there not working hard enough. Angry, angry, angry. At lunch, I'm angry. In the afternoon, I'm always angry. Now, no one dared to tell me, "Listen, why are you so angry?" Why? Because they're scared for their job. But by the same token, once in a while, the anger would get worse, and...

16:35And not once in my life did I ever think this anger stuff is not good. When someone would mention, "Listen, don't get angry," but hey, you saying, "Don't get angry," that makes me angry. Don't tell me, "Don't get angry." That makes me angry. The fact that you tell me, "Don't get angry," that makes me angry. Why? Because to me, as I was born, I was born an angry guy. Don't tell me not to be angry. It's like me telling you, don't be Steve, and your name is Steve. I'm your one, I'm angry. Same thing. Because in my mind, it was so demented. With the Yetzer Hara so convincingly arguing that being angry is just who I am, it tricks me into thinking it's an inherent part of my identity. So when you say, "Don't be angry," it feels like you're saying, "Don't be me." But is there truly anything wrong with being me? I thought I was born this way. That's what the Yetzer Hara wants you to think. The Yetzer Hara wants you to think that you were born this way. You were born angry, you were born stingy, you were born this way, and therefore you should not change. You cannot change. It's impossible for you to change. And he convinces you every single day with a very strong argument. What's the argument? You've always been this way.

17:54How could you change now? You've been like this for 30 years, 40 years, 50 years you've been angry. Now you're going to change? Listen, maybe if you had wanted to change at 13, 14, or 15 years old, you might have had a chance to change after a few years. But now you're 40 years old. Ah, no, come on, it's already too late for you. Too late for you to change already. Like Rebbi Chaninah ben Dosa said to his son, Eliezer, He says, "Why, do you want to be a talmid chacham? It's too late, you're 27 years old. Go, be a farmer like me, make a few shekels, and then you'll have some kids, and your kids will be talmidei chachamim." Eliezer started crying almost until his neshama left. He cried so much that HaKadosh Baruch Hu said, "He deserves a present." So He sent him Eliyahu Hanavi. Eliyahu Hanavi comes to this young man, 27 years old, named Eliezer, Eliezer ben Holkenos. He says, "Eliezer, why are you crying?" He replies, "I want to learn Torah." Eliezer didn't know anything, so much, he didn't even know where he could learn Torah. So Eliyahu Hanavi says to him, "Go to Yerushalayim; there's a big rabbi named Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai. Go learn from him; he'll teach you. He'll teach you anything you want."

19:10Eliezer says, huh? Somebody would even teach someone like me. He got up, picked up, and left, going to Yerushalayim. And as it happened, because of the koach ratzon, his willpower, Eliezer ben Horkenos became Rabbi Eliezer ben Horkenos. The rabbi of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva, who had 24,000 students, was the greatest rabbi in the world. This is his rabbi. A generation before, Rabbi Eliezer had an argument with Rabban Gamliel. He and Rabban Gamliel, who was married to Rabbi Eliezer's sister, were studying together. During their study, they had a disagreement. A bat kol came from Shamayim, stating, "Why are you arguing with my son, Rabbi Eliezer? Don't you know halacha is always like him?" This heavenly voice affirmed Rabbi Eliezer's position. Just like us, when we say something, sometimes a bat kol confirms it from on high.

20:12Maybe Facebook says, too many posts, no bad call. Rabbi Eliezer had an argument, a bas kol from Shamayim came, saying, don't you know, halacha is always like him? Why? He had willpower. Willpower to change, rabotai. Now, this means, rabotai, that the power to change, the desire to change is a very, very important desire to have. If you desire to change, everything you already have improves and you can build on it. However, if you do not have a desire to change and you think that everything is okay with you, then all your bad character traits will continue to deteriorate and get worse. Why? Because you think that everything is okay. The attitude of 'accept me as I am' without striving for betterment is detrimental. In Judaism, self-refinement and growth are continuous efforts that are essential for one's spiritual development.