Shoshana's Teshuva Story - A Woman Discovers Truth About Tikkun HaBrit

0:10My name is Shoshana Abrams, and I'm 46 years old. I was born and raised in a town called Dundalk, which was the heroin capital of America in 1995, though I had no idea at that time. I was raised Catholic by my mom, though my father was a self-hating Jew. In June 2001, which was a few months before 9/11 happened, I came to Israel on a vacation. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I was home. When I came to Eretz Yisrael, I realized this is the place to be. As I was on a plane returning to America, I was devastated and cried nonstop, watching the shoreline of the Mediterranean slowly disappear from my view. When I returned home, I took a phone book and I started calling every Orthodox synagogue I could find because my friend in Israel told me, "If you want to be a real Jew, you have to convert with the Orthodox, not Reform, Conservative, or whatever else is out there." It took a couple of months of me calling congregations, and people were not returning my calls.

1:23And one guru conversion rabbi in Pikesville told me, "Why don't you get your feet wet first before jumping in the deep end of the pool?" I didn't really understand what he meant by that, so I asked him if there were some books I could buy, and he just turned me away. Not understanding that being turned away was part of the conversion process, I found a Conservative rabbi. I made an appointment with him, and during our first meeting, he gave me a free Tanakh. He gave me a list of books to read, and he said, if you have any questions, call me, and I will answer your questions. And a few months into our once-every-three-week meetings, he could see that I was asking him hard questions like, why does your congregation drive cars on Shabbat while others don't? He explained himself and then said, it sounds like you want to be Orthodox. Why are you here with me? I told him, "Because you're the only rabbi out of many who actually called me back." I learned with this Conservative rabbi for one and a half years, went to the mikvah, went back to the guru rabbi of conversions, showed him my conversion papers, and said, "I got my feet wet. Now I want to go into the deep end." He looked at me shocked and told me to start coming to his classes on Sunday mornings from 10 to 1. I did that.

2:52Then he told me to move into the Jewish community. Well, I was still living with my mom, so it took me six months to save up my money. But I finally managed to move to Pikesville. I became friends with a rabbi who was doing kiruv in Baltimore City, and he was my rock during the conversion process. For five years, I helped him to try to keep his job, did kiruv with him, and worked with petitions and lawyers because I believed in what he stood for. I'm saying all of this because this is how I am today with Rabbi Avram Vervain. I send his shiurim on WhatsApp groups. Some people like him. Others say he is too charif, among other things. But I believe in standing up against the reshaim in the world and the foolish politics that are brought into the Jewish religion. And during the seven years of learning and converting and all this stuff, none of the rabbis ever talked about Gehenna, or, you know, wasting seed. I heard about it through people, but some of these things just didn't sound mandatory; they sounded like a preference.

4:05So, I always, as a Christian, believed in Gehinnom, you know, but then when I became Jewish, you know, Jews didn't really seem to believe in Gehinnom so much. And my grandmother, who was Jewish, she said, no, we don't believe in that. So I was very, uh, I had to kind of erase all that stuff from my mind. Fast forward, uh, COVID came, and now I'm living in Israel, and, uh... I was listening to Rabbi Mizrachi for four years, so he had already "cooked" me. He was "cooking" me, feeding me hashkafah and talking about teshuvah. And for four years, my stomach was churning, my heart was aching, and I was hearing about all this teshuvah that I had to do, but I didn't know how to do it. I was learning about all the sins that I committed, but I didn't know how to fix them. And so... One day during the Covid lockdowns, very early in the process of Covid— I think it was like February or March...

5:09I found Rabbi Reuven on Rabbi Mizrahi's page. So I was like, you know what? He's promoting him as his talmid. Let me see who this guy is. So I started listening to his shiur, and I was just flabbergasted. I just couldn't believe how amazing of a speaker he was and all the sources. He was quoting so many sources, and that's what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear sources, you know? So, it's like, this guy's legit. And so I started, I think I asked Rabbi Mizrachi for his telephone number, and he gave it to me. I just started bombarding him with questions on WhatsApp, like about this and about that. One of the questions was, how do I do teshuvah? Because for four years, I'm sitting here, my stomach's churning, and it felt like someone was giving me an autopsy while alive. I'm like, "How do I do Teshuvah?" He started telling me, "You have to regret the sin, you have to feel sorry, and you have to cry about it." And I never cried about a sin before. I didn't know what to do. So I was like, "How do I start to feel...?"

6:25Well, not leveled. And he points me in the direction of the Tikun HaBrit series. And when I started listening to that, I was like, oh no. Oh my gosh. I can't believe who I was, how disgusting I am. And that brought tears to my eyes. So... Fast forward a few weeks ahead, and I'm talking to Rabbi Reuven through WhatsApp. I'm bombarding him with questions, and he's patiently answering them. Finally, he tells me, "Look, if you want to do real teshuvah for this sin, the best way is to stop people from committing the sin themselves." So I was just like, okay, what am I supposed to do? And he told me, like, you know, you can buy some CDs and distribute them. And I had absolutely no money. COVID is here. I clean houses in Israel, so I'm not rich or anything, you know. And so he tells me, I'm going to send you the CDs for free. All you have to do is give them out. They were Tikkun HaBrit CDs.

7:35So, I'm thinking, okay, sure, great. I didn't think he was really going to do it. You know, I'm like, for free? What rabbi gives you stuff for free? Anyway, the CDs came a month later. I started crying, you know, and I'm thinking about how much this rabbi really cares about me. He wants me to do teshuva. He wants me to eliminate these sins from my neshama. And I'm just sitting there looking at the box, like, "Wow, what a gift to wait for Mashiach." So that's how I met Rabbi Reuven, and I knew he was serious, and I knew he really cared about my neshama. And ever since that first box arrived at my house, I have nothing but kavod and gratitude, and I'm just so grateful to find him in my life. He's changed my life, and he's even given me advice that I cherish deeply. Wow, what a gift to wait for Moshiach. So that's how I met Rabbi Reuven, and I knew he was serious, and I knew he really cared about my neshamah. And ever since that first box arrived at my house, I have nothing but kavod and gratitude, and I'm just so grateful to have found him in my life. He's changed my life, and he's even given me the advice... to cover my head. So, covering my head, ever since I started covering my head— which, I think, I was talking to him about two and a half months after I started talking with him—he used to tell me to cover my head. And I wasn't married; I was divorced. And I thought, you know, I wear my hair in a ponytail anyway. I don't put on makeup or wear perfume; that wasn't my thing. I'm not trying to get attention from men or anything like that.

9:01And so he told me to cover my head. And maybe three to six months after covering my head, my whole life changed. Everything became easier. Everything got easier for me. None of these strange occurrences were happening to me during the day that were so terrible and driving me crazy. And, you know, bothering me, you're agitating, you're irritating, you're making me angry. And he talked me into covering my hair, not with the Kisui Rosh. I never believed in sheitels. So because of him, my life got so much better. And I don't know where I'd be without him right now. The Tikkun HaBrit series was definitely the series that changed my life. You know, everyone always made it sound like it was a man's mitzvah, you know, the man can't, it's his, it's his brit. And I never really thought that women were a part of the brit. So, I was just as bad as a man, you know, not as often probably as a man, but...

10:19I asked my girlfriends, you know, and they said, "Yeah, it's fine to be by yourself," you know? And I'm not saying I did it maybe twice a month or something, but not a big deal, right? But... Then, when I spoke with Rabbi Avraham Vervein, he was just like, no, the women in Mitzrayim, they did this too. And it's disgusting in Hashem's eyes. I was doing it because doctors recommended people doing it. And I was just like, okay. It wasn't a big deal for me. I just thought I was doing something to relieve stress. So, because of Rabbi Avraham Vervein, I just... It changed a significant part of my life, and I owe him everything because I would probably still be engaging in the sin if it wasn't for him. You know, he explained to me that Hashem is watching everything you do, and I didn't think it was a big deal. But no one, and people told me, like, "No, it's for a man; it doesn't apply to women."

11:27So here I was, involved in this disgusting sin, not even understanding the consequences of it. And these are Hareidi people telling me it was okay. My whole life has changed because of Rabbi Reuven. If he hadn't told me and opened my eyes, I would never have been able to change my life based on the communities and people that I know who are Hareidi. It's sad. that even the biggest Jews in the world don't understand how severe this sin is. So my whole life changed when I stopped doing this. When I started covering my hair, even though I'm not married, you know I'm divorced, and I was hesitant towards covering my hair because, you know, I clean houses. It's hot. You know, you wear hats to keep the heat in your head in the wintertime. And I'm like, how am I going to do this while cleaning a house? Especially in Israel. I mean, it's one of the hottest places in the world. So, yeah, he changed my life. When I started listening to the Rabbi, everything in my life started to change. Everything in my life got easier. Money started coming easier. My mood started to become happier and more joyful. And I became more enthusiastic about life.

12:54So what can I say? I owe literally everything to Rabbi Reuven. If it weren't for him, I don't think I'd be alive, and I would barely be living. Whether you are Jewish or not Jewish, Rabbi Reuven's lectures apply to every person in the world. B'Tachon, Emunah, Yirat Shamayim, looking for the truth of serving one God, understanding the purpose of life, and why humans were created. His lectures are relevant to every person on the planet. People today are lost, sad, angry, anxious, mentally ill, and physically ill. All these emotional sicknesses or diseases go away if you understand the reason why you were created. But most importantly, people must implement the strategies that Rabbi Yaron Reuven teaches us.

13:56For people who want to start their journey with living life to the fullest, I would recommend beginning by watching the Emunah series. This will teach you how to accept the good and the bad in this world as part of Hashem's plan. It explains how He operates the world and how to accept God's will. The Bitachon series allowed me to accept Hashem's plans on how He runs the world, and once I understood that, the anger of feeling like the universe is against me, it all went away. God tests us, punishes us, and gives us problems that we can handle in order to make us more powerful as individuals functioning in society. These problems and asking Hashem to give us strength to pull through them make us cling to our Creator and strengthen our souls and minds in this world and in the world to come. The anger of feeling like the universe is against me, it all went away. God tests us, challenges us, and gives us problems that we can handle in order to make us more powerful as individuals functioning in society. These problems and asking Hashem to give us the strength to pull through them make us cling to our Creator and strengthen our souls and minds in this world and in the World to Come. These obstacles make us realize how small our problems are if we just ask Hashem to help us through our everyday lives. If every person just focused on keeping their side of the street clean, the world would be a much safer and happier place. Rabbi Reuven teaches us how to work on our character traits, and once we conquer these issues, our lives are happier and life is smoother and easier to cope with.

15:25Seven years of lectures. Seven months of film editing. Countless hours of study by two rabbis. Information we received over 3,000 years ago. All for this moment. To whom had agreed. The movie. All for this moment. To those who have agreed. The mabul (flood). If you satiate it, you're never going to have enough. The Sodom sulfur plant, when it gets ahold of something, does not let go. It's time for us to rectify what we have done. Normal amounts should be somewhere around 20 million or higher.

16:55You're never going to have control over it if you start it. You only feed it when it's permissible according to the Torah. Pornography is as addictive as crack cocaine. I'm sorry, but I need some text to apply the corrections you are asking for. Could you please provide the specific sentence or paragraph that needs correction?