WHY ARE YOU YELLING??? - MUSSAR Iggeret HaRAMBAN (4)

0:12that all of you are coming, lots of new faces. Every week we have some new faces we're meeting. We're going to have to build some bigger buildings to fit more of you in, more people in. Am Yisrael needs to hear the truth. This Tuesday we have a series that we started about a month ago called Igeret HaRamban. so each of you that came in should either already have a book or should have received it. If you don't have one, you can grab a book from Michal over here, and b'ezrat Hashem, you can follow along. It'll be a little easier. If you want to remember everything by heart, by all means, but it's always better to look at something when you are learning. I always recommend for people when they're coming to a shiur... Don't come to view the shiur and already start with the spiritual laziness. What's spiritual laziness? Spiritual laziness is coming to a shiur Torah and acting like it's a movie.

1:14Meaning you're just here, relaxing, playing with your phone a little bit, texting, talking to your friends. What do you think? What do you think? Taking a little nap in the middle. Don't do that. Don't do that. Why? Then it's a waste of time. It's not a movie. It's not a movie. First of all, how do you know it's not a movie? First of all, I'm not a screen. That's the first. Second of all, I'm paying you. You're not paying me for a ticket. If you're going to pay me $15, then it's a different story. Then it's a movie. But the reality is, to take this thing seriously, we try to work, Baruch Hashem, Baruch Hashem, very, very hard. Teach in a way that by the time you finish every single shiur, you're going to leave with no doubt. No doubt that what was said in the shiur is divrei Elokim Chaim—the words of the Living God. Meaning that you know for sure that this is what God said, not what your own oven said. How do you know? Everything that we say has a source. So you're constantly going to hear me... say things and I'm going to say something and then I'm going to mention a Gemara, Masechet such and such, so that’s going to tell you you can find exactly what I said in this Gemara, this tractate. You can go to the books over here, take the tractate, open the page number—voila, you have it right in front of you. Or I'm going to say to you this was said by the Gaon of Vilna and you say, okay, so I'm going to go to the Gaon of Vilna's books. I'm going to open it. That's what I'm going to say.

2:34If you ever find something that I said in the name of somebody and you don't find it, don't be discouraged. Don't be discouraged. You can just double-check with me. Send me a text message, send me a WhatsApp, and say, "Listen, I looked in this book. I looked in this Gemara. You said page 19; it's not 19." I'll double-check. Maybe I made a mistake. I'm, after all, still human. I'll say, "Maybe it's page 20, maybe it's page 18." Most of the time, we try to be careful with the pages that we mention, but nonetheless... You're gonna double-check. You're gonna see that it's actually written in our Torah. Now, why does that make a difference? If I said something to you, who cares? I'm just a human being, just like you—flesh and blood. I still put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. With a kippah or without a kippah, it doesn't make a difference. Human beings are biased. They tell you things they like. They tell you to go to the things they like. They tell you to stay away from the things that they don't like. So they're biased. They have opinions that change every day. One day he likes blue, the next day he likes green. Today's world, one day he likes men, the next day he likes women. You know, people are crazy today. One day he wants to be a man, the next day he wants to be a woman. One guy filed a lawsuit yesterday. He says, since you're allowed to decide which gender you are, you're allowed in this

3:55garbage upside-down world. You're now allowed to say, "No, no, even though I was born a man, I'm deciding not to be a man; I want to be a woman." And they said, "This is allowed." This is the craziness we live in the world today. So, if you're a man really, but you decide you want to be a woman, you go to the women's bathroom. Interestingly, rape and all other types of crimes have increased since this law went into effect. But anyway, this one guy says, "I'm gonna sue the government. Why?" and... 68 years old, but I want to be 48. So from now on, I want you to change my date of birth to 20 years earlier. I want to tell people I'm 48 years old. If I could change my gender, why can't I change my age? Age is much easier. It doesn't affect anybody else. I don't have to use a different bathroom. I don't have to go to a different place. So... If a human being is telling you his opinion, you could agree with it, you could disagree with it. In reality, it doesn't really make a difference. Why? It's his opinion. Surely somebody else in the world exists with the opposite opinion, with just as many points to justify his opinion. Now, on the other hand, if God said something, that's not an opinion. If God said something, it's not God's opinion. It's God's commandment.

5:16Once God said something, if you believe in God, assuming you do, there's no, "I don't like it." There's no, "I don't agree with God." There's no, "God, maybe you should try something else. Your mitzvot are not relevant to me. I'm living 3,300 years after you gave the Torah to Moshe Rabbeinu, who didn't even have a car. I have a car, so I have to drive on Shabbat. I don't like your commandment of no fire." You can't say stuff like that. Why? Because God said it. Just like God gave people life, He can give them death, too. So that's why we make sure that every single thing that we say has a source. We many times read verses; we read the very Chachamim. The Chachamim are not our Jewish sages mentioning their opinion. If they mention their opinion, they tell you it's their opinion, and we try, obviously, to do the same thing. If we mention our opinion, we tell you it's our opinion. But the point is that every time you leave a lecture, you're going to leave with something, with a little bit more knowledge about this Being you call God. Now you know what God said, so it's not a matter of whether you agree or you don't agree because there's no debate. There's no debate between you and God. It's a matter of whether you're going to obey or not. If you obey and

6:35This week's parasha says: If you will follow My decrees and observe My commandments and perform them, then I will provide your rain in its time, and the land will give you its produce, and so on and so forth. It gives you 13 different verses of blessings you will get if you follow His laws. rain in its time means that you can get rain, but if you only get rain at a time you don't need rain, then it's bad rain. Or if you get too much rain and it causes a flood, it's bad rain. But if you get rain exactly when you need it, that's perfect rain. So, for example, how is this relevant to you people who are not exactly farmers? How is it relevant to you? Rain - you don't like rain. You guys don't want rain. Nobody wants rain anymore because, because, ah, it's raining outside - must stay home. Nobody wants rain. What does it mean, rain? Rain means... Rain means parnasah. So, how could rain, how could parnasah be good? How could parnasah be bad?

7:36Good means that you needed money to buy something that you needed in life, that you wanted, you need it in life. You need food. You have money to buy food. You need to pay a hospital bill because you just had a baby; you have the money for the hospital. You need it to buy a house. You have money to buy a house. You need money to pay rent. You have money to pay rent. Whatever you need is provided when you need it. On the other hand, how could parnasah be bad? Simple, you could win the lotto. You can win the lotto and just look at statistics: over 90% of the people that win the lotto curse the day they were born. Why? As soon as they won the lotto, their life turned into a big curse. Most of them declare bankruptcy within five years. Many of them file for divorce within less than one year, and some of them even commit suicide because they realize that the money they got changed their life in such a severe way and... that it literally turned into a curse. Instead of being a blessing like they thought it would be, it actually turned into a curse. All of a sudden, their wife doesn't want to be married anymore. She just wants the money so she can find a younger boyfriend. All of a sudden, their kids don't want to listen to them because they want to go on vacation every week now that they can afford it. All of a sudden, their business is not interesting to them anymore. They just want to go on vacation every day. And little by little, they realize that vacation is not going to be as much fun

8:57Because you're taking it every day, little by little, their life turns into a curse because they start taking on different habits and different hobbies. Many times it includes drugs, alcohol, prostitution, and all the things that are ruining people's lives every single day. Now, in the beginning, a drug looks like fun, a little bit of weed. Ecstasy pill, maybe some coke, put a little line in it. Sounds like fun the first time you get high. It's a lot of fun for people. People say, "Stop. Wow. What about a boom?" I said, "I'll even give a blessing to Hashem." Yeah, a blessing to Hashem. "Hashem, look at this drug You made. What a world You made." You stop blessing and you know when they curse the day they were born, after they become addicted. After they become addicted. Today, this afternoon, I had to spend almost an hour and a half with a young man and... They became addicted to drugs, and for an hour and a half, I'm trying to convince them not to commit suicide. Now, how do you think he started? You think he started with heroin? No. What do you think, he started with cocaine? No. He started with a little bit of weed, a little bit of pot, the legal drug, the legal one.

10:03Before it was legal. A little bit of pot. Pot, after a while, it's not that much fun. You need something better. After a while, you become numb to it. So you need something more. Let's try a little X. Let's try a little acid. A little shrooms. By now, I know the whole library of drugs. Remember, I lived in this world. I didn't take drugs, but I know this world. I know it very well. I took several people to rehab. Several people to rehab. I know all about it. And what happens? A little weed turns into a little Ecstasy and a little Ecstasy this and a little this and a little that and a little this. And guess what happens? You become addicted to something you would have never thought you would have been addicted to. What? One time, got hurt. Got hurt. You know, hurt his back. Guy hurts his back. So the doctor says, "Listen, kid, it's going to be a little painful. Take a little painkillers. A little Percocet, a little Vicodin. Maybe it's going to help you out with the pain." Now, since you're already accustomed to taking drugs... The one pill a day they prescribe to you is not enough. So you have to take two. And two is not enough. So you have to take four. And four is not enough. You have to take six. And guess what? By the time the back healed a month later, you're already addicted to fifteen pills a day. Now go try getting off that addiction.

11:22Ten years later, you're cursing the day that you were born. Why? Because you're still addicted to the drug that was supposed to help you, but because you didn't care so much about addictions when you were much younger, now it's almost too late. And now the drugs are having a serious effect on your life. You can't find a wife, or if you have one, she left you. You can't find a job, or if you have one, they fired you. You can't think clearly. You're constantly fogging. If you missed one dose of the drug, you're already having all types of pains, all types of anxiety. Your skin feels like it's crawling. All types of fun things. Pretty much you feel gehinnom in this world. Why? Just a little bit of drugs. Just a little bit. So HaKadosh Baruch Hu ...gives us instructions on how to live this life and tells you what to stay away from. He tells you what to do. He tells you that sometimes you're going to think that something is a blessing, but really it's a curse. It's not to say that having money is always a curse. Sometimes it could be a blessing. But nonetheless, it's not so simple. It's not so simple that someone who is poor is cursed and someone who is rich is blessed. It's not so simple. Sometimes it's quite the opposite...

12:41On the other hand, HaKadosh Baruch Hu also says if you don't listen, if you don't listen to my rules, He gives us over 40 verses in this week's parasha. It is highly, highly recommended for each one of you to read it in English, not in Hebrew. Because all of you have lived in this country long enough, and most of you were probably born here, English is your first language. Even if you speak Hebrew, don't read it in Hebrew. I need you to read it in English. Why? Because you need to understand every single word, literally what it says. You won't even need to use commentary in this parasha. You won't even need to use commentary. Why? Because at one point, He says all types of things that happen to people who go against Him, and at one point, He says that When you go against Hashem, He says, "But if you will not listen to Me, and you will not perform all these commandments; if you consider My decrees, My mitzvot, loathsome— 'Oh, I have to pray again? Oh, I have to put on tefillin again? No, come on. Isn't there a leniency where I can just do it once a week? I have to keep Shabbat again, the whole Shabbat? Can't I just keep half Shabbat?' That's a person who can't stand the mitzvot." He says, "But if you will not listen to Me, and you will not perform all these commandments; if you consider My decrees, My mitzvot, loathsome— 'Oh, I have to pray again? Oh, I have to put on tefillin again? No, come on. Isn't there a leniency where I can just do it once a week? I have to keep Shabbat again, the whole Shabbat? Can't I just keep half Shabbat?' That's a person who can't stand the mitzvot."

14:04Can't stand the mitzvot. So he says if you find My decrees loathsome, and if you reject My ordinances, so as not to perform all My commandments, here we see that if you keep half the commandments, like you're not keeping. Why? Hashem says you have to keep everything. He didn't say if you keep some of them. He says if you don't keep all My commandments, meaning everything you know about, you have to keep. If you don't know about it, then learn about it and you'll keep it. But until then, keep everything you know. If you don't keep all My commandments so that you will know My covenant, meaning you're breaking the deal between us. All the blessings I want to give you, you're breaking that deal. That covenant is a deal. I will do the same to you. I'll break the deal with you. Meaning, what does it mean? Oh, He's not gonna give me the blessings, big deal. Okay, so I won't have blessings, I'll be fine. No, no, He continues and then He starts to talk about how much we would suffer. How much we are suffering. He says, "Then I shall punish you further, seven times for your sins. Every sin that you make, I'll punish you seven times for it, not one for one, but one to seven."

15:15I'm not gonna go over each one of the verses of the parasha because I want to go over this other aspect of it, but I want to give you guys a little bit of a taste of what's written in the Torah. You have to read it this week. Why do you need to know this? If God said it, you have to know. If I said it, okay, what does it mean? If I said it, who cares? I'm just a person. But if God said it, then you have a problem if you're not keeping them. So, if you're keeping the mitzvot, you go home, you relax, have a nice nap, and enjoy yourself. No problem. If you're not keeping the mitzvot, then you have a problem. Why? Because HaKadosh Baruch Hu said something and you're not listening. So what does He say? He says, "I will bring upon you a sword avenging the vengeance of the covenant." Meaning, HaKadosh Baruch Hu said, "You don't keep my covenant. You don't keep my deal. I'm gonna declare war against you." So you see all the rockets being shot at Eretz Yisrael, all the anti-Semitism all over the world. Jews are being killed in the streets in different parts of the world now. What, do you think it's a mikreh? You think it's a coincidence?

16:19Almost every hospital is full of cancer patients. Many of them are Jewish people—little kids, adults. Do you think this just happens? Life is terrible? No. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is saying, you do My commandments, not a single person will go to—not a single Jew will go to—a hospital. A hospital even. You won't even get a wound. You don't do, then you have problems. Then you have serious problems. He says, I'm going to declare war against you. But then he says, "I'm going to declare war. I'm going to give you different things that are going to hurt a little bit. You're going to break your arm. You're going to lose a little money. You're going to get a flat tire. All types of things that are not so much fun. In order to wake you up, because I love you, I'm going to give you a little tap. A little slap on the face. It's not going to hurt that much, but it's going to hurt. And if you still don't listen, then it gets worse. Then it gets worse." And he says something that I have to tell you. Especially since you agreed already in silence that you're going to read the parasha anyway, so you're going to find out about this anyway. He says if you don't listen, this is what he says. Literally, it says, not a commentary, not a story. This is literally in the Torah. That's what HaKadosh Baruch Hu says: "You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters you will eat."

17:43I will destroy your lofty buildings and decimate your sun idols. What does it mean? The simple commentary of the time is that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is saying, when Am Yisrael does good, Hashem sends them parnassah, gives them money, gives them buildings, gives them honor, gives them everything and anything they want. When they don't, He gives them different signs: "I don't like what you're doing. I don't like what you're doing." I do teshuva, do teshuva, keep Shabbat, keep taharat hamishpacha, put on a tzitzit, put on a kippah. Stop acting like a goy, stop acting like a Muslim, stop acting like a Christian, stop acting like other people. Be a Jew, be a Jew. He keeps sending you signs—WhatsApp message, uh, Facebook, YouTube. He created social media for you. He keeps giving you signs. You don't do it, He says what's going to happen eventually? A person could literally get to a point... Their starvation is so terrible, the only thing left to eat is their own children. Now you're going to say, "Oh, maybe this is an exaggeration. Maybe this is an exaggeration. Maybe Hashem is just trying to scare us." Well, you could simply look at history. This has happened already to Am Yisrael no less than five times. This eating our own kids happened no less than five times. Beit HaMikdash HaRishon and...

19:11You read in Sefer Eicha, what happened? We got to such a level of starvation, the women who were tzaddikot ate their own babies. Beit HaMikdash HaSheni, destruction, same thing, starvation happened. What happened? Women ate their own kids. Fathers ate their own kids. Starved, starved to death. Now you think, oh yeah, but this was 2000 years ago, 2500 years ago, how is it relevant to 2019? Guess what? It happened 70 years ago also, in the Holocaust. You read some historical books, you read what happened in the actual Holocaust, not the fairy tales they tell you in school. Six million Jews died and that's it, because the Nazis killed them. No, it's not just that. There are more details to the story. There are more details to the story. Many of the Jews, Hashem, because of the starvation, because the evil Nazis starved us, they would actually look forward, unfortunately,

20:11Because as soon as one of the people died, they would pile up on him in order to get his liver and eat it. Some even ate their own kids after they died. This happened, Rabotai. This is not a fairy tale. This is not me just trying to scare you. I'm trying to show you that HaKadosh Baruch Hu, when He wrote the Torah, He wasn't joking. We may think He's joking, but He definitely wasn't joking. This is why it's important to know what God said. Not Yaron Reuven. Yaron Reuven, who cares what he says? But if God said it, It's a different story. Yes, seven times the punishment. That's the seventh time. This is the highest level of punishment in this world. In this world, there's only one other punishment that the Rambam says is worse: when Hashem removes free choice. Meaning that a person no longer has free choice. Right now, you have free choice. You can do whatever you want. You could do mitzvot. You don't have to do mitzvot. If you do them, you get rewarded; if you don't do them, you get punished. If you keep Shabbat, you get rewarded; if you don't keep Shabbat, you get punished. But most of the time, most of us don't realize that the punishment that we get in our life is really for this. So, most of the punishment and most of the reward comes after this world and...

21:39But HaKadosh Baruch Hu says there's another punishment in this world that you could actually see if you're paying attention close enough, which is when someone no longer has the ability to make free choice decisions. Meaning, he no longer has any desire whatsoever to do teshuva. There's not even an ounce of him that's interested in listening to Torah. He becomes anti-Torah. He sees a rabbi and wants to throw rocks at him like he's an Arab. He hears the rabbi speak the truth and makes a website against him. People like that very well could be the ones that HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, "You, I don't want you to do teshuva. Why? Because I want to punish you fully." That's the worst punishment. It's not vicious, at least that's the way it looks to us. He's not going to eat his kids, he's not going to starve to death, he's not going to go broke. But what's the punishment? HaKadosh Baruch Hu is actually letting such a person live in order to make more sins. So the real punishment when it comes becomes an eternal punishment. So for all of those people who say, "Well, this sounds like a very vicious punishment," it is.

22:53It's a very, very heavy punishment, and the point is, Rabotai Yekarim, that you are here today not by luck, not because you got $15, not because you called our youth director Michal Shetikhe because you like the YouTube videos. Not because of that. You are here because HaKadosh Baruch Hu is trying to give you a chance. Trying to give you a chance to get an eternity of good. Take the opportunity. You take the mitzvah, you take that ticket, you use it. You're never going to regret it. In fact, your life is going to be better than anybody else you know. You don't take it. There's no kiddush Hashem. Hashem will give you another chance tomorrow. And if you don't take that one, hopefully, He gives you another chance on Sunday. And if you don't take it, hopefully on Tuesday, and then Wednesday, He'll give you chances. But I have a cousin... Probably a little older than some of you, he was 23 or 26 years old. His parents had no less than a hundred million dollars. Very, very wealthy. They had all types of gas stations and businesses, and this kid was as cute as can be. Smart kid, good-looking kid, had the whole world—mamesh, the whole world was in his hands. He was in computers, all types of technology, and...

24:11His family didn't exactly keep Torah. On Rosh Hashanah, instead of going to the Beit Knesset, they were taking a tour of the world. They were in Israel, they were in different places. So he didn't learn Torah, mitzvot, nothing. So on Rosh Hashanah, instead of going to the Beit Knesset, he decided to go on a scooter. Scooter to go hang out with his friends, do what he's got to do. Scooter. What's the big deal with a scooter? Right in front of his house, a huge mansion, right in front of his house. He got a scooter, fell by himself. Nobody touched him, nobody hit him, nothing. He just fell off the scooter, hit his head, and passed out. The neighbor happened to come see it. So the kid's passed out on the floor. Called 9-1-1. 9-1-1 came, took him to the hospital. They know who he is. They know his family. think the family even donated some money to the hospital. They checked him, they did all types of wonderful tests. After a few hours, they said, "You're perfectly fine. Go home. Take some rest. No big deal." Well, that's what he did. The doctors said everything's okay, so everything's okay. He went home. He went to sleep. The only problem is he never woke up. He died. Now do you think?

25:28...that this 23-year-old, 26-year-old cousin of mine who lived in Philadelphia, do you think that in his wildest dreams he ever thought that he was going to go to sleep at 23 years old after the doctor said that everything's okay and the parents said that everything's okay and everything in his world said everything's okay? You thought for a second that with a $100 million bank account you could die at 23? With a $100 million bank account, you should be able to buy life twice. But you can't. Steve Jobs. You guys heard of Steve Jobs. You probably have his phone. Steve Jobs, you know how much money he had before he died? Almost $10 billion. But with every single penny of the $10 billion, he couldn't buy himself a new liver. And he died. Died an atheist. Died a loser. Why? Because the money stayed here. So whoever has it is the winner now. Until they die. So every single person assumes, especially when you're young, you're gonna be here tomorrow, you're gonna be here next week, you're gonna be here next month, you're gonna be here for another 120 years. Somebody has a happy birthday, you give them a kick, say until 120. Who says it's gonna be until tomorrow? Who guaranteed you tomorrow? Who guaranteed me tomorrow? Nobody. Meaning that if HaKadosh Baruch Hu puts you here today, that means that HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants you to listen to this today.

26:49Not tomorrow, not next week—now. It doesn't mean that you have to become a rabbi tomorrow. It doesn't mean that you have to be a rabbi tomorrow. But there are a few things that you can learn here. There are a few things that you know—start doing them. Start taking on mitzvot. I brought some tzitziot for anyone that wants to take on tzitzit. Take a mitzvah, accept ol malchut shamayim that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is the King of Kings. Put on a tzitzit from now on—free. CDs to learn Shiur Torah. Anyone that learns from these CDs can become a rabbi if they want. You watch these CDs; each CD has 40 hours of Shiur Torah. You have eight CDs here, each pack is two. By the time you finish both packs, you will have 160 hours of CD learning. You could be a rabbi, I'm serious. In this generation, you could be a gadol hador even. Why? Because this Torah, Baruch Hashem, is not a simple Torah. It's Torah that actually gets people to change their lives. Similar to what you're hearing right now. You can learn Torah for free. You can get mitzvot for free. Everything you can do to save your eternity, you can do for free. Meaning that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is giving you an opportunity for eternity for free.

28:04free, which means if we choose right, we are the biggest winners in history. If we choose wrong, we are the biggest losers in history. Why? You had eternity given to you for free on a silver platter, but you still chose the wrong direction. Why? For what? What did you gain out of it? Show me one person that doesn't live a life full of Torah that's actually happy. One person. One person in the world doesn't exist. They can tell you they're happy until you get to know them. How do I know this? I was in business. I was on Wall Street for 16 years. And on Wall Street, what I did is I dealt with millionaires and billionaires. So all the people that people admire—athletes, entrepreneurs, businessmen, all types of fancy schmancy people—they were my friends. They were my clients. I had hundreds of them. after another is more depressed than the next one; after another wants to commit suicide; one after another is divorced, on his third marriage, fourth marriage, fifth marriage, looking for happiness, looking for this, looking for that. Not a single person, not a single person in my entire life—and I met thousands of people—not a single person was happy. Why? You cannot get happiness from money. You can buy stuff with money, and

29:28Maybe it will make you laugh. Maybe it will give you some joy for a few minutes or even a few hours. But happiness you cannot get. Why? Because happiness is a spiritual thing. It's a spiritual feeling. You can't buy happiness. You can attain happiness. How do you attain happiness? By attaining spirituality, by attaining what HaKadosh Baruch Hu said. Fulfilling His Torah and mitzvot is the only way to live a life of happiness. Now... Part of the reason that most people get scared sometimes of some of the things that I say is because it obligates you to change. You cannot continue listening to these shiurim and stay exactly the same. Either you're deaf or you're crazy. You cannot stay the same. Why? Because if you hear constantly what HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, and each time He says it, it gets scarier and scarier. You cannot continue to hear it.

30:29So most people, what do they do? They do teshuva or they run away. Very few run away. Usually, they do teshuva. Why? Because they realize that I cannot go to war with Hashem. It's not worth it. I'm going to lose. It's not even a battle I want to mess with. It's not like battling some big guy and maybe you can give him a nice right one before he's looking and you can get him before. No. It's HaKadosh Baruch Hu. You're going to need them in your life. You're going to need them for parnassah. You're going to need them for refuah sheleimah. You're going to need them for health. You're going to need them for sustenance. You're going to need them for every single thing you have in your life. One day you want to get married, you're going to need them to find you a kallah. You're going to need them to find you a husband. Where are you going to find a husband? In the club? That's going to look at you today and look at your girlfriend tomorrow? Girls look for husbands in clubs. Oh, yeah, I met him. He's so cute. Why is he cute? Yeah, he dances nicely to techno. Yeah, he dances nicely to techno. What, did he do a few flips for you? Okay, so he can go to the zoo and be a monkey. Congratulations. That doesn’t qualify him to be a husband. No, but he really likes me. Why? Why does he like you? Oh, he bought me flowers. Oh, Baruch Hashem, he spent $10. That really means he likes you.

31:41Now, when you walk around and he sees a half-naked girl, does he look at her? Oh yeah, everybody looks. Oh, that means he doesn't like you. That means he likes whatever looks good. A husband that looks at another woman doesn't like his wife. He likes whatever looks good. And guess what? Guess what? Young lady, you're not always going to be a young lady. You're not always going to look good. I promise you. Age catches up with everybody. One day you're going to have a little baby. And that little baby is going to take some room in your life. You're not going to be this 110-pound 19-year-old girl. You're not going to be. Why are you going to have a little baby? Now, if that husband that you picked, you found him in some club, guess what? When you're 8 months pregnant, he's going to look for a second wife. That still weighs 110 pounds. Why? Because you don't know it. You're not 110 pounds anymore. You've got a baby in you. Age catches up with everybody. One day you're going to have a little baby. And that little baby is going to take some room in your life. You're not going to be this 110-pound 19-year-old girl. You're not going to be. Why? Because you're going to have a little baby. Now, if that husband that you picked, you found him in some club, guess what? When you're 8 months pregnant, he's going to look for a second wife that still weighs 110 pounds. Why? Because you're not 110 pounds anymore. You've got a baby in you. So, if you have a husband that looks at other girls, that's not a husband. On the other hand, guys think they're going to find a girl. Well, what are you going to find? What are you going to find? A girl in a club? You're going to find her in a schoolyard? You're going to find her in a movie theater? What, are you going to find a village bicycle? She had 18 husbands before she met you. What are you going to find? What are you going to find in the streets? What are you going to find? By the time she married you, you're like, oh, so we're going to get married? No, I'm still too young. I'm only 25.

33:10Okay, you're 25, but you've been in 25 relationships. You should have graduated by now. You're married and divorced 25 times already. Yeah, I'm not ready to get married. I still want to have fun. What does it mean, have fun in this generation? Have fun means act like a husband and wife. What do you want, your wife to be with the whole neighborhood before she becomes your wife and gives you kids? What kind of wife are you going to find? What kind of wife are you going to find in the secular world? Ask yourself this question. Yeah, if you ask yourself, what do you think, a bat Yisrael, a holy Jewish woman, is gonna even look at you if you're not also holy? A nice, pure girl that never touched another guy, never even looked at another guy before she got married, she's even gonna look at you if you're not keeping Shabbat? If you're not learning every day, if you're not fulfilling the Torah, you think she's gonna look at you? Either way, she wants to, she wants to, she... preserved herself her whole life, 20 years, 25 years, so she can marry some alech, some gangster who has a few tattoos on his arms because he wanted to look cool when he was 18? She's not gonna look at you. So what are you going to find in the secular world? Think about it. What are you going to find in the secular world? Nothing. You're not going to find anything good. You're going to find the village bicycles; everybody tried them.

34:36Talk your language. I was in that world also. But see what happens sometimes; people, they get scared. Because they say to me, you see on YouTube, oh Hashem, we have almost 2 million minutes a month. 2 million minutes a month of people watching us. Torah, 2 million minutes a month. Do the math. Baruch Hashem, a lot. A lot of people learning Torah, a lot of people doing teshuvah, and even some people actually converting to Judaism. Because of the Torah that we teach. But you're going to see on YouTube all these different views. People like to, you know, hear themselves speak. So they make comments. And sometimes you're going to see some superhero write, you know, something nasty. He'll say, why are you yelling? Why can't you talk calmly? He thinks like I'm a newscaster or something. And this is exactly what the Ramban is saying here. And I'll answer the question to the Ramban. So the Ramban writes a letter to his son, and he says to his son, accustom yourself to speak gently to all people at all times. Page 27 for anyone that's watching. It's the beginning of the letter.

36:03Ramban, as we went over in the last few shiurim, doesn't use words for no reason. Every word is calculated—literally every single word is calculated. First and foremost, he tells us to take time and accustom yourself. What does it mean to accustom yourself? Prepare to deal with your problem before the problem arrives. If you're going to... manage a family, a business, a relationship of some kind. You have to know already ahead of time that relationship, that business, that family will have problems. We'll have ups and downs; it happens. That's life. A life with no problems is called death. Life that's alive has problems—sometimes money, sometimes health, sometimes differences of opinion. Problems, problems happen. So the Ramban says accustom yourself to

37:04Get ready for the problem before it happens, meaning prepare yourself. One time, there was a bunch of American millionaires who came to the training grounds for the IDF (Tzahal) in Eretz Yisrael. They were big donors to Eretz Yisrael and the army. One of the old, little Jewish ladies saw the guys training and... ...guys training, the climbing, the jumping, struggling, a couple of guys get injured, all types of things. And she feels so bad, this little old lady, she goes, "Please, please, please, tell them to stop. Tell them to stop." So the general looks at her and goes, "Why?" She says, "I'm willing to write a check right now. I'm willing to write a check right now for $2 million. $2 million to write your check right now, just instead of giving them all these mountains to climb, just make it flat ground so they can walk nicely." He says, "Thank you, ma'am, for the two million dollars, but if I take your two million dollars, we're not going to have any boys left. Because they're all going to die in war if they don't train like this. If they don't train like this, if they don't struggle, if they don't break some bones, if they don't climb some mountains, if they don't make themselves stronger, they're not going to survive the real battle. So thank you for the two million, but no thank you. We need to train for the problem before the problem arrives."

38:33The same thing applies in life. If you're going to manage a business or manage a family or manage any type of relationship, you have to already prepare for the problems before they arrive. You have to prepare yourself psychologically. You have to know, okay, one day my wife or my husband is going to make me angry about something. Already I know I need to control myself, control my temper, not get angry so fast, not get angry at all. Jump into conclusions. Let him speak, let her speak. Let him, let me hear what they have to say before I jump down their throat and kill them. Let me see what's going on first. Let me evaluate the whole situation and not jump to conclusions. They did a study on the psychological effect of a person and how it affects them physically. So, he took two groups of people. One group, they gave a basketball and... I said, you guys train and take this basketball and all week shoot from the line. Shoot free throws from the line. And we want to see how you improve after a week. The other group, I told them, you guys, same line, but imagine that you're shooting. Don't shoot, nothing. We're not giving you a ball. But just imagine that you're putting the ball in the hoop the whole week. That's what they did.

39:59One week, they're actually shooting the ball. One week, the other group is not shooting anything, but they're imagining it. After a week, they evaluate it, take the records, go another week. Take the records, another week. Take the records, another week. They do this for a little over a month. After a month of training, one group is imagining, the other group is actually shooting. Who's a better shot? The ones that are shooting the ball? Wrong. ones that are shooting the ball are not good. The ones that imagined are good. Why? Why? Why did exactly the guys that are shooting the actual ball, they're seeing it actually miss constantly, miss, miss, miss, miss constantly? Eventually, it goes in. Eventually, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Eventually, it goes in, but they see that they're terrible.

41:00...they're trying to get better, but it takes a while. The other guys, in their imagination, they're always going in, they're always going in, they're always winning. "I'm winning, I'm winning, I'm winning." He thinks he's Michael Jordan by the end of the month. So finally, they actually gave him a real ball. Since in his imagination that's actually how it was, literally his physical nature changed to the extent that he became better physically... meaning if you train yourself psychologically, mentally you train yourself, you can do anything. Including physically, you train yourself to be a winner, you will be a winner. You train yourself to be a loser, you'll be a loser. But at the same token, you have to know what to train yourself for. Is this fake teaching called "The Secret" taught by all types of... Speakers that call themselves motivational speakers, and they tell you if you think good, good things will happen. Well, many people thought good, and they got hit by a truck. Some people thought they were going to win the lotto, but then they got cancer instead. A lot of people think good, but it doesn't necessarily always happen. Meaning, you have to know what to train yourself for; you have to know what to think. You see, right there, you have to know what to train yourself for; you have to know what to think. And...

42:26The Ramban says yes, you're supposed to think, yes, you're supposed to train, but train for things that are within your ability, things that actually mean something. Train yourself to change your attitude. Train yourself to change your nature so you don't overreact, you don't underreact. You don't take things in a certain way that's incorrect. Learn how to behave and Learn how to behave under pressure. Everybody's a tzaddik when everything looks good. When they have money in their pocket, when they have a job, when they have things going for them, everybody's good. Everybody's good. But that's not going to show who you really are. What's going to show who you really are? How do you react under pressure when things are not working out? You have a very serious appointment, you got a flat tire. Now you're gonna miss this appointment. You have this appointment, you could get a million-dollar contract. You got a flat tire. Are you gonna react? You can lose it, you can lose control. You'll lose your mind, start kicking the car as if the car did it to you. Start cursing at Hashem as if Hashem is, you know, somebody to curse. You mess with them. What are you gonna do? You want to get a job. You got a flat tire. Now you're gonna miss this appointment. You have this appointment; you could get a million-dollar contract. You got a flat tire. How are you gonna react? You can lose it; you can lose control. You'll lose your mind, start kicking the car as if the car did it to you. Start cursing at Hashem, as if Hashem is, you know, somebody to curse. You mess with Him. What are you gonna do? You want to get a job.

43:53Somebody says, "Oh, listen, just show up. Make sure you show up at 8 o'clock in the morning. I'm gonna give you the job." You get to the job early, 7:30, but you're in downtown Manhattan—no parking. You're looking for parking, looking for parking—no parking. What are you gonna do? You lose your mind? You're gonna start cutting people off? You're gonna put yourself in danger? You're gonna double park? What are you gonna do? You lose your mind? You have... doctor's appointment, and this doctor is a specialist for something that you really, really need, or somebody else that you really need. And you show up to the doctor, and the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I have to leave. I can't see you today. You have to come back tomorrow." Are you going to start yelling at him, screaming at him, as if he's doing it to you on purpose? And... Or you go to buy something, and the store doesn't have it. A lot of people go and take out all their anger on the clerk, at the cashier. "I can't believe you don't have it! What kind of customer service is this?" as if they're doing it to you on purpose. So HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, you have to train yourself before the problem happens. If you do, you'll know how to deal with the problem when it finally arrives. But then it says,

45:12be prepared and accustom yourself to speak all of the things you say gently. Whether you're teaching Torah or you're teaching math or you're talking business, or you're doing whatever it is that you're doing, make sure you do it gently. What does it mean, gently? Do we have to whisper? How come I'm yelling sometimes? How come I raise my voice sometimes? How come the biggest rabbis in history, when they spoke, the world heard? The Ben Ish Chai, alav ha-shalom, Every Shabbat, he had a lecture with over 10,000 people. Now, in those days, there were no microphones, but every single person heard his voice. 10,000 people! 10,000 people—he's talking about a stadium. Every single person, all the way in the back, heard every single word that he said as if he was talking directly into their ear. After the Ben Ish Chai died, his son, Rabbi Yaakov, took over.

46:29Started giving a lecture in the same 10,000 people. He starts talking, and half the people said, "We can't hear you, Rebbe. We can't hear you. Speak louder, louder." He tries to speak louder, and they complain, "We can't hear you, Rebbe. We can't hear you. Speak louder." He was losing his voice already. Well, we heard your father. How come we can't hear you? He says, "No. When my father spoke, he was a kadosh, but who was speaking? HaKadosh Baruch Hu was speaking through his throat. Why? When somebody is putting his whole life, his whole neshama into something, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is gonna make sure that you're gonna hear it. He says, 'I'm not on the level of my father. He was a tzaddik, a true servant of Hashem. His honor is in his place, but he wasn't his father. Everybody knows that.'" So then people will ask me, and they write on YouTube, how come you're yelling? How come Rav Nissim Yagen, alav hashalom, was yelling? You hear every derasha, Rav Nissim Yagen, one of the greatest rabbis that ever lived, every derasha, simple stuff, yelling, you can hear it in a different country.

47:48He built communities. He didn't help people do teshuva only. Literally, there are communities all over the world that he built because of his lectures. Rav Shwadron. Rav Shwadron, one of the greatest rabbis that ever lived, again, built communities. You hear him talk about simple issues, yelling his lungs out. How come? So somebody one time asked Rav Shwadron, when you pray, how come you yell all the time? How come you yell when you teach, you pray? Why do you yell so much? So Rav Shwadron took his right hand and gave a tch on his face—woke him up. The guy said, "Ah, Rabbi, I just asked a simple question. I didn't know rabbis hit." So the rabbi looks and goes, "Why are you screaming? Why are you screaming?" So the guy says, "Well, it hurt." When it hurts, you scream. He says, it hurts me to see Am Yisrael acting like goyim. It hurts me to see Am Yisrael going against their Father in Heaven. It hurts me to see Am Yisrael burning their own neshamot. It hurts. So when it hurts, you scream. And the Gemara Masechet Sanhedrin says on page 84...

49:12...in a place that is a desecration of HaKadosh Baruch Hu's name, you don't even have to consider any honor for even a rabbi, meaning that if you see even a rabbi doing the wrong thing, desecrating Hashem's name, you can embarrass that rabbi in public. Why? HaKadosh Baruch Hu's name comes before everything else. So now, Rabotai... Answers the question of why do we sometimes raise our voice? It's not for entertainment purposes. If I wanted to entertain you, trust me, I could do many other things. I trained over 135 kids just like you to become the best salesmen in the world. I could fluctuate my voice, I could sound entertaining, I could change my voice. I could do a lot of different things with my voice. We don't do any of that because there's enough entertainment already. When we raise our voice, it's because we are hurt. When we raise our voice, it's because it's painful. It's painful to know the truth and then see reality. I see the world, I see where people are. I see how upside down they are.

50:22I have kids calling me, telling me that their rabbis are telling them things that are against the Torah. All types of strange things. And then I ask them, "Are you sure he's a rabbi?" They respond, "Yeah, he's the Rosh Yeshiva. He's not just a rabbi you found in the streets; he's a Rosh Yeshiva." I said, "He told you that?" They said, "He didn't just tell me; he told a whole group of us." It was eight of us, nine of us. He said, "He told you guys this? Are you sure? Maybe you didn't mishear him?" He goes, "No, ask one of the other kids." So then one of the other kids gets on the phone or comes up to me and says, "Yeah, the same rabbi, he said this." Sure, this rabbi, that, this. Another kid calls me about a different rabbi. He says, "Oh yeah, listen, rabbi, I have all these questions." He starts asking questions. And I ask, "Listen, you're only 14, 15 years old. How do you have these questions?" He goes, "Well, it's not really my questions. It's my teacher's questions." I thought you went to yeshiva. These questions usually come from atheists. No problem answering the questions. We have answers to those questions. But why is your teacher asking atheist questions in yeshiva? He goes, oh, because my teacher is an atheist. I said, your teacher in yeshiva is an atheist? He says, yeah.

51:33asked him five times the same question. I couldn't believe him. What do you mean? How does an atheist teach in a yeshiva about God? He goes, no, he doesn't teach about God. He teaches us about science. I said, why in the yeshiva? Why is he? Why? He goes, no, he's one of the teachers who doesn't teach Torah. I said, does the principal, the Rosh Yeshiva, know that he has an atheist teaching? He goes, yeah, I He knows. I said, so how come he didn't fire him? He goes, oh, well, they had a deal that as long as he doesn't teach us about atheism. I said, yeah, but obviously he is. He goes, yeah, he doesn't know that. Maybe he doesn't know it. So I called the Rosh Yeshiva. I tell him, listen, you realize that you have an atheist teaching your kids, and they're all coming to me with all types of atheist questions? Baruch Hashem, the guy got fired. Took two weeks though. Still gave him two weeks' notice to ruin the kids. The point is, Rabotai, that sometimes You see reality, and it's very, very painful. Very painful. You see what people are being taught today, and it's not much—complete garbage. That's why I always tell people, don't be spiritually lazy. If you're gonna learn something, already make sure you get a source for what you learned. Then you can see that it's God's opinion and not the rabbi's opinion. Because if it's God's opinion, then you know you have to do what it says. If it's the rabbi's opinion...

52:54you could agree or disagree. Don't be lazy and just assume that what he said is right or what he said is wrong. Double-check, because your life depends on it. And don't be scared if he raises his voice once in a while. And don't be impressed if he's a very slick speaker, because sometimes you hear people speak and they sound like businessmen. They sound like they just came off of Wall Street. They sound like they just finished a deal. Slick speakers, they use big words. They're very proper; some of them look like models. Some of them used to be big rabbis in the UK, and they sound sophisticated. They wrote several books, but in reality, any real talmid chacham, any real person who knows Torah, listens to what they say and turns it off within five seconds because they know that everything they say is garbage. So you have to double-check. You have to double-check for yourself. You have to see things for yourself because everything depends on it. So when people ask, "How come? How come you yell?" It's not that you yell because you're angry. It's not that you raise your voice because you're angry. You yell if it hurts. If it hurts, you yell. When you see Hashem's name desecrated, you yell. So several talmidim came to Rav Shwadron and

54:19The same gadol hador that I just mentioned to you and I told him, Kvod Harav, we just heard that all of us, we learned in yeshiva for several years already and the rabbi of the kollel told us that we have to go teach people. Rav Shwadron says, yes, of course. Yeah, but we're not ready, Kvod Harav. We're only 18, 19, 20 years old. Who's going to listen to us? We don't know anything. Rav Shwadron says, you know enough. Go teach. And I said, yeah, but Rabbi, I'm not sure who knows, who doesn't know. And Rav Shwadron, a"h, stops them right there and he says, listen, in this generation, this is what we were talking about almost 20 years ago, needless to say today. He says, in this generation, you don't need to know a lot of Torah. All you need to know is how to scream Gevalt. Scream, "Gevalt! Look at the horrible situation that the nation is in." That's what you need to know. If any of you take a little bit of time and read some of the divrei chachamim, some of the things that the sages said fifteen hundred years ago, a thousand years ago, two thousand years ago, or even a hundred and fifty years ago, pick any time you want. Go pick the Ben Ish Chai, go pick the work of the Gemara, go pick the Rambam, anything you want, and...

55:42...you read about some of the things that they taught. You'll see that they teach about all types of wisdom, any type of wisdom that exists. But even more so, they teach things that are very sophisticated, very mentally stimulating, interesting stuff. Today... You see my shiurim? You see Rav Mizrahi's shiurim? You see some of the people that are actually helping people do teshuva shiurim? Yeah, we say some interesting things, but many times you can hear us talk to you in a regular language where we say, listen, you have to be modest, you have to keep Shabbat, you have to do this, basic stuff. Stuff that all of us were supposed to already learn when we were six years old. 150 years ago, 200 years ago, 500 years ago, a thousand years ago, the rabbis' main focus was to stimulate you to get to the highest level of kedusha. In our generation, the main focus should be to teach people how to get dressed and keep themselves modest, to keep their clothes on and not go outside half-naked. Teach them to stop driving on Shabbat and

56:56Teach them to stop eating treif. Literally teach them things that they were supposed to be taught when they were six years old, five years old, four years old. Why? Because that's where we are today. Now the beauty is, if you fulfill those basic level mitzvot, you can now graduate to the next level. And you'll see benefits from all of those mitzvot and eventually you'll get to a high level of kedusha. But you cannot get to a high level of kedusha by skipping those basics. You cannot be a righteous woman and still immodest. You cannot be a righteous man and still stealing in your business. You cannot be a tzaddik and still be dishonest. It's not possible. Today we have to teach the basics. We can teach things that are very high, but it's not relevant to most people. And I'm not even talking about people that are not religious. I'm talking about even people that go to yeshiva. Even people that go to yeshiva don't know the basics many times. Because you see many times in a beit knesset, the kids that cause the most trouble are yeshiva kids. The secular kids that only come once, twice a year, they sit there properly, waiting for the rabbi to stop talking, they're polite, everything is good. But the kids with the tzitziot, running around, jumping off the walls, hanging off the ceiling. What happened?

58:17Yeah, they taught them how to say Shema Yisrael. They taught them how to put on tzitzit in the morning, but how to behave like a human being, they forgot. That's where Mussar, ethics, is what we teach. That's where that comes in. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says, I didn't just give you the mitzvot in order for you to become a robot that fulfills mitzvot. If I wanted robots, I'd create robots. I wanted you to use those mitzvot to become a better human being. ethical, more honest, more respectful, more modest, more humble. And it all starts with how you prepare. So when you speak, when you think, when you do everything, it has to be calculated. You have to think about what you're going to say before you say it and And regardless of who you talk to, it has to stay the same. And that's what the Ramban says next: Acustom yourself to speak gently to all people. Why to all people? Because sometimes you're going to go into a community and you're going to feel unwelcome within five seconds.

59:34You're a new baal teshuva. Your kippah is a little bit bigger than a quarter, or you just got it at some wedding. You're just starting out. You want to go to a big Beit Knesset. And everybody there is Chareidim. Everybody there was born with a big shtreimel on their head. And they're all looking at you. And you feel uncomfortable. You feel uncomfortable. Don't feel uncomfortable. They should be uncomfortable. Why? Most likely your prayer is better than the rest. They're looking at you and making you feel unwelcome. Most likely, your prayer is better than theirs. The shtreimel doesn't make you religious. If you have good middot (character traits) and you wear a shtreimel, good for you. But if they're making a new baal teshuva uncomfortable, all of their Torah is worthless. Why? Because the Torah they were supposed to learn was supposed to make them better quality people, and regardless of who they're dealing with, whether they're dealing with a new ba'al teshuva, a new kid that just started learning, a new kid that just started going to shul, a new kid that just started keeping Shabbat. He's 20, 18, 25, or 35. He just started and doesn't know everything. He doesn't know what it means to take three steps back and three steps forward right before you pray. He doesn't know why you do it. Quite frankly, most people don't know why they do it.

1:00:54But the reality is that if you knew why you do it, you'd say, "Wow, this means a lot." So the Midrash says, how come we take three steps back before we pray? The story is that many years ago, there was a king who was impressed by the life and the miracle that happened to the King of Israel. was sick, was supposed to die, and then miraculously was brought back to life. To show the world the miracle, Hashem stopped the sun. He brought back the sun. The sun was already going down, and Hashem reversed the sun. Everyone knew this happened, and everyone knew it was because of Chizkiyahu and his righteousness. So this non-Jewish king was so impressed by it, he wanted to send a message. So he told his writer, his scribe, "Write the message: Chizkiyahu HaMelech, shalom. Am Yisrael, shalom. And your G-d, shalom." To Chizkiyahu, hello. To your people, hello. And to your G-d, hello. Meaning peace. So the scribe says, "Your Highness, you believe in their G-d?"

1:02:23Of course I believe in their God. Look what their God just did. He just brought back the sun in the sky. How could you not believe in their God? So then the scribe says to the king, "So how come you put their God last on the letter?" It should be the God first, then Hezekiah the king, then his people. Not the God last. If you believe in their God, it should be first. No. He says you're 100% right. Go change it. He goes, yeah, but I gave the letter already to the mailman. Let me go chase after him. And he chased after him and he took three steps outside of the kingdom, outside of the castle, and stopped the mailman, took the letter back, and changed it. And the Gemara says, Those three steps gave that person a reward like no other person. What reward? Hashem turned that person, that scribe, into the most powerful king that ever lived until Mashiach. And his name was Nebuchadnezzar. The scribe, the nobody, became the king Nebuchadnezzar.

1:03:32who destroyed the Beit HaMikdash, caused a huge holocaust, killed millions and millions of Jews, but HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave him that power. Why? Because he gave honor to Hashem's name, to put His name first, to recommend to his king to put His name first on the letter. So, Am Yisrael, until this day, when we do Amidah, we take three steps back. Why? To undo the damage that Nebuchadnezzar did. He gave Hashem respect with three steps. We're trying to take it back. Don't give him credit; he didn't give you respect. Look at what he did. So, in essence, we're trying to undo what he did. That's why we take three steps back. Everything that we do in Judaism, if it's authentic, has to have a source in the Torah. Now... Ramban says that when you're gonna teach Torah, when you're gonna talk business, when you're gonna do anything, you have to treat all people politely—all people the same. It doesn't matter if they're a new ba'al teshuvah, it doesn't matter if they're Jewish or not Jewish. Just because he's not Jewish doesn't mean you can disrespect him. Just because he's not as smart as you doesn't mean you should mistreat him. Just because it's the opposite gender—you're a male, she's female, you're female, he's male—and...

1:04:51Regardless of who you're talking to, always remember that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is watching, and He's expecting you to teach everybody, to talk to everybody, to deal with everybody politely. Now, one of the difficulties that we have is that sometimes we act polite, but we're doing something that's not so polite. And it's called lying. Many people have accustomed themselves to lie on a daily basis. If you want to try it out, try to live one day without lying a single time. Try to live one day without lying once. Catch yourself and you'll see that we have become very accustomed to lying. Every second sentence, we lie. So where have you been? Ah, nowhere. No, no, really, where have you been? No, I was at the store. In reality, you weren't in the store. You were just hanging out smoking cigarettes. But for some reason, we think that it's okay to lie about small stuff. What happens is that when we start getting ourselves used to lying about small things, we eventually start lying about big things. So that's why the Ramban says you have to not only speak politely, but you have to do it all the time to all people.

1:06:12Meaning that you cannot think that just because you're speaking a certain way in a certain tone, you can just simply say whatever you want. Like, for example, some people say, "Listen, with all due respect," and then they curse you out. "Listen, no disrespect," and then they disrespect you. "No offense," and then they offend you. It's like they make a disclaimer. "No, no, no offense," and then they offend you in every way possible. "No, no, I don't mean anything bad by it," and then they show you a lot of bad things. People think that if they give you a disclaimer before they insult you, it's okay. They say, "You know, want to know the truth? You want me to lie to you? Of course, I want to know the truth." People think that if they give you a disclaimer, it gives them an open ticket to do whatever they want. So the Ramban says, anytime, anyplace you talk to people, you communicate with people, regardless of who they are, you have to take all of this into account. you have to get lying out of your system. You have to get disrespect out of your system. The most common defect that we have is that we lie, cheat, and disrespect the people that we love the most. So sometimes you're going to see when a guy is at work, whether he runs the company or he's a manager or

1:07:39he’s an owner or just an employee, when he talks to his fellow employees, talks to them with respect, talks to them with decency somebody messed up. One of the tractor trailers broke down in the middle of the highway. He doesn't lose his mind. He tells them, "Listen, just send the engineer. He'll fix it. We'll send a new one." The bus broke down; it's a hundred-thousand-dollar expense. No big deal, we'll fix it. He makes a few calls. He calls this one, he calls that one. He doesn't make a big deal out of things. But he gets home... And there's no food ready. His wife was too tired to make food. She worked also. By the time she got home, she was so tired, she fell asleep early. She didn't make him any food. All of a sudden, he turns into a beast. All of a sudden, he loses his mind and starts breaking things. "What kind of wife are you? Who needs a wife like this?" He starts breaking stuff, starts yelling at her, scaring her. "Wake up already," he yells at the kids, yells at everybody. Why? How come all the people at work he was nice to,

1:08:44his wife and kids, he became like Hitler in two seconds. How come? The difference is, rabotai, when he's at work, he's putting on a front. He's putting on a show, he's pretending to be somebody he's not because he's not used to these people. He's not used to his co-workers, he's not used to this environment. At home, he's so used to it, he takes it for granted. He's so used to his wife being there every time he wakes up. He's so used to his wife being there every time he goes to sleep. He's so used to her cooking every day and cleaning every day. He's so used to his kids waking up in the morning perfectly healthy. He's assuming it's just going to happen tomorrow again. He's assuming everything is fine. He's assuming that, what's the big deal? So what if I abuse them a little bit? So what if I yell at them a little bit? So what if I lie to them a little bit? They told me, listen, Abba, can you please take us to the park? He says, sure. Time comes to go to the park. He doesn't go. Why? Ah, listen, I'm busy with an appointment. Yeah, but Abba, we set up everything. You said you're going to take us to the park today, Abba. How come you're not taking us? Listen, listen, I'll take you next time. Okay, next time comes, he still doesn't take them.

1:09:59What happened? I forgot. Okay, next time. Next time happens, and he still doesn't take them. "Listen, I don't have time for you guys!" He starts yelling at them for even wanting to go to the park. "Yeah, we only want to go because you said we're allowed to go. If you said we're not allowed to go, then we'll pick something else to do." But he feels like he can just disrespect his family. It's not a big deal. He can lie to them—not a big deal. He can let them down—not a big deal. He can mistreat them—not a big deal. How come? The reason is, Rabotai, because he got too used to them. He's assuming that everything is gonna be there tomorrow. When does he or she realize that their whole life is upside down? Usually when something bad happens. Usually when one little kid that was as cute as a peach at 8, 9, or 10 years old gets sick. has to go to the hospital, and the doctor says he needs a new liver or he needs a new heart or he needs some type of brain transplant. The kid's going to be sick, and now this father, this mother, is regretting the day they were born. Why? Because all they could think about was that they let them down, that they didn't take him to the park, that they lied to them.

1:11:11that they cheated them, that they mistreated them, that they didn't give them any love. Instead of giving them love, they hit them. Instead of giving them love, they lied to them, and so on and so forth. Or the wife one day decides she wants to leave. She wants a better life. Oh, all of a sudden he's in love with her. All of a sudden he wants to buy her flowers. How come you didn't buy me flowers when I was married to you? How come you didn't buy me flowers when I was there every day in your bed? Every day, every night I was cooking for you. How come? How come you didn't do it then? Because you got used to it. That's why the Ramban writes, if you're going to communicate with people, you have to program yourself and prepare yourself to be the same all the time, regardless of what the situation is, regardless of what the pressure is, regardless of what kind of motivation the world around you has. You have to constantly train yourself and prepare yourself for bad things, even if they're not happening. Because when something happens, you'll know how to react.

1:12:21Already, imagine. Okay, we want to go to the park. Okay, so you have to imagine what are the possibilities that can happen in the park? Oh, maybe the food is going to get spoiled that my wife made. Okay, so if the food is spoiled, I already have to find a solution so she doesn't feel bad. Why? Because if I yell at her for making food that's not good, how is that going to help us? So you already have to come up with a solution for what's going to happen if the food is bad. What's going to happen if you don't get to the park because there's a flat tire? What's going to happen if there's a lot of traffic? What's going to happen if the kids start losing their minds and they're making a balagan in the car? What's going to happen if everything goes wrong? You have to start thinking about, okay, if this goes wrong, this is how I'm going to react. If that goes wrong, this is how I'm going to react. If this goes wrong, that's how I'm going to react. By training yourself to do such things, you'll be able to become... Much better person prepared for everything. But if you show up to life unprepared, then it's going to be almost impossible for you to control yourself. Now, some people are odd. When bad things that are big happen, they're very calm. They could lose millions of dollars in one minute. It's okay. There's nothing; things will be fine.

1:13:42But something small happens, and they lose their mind. There's no Hashem. I used to be one of those people. One day, I walked into the office of one of the companies we had. They reported some bad numbers. The market overreacted. By 9:30 in the morning, we were down about 40 million dollars, and... Fun thing to wake up to. You wake up, you lost 40 million bucks. It's not fun. That's not just your money; it's clients' money. I look at it for five seconds and go back to work, make phone calls. Investment advice and so on and so forth. After I finished, I see that as I'm working in my office—I had my own private office in my own big office. My office was all glass; I didn't have walls, just glass. So it was like a fish tank. So everybody would come to my office and look in the whole day. They're looking in: "What is he doing? What is he doing?" Oh, they're expecting me to break something. I see everybody's looking in because everybody knows the market's up, the company is down all this money, and they're looking. I'm just working calmly and doing my thing as if nothing happened.

1:15:00Somebody walks into my office right as I finished the call, losing his mind. "No, you don't understand what's happening! What's going on? Are we losing? What's wrong, what's wrong?" I said, "What do you mean, what's wrong? Look how much money we're losing right now." "It's okay, we're losing today; maybe tomorrow will be a better day. We still gotta work, still gotta work." He goes, "Yeah, but I don't know how much money you're losing." I said, "About 40 million." He asks, "How are you so calm?" Can I do anything about it? Can I reverse the 40 million dollars right now? No. If I can't do anything about it, why am I gonna waste my time being upset about it? I gotta work, so that's what I'm doing, I'm working. Big things never bothered me. Never bothered me. But if you were one of my employees, and you came into the office at 8:05 in the morning instead of 8, woe alecha, woe. Life will be regrettable. I'll make sure that you remember that day for the rest of your life because you were late five minutes. You were sent home, and to make sure that everybody knows not to do what you did, I made sure that everybody knew that you were sent home. And if you were messing around instead of working, I made sure that everybody knows that when you do such things that are not such a big deal...

1:16:26They're a big deal. He overreacted for the smallest, stupidest things in the world, things that don't even mean anything. I need to staple something. I have an office of 7,000 square feet. I have supplies enough to supply staples and But I can't find a stapler. You know how angry I would get about the stupid stapler? Like as if the whole world is collapsing. Why can't I find a stapler? I'd lose my mind. Stapler. Where's the stapler? This whole company doesn't have a stapler. And then two seconds later, open the drawer, there are 15 staplers. There are 15 staplers. I didn't have to open it. But when you're not trained, when you're not programmed, when you're not prepared, you're not going to be able to be normal and good. Reserved under all cases. So sometimes you're going to see certain people that are the opposite of the norm. Usually, most people are relatively calm for small things and lose their minds for big things.

1:17:28Sometimes it's the opposite. Needless to say, the Ramban is trying to teach us here that if you want to be a chacham, if you want to be one of the righteous, you want to be one of the wise, you have to contain yourself under all circumstances, whether you're under pressure or not, whether things are going well or not. How can you get to that point? By doing it all the time and training yourself mentally all the time. Even before bad things happen. Now, when a person takes things like this into consideration, you get to the point where you're doing it all the time. They say, "How can you possibly do it all the time? How can you possibly do it all the time?" Simple. If you constantly learn Mussar, every day, 15, 30 minutes, an hour of your day, you learn Mussar. You learn what we're learning here. You learn from the Ramban. You learn Pirkei Avot. You learn Shaarei Teshuva, Mesilat Yesharim, all types of books that teach you ethics in the Torah. You learn it every single day. Little by little, your personality will soften up and you'll become a stronger person, believe it or not.

1:18:49One that's able to contain themselves, the one that's able to preserve themselves, the one that's able to control themselves under all circumstances. Without it, it's impossible to fix. Now, why does Mussar fix things so well? Because one of the main things that Mussar teaches is the consequence. The consequence of doing things wrong. Most of us do things wrong, and we don't think there's much of a consequence and that's usually the reason why we do things. Most people that steal, they steal because they assume they won't get caught. And even if they get caught, ah, what's the big deal? What could be the punishment? People that steal don't think about getting caught, and even if they get caught, ah, what's the big deal? There were two people that lived almost 4,000 years ago, and one of them was honest, more honest than even the greatest honest person. The other was the liar of all liars. Their names were Yaakov and Esav. They were brothers. Now Esav was the firstborn, and he was supposed to get the blessing from Yitzchak, his father. One of them was honest, more honest than even the greatest honest person, and the other was the liar of all liars. Their names were Yaakov and Esav; they were brothers. Now, Esav was the firstborn, and he was supposed to get the blessing from Yitzchak, his father.

1:20:13him. Whatever the blessings are, whatever the inheritance is, was supposed to go to Esav. But because their mother knew that Yaakov was the tzaddik, she told Yaakov, "Listen, Yaakov, go put on one of the outfits of Esav. Then take the sheepskin, put it on your arms, because that will represent you having hair on your body like Esav, who was a very hairy person, and..." Pretend to be yourself and ask your father, who is blind, Yitzchak, for a blessing. Now, even though Yaakov was very honest, he listened to his mother and went for it, but he didn't want to lie. So, when he spoke to his father, he didn't lie. He... When his father says, "The voice is the voice of Yaakov, but the hands are the hands of Esav," meaning that Yitzchak couldn't see who was in front of him, but he was touching the hands and then hearing the voice. He says, it doesn't match. Why does it not match? Because the voice is the voice of Yaakov, but the hands are the hands of Esav. Like, who are you?

1:21:28who are you? And Yaakov says, Esav is your firstborn. He didn't lie; he just said Esav is your firstborn, which is true. So the Chachamim ask, wait a minute, we don't understand. How is Yitzchak, one of the greatest people that ever lived on earth, fooled so simply? Of course, everybody here knows even if you close your eyes and you hear somebody's voice that you know, you can identify who they are. But if you touch their arm, you can easily be fooled. Why? Because arms, if, let's say, for example, I want to portray somebody hairy like a bear, I can put something on my arm to pretend like a bear. If I want to pretend like I have no hair, I can put something on my arm to change the physicality. But a voice, I can't change. So if Yitzchak says, wait, the voice is the voice of Yaakov, but the arms are the arms of Esav, how did he believe that it's really Esav? Shouldn't he say, wait a minute, the voice is the voice of Yaakov, this must be Yaakov? Forget about what the hands are. How come he was so fooled? The answer is the Beit HaLevi...

1:22:50The Beit HaLevi of Soloveitchik, zt"l, gives a fantastic answer. He says, you see, Esav was accustomed to lying. He was accustomed to lying constantly, lied every day. He lied. He told his father one thing and would do something else. He told his father he was doing mitzvot; in reality, he was doing aveirot. Everything he did was the opposite; he lied about everything. And what happens is, when someone is doing something wrong... Nature is to suspect other people of doing wrong, meaning if somebody ever comes to you and says, "Oh, did you steal? Did you steal?" Usually, it's because they're a thief. "Did you lie?" That's usually because they're a liar. People accuse other people of what they are and... When you accuse other people, notice that usually you are that person. You are describing yourself. You suspect people of being liars if you're a liar. You suspect people of being cheaters if you're a cheater. You suspect people of being cheap if you're cheap. You suspect people of being arrogant because you're arrogant, and so on and so forth. That’s usually the way it works.

1:23:57So Esav, because he was a liar, he assumed that Yaakov was going to lie, and Yaakov was going to steal his blessing, and Yaakov was going to pretend to be Esav. How? He says he's probably going to put something on his arms to represent a hairy person, because he knows that I'm hairy, that's obvious. And he's probably going to change his voice to sound like me, like Esav, who talks like that, talks like a lion. So he told his father Yitzchak, he's like, Abba, listen, my brother, he's a liar. I don't want him to steal my blessing, just listen. This is the test. This is what you have to do. Once it's time for the blessing, touch my arms. If there's hair on it, then ask me to speak. Ask me to speak. If I speak like I'm speaking now, don't believe me, it's not me. It's Yaakov pretending to be me. But if I sound like Yaakov, then it's me. If I sound like Yaakov, then it's me. Meaning that Yitzchak, what was he doing? He wasn't fooled. He wasn't fooled by Yaakov. He was fooled by Esav.

1:25:05Self-suspected that Yaakov would lie. Yaakov didn't have a life. Yaakov didn't want to lie. So yeah, his mom told him to put these things on his arm. He showed up over there, but he spoke normally. Even though she told him to change his voice, make sure that he knows, Yaakov could not bring himself to lie. Why? He was an ish emet. He was a person of truth. He just couldn't bring himself to lie, so he just spoke normally. And when his father said, "The voice is the voice of Yaakov, and the hands are the hands of Esav," Yaakov had no rebuttal. He goes, "Yeah, Esav is your firstborn." Meaning, yes. Yes, this is it. Yeah, you're right. He's not denying it. He's not pretending to be Esav for a second. And that is, HaKadosh Baruch Hu running the world says, look, you're a liar. You will be punished by a lie. Whose lie? Your own lie. Not Yaakov's lie. Yaakov never lied. Esav lied, and Esav lost because of his own lie. This, Rabotai, is the reason why I always tell people,

1:26:07Constantly take into account how Hashem runs the world measure for measure. If you lie, you will end up being punished by a lie. If you cheat, you will eventually be punished by somebody cheating you. If you steal, eventually somebody will steal from you. Why? That's how Hashem runs the world. That's how Hashem runs the world. You see, people wake up one day and somebody just robbed them. Somebody just robbed them. Now, of course, you're supposed to show remorse. You're not allowed to go say, "Ha ha ha, probably you stole from somebody else, and therefore somebody stole from you." No, you're not supposed to do that. But in essence, don't ever think for a moment that there's a mistake in creation here. Always know, Hashem runs the world measure for measure. Meaning, if somebody stole from him, at some point he stole. Whether it's during this life, or a previous incarnation, whatever it is, the bottom line is, Hashem is giving him what he did, what he dished out. And we learn this actually from Mishnah in Avot. Hillel walks by a river and he sees a skull floating in the river. He starts talking to the skull. Through Ruach HaKodesh, he was able to communicate with the Neshama that's there. And he says to the skull,

1:27:27Killed and therefore somebody killed you. You desecrated the body; this is a disrespect to the body, and therefore your body was disrespected. What you did was done to you, and those that did it to you, that will be done to them also. meaning, this is how Hashem runs the world. There's nothing to feel bad about. This is how Hashem runs the world. You're not supposed to be proud about it. You're not allowed to go make fun of them. But nonetheless, never for a second think that there's a mistake. There's no mistakes. Hashem runs the world in a very precise way. If you see a person where his wife one day cheats on him, very likely he cheated on her. And even if she didn't know that he's cheating on her, Hashem did. Whatever a person did will be done to him unless they do teshuva. If they do teshuva, then everything changes. But without doing teshuva, the measure for measure still applies. To summarize, to finalize everything, and then you guys can ask as many questions as you want, the Chachamim say here that when you act...

1:28:43in such a way that you prepare yourself for all bad, you prepare yourself for all circumstances, you prepare yourself for all situations, you prepare yourself to deal with all types of people, you can become one of the beloved by Hashem, meaning you can be considered one of the people that Hashem loves. So the Gemara says, who does Hashem love? Who does Hashem love? So there are many different types of examples. The Gemara in Masechet Pesachim 113b. There's a mistake in a book. It says 113a. It's actually 113b. It says, there are three whom the Holy One, blessed be He, loves. Who doesn't get angry, who doesn't get drunk, and who does not insist on his due measure? Explanation: If a person works on his own middot and humbles himself in such a way that he knows...

1:29:58That the world is run by HaKadosh Baruch Hu. That everything is measure for measure. That everything that happens is because Hashem allowed it to happen. If you have a tick biting you, that's because Hashem said it's okay. If you have somebody stealing from you, that's because Hashem said it's okay. If you have a fingernail that hurts, that's because Hashem said it's okay. If somebody gets cancer, chas v'shalom, that's because Hashem said it's okay. If the Holocaust happens, that means that Hashem said it's okay. Nothing is outside the power of Hashem. You acknowledge all of this. You will never ever get angry, because even when your wife tries to make you angry on purpose, you won't get angry. Even if she tries intentionally to make you angry, you know it's not your wife. It's Hashem. Hashem is testing you through your wife. He's talking before his wife is like his own body and His wife is also like his own mirror. Hashem is going to speak to you through your wife. The same concept applies with the husband. If your husband doesn't respect you, if your husband doesn't treat you well, that's because Hashem is allowing him to do it. Hashem is allowing all this to happen. He is choosing to do it nonetheless, but Hashem is allowing this to happen. No one will ever get hurt, even by a fingernail, without Hashem signing off that this is permitted to happen.

1:31:20so when a person knows that all types of things can happen and all of those things come from the same source, whether they're good or they're bad, and They could literally get to a point of never in their life ever getting angry, even if they got a flat tire on the way to an important appointment, even if their wife yelled at them and embarrassed them in public, even if their kids are causing a mess and breaking their stuff, even if they got fired, even if they don't have any money, even if they have a little bit of pain, even, even, even, even, even anything. Why? Because he knows that Hashem runs the world and... Once he knows Hashem runs the world, there's no reason to get angry. And if he doesn't get angry, Hashem says, I love you. Why? You get the point. You don't get angry no matter what. Somebody annoying shows up. Somebody annoying tries to interrupt. Somebody annoying tries to steal from you. Somebody's trying to do this. Somebody's trying to do that. Somebody actually did it. And you're still okay? You still come and collect because you know, it's Me. You know it's Abba B'Shamayim. You know it's Hashem.

1:32:28what you and I have is a real relationship because you know me and I know you. But if you think it's him that did it, or you think that it's her that did it, or you think it's bad luck, or you think it's bad this and bad that, what relationship do we have? I know you, but you don't know me. I know you, but you don't know me. That's not a good relationship. That's like a wife telling a husband after 30 years of marriage, "Ah, you don't know me." What do you mean I don't know you? I've been married to you for 30 years. Of course, I don't know you. How could anybody know a woman? That's what I know. I know I don't know you, but I'm trying to get to know you. But then if the husband says to the wife, "I don't know, you don't know me," she says, "I know you better than you know me." Why? She knows everything about you because that's how easy it is to get to know a husband. Women, you're never going to get to know them. You're going to know things about them. You should be interested. You should be interested in getting to know them. But you should know that you're not able to know everything that's inside the mind of a woman. Nonetheless, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is different. HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants you to know that everything is from Him. Everything is from Him, and if you know everything is from Him, you'll never get angry. Also, He says, Hashem loves anyone who doesn't get drunk. Why does He love anyone who doesn't get drunk?

1:33:51He says, a person that doesn't get drunk understands what it means to serve Hashem under all conditions. The same Gemara in Masechet Pesachim, page 113a, answers the questions that some people ask me. Where does it say in the Torah that you're not allowed to do drugs? Whether it's marijuana or anything else. One of the sources is here, actually. Amar Le Rav Chiya... Don't ingest any unnecessary drugs. Why? Because if you're taking drugs for no real reason, meaning there's no ailment, they'll cause more damage than good. And more severely, you'll become addicted to them. And once you become addicted to them, you could fall under the description of one of the people that Hashem hates. Even if you're just psychologically addicted to them. It doesn't say physically addicted to them.

1:35:00Even if you're psychologically addicted to it. You're psychologically addicted to marijuana. You're psychologically addicted to whatever it is. You can fall under the description of a person that Hashem hates. Why? Because He loves people that don't do drugs. He loves people that don't even get drunk. Why? Because if you are drunk, if you are high, you're not allowed to learn Torah. You're not allowed to pray. In fact, you're not even allowed to walk into a Beit Knesset. You're not even allowed to walk into a Beit Midrash. You're not even allowed to say Shema Yisrael. Why? Because you don't have something called yishuv hadaat. Your mind is not there completely and you're not treating Hashem like He's Hashem. You're treating Him like He's nobody. If a king of flesh and blood was in front of you with a sword, and the sword was aimed at your neck and... you smoke a joint right before? No. What are you going to say? "I'm sorry, I'm focused, I'm very..." You take care of yourself. Oh, please don't do it. All of you will be focused on what's going on. Why? Because you're scared of the sword. How come you're scared of the sword, but you're not scared of Hashem, who created the sword, who created the king, who created everything else?

1:36:22Who says if you understand that I'm next to you at all times, you're never going to allow yourself to alter your state of mind by choice? Because if you're altering your state of mind by choice, that simply means you do not understand that I'm next to you. You do not believe that I'm next to you, that I'm in front of you. In the Beit Knesset, outside of the Beit Knesset, in your house, outside of your house, in your business, outside of your business, I'm always there. If you don't understand that, we have a problem. Why? That's kefirah. That's heresy. One of the 13 principles of faith is that Hashem is everywhere. You don't believe that Hashem is everywhere, or you think He's just in some places? Unfortunately, that does not distinguish you much from some idol worshiper in India. It doesn't distinguish you from the Aghori tribe. Anybody here know the Aghori tribe? Anybody here heard of the Aghoris? Maybe somebody wants to volunteer to be an Aghori? You know what the Aghoris are, guys? Let me give you a little education and...

1:37:30Give you a little chizuk when you say the bracha. Every morning a Jew wakes up and says, "Thank you, God, for not making me a goy." Why? Because if you are a goy, there is potential for you to be an Aghori. What do the Aghoris people do? You can go on the internet and check this out for yourself. There's a religion in India called Aghori. And what do they do? They decided that in order to make themselves strong, they have to take on everything that's filthy, everything that's disgusting, everything that's despicable. They have to consume it. They have to do it because that will give them power. So what do they do, for example? Every night they go hunting. For what? They go look for bodies, dead bodies. In India, they don't bury their bodies. Instead, they put the bodies of those who have died on a few pieces of wood and then light them on fire. Now, sometimes people don't even have the money; they're so poor in some places, they don't even have the money to do this. Or sometimes it doesn't catch on fire; it just goes into the ocean and doesn't burn. So these Aghoris, they are like scavengers. Every night they go into the river, into the ocean, and they look for dead bodies that are floating. Why? They take these bodies, drag them back to their camp, and they eat them. They eat the people.

1:38:56Little toe, nice little brain. The cups are skulls of people. And if that's not enough, when they want to drink, they urinate into the skull, then they drink their own urine and The filthiest, most disgusting things that you can possibly imagine are their day-to-day life. When you say, that's what you have to think about also. Why? If you were a goy, it's very likely, very possible, you could have been one of them. Who's to say not? Or you could join one of the other tribes in India, whose custom is to take babies, take little babies, newborn babies, and put them in boiling water. Because they, their gods, their fake gods, say that putting a baby and burning him in boiling water is going to make the baby stronger. I wonder, how come they don't put the adults in boiling water? If it's going to make the baby stronger, how come it's not going to make the adult stronger? If that's not enough, another tribe takes the babies and throws them from the second story of a building, hoping to catch them at the bottom.

1:40:09And all types of despicable, disgusting things. One woman loved her fake god called the cow. They worship the cow over there. There's a religion that worships the cow. She loved her fake god so much that she didn't like that it was hot. It was hot outside. In India, it's very hot. So instead of using an air conditioner, she said, "My car is hot. My car is hot." So what did she do? She took cow manure... She put it all over her car because she believes that this cow manure is going to make her car not smelly, like you think, but rather make it colder. The smell is the smell of her god. No, she thinks it's the smell of her god. I even have a video on my phone where there's a cow putting her foot on each person as if she's giving them a Mi Sheberach, a blessing to people. But when you say thank you, God, for not making me a goy, you have to think about this also. Why? Because if you weren't, you could possibly have been in India. Well, what's the difference between a Jew and someone from India? One little yud. Why? A Jew in Hebrew is Yehudi: yud-hey-vav-dalet-yud, five letters. An Indian person would be...

1:41:38Instead of Yehudi, Hodi, what's missing? A tiny little yud, a little comma, the smallest letter in the alphabet is missing. That's the only difference between the Indian and the Jew. What does the yud represent? It's one of the names of God. That's the difference. The difference between the Jew and the Hodi is God. That's the difference. When a Jew has God, he has the Yud. It's called Kodesh Kodashim. When he does not have God, when he's a Mechallel Shabbat, when he violates every single sin under the sun, guess what? He's no different than all of these idol worshipers. How do we know? Look at this halacha in Yalkut Yosef. has interesting halachot, what to do, what not to do. How does a Jew need to behave? It says, what does a Jew do in regards to cooking on Yom Tov? What does he do in regards to cooking on Yom Tov? Because Yom Tov, holidays, Shavuot, Pesach, Sukkot, are like Shabbat, except that you're allowed to cook if you use a pre-existing fire. But only if you have a pre-existing fire, and only if it's for someone that is a Jew.

1:42:57If it's not a Jew, you're not allowed to cook for him. But then it says here it's forbidden to cook on Yom Tov on behalf of any Jew who publicly desecrates Shabbat. In fact, it's forbidden to even invite such a Jew to your house for Yom Tov meals since the host might add more food to his pots on behalf of this guest that violates Shabbat. This applies only to Jews who desecrate Shabbat with total abandonment, smoking cigarettes in public, driving cars or motorcycles, and other flagrant and public displays of Shabbat desecration. This is Yalkut Yosef, Siman 512, Halacha number 2. Meaning that a Jew is not allowed to cook for a goy. Not allowed to cook for a goy. But he's also not allowed to cook for a mechalel Shabbat. Why? Because dinosh ha'goy, someone that violates Shabbat, according to halacha, is treated as if he's not Jewish. It's considered as if he's an idol worshiper. Now, the very next halacha, the next halacha says, so what is he like if he doesn't keep Shabbat? What is he like? So the next halacha talks about it. Halacha number four. It says,

1:44:11It's forbidden to cook food on Yom Tov for animals. You also know that you are not allowed to cook food for them. This halacha is derived from the book of Exodus, chapter 12, verse 16, and then it continues with details of who, what, when, and how. Why? Well, what does the animal have to do with all this? If a Jew keeps Shabbat, if a Jew... Learns Torah and mitzvot. Fulfills the Torah and mitzvot to the best of his ability. He's the best part of all of creation. If not, he's in the degree of an animal, according to Hashem. Rav Yonatan Eybeschutz. According to Hashem. Why? The halacha of the mechallel Shabbat, he's not allowed to cook for him. Who else is he not allowed to cook for? The goy. Who else is he not allowed to cook for? The animal. All three of them, according to halacha, have to be treated the same. Not going out of your way to disrespect them, insult them, or anything like that. Not to throw rocks at them. But as the book says, if you're going to act like an animal, you have to be treated like one. If you're going to do whatever you want whenever you want, as if there’s no God, then I have to treat you like that. That's it; you chose. You chose to be a "chuti" (sinner). You chose not to be a "yehudi" (Jew). Why? Because you removed God from your life. I...

1:45:32So when a person decides to smoke, drink, and get drunk, and alter their state of mind by choice, Hashem says you're not getting the point. You're not getting the point of who has created you. You're not getting the point of who's in front of you. I can't love you as much as I'm supposed to love you because we don't really have a real relationship. We don't have a real relationship; you're treating me as the creator of all creations as if I'm not even there. But if you're one of the righteous that you're not going to even get drunk, Hashem says the opposite. He says you are one of the people. I love you. Why? You get the point. You realize that you have to have your mind intact at all times to connect to me. And then, last but not least... creator of all creations as if I'm not even there. But if you're one of the righteous who is not going to even get drunk, Hashem says the opposite. He says, "You are one of the people I love. Why? Because you get the point. You realize that you have to have your mind intact at all times to connect to Me." And then, last but not least... He says someone who doesn't insist on his due measure. If a person upsets you, it's very normal for us to return in kind. Somebody yells at you, you want to yell at them back. Hashem says if somebody embarrasses you in public, and you do not retaliate, you are one of those whom He loves. Why? Because you recognize that everything comes from Him.

1:47:01Somebody gives you a reason to respond to them in kind in a very negative way, but you don't because you know that it came from Me. You're also one of the people that I love. Why? Because you realize that it came from Me, because you are merciful, and because you had mercy on him and you didn't insult him back, you didn't embarrass him back. You forgave him. I'll forgive you. Last story, then you can ask whatever questions you want. Any of you heard of Rav Kaduri? Rav Yitzhak Kaduri? So, I heard a story. A dear friend of mine sent me a story today about Rav Kaduri that Rav Ovadia Yosef said he witnessed himself. He said over 25 years ago, somebody that called himself a rabbi went on a radio and... Started publicly insulting one of the Gedolei HaDor, Rav Kaduri. Now Rav Kaduri was Kodesh Kodashim. He lived no less than 110 years. Some people say over 120 years. No one actually knows how old he was. Once you're at 100, no one counts anymore. Some say he was 100 for at least 20 years. No one knows how old he was, but he was Kodesh Kodashim and always focused on Torah, focused on Kabbalah, focused on Kedusha—somebody very special.

1:48:32One day, some rasha comes on the radio, on the so-called religious network radio, and starts publicly insulting Rav Kaduri. Now, at this time, he's over a hundred years old, Kodesh Kodashim. The whole world agrees he's one of the Gedolei HaDor, and this rasha starts insulting him, saying this, saying that, all types of public insults. David Yosef, how about your son? Here's this on the radio minutes after it's finished. His son calls up David Yosef and says, "Did you hear what happened already?" He goes, "Yeah, I'm actually hearing it right now." He says, "Can you believe what this guy did to my father, what he said?" He says, "Yeah." He goes, "Listen, we have to talk to your father. I'll provide ya a psak halacha to put this guy in cherem." He says, "No problem. We just have to ask your father first." The one that was insulted, we have to tell him that's what we're gonna do. He goes, no problem, let's go to my father. So they go to Rav Kaduri, they go to his Beit Midrash, and they see he's teaching about 15-20 people Kabbalah, all old men, all mekubalim, serious people. They're all learning Kabbalah from Rav Kaduri, and they're waiting patiently. Eventually, he gets their attention. What happened? He says, listen, Kevod HaRav, we're sorry to tell you, this rabbi so-and-so publicly insulted you. He said this, he said that, he said this.

1:49:51He smiles. I said, really? What did he say? What did he say about me? No, we don't want to say. We don't want to say. It's not nice for the Rav to repeat this rasha's things. No, no, please tell me, tell me, tell me. What did he say? I want to know what he said. So they start telling him what he says, and they see Rav Kaduri's face light up like he's getting compliments, and he's giggling. "He said this about me? Like he's giving him a compliment. Wow, he said this about me. Well, he said this about me." Like as if he's giving curses and this and that. "Wow, he said this about me. Wow, wow." Like his whole face lights up with happiness and joy. After they finished telling him, they were in shock. It's like, "Well, we want to go to Rav Eliashiv and put it on him." Then Rav Kaduri even showed what they were asking. "No, don't even tell me, please. Everything he did is perfectly great, fantastic. Don't tell her about it; leave it as is. Don't say a single word."

1:51:00This is how they left, and they looked from the outside to see maybe he would change his face. Maybe this? He went back to studying with the same joyful face, happy-go-lucky, as if he got the greatest gift he ever got in 120 years. Why? He knows if somebody disrespected him, somebody cursed him, somebody yelled, or somebody this, it came from Hashem as a test, and it's his opportunity... To overcome. To overcome a big obstacle. You overcome it, Hashem says, I love you. I love you. You forgive him. You're not even upset. You actually know exactly for me. You are one of the people I love. You are one of the people I love. And for that, who wouldn't smile? Questions? You said that Hashem doesn't... It says chronic pain. Okay, so there are certain medical conditions for which traditional painkillers do not work or do not affect the body, so some people take marijuana and...

1:52:20Marijuana in order to help them deal with the pain, b'ezrat Hashem. I deal with pain every single day, so I understand pain very well. I've been dealing with pain for more than 16 years. I'm an expert in pain, so I know what you're talking about. And marijuana is very, very effective for some people for pain, but HaKadosh Baruch Hu, who is also merciful, very, very merciful on His people, and... So anyone that truly, truly needs marijuana, needs the drug within marijuana, in order to use it for pain, does not need to alter his state of mind anymore. Why? Because HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave the thought to the scientist, the chemist, the biologist, all the different people, to what? Take CBD out. And CBD doesn't make you high. You could take a specific part of the plant, use it for medicinal reasons, without getting high. without getting high, which means that if you still choose to smoke marijuana, then most likely it's not because of the pain.

1:53:23Because you enjoy it. That's the truth. Not you, but anybody else that's doing it. Why? Because if it's really for pain, you have an alternative. You have an alternative that is the same exact drug that will not make you high, but will also deal with the pain. And that's exactly what the Gemara is saying. If you don't have an alternative, take drugs, do whatever you have to do. But if you have an alternative, then you're not allowed. let's say, for example, you have pain, certain pain, whatever pain it is, and you have one option: to take, let's say, Percocet or, I don't know, whatever drug is out there. Another option is a lighter drug that's not going to alter your mind, like Advil or something. Now, if the Advil is enough to deal with your pain, you now take the Percocet. Why? Because the Percocet or the Vicodin or the OxyContin or whatever it is, all those other things will alter your state of mind to a certain extent, whereas the Advil won't, at least not to the same extent.

1:54:28So that's the point. What we have to know is that first and foremost, we have to remember that God runs the world. We need to acknowledge that. How do we acknowledge it? By constantly being focused and knowing that we're not allowed to alter our state of mind by choice. If we don't have a choice, that's a different story. If, let's say, nothing works and the only thing that works on you is something like morphine—it's the strongest out there—and that's what you have to take, that's what you have to take because you have no choice. I remember in one of my many surgeries... I had morphine constantly attached to me, and I would press the button as often as I could. As often as I could move my thumb, that's how often I pressed the button. Because I was in pain for so long and so much. I was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), next to a bunch of dead people, for almost a month. Now, every time I pressed it, a little more came out. A little more came out, then I passed out. Eventually, I'd wake up, I'd press it, pass out. Press it, pass out. Press it, but why? Because being awake was intolerable. The amount of pain that I went through was intolerable. So, Baruch Hashem, I'm very, very understanding when it comes to pain in the story of the Torah, of course.

1:55:32But that's the thing. Most people that smoke marijuana and claim their medical card, like they do in California, that medical card is just a scam to scam the store, to scam the government, to scam their friends, maybe even their parents. You can't scam Hashem. If a person really wants it for medicinal reasons but he also wants to remain holy, he wants to remain, obviously, acknowledge Hashem, he can do it without altering his state of mind. But if he has no choice, then obviously he has to do what he has to do. It's not a sin to take morphine or any other drug if it's for medicinal reasons and there is no other choice. But if there is a choice, then it becomes a sin. Yes, on Shabbat we drink because it says a person... ...to have happiness, physical happiness. He says a person needs to have on Yom Tov and Shabbat, wine and meat. Wine and meat. He doesn't say get drunk; he just says have wine and meat because that's celebration. That's celebration. You could have wine, even get a small buzz out of it. Maybe your tolerance is very low; you're not an alcoholic. You get one glass of wine, that could give you a little buzz, but it doesn't make you drunk. He never says get drunk. Now, Purim, on the other hand...

1:56:35To have happiness, physical happiness, he says a person needs to have on Yom Tov and Shabbat, wine and meat. Wine and meat. He doesn't say get drunk. He just says have wine and meat because that's celebration. That's celebration. You could have wine, even get a small buzz out of it. Maybe your tolerance is very low, you're not an alcoholic. You get one glass of wine, that could give you a little buzz, but it doesn't make you drunk. He never says get drunk. Now, Purim, on the other hand, Sages say that as a minhag, a custom, in order for us to see how Hashem miraculously turned what was as obvious as day that bad was going to happen into the greatest thing that ever happened. where it was obvious that a miracle was going to die. Why? Because Haman had enough power, enough money, enough influence, that he literally passed a decree that in every place, in every town, in every location, they were going to kill the Jews all in one day. Worse than Hitler. Not even concentration camps, all in one day. And this was a decree that had already passed.

1:57:41Decree that had already passed, and then another day Hashem turned the whole thing upside down, and the Jews started killing all of their enemies. Just like Hashem turned the world around in order to benefit the Jews and protect them, it was an open miracle. A sign of celebration, but also as a celebration that connects to the miracle itself. A person doesn't have to, but should try to get tipsy to the point of thinking that Mordechai is Haman and Haman is Mordechai. But this is the one-time-a-year exception in order to actually connect with him. But you're still not allowed to go to the Beit Knesset and pray that way. You're still not allowed to learn Torah that way. ... know there's there's just you're supposed to celebrate, then fall asleep after the drunkenness is out of you. Then you go pray, but you can't go to the Beit Knesset. That's one of the mistakes a lot of people make—they get drunk and go to the Beit Knesset. Someone who goes to the Beit Knesset drunk is liable for the death penalty according to the Torah. We have the two sons of Aharon. The Torah says that they were on the level of Moshe and Aharon...

1:58:50and they both wanted to celebrate and sanctify Hashem's name by going into the Kodesh HaKodashim, and Hashem killed both of them by burning their neshamot. Why? Because one of the five reasons was that they had a drink. had a little bit of wine before they went into the Kodesh HaKodashim, and Hashem punished them for it because He says that if you think you need alcohol or anything physical in order to become happy, in order to connect to Me, then you're missing the whole point. You don't deserve to be this close to Me, to be inside the Kodesh HaKodashim, and therefore He killed them. essence trying to teach us that the highest you can possibly get is a natural high that comes from Torah. If you think you need something else, you're missing the whole point, and that's very important for us to know. Yes cups you drink throughout. That's part of the Pesach. If that's going to get you drunk, no problem. But you know there's a time and a place. Generally, you eat, you have a couple of the cups before you eat, then you eat, and then you have another cups. Usually, most people don't get drunk, but if you get drunk, that's not a problem because, again, you're fulfilling a mitzvah that Hashem decreed. Right

2:00:10Well, THC is not gonna make you happy. THC is gonna make you escape reality. No, it's temporarily escaping reality. For example, there's a guy that hated his life... he hated his life so much, he got so depressed that he decided to jump off the bridge in San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge. Now, up to that point, there was a video about this. Up to that point, there was only one person in history that ever survived jumping from that bridge. The rest of the people who jump over that bridge—which there are many every year, apparently a few hundred every year—died. No one survived. Now, he hated his life so much, he was so depressed, that he jumped off the bridge and... Yeah, actually, he became the second person to survive. He hit the water, and when you hit the water from that height, it's like hitting the ground. You die. But he miraculously survived, and he tells his story in a video. He says, "Before I jumped off the bridge, I was depressed. I felt everything was the worst thing in the world. But the second my feet..."

2:01:19left the bridge, not the second I hit the floor. The second my feet left the bridge, when I knew it was a point of no return, he said, all of the regret in the world hit me like a bomb. I regretted jumping, and I started thinking of all the different things that I could have done to fix my situation. I could have done this, I should have done that. Why did I do this? Why did I do that? I can't believe I jumped, but now it's too late. The type of depression that I had was no longer the same depression. I was depressed for giving up and Depressed for giving up. So in reality, he was trying to escape reality, but when he was clear for a moment—when for a moment he was clear—he realized that the reality he thought caused him to be depressed wasn't really reality; it was just his perception of reality. So... Many times when people get into a depressed state of mind, it's not because that's reality. It's because that's their perception of reality, meaning that they're looking at a current situation in a negative way, as if it's going to be this way forever. Meaning somebody has a broken heart, they feel this heart will never be repaired so therefore might as well kill myself, might as well take drugs, might as well do this, and that's the wrong thing because you have to know, yes, you may feel that way now, you may feel terrible now, but that's not permanent. It's now, maybe it's tomorrow also, maybe it's next month, maybe if it's even three, four, five, six months from now, but eventually enough time will pass and you're not going to feel that way anymore.

2:02:32they feel this heart will never be repaired, so therefore they might as well kill themselves, might as well take drugs, might as well do this, and that's the wrong thing because you have to know, yes, you may feel that way now, you may feel terrible now, but that's not permanent. It's now, maybe it's tomorrow also, maybe it's next month, maybe it's even three, four, five, six months from now, but eventually enough time will pass, and you're not going to feel that way anymore. How do we know? The Torah tells us. How long is the real suffering for somebody dying in your life? The real suffering. The most difficult part of suffering. The most difficult type of suffering. How long is it? 12 months. 12 months. One year. One week, you’re right, is the mourning. But the actual suffering, how long you feel actual real pain, is a whole year. A whole year because the Gemara says after a year you forget about the person that died. Not that you forget that they existed. Hashem miraculously instilled forgetfulness in us in order for us to forget the pain we've experienced. And the reason why is because if we remember every pain we've ever experienced like it's actually happening now, we simply wouldn't be able to tolerate the world.

2:03:45If you could remember one time that you hurt your finger when you were three years old, and another time that you hurt your toe when you were three and a half years old, and another time that your dad yelled at you when you were four years old, and five years old... If you remembered all of those things like it was yesterday, you wouldn't be able to sustain life. You'd simply go crazy. Hashem makes the worst type of suffering real part of suffering last no longer than a year, which means that even if there's a broken heart or a financial situation or anything else, in reality, if your pain is more than a year, it's not real pain. You're putting yourself there. You're choosing that way. Good. No one said in the history of Am Yisrael that you're supposed to drink in shul, needless to say to drink while you're carrying a Sefer Torah. It's a bad minhag that people do it, but it's not allowed. People that drink are not allowed to lift a Sefer Torah. They're not allowed to be there. You're not allowed to drink, because if these fools that are drinking...

2:04:55get drunk or even buzzed to the extent where they start losing their balance and they drop the Sefer Torah, everybody has to fast, everybody has to mourn, like somebody died. So any rabbi, well, it's supposed to be for at least today, some people say more. The point being is that it's to that extent that if a rabbi allows anybody in his kehillah to drink and he shouldn't be a rabbi anymore. What happens is that there are obviously some people that drink without the rabbi's knowledge, so therefore it's not necessarily their fault, but a rabbi is supposed to know his kehillah. He needs to know who's who and what's what. A person that's drunk usually smells a certain way, a person that's drunk usually acts a certain way, and generally speaking... None of the chachamim you'll ever see get drunk on Simchat Torah and carry a sefer Torah or even get drunk at all. It's just not something that we do. That's just a minhag that started recently, and it's a horrible, horrible minhag that should be ceased. And for me personally, I've never drunk because I'm naturally happy. Good. So you said, is there something that Hashem...

2:06:04Yeah, so it says in the Gemara, Pesachim, page 113b, that a person who never gets drunk, Hashem says, "I love you." It's a special level that Hashem says someone who does not alter their state of mind, whether it's by drinking or drugs or anything like that, is cherished. There are some people that suffer from alcohol. For example, me, I can't stand alcohol. I can't stand any alcohol. For me, to get drunk would be suffering; it wouldn't be fun for me. For me, to drink two cups of wine wouldn't be fun. It would be horrible for me. Now, for Purim, you can try because it's a mitzvah technically, but if you don't drink, it's not an aveirah (sin). In fact, it's the opposite; it says that a person who doesn't get drunk at all gets a special love from Hashem because that means that the person knows that Hashem is there. That person knows that he has to be prepared. If he has to pray, if he has to learn, he's prepared. He's always mentally there. Once a person is high or drunk, he's not allowed to pray. He's not allowed to learn Torah. He's not allowed to do things for Avodat Hashem. Does this still apply to someone who doesn't drink or anything? Because you said when someone's drunk, they can't learn Torah. What if the guy doesn't drink? He still doesn't learn Torah, Torah maximum. Is that...

2:07:25Well, each person needs to learn. Obviously, a person needs to learn Torah. It doesn't say that a person who doesn't drink also has to be a learner. It says if a person doesn't drink, that's already a ma'alah. Of course, each person needs to learn, each person needs to keep Shabbat, and each person needs to do the basics of mitzvot. But if they do the basics of mitzvot and they also don't drink and... They also don't change their state of mind. They get a special treatment above and beyond someone who does all the basic mitzvot and drinks. It's fine to drink when it's allowed to drink, but it's not fine to over-drink, to excessively drink, and it's definitely not fine to violate the Torah. So if a person keeps the basics of mitzvot and also doesn't drink or alter their state of mind with other drugs, he definitely gets a special treatment from Heaven. Anything else? We have another shiur because of the shem tomorrow, right? Yeah, tomorrow is Q&A in Sunny Isles because of the gemara. Next week, I'm here. I'm in Sunny Isles on Sunday and Wednesday, but the Tuesday shiur is gonna be in New York. So anyone that wants to come with me to New York, you can come, but otherwise, I will see you in Sunny Isles for the next few lectures. Baruch Hashem. Amen, amen.